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The Original Naruto Fanfic Archive

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Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around male same sex couples.
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Any fic with no real plot and humor based. Doesn't require correct spelling, paragraphing or punctuation but it's a very good idea.
 
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Members: 11985
Series: 261
Stories: 5884
Chapters: 25418
Word count: 47689150
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Reviews For She Was Beautiful

Name: Ethereal Winter (Signed) · Date: 04/05/14 - 06:44 pm · For: Chapter 1
You have a great first start here and you painted his character vividly. The hamster is a funny little addition. You've established him as a serious character and his environment feels quite alive. I'm looking forward to reading more.

I would caution you with overusing adverbs. You can read any article about the debate about their detriments to writing and a more effective use. I use Edit Minion to catch it in my writing.


Name: Shaxxy (Anonymous) · Date: 30/11/13 - 12:29 pm · For: Chapter 1
Pretty Good start!


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 08/08/12 - 08:40 am · For: Chapter 8.c
T_T Batty Onee-chan, I'm so sorry for missing this and reading so late. Life really gets in the way.

Oh my goodness... preparing for battle... I'm really excited :D I mean, I'm not thrilled that Naomi is jumping into action because of all that had happened to her, but still, I'm sure it'll be really epic.

The more I see the daimyo, the more I dislike him -_- I mean really, so stubborn this man is. I understand he's very protective of his country and all, but c'mon, let the Kage help, sheesh.

Oh my, it was just so refreshing to see your writing again, Nee-chan. I really love this story, and I'm always thrilled to see it updated. Great work on this, I hope you find time to continue writing :D

Author's Response: Whatcha sorry for? ^_^ It's only been a week or so. I'm just very grateful to finally have someone review. =0D
Seriously, I had such major problems with this instalment. I've never spent months on end working on an update for ANY story before. (I mean, I've had updates take months, but that was because I WASN'T working on them (back when I was in school/at university). Not in spite of the fact that I was.) I had writer's block a couple of times, which is something that doesn't tend to happen to me unless there are structural weaknesses with something in the story, so obviously those needed fixing... (I hadn't addressed the fact that Tsunade was right there while yje daimyo was giving Naomi orders to fight and a couple of other things...) and all those random extra people that needed describing didn't help either. Honestly I've been avoiding them for as long as I could (ideally, I should have brought them in around chapter six as 'honour guards' when the GoKage were meeting the daimyo - but frankly there was enough describing in that chapter. I didn't want to bother with an extra nine/ten people in the scene), but the story just reached a point where I couldn't ignore them any longer... I said they were there, so they have to be there OR else I have another structural weakness to give me writer's block. [/end moany writing rant]
I can't focus on anything else when SWB isn't going well either - it just totally messes up my head - so between that and 'the other thing' which I think I'd rather discuss by email or something... it's been a very irritating six months.

Anyway, Naomi's still being Naomi, isn't she? I know it gets to you and I'm sorry. I'll be coming back to that subject in later instalments, so bare with me till then.
And yes, the daimyo's basic lack of.... likeableness is one of the things that makes him one of my favourite characters in this story. ;0) No, really. I adore him. He's just so... crazy at times. His 'xenophobia' is a key point later on though, so its important to have it well established. He's had a tough life, Seishin was continuously at war until about five years before the story, so you have to remember that. His whole mindset is shaped by war, but I think he can be quite warm underneath all those prickles - and also very cruel when he wants to be. That's my interpretation of him anyway.

Oh, Mokey says hi again btw. He's just had a load of treats (the other kitties were having them so...) and he's been checking up on me while I wrote this and/or seeing if he can have cuddles or something... which would mean I have get out of the rocking chair, so no. Poor little Mokey. I think he's gone off in a sulk now...



Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 24/02/12 - 05:03 pm · For: Chapter 8.b
Seriously, there is nothing you cannot write about. In all honesty, every type of scene you write is brilliant. This action chapter was just so... just so well-written.

Everything was wonderfully vivid, and the characters remained true to their natures during the entire fight. I thoroughly enjoyed myself during this entire installment, well done!

