You're Already Mine
Yes, I am a Fatalist.
And that has nothing to do with the Hyuuga's sense of Fate.
Everything I have ever learned about life has not been about being "fair" or "hard working" or "deserving". Everything about life has been determined by Fate. It was Fate that my father was born second, Fate that I was born to my father, Fate that I was to loose to Naruto. And even though I believe less in Fate because of that fight, I haven't completely lost confidence in it's reality.
I hate Fate.
It has brought me nothing but trouble. I lost my father when I was a child. I will never reach my full capacity because of the mark on my forehead. I will never be loved.
Well, I'm not so sure about that last one.
My family will never love me, that much is true. Hinata would be the closest to accepting me, but I would never call the care she has "love". She feels pity on me, and for that. . . hate is too strong a word. I would never say that I hate her, but I more than dislike her. Hanabi is weak, too, like Hinata, and she cares nothing for me. Hiashi never has. My mother left me alone to my training. The rest of the family sees me as a genius, but nothing more than a tool for the family's gain. There is no love the Hyuugas give to me, and I give them none in return.
Romantic love is little different. I have had those I have admired from afar, but those were few and far between. Tenten was enthralled with Lee and his work ethic, and didn't care about me more than as a friend. I decided that a few other girls were interesting during my time at the academy, but they hated me. I was too smart and too skilled for them. Plus, I was never the "pretty boy" like Sasuke. I have been told before that I am not very masculine, but never have I been told that I was "pretty". Maybe it's my eyes. They're soulless things, and much of the time they have anger running through them. I am not attractive, I suppose, and people don't get close enough to me to really know who I am. For that, I don't think that I will ever find love no matter what the form.
Yet, part of me wishes to believe that Fate will grant me favors. I don't think that I am fated to never marry and neer have children. Fate would not be so careless as to let genius go wasted by death. Even if I do not find love, I know that I will marry someone who is suitable to be a wife. Eugenics runs fairly strong in the Hyuuga clan, and I don't blame them. They want to survive, and marrying the strong is always the best way. Still, I hope that Fate will allow me to love whoever it is that I am fated to marry. Even though I will have little choice - Fate does control who I will be with for the rest of my life - I sort of take comfort in that idea. I can do nothing to alter Fate, and whoever she is she cannot alter Fate either. In fact, I love this fact.
I imagine that she is beautiful and modest: kind and motherly for one so young. She isn't strong, and she needs me to protect her. Her hands are slender and soft. She has never thrown a knife or cut herself to summon. Her hair is long, but neatly kept back out of her face. Her lips are small but form the sweetest smile I've ever seen. She is from a good family so there will be no objections to the marriage. I love this woman I imagine. I love her so much that I wish she was real. Even if she is not, I hope that Fate will grant me this one favor and make her mine. I wish she would appear now and take my heart and give me hers. It's all up to Fate: my rival and my lover.
Even though Fate has been fickle with me, somehow I know that someone will fill this spot in my life. We will inevitably drawn to one another, and neither of us can alter this Fate. Whether it is by chance that we meet or by an arranged meeting, we will find one another someday. She is already mine, just as I am already hers. Love will come, it just hasn't come yet. Even though I wish Fate would hurry, I know that it is just a matter of time. This is what gives me hope. This is what gets me through my heartache. Even though I don't know her yet, I know that we will love one another for unconditional reasons.
So, when I lament the fact that Tenten will never look at me like she does Lee, I don't let myself be bothered too much. After all, if she is to be mine, she is already mine. If she is not, it was never meant to be, and whoever it is that I am to love, I am to love. "Good night, my Someone".
Yes. Good night, my nameless love.
[Reviews - 0]
Table of Contents
- Text Size +