TONFA
The Original Naruto Fanfic Archive

Main Categories

Het Romance [1092]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around different sex couples.
Alternate Universe & Crossovers [651]
Where cast of the Naruto Universe are inserted into an alternate universe.
Essays & Tutorials [17]
An area to submit intelligent essays debating topics about the Naruto Universe and writing tutorial submissions.
 
General Fiction [1739]
Any Naruto fanfiction focused without romantic orientation, on a canon character in the current Naruto Universe.
OC-centric [865]
Any Naruto fanfic that has the major inclusion of a fan-made character.
Non-Naruto Fiction [291]
Self-evident
 
Shonen-ai/Yaoi Romance [1575]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around male same sex couples.
MadFic [194]
Any fic with no real plot and humor based. Doesn't require correct spelling, paragraphing or punctuation but it's a very good idea.
 
Shojo-ai/Yuri Romance [106]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around female same sex couples.
Fan Ninja Bingo Book [125]
An area to store fanfic information, such as bios, maps, political histories. No stories.
 
 

Site Info

Members: 11985
Series: 261
Stories: 5884
Chapters: 25418
Word count: 47689150
Authors: 2162
Reviews: 40828
Reviewers: 1750
Newest Member: Redxkenny
Challenges: 255
Challengers: 193
 


Eh? We're Where?! by sothatslikeme

[Reviews - 1]   Printer
Table of Contents

- Text Size +
Story notes: Supposed to be a parody...but then it gained a plot.
Chapter notes: A/N: Alright! First story ever to be uploaded...on to this site, that is.
I hope you start to like this story as much as I started to love it while writing!
Bon appétit! (I swear I will think up a new catch phrase. Just bear with me for now.)

Disclaimer: The day I own Naruto will be the day you will see me at the top of the world screaming “World Domination!” So please wait patiently for that day. =D

Note: There will be some Japanese Romanji (since I don't have the neccesary keyboard for Japanese Characters), as well as Gaelic, which may I say I do not actually know, so if you think a word is wrong and you do know the language quite well and can speak, read, and write it fluently, then please do inform me. (I had so much trouble trying to write that and not be sarcastic...)



Eh? We're Where?!
Chapter One: Alice In Wonderland, Much?



Two women sat at their desks and stared intently into the screen of their computers, their fingers clacking furiously against the keyboard at their hands…

tarynroxursoxoff says (6:34 p.m.) : Yeah well…I kinda ran over a kid… I think…or not… maybe so… ehhh O_o
vampires_cadence says (6:35 p.m.) : WHAT?!?!?!?!
tarynroxursoxoff says (6:37 p.m.) : That’s it! I’m changing my name to WHAT and you know, I think I’m going to throw in some exclamation and question marks in there too! So from here on forth, you shall refer to me as WHAT?!?!?! O’Reily lolz!
vampires_cadence says (6:39 p.m.) : …No… I didn’t get what you said…>_>
tarynroxursoxoff says (6:39 p.m.) : O_O Didn’t get which what I said?
vampires_cadence says (6:40 p.m.) : What I said what to. Dur!
tarynroxursoxoff says (6:40 p.m.) : O_O What?! What what you said to my what you said what to?
tarynroxursoxoff says (6:40 p.m.) : …Wait…what?!
vampires_cadence says (6:41 p.m.) : I am confused…
tarynroxursoxoff says (6:42 p.m.) : Ehgn…we phail at life…
vampires_cadence says (6:43 p.m.) : Isn’t it fail? O_O
vampires_cadence says (6:43 p.m.) : Oh! Dad says that I’m going to be staying over at your house tonight!! He’s gonna drop me off in a few. So BRB!
tarynroxursoxoff says (6:44 p.m.) : K. Sees youz laterz LMSBO…that’s laughing my shiny butt off, mind you xD
vampires_cadence says (6:44 p.m.) : -_-… You…You lack…HATREEDDDD!!!
tarynroxursoxoff says (6:45 p.m.) : YOU TOTALLY RIPPED THAT OFF!!!! Of Naruto I mean…errr…from Itachi I mean…which is from Naruto…wow. That made it sound like Naruto was the mother xD. yeahhh…
vampires_cadence says (6:45 p.m.) : BWAHAHAHA!! chawww…yea…gtg nao =D
vampires_cadence has signed off at 6:45 p.m.

Cadence sighed as she mulled over what to pack for the ‘slumber party’ at her older half-sister’s apartment. You see, ever since Taryn came back from her exchange student program in America four years ago, she demanded that she should be able to live on her own. After all, she was twenty-one when she came back, and the influence of her independent grandmother didn’t exactly help chain her down to living with her parents.