Oh, does this mean my character's name is Gin? Awesome, I am no longer nameless :D

On another note, glad to see you're still around and writing, I haven't seen you in so long, it feels like :P

Anyway, incredible job with this update, it really was a great action scene. Keep up the awesome work, Batty Onee-chan!


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 21/01/12 - 09:53 am · For: Chapter 8.a
I'm not gonna lie, the review form really does scare me. When I use it myself, I mean; I don't mind it when you use it :) But I'm going to try and hit on all the important topics anyway.

In terms of mistakes, I can never tell if comma usage is different in certain areas because of the British vs. American style. So I'll lay off that. The only real mistake I saw was right down there at the end. My clan head, as you said he was 'a little more hesitant about speaking than his college had been earlier.' I believe it's colleague?

Other than that, the description of the scene was excellent, as always. I expect nothing less from you. I love how you used all the characters. Naomi really was a great leader in this situation, and everyone who was opposing her was portrayed in a very realistic manner, which I really enjoyed. And now the plot thickens as the jounin ready themselves, so I'm really excited to see what happens next.

Nice job, Batty O'Nee-chan! I can't wait to read more, keep up the great work!


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 13/01/12 - 06:46 am · For: Chapter 4.c
Well, I sure did find out who Nee-san is. I didn't expect her to be Ren's sister. So, she works in the castle. That explains why she's there. And does Riko treat everyone like that, or does he just not like Nee-san?

Anyway, I loved this chapter. Nee-san Is such a great character. Though now I am curious to what Ren was going to say...... Once again, amazing description. I absolutely love everything about it. Eight thumbs up, BigSis-chan!

Author's Response: Hmm... I think that question is answered in 4.e... Well, the Riko thing that is, if you're still confused after that: I'll explain. Ren was more or less going to continue scolding his sister, unless you meant the bit about her not using her chakra, which we get back to in ... I think it's the beginning of Chapter 6, I'm afraid, so you'll just have to wait.

I'm glad you like Nee-san. She's hard work to write at times, but she was quite popular at this point in the story. And thank you for my eight thumbs up. Yay! I wrote a good installment. (Makes a change for the early part of this story... Some of it I re-read and cringe...)



Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 12/01/12 - 02:24 pm · For: Chapter 4.b
Wait, that's the end? Oh, wait, 45 (about) more chapters to go. I guess in this case that's both good and bad since this way I'm not left hanging with the cliffhanger.

Speaking of which...... HOLY FLYING CHOCOLATE MONKEYS!!! Nee-san? What's she doing in their house? Wait, so she is real? Dang it, I must know. Yeah, sorta happy about being behind now. Anyway, like always, great job with description. It is mind-blowing just how well you describe stuff. Overall I absolutely loved this chapter. Your story is amazing, BigSis-chan!!

Author's Response: It's a castle, Sassi-chan. I just thought I'd point that out in case you've forgotten. (It has been... what... three or four months since you read the earlier chapters?) It's a giant castle with a city (and a hidden village) around it...

Oh, and it seems like most of the rest of your questions are answered in 4.c, so I won't spoil it for you . ;0) To be honest, I'm actually surprised you liked this installment at all. It's mostly just description of Yurika's clothes...



Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 11/01/12 - 04:19 pm · For: Chapter 7.n
Ugh, the computer screen hurts my eyes... It's times like this when I don't enjoy swimming, the darn chlorine level is off the charts... I'd take my glasses off to help ease the pain in my eyes, but then I wouldn't be able to write the review... *sigh*

Anyway, other than the awful burning...

I'm going to give the review form a shot, let's see how my comments come out when I have guidelines to tell me what you want to know ;)

o/ Plot development? 10/10

What can I say? I've missed reading about Ren. Seeing him in the middle of the action is a real contrast to the previous chapter, where there were debates and conflicts. There was more suspense here, which also helps move the story along. The fact that it's the last installment of Chapter 7 also helps ;D

o/Use of characters? 10/10

You always do so well with characters, whether they be yours or Kishimoto-sensei's. You know how to use them, you know how to portray them, and you know how to write them. Your brilliant with OCs and canon alike.

o/ Description? 10/10

Okay, seriously, why do you have this section up for yourself? I've always wondered if you get tired of me telling you just how amazing your description is. This chapter was great with elaboration, giving the chapter enough to understand the scene while also not giving too much that it's excessive. It was a great balance of scenery and actions.

o/ Inconsistencies with cannon plot? Characters in-character as regards to the original work? 10/10

Oh, never! You've never had this problem, ever! And that's not just because this is an original plot that deviates from the manga a bit. Everyone is in character, the plot makes sense, and everything was just great.

I think this would be the correct section to say that I loved Ren in this. Just the way he was caring for Momoka made me think of his role as the protective brother to Naomi. He was a bit scolding of his student since she didn't obey his advice, but he was stll so sweet and caring towards her. It's one of the reasons I like him so much :)

o/ Overall quality of the writing? Easy to read? Grammar and Spelling? 9/10

*facepalm* I did see mistakes here. Only a couple times when there was a word missing that made it hard to understand what the sentence said. Words like 'as', 'has', etc... But other than that, it was still awesome.

o/ Enjoyment? An engaging read? 10/10

For me personally, it's either a 10 or zero. If I don't enjoy something, I'm not going to read it. And you know I enjoy everything you write ;)

o/ Overall? 10/10

Loved it. Intense, suspenseful, and awesome. Everything was just... seriously amazing. I really enjoyed the plot development here, it really was a great read. Great job, Batty-O'Nee-san!

Now I'm going to get eye drops... Ick...

Author's Response: Honey, if your eyes hurt that much you should have gotten the eye drops first. The review could easily have waited until they felt better!

Wow! All those tens... I feel honoured. I know you think highly of me, but seeing it like that... Well, thank you! I'll try to keep that high standard... And yes, I know what you mean about mistakes. Recently I'm finding more and more mistakes like that creeping in... I'll think one thing and type another or not type something I thought I did... It's very annoying... Urgh... I need to start looking for a beta again really...



Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 04/01/12 - 04:53 pm · For: Chapter 7.m
Ah, what an interesting chapter. Just as the other chapters, it makes me seriously consider what the heck I'm doing with my own stories while also inspiring me to do better.

I believe you've told me (and I've observed) that some people lose interest in your writing simply because of 'no action or romance.' Okay, so there's no fights, and the romance is still budding. Honestly, so what? I would do anything to read more stories like this, where there's an actual interesting plot and both major and minor characters play an important role.

Seriously, the best part had to be when the Daimyo stepped in and ranted on the shinobi. I love how he accused them all of slacking off and being lazy. It's such a great scene. The power he holds mixed with his intimidating personality is so astounding, and blended with your wonderful description just makes it so much more enjoyable.

And of course, cliffhangers as always. I'd expect no less, but they always leave me wanting more just because there's always some kind of twist that leads easily into the next installment to continue the story.

SWB is one of the few outstanding fics that can be considered a story with a romance instead of a romance with a story. Sure, romance is included in this, but it doesn't make the story. It doesn't define everything there is. I enjoy reading about the politics and the social issues and the people in general. It makes it so much more likable to read a good plot and idea.

The only thing I have to ask is something capitalization-related.

'It's good to see you're all assembled,' her disembodied voice informed the crowd, 'We've got a lot of work to do…'

Shouldn't the 'w' in 'We've' be lower case? It's something I just recently noticed something in your writing, though probably because I beta for someone who does the same thing. Very minor proofreading mistake, but just something I wanted to point out.

Anyway, great job, Batty-O'Nee-san! Another brilliant chapter, just as I expected ;) Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: To be honest, I think you'll find that's a British thing, especially as 'It's good to see you're all assembled' and 'We've got a lot of work to do' are two separate sentences and the only reason that comma isn't a full stop is because of where I've inserted the non-spoken part. I mean, I'd need to look it up to be 100% certain, but I'm still like 98% sure that's correct to British punctuation standards.

Interestingly the old Austrian standards I was taught as a young child would have it as,
'It's good to see you're all assembled.' her disembodied voice informed the crowd: 'We've got a lot of work to do…'
and the Germans would have made it as something like,
,It's good to see you're all assembled.' her disembodied voice informed the crowd ,We've got a lot of work to do…' or <> her disembodied voice informed the crowd <>.
This was back before endless editions of the New German Writing system obviously, but basically I think my point is that these things vary with the nation concerned (although those are the only examples with which I am personally familiar). What people have always told me on the subject is that so long as you stay consistent to one method all the way through, it doesn't really matter how you do it. It just has to all look the same...

I think I have come to the conclusion that those people who love a good book love this story. Those people who just wanted some steamy Gaara romance get bored more easily. I guess I just can't please everybody... and I'm at a disadvantage as people aren't really expecting to be given a highly structured plot.

It doesn't help either that I use a lot of very subtle writing techniques, many of which are deliberately designed to alienate the reader from certain characters and that doesn't go down well with my short attention-spanned fanfic audience. Still I've learned many valuable lessons from doing this story and I think all of that is going to feed directly into anything I write later on. It's nice of you to say such lovely things, but to be honest I'm not sure even I (as the author of SWB) could set out to write a story like SWB.

The idea just appeared in my head one day and grew bigger and bigger until it was this fully-fleshed out world with a whole host of people living it in. For months and months on end I couldn't think of anything else every time I tried to write... and because of that there are so many little things that build into everything I write for it.

Take the old lady among the clan heads from this chapter for example. It so happens that this lady is in fact the head of the Iriai Clan (since the death of her husband), Ayame Iriai, who is also Naomi and Ren's grandmother (from her third son). I'm pretty much certain I will never directly reference that anywhere in this story, but it affected the way I wrote this installment, it's had an impact on things I wrote in the past and it'll certainly affect 8.a or b (which ends up carrying on from this scene) and probably other installments in the future. That said, I was actually surprised to see her here in person - I wasn't expecting her to ever make a personal appearance in this story - but in the end nobody else could have delivered that speak with quite the same meaning she did and, because I can see through all its layers, it's got a really heavy impact for me. There're parts of ongoing themes hidden there, you see...
Another named, but nameless, face you might be interested in would be the chubby clan head on the other guy's back, because I'm more and more certain that he's the head of your character's clan.



Name: DeadManTyping (Anonymous) · Date: 26/10/11 - 11:25 am · For: Chapter 4.a
Wow im actualy hanging on every word, you are a very talented writer one thing i will say is it could use a bit more action especialy in the begining not that i didnt enjoy it its just you maybe could have thrown in a fight just before the boat to add somthing extra to it (emphasis on extra) but to be completly honest i love it! :D

Author's Response: Yes, you've probably got a point there. I seem to have 'action' sections and 'fighting' sections in this story amongst other things (not on purpose, that's just how it worked out). Chapter 5 has a lot more fighting in it, if you're still interested by then... and then we're working our way back into more at Chapter 7. ;0)

That said - thank you very much for such an awesome review! You're really very kind. I hope you will continue to enjoy this story. I've been away for a bit (which is why things have been so slow), but hopefully more updates will be coming soon. I can't wait to get stuck back into writing! =0D



Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 20/10/11 - 03:48 pm · For: Chapter 1
Hi! Long time no see, but i was wondering, are there spoilers? I really want to read past the second chapter but I'm worried about that... I'm at the part where Sasuke goes to find Zabuza's sword...

Author's Response: Ah! Thanks for reminding me. I used to have a spoiler warning in the summary. I should go put that back in...
There aren't many huge spoilers (I don't tend to go over events that happened in the manga/anime or anything), but if you're that far back in the manga... Then yeah. There are going to be some things mentioned that you won't know about yet... Sorry.
=0( I guess that means you won't be reading for a while at least. If, when you're a little more up-to-date with the manga/anime, you still feel like reading this - then please know that I would be honoured to have you do so.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 18/10/11 - 01:06 pm · For: Chapter 7.l
Ah, it was quite nice to see an update for this. I've honestly been waiting to see what would happen down on the battlefield.

And oh gosh, this definitely did not disappoint. The action scene was so vivid and amazingly illustrated, I simply loved it. From the village's architecture right down to the green fog, everything was written beautifully.

And after a wonderfully epic fight, the child is apprehended... only to run off again. I got really excited when he was captured, though I felt bad when he was giving his little temper tantrum :P

Meh, I guess it would be too easy if the child was captured so quickly. I just hope they catch him soon...

Awesome job on this, BattyBigSis! I really enjoyed this chapter! Keep up the amazing work!

Author's Response: Yeah, sorry... =0( This installment sat around half-finished for quite a while, but with one thing and another I just haven't done as much writing as I'd like recently... Hopefully that should start to change soon as things go back to normal. I've got a quarter-finished Star Angel chapter to complete as well... >_<


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 19/09/11 - 02:07 pm · For: Chapter 4.a
Hahaha. Naruto and his ramen. It's just plain hilarious if you ask me. Once again, the description in this is amazing. It's impossible not to see it as a movie in your head. Do I tell you that too much? Either way, it's true. This was amazing, and I can't wait to get the chance to read more. Your story gets more and more addictive the more my brain starts to adjust.

Author's Response: Hahaha. See below for my response. ;0)


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 19/09/11 - 02:07 pm · For: Chapter 4.a
Hahaha. Naruto and his ramen. It's just plain hilarious if you ask me. Once again, the description in this is amazing. It's impossible not to see it as a movie in your head. Do I tell you that too much? Either way, it's true. This was amazing, and I can't wait to get the chance to read more. Your story gets more and more addictive the more my brain starts to adjust.

Author's Response: Well, helping you visualize what’s happening is something I aim for when I write, so I’m always relieved when you say things like that. I’m really glad you found this so enjoyable. It’s really rewarding to have someone say such nice things. Thank you!


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 12/09/11 - 03:37 pm · For: Chapter 3.f
Once again a chapter that absolutely takes my breath away. This was just so amazing! The description was beyond belief. I can see the village so clearly in my mind it's as if I'm watching a movie. You are absolutely amazing when it comes to writing and describing, BigSis. It makes me wonder how I couldn't be completely caught in it even if I'm still wrapping my mind around character-centric stories.

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. I always worry about alienating my readers with too much description, so what you and SilverWolf and some of my other readers have said about it really does help boost my confidence in it immensely. I think it's important that when i can see something in my mind, I try and show that image to my readers as well.


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 12/09/11 - 02:54 pm · For: Chapter 3.e
Okay, I've been wondering this for a long time - When does this take place? At first I thought it was the first Kage conference, but then you added the part about him and Sasuke's confrontation. Is there another one right before the war? No, that can't be right because Naruto wouldn't be there then *sigh* I'm so confused. But don't think that it's your fault. Everyone but me seems to understand.

On to the awesomeness that is your story: HOLY FLYING CHOCOLATE MONKEYS!!! That was just plain awesome. You're writing is absolutely out of this world it's so awesome. I love it. You've really got me curious with Nee-san, though. I can't wait to see what that's all about. I can't wait to find out what had led the ninja of to Seishingakure react like they did. It was purely amazing, BigSis. Just awesome.

Author's Response: No, don't worry about it. It's a really good question. This story happens at an unidentified point during a lull in the 4th Shinobi War, after the current flurry of battles. Think of it as like a big filler arc between one part of the war and the next.
So this whole story does actually hinge on the assumption that there will be a suitable point for insertion later on in Naruto's current storyline, which I am beginning to wonder about, or it will all end up AU - but hey, I knew I was taking that risk when I started writing (nearly a year ago now, when the manga was still sorting out the first Kage conference and the secrets of Naruto's birth. Obviously that was much too soon for what I had in mind, so I had to fudge it a little based on what I thought might happen).

I'm glad you liked the story so far. I worked so hard on it and, seeing people enjoy it as much as you and SilverWolf seem to, just makes me feel like there really was a point to all of that, you know? ;0)



Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 10/09/11 - 06:47 pm · For: Chapter 7.k
NOOOO! Ren, what did you do?! Naomi, don't go! Don't do it!

... Why am I freaking out about this? I'm quite sure I saw this coming...

Your description (I wonder, do you seriously ever get tired of me saying this?) was wonderful. No, it was beautiful. As in, beautiful. It wasn't just a sad description of how the village is being destroyed to its core. You added the surroundings and the cause of the destruction, and mixing it together was seriously a great benefit. I was clearly able to see Seishin's beauty and then the deadly green smoke corrupting its serenity. It was like seeing a beautiful autumn tree with its vibrant colors, and the next moment, the tree is bare and 'destroyed' in a sense. Does that analogy somewhat make sense?

Well anyway, Gaara and Naomi... I wonder if he'll be able to handle her... ;)

Wow, I seriously can't wait for more, but I know you'll be working on SA. Then again, I love everything you post, so I'm excited for anything you put up next :D Keep up the awesome work, BattyBigSis!

Author's Response: I think I actually said on Sasaui's site that I was going to do two chapters of SWB this time, because this one was so short - and i intend to stick to that, so you won''t have too long to wait. AND - Yes, I know!!! Ren let me down too. =0( I was actually expecting more of a fight from him - I even told you as much - and then with the way I laid out the situation he really didn't have too much of a choice...rnrnAm I really being that unclear? You know I wonder if I'm just confusing you now... Anyway, Naomi's not going down there to fight (at this point anyway). She's going to go kick some order into her jounin to make them defend the country properly. She's not about to like what she finds either - then again she probably already has a good idea of the shambles everything is in. Telepathic know-it-all... As for Seishin being under attack... well...rnrnAnd yes... Gaara and Naomi are alone again. Honestly, I'm more worried about whether she can handle him.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 24/08/11 - 07:12 pm · For: Chapter 7.j
*slams head against desk* I wrote my super long review, hit the like button, pressed submit, and what happens? TONFA logs me out without sending in my review. *sigh*

Alright, let's try this again. TONFA, work with me for this one, please!

This chapter was beautifully written. Everything was so amazingly described and elaborated, and I loved it. There was an incredible sense of detail right from the little bird shelters to the unique landscape and its qualities. You painted such a beautiful picture, and it really helped me vision everything so clearly. You really made the setting come to life, excellent job with that.

The casual conversation between Ren and Gaara, as weird as it may sound, had me in suspense. With such simple small talk going on, I was worried that they would continue to be stuck in their cabin while they unknowingly ignored the attack on Seishin. Either that, or I thought they would suddenly be ambushed. Don't ask me why I thought that, but it really wouldn't have surprised me.

Then when Naomi came out and informed them of the attack on their country, I was both relieved and troubled. Relieved, because then they all wouldn't have been left in the dark about the attack and completely stay out of it. Troubled, because Naomi shouldn't even be talking, let alone saving her village! Seriously?! After she slit her own throat, she's going to jump into battle?!

*sigh* I know, I know, it would have been extremely pointless and OOC of Naomi to sit back and do nothing. I'm just having one of those "Don't do it!" moments.

This was a great chapter. Your hard work paid off. This started out as a nice and easygoing chapter, and then you did what you always do: you left a mean cliffhanger and have me begging for more. Great work on this chapter, I can't wait to see how far the intensity gets from here. Keep up the awesome work, BattyBigSis!

Author's Response: Oh TONFA... Why doest thou hate me and my stories...? I'm really sorry for your long review. That's got to be gutting...

I did feel very nostalgic about the scenery, which helps me write it. I always think a lot about the Alps (which I spent a good part of my early childhood living among) when I'm describing Seishin, so it really helps me picture what I'm trying to describe. I have a really deeply ingrained love of mountains anyway (being half-Austrian), so Seishin's scenery is something I tend to get lost in if I let myself... and this particular little area was something I build up as a little 'paradise' that Naomi and Ren retreat to... Although I've known much more impressive mountain paradises to be honest. This one is a little barren in places and then overcompensating in others. Speaking from experience, mountain scenery really doesn't have to try very hard to be spectacular and this one is - deliberately - not quite there.

I (almost) never include anything if I can't come up with some very good reasons why it's significant to the plot and if I'm honest I've very nearly ditched the cabin scenes and the Death-by-Genin ones half a dozen times. With Death-by-Genin I will have to plead that I was by and large indulging myself (that place has been haunting me since the start of the story and I really wanted to include it if I could), although I did feel it was important to draw out the confusion in those scenes and going all over Seishingakure gave me an excellent chance to do just that. This conversation though and Naomi's praying scene were ones that I decided were really indispensable. Noami's because it's a key character-revealing one and this conversation because if I didn't include these explanations somewhere then various parts of the plot from here on out are going to disintegrate on me... Not that I don't do far too much explaining as it is... Everything's so damn complicated in this story... (My lymph nodes are playing up again, so I apologize if I come across as grumpy this morning. It really isn't anything personal towards anybody)

And yes, welcome to yet another reason why I call Naomi 'the Mary-Sue'. She'll certainly try though. It's not in her nature to give herself any slack if the country's in trouble... but you're quite right, if she carries on as she is she's simply going to fail. She's suffering from major blood-loss and must already feel pretty damn awful... and then some. After praying and everything I doubt she can even stand without that chair - and i'm not about to ignore that, so you don't have to worry. You can rest assured though it would also be OOC for Ren to let his sister run about fighting when she's in that condition, so... Something is going to have to give, isn't it? ;0)



Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 11/08/11 - 08:46 pm · For: Chapter 3.d
Wait a ticket. So was the Nee-san thing just a dream? Oh man, I want answers. I really really want answers. Too bad I need to sleep. I might get another chapter in today (I'm also reading two other stories right now and going back and forth between the three). This chapter was awesome. You keep the characters in character so well it's as if they're your ocs. I think I've already said that before, but it's just so true! I've never seen anyone who could adapt so easily to other people's creations. It's just mind blowing. I still haven't found someone with eight thumbs, but I still give you eight thumbs up!

Author's Response: Well, you could always give me two thumbs up four times, I suppose, if you still think it's worth it? I just hope it makes more sense as you continue reading... *worried*


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 11/08/11 - 08:04 pm · For: Chapter 3.c
Well, I found out why he was running. I'd be running, too, if I were him. This chapter was amazing. I feel really bad for Naruto. What could he have done to make her that mad? Sheesh. It was an awesome chapter, though. I could actually feel Naruto's fear =) . I wonder what happened to the Nee-san girl...... Oh well, if I find out, I'll find out. I know I've said it before, but I have to say it again: Your description is amazing. It's as if there's a movie playing in my head. I give you eight thumbs up!!!! Now if only I could find someone with eight thumbs........

Author's Response: I'd be running three, me thinketh. I was trying to recreate their normal relationship from the anime. I hope it worked. I do love Sakura... and thank you for all eight thumbs. ;0)


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 11/08/11 - 07:39 pm · For: Chapter 3.b
Holy cow, this chapter was awesome! You had me hooked with the beginning, and then we meet this girl in a wheelchair. I wonder who she is. Anyway, once again, your description was just out of this world. And why is Naruto running away from the voice? Man, I really want to know. You did a fantastic job and now I just have to read more.

Author's Response: Hmm... I wonder too. Oh no, wait, I know, don't I? (Joke. Of course I know.) I'm glad you like the description. It's what I work hardest at, so it's good to know that it pays off for the reader. ;0)


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 11/08/11 - 06:15 am · For: Chapter 3.a
Poor Rina almost had to go make a roast goose. Okay, getting off the sympathy train. THIS CHAPTER WAS PHENOMENAL!!! The description is enough to keep the reader hooked, a great picture of what's happening in their head. And you keep on throwing in these small things at the beginning. I want to jump to conclusions and say it's Momoko, but I'll wait to see. I just hope I find out soon. I can't wait to figure out who it is. Nor can I wait to read more of your fantastic story. Have you ever tried writing a book, because I can tell you you could blow everyone away with it.

Author's Response: Or convince somebody else too. ;0) I never saw her as the sort of character who could be trusted with much beyond instant ramen in the kitchen... I love the flashforward thought scenes too. They are just a little taste of what's too come... eventually... very eventually... It's strange reading them again actually. They seem so cheesy and dramatic, but they are based on a lot of real emotion I was experiencing at the time. I miss my bf - but the good news is I might see him in September, so yay! =0D


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 05/08/11 - 06:38 am · For: Chapter 7.i
Interesting genjutsu, I never saw that coming... though I probably should have... *facepalm*

And just when I thought the little grey child would be apprehended, he surprised everyone but continuing his attack. He's out of his confines, and I'm so excited (and frightened) to see what will happen when he's out in public.

Even though this chapter was short, it had me on the edge of my seat. Only your writing can do that to me: such a short chapter with amazing quality that has me begging for more.

Well done, this was excellent. I do think there might have been a few spelling mistakes, such as you said necessarily when it should have been necessary.

Other than that, as I said, this chapter was amazing. Great job. I look forward to seeing what happens next! Keep up the awesome work!

Author's Response: Yeah, I noticed a few myself when I was re-reading it the other day... and I've posted corrected versions once already, as well as my usual proof-reads and checks before uploading - looks like I'll have to do it again. ;0) In my defense I was writing through the middle of a migraine, so that would be why...
I'm really surprised actually that you enjoyed it so much. I was actually worried that this installment would be hard to follow, as it's so jerky and fast-paced... Like a real fight I suppose... Fight scenes never really lend themselves to written media to begin with, I think, and I don't help matters with my preference having them so fractured... but I'm pleased you enjoyed them ... and that you liked your character's genjutsu.
Given that this is the 'Mind' village (seishin = mind/emotion, in case you've forgotten 80), which I wouldn't blame you for. I think I last referred to that about forty installments ago) I figured I could do with a few more genjutsu users. (I have quite a few with water abilities as well, seeing how close this place is to the Hidden Mist, but they seem to be taking over). I also wanted to keep your abilities different and distinctive from, say, Kiba's as you're from different clans, countries and villages. Your genjutsu style gives you something of an advantage as it enables your wolf to attack from pretty much anywhere without it being obvious to the quarry. I figured that made for a good C- or B-Rank jutsu, which is appropriate as you're a chuunin...


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 30/07/11 - 09:40 pm · For: Chapter 7.h
Wow, I loved the emotion in this. It was so detailed. Even the little things you write about just add to the entire scene, and it really helps to make everything seem that much more realistic.

The shinobi oath had me choking up a bit, just because I can only imagine how the other ninja of Seishen must feel, let alone Ren and Gaara at this point. Loved Gaara's reaction to that, by the way.

The very ending, where Naomi was praying really made my heart clutch. It was sad to hear one of the reasons she prays, but then again, it was really honorable, and I really liked that.

Well done on yet another wonderful chapter. I was just about to go to sleep when I saw this, and I just had to read it. My eyes burn, but I don't care, it was well worth it. Great work!

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review. I did actually see this at the time and many times since, but every time I tried to reply I seen to have been getting 'stuck' on what to say. I suppose it's because when we talk about Naomi being 'honourable' and the shinobi oath, I always find so much I want to say, but can't... but then we've talked a lot about it on your website now too, so ;0). Meh, Naomi's a good girl: my 'noble warrior', as she is... She just seriously needs to remember that she's also a human at times...
I hope you felt better soon after reading it by the way and got a good night's sleep. ;0) I was kinda worried to hear about your eyes burning. You must have been very tired...


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 24/07/11 - 08:41 pm · For: Chapter 2.c
I've probably said it enough, but like with your drawings and how amazing they are, I have to say you're amazing. You continue to keep them in character, fitting in your own oc perfectly and describing him so well it's as if he's a real person standing right in front of me. Great job, BigSis. I love this story. Like many other stories I read on here, this story should be illegal it's so amazingly good.

Author's Response: Thanks Sasaui! You're pretty damn good yourself. =0D


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