For weeks, Margie, Taryn’s mom, refused to let her outside of a thirty-foot radius from the house. But soon enough, she conceded and allowed Taryn to live on her own. Unfortunately for Taryn, her new apartment was only a few blocks away from the house.

How sad is that?

Oh! That’s right! I still haven’t given you the details on why Cadence refers to Taryn as ‘half-sister.’ It is quite logical to suggest that Taryn’s mother married Cadence’s father after the death of Taryn’s father and therefore produced Cadence, no need to get in on the dirty details on how that happened.

Hopefully all of you have already heard of the cup-and-straw talk. Huh? What? What do you mean it isn’t called the cup-and-straw talk? That’s what my dad told me! All my life has been based on liessssss!! Huh? Oh. So you can call them the cup-and-straw talk? See I told you, you stupid director!

Ahem!

As I was saying, you see, Taryn and Margie were originally from the shores of Ireland, but when Taryn was nine, she and her mom moved to Japan. There in Japan, Margie met Satori and fell in love. Well, three years later, after Margie and Satori got married, Taryn had to go under the student exchange program and therefore lives with her grandmother in America.

Of course, Margie became pregnant during that time and out came Cadence eleven months later! Taryn was told of the AWSOME news but Cadence was never told that she had an older half-sister. Gasp! How horrible right?

Now, Taryn loved America so much that she decided to stay there for a little while longer. Well, that ‘little while’ turned into ELEVEN YEARS! ELEVEN YEARS PEOPLE!! I know I couldn’t have lived for eleven years in a foreign country without my parents and only my funny-but-weird grandma hanging around me!

Well you can do the math can’t you?

If Taryn moved to Japan at nine, left for America three years later, and came back eleven years later, how old do you think she was by the time she came back to Japan? Hopefully you guessed right. If not…I tutor for two bucks an hour!

Cheap, neh?

Well, like I said, Cadence was never told that she had an older half-sister. Until three days before Taryn was supposed to come to Japan. Now Cadence had to cope with suddenly finding out that she has a half-sister.

And what’s worse is that Taryn only knows English and a bit of Gaeilge! Absolutely no Japanese whatsoever!!

Well, at least that’s what Cadence believed…So you can imagine what must be going on in Cadence’s ten year old brain. I still blame the parents…

But the moment Taryn stepped in the door, Cadence couldn’t help but feel a sense of happiness and carefree-ism…if you can call that a word…wash over her! Like a very heavy weight has been lifted off of her shoulders and boy was that true! A smile was all it took to calm Cadence’s nerves.

Well, a smile and a very gigantic hug!

And the very first words uttered from Taryn’s mouth were “Taryn desu! Cadence wa kawaii ne~!” I bet you can see the shock on Cadence’s face when she realized that Taryn did in fact know Japanese…but only a bit. At least it was more than her Gaeilge!

Now you see how Cadence was so relaxed after meeting her sister, huh?

Er…wait. I got off track again didn’t I? Great. Just splenderful! Alright already! Jeeze! Not my fault that I was born with a short attention span. Er…now where did I last leave off? Well, before my, erm, explanation made itself known? Ah, yes that’s right.

Cadence struggled to push her clothes inside the poor duffel bag on her bed when a sudden deep voice from her door entrance startled her. “Honey? Are you ready to go yet?”

In her shock, Cadence’s immediate action was to throw her hands up in the air and yell out the first thing that came to mind, “FLYING TURTLES BENT ON TAKING OVER THE WORLD!!! ” Silence overwhelmed the room. With an aggravated grunt, Cadence’s father turned and walked right back out into the hallway, muttering things about stupid older half-sisters and their bad influences.

Now if you’re wondering what a flying-turtles-bent-on-taking-over-the-world is, then be thankful that you don’t. And if anyone tells you otherwise, DON’T LISTEN TO THEM! THEY ARE LYING! Ahem…er, where was I again?

Huh?

Oh.

That part?

Awww! But that part’s so boring! Urgh. It’s all explanation-y and stuff! WELL IT’S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOUR DANG STORY-TELLER DECIDED TO HAVE FUN WITH HIS WIFE INSTEAD OF BEING HERE IN THE LAND OF BORINGSVILLE! If you want me to do this, then we’re doing this my way.

Well, seeing as how I finally got the damned seven-inch pole out of the director’s butt crack—well at least part of it, but that’s better than nothing!—I can actually get this show on the road! Alright so you know what Cadence is doing right, which is packing her stuff for the ‘slumber party’ over at her sister’s house. So I don’t have to explain that to you. Right?

Well, and I’m putting this in a simple way so that I don’t end up wasting hours explaining what could be told in less than a few minutes, she finally managed to stuff her clothes in and zip the bag up fast enough so that no piece of clothing ended up falling out.

Cadence then loaded the bag onto the car and her father drove her over to Taryn’s house, which was about a five minute drive. With traffic. Like I said, the apartment was only a few blocks away…

“Wait, Dad,” she waited for the grunt that usually signaled her to continue, “Why do I have to go over to Ryn’s tonight? And why did you tell me to pack for two weeks? Are you and Mom going somewhere?” Satori knew Cadence was going to ask, but was hoping for her just pass it off as some sister bonding time. The middle-aged man held back a large sigh.

“Your mother and I are going to New York for the company party. It’s mandatory.” Now isn’t that harsh? I mean just finding out that your parents are going to be flying halfway around the world leaving you alone with your practically deranged half-sister who is hell-bent on destroying half the country. Oh yes, it was very harsh.

“HOLY CROW!! ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME!?!?! You mean for an entire two whole weeks, you guys are gonna be gone and I’m gonna be stayin’ with Ryn?!?! How AWESOME can you guys get!?” Well. I think she took it pretty well. Uh, yes well…moving on. Arriving at the scene of the crime…errr…wait that’s not right.

Let me try that again, arriving at the tall apartment complex that Taryn now inhabits, Cadence quickly jumps out of the car and rushes over to the door and proceeded to…open it…without the key…

Talk about irresponsible!

Really, who would leave their door unlocked in a middle of a neighborhood that has no record of trouble at all with old women in their nineties baking cookies and sitting on their porch singing the goddamned Barney theme song over and over and over again?

Yeah…really irresponsible…

Sniggering behind the back of her hand, Cadence deepened her voice and bellowed out the one line that was sure to make her sister jump up in fear, “OMFG IT’S A FLASH FLOOD!!!!!!!!”

There was a crash, a bang, followed by a shriek rivaling that of a school girl’s. Thumping was heard on the floor upstairs and it was most likely okay to say that Taryn was rushing around trying to pack as much clothing as she thinks she can fit in the back of her motorcycle.

“Cadence, you know you’re not supposed to scare your sis…ter…like…that…” her father trailed off at the end of his scold. Why? Simple. Twenty-five year old Taryn had rushed downstairs with nothing but a towel on, her hair covered with white foam—from the shampoo—and carrying two suitcases full of clothes.

“OH MY GOSH, CAY, SATORI!! WE HAVE TO GET OUTTA HERE ASAP!!! THERE’S A FLASH FLOOD!!!!!” A dusty pink stained the forty-year-old man’s cheeks as he quickly looked away from his…err…was it daughter-in-law? No wait. It’s half-daughter right? Uh…how about daughter of his wife? Hm. AH SCREW IT!

He quickly looked away from his other daughter’s figure—I’m simply stating this to make it seem he is a gentlemen who would not dare to lay his eyes upon his nearly-naked daughter’s figure and that he is not a pervert…

Ah who am I kidding?

The guy’s trying to hold back a nosebleed for Mother Nature’s sake! Now if that’s not wrong then I don’t know what is. The flurry of objects being thrown in the air and curses in Gaeilge, English, and Japanese were bellowed into the night managed to drag Satori’s attention away from…need I say it…

“Erm…Ryn—”

“Jeeze! Take a chill pill Ryn! I was just kidding!” Suddenly, the temperature in the room seemed to drop down at least twenty degrees. Slowly—and I mean painstakingly slow—Taryn turned around with a sickeningly sweet smile plastered upon her face and let out a low snarling, “What…” Gulping quite soundly, the thirteen-year-old had the decency to look sheepish as she tried to stammer out an apology that would satisfy her older half-sister.

“Oh…I’ll make sure that you are sorry. Even if I HAVE TO BEAT YOU HALF NEAR DEATH IN ORDER TO MAKE IT CLEAR FOR YOU!!!

And so the screaming began.

And trust me when I say scream, I mean more of a screech that would put a shrieking banshee to shame!

Oh and what about poor ole Satori you may ask? Well…what would you do when one of your daughters is trying to mutilate—can’t exactly say kill—your other daughter?

You run away as fast as your old stubby little legs can go! And that, my dear readers, is exactly what he did. He ran like a dog with its tail between its legs!

What a smart man, no?

And so as the forty year old man left running home to his wife, both Taryn and Cadence continued to bicker and banter and squabble like little children.

Actually I would say that but unfortunately—for you; for me it’s most definitely ‘fortunately’—instead of yelling and doing those half-assed hits that little children do when they have a tantrum, they instead decided to throw in some…interesting things. Such as knives for example.

“DID YOU JUST FRIGGIN THROW A PLATE AT ME?!!” Er…or maybe it’s plates…not so much as the knives…

“Oh…I’m sorry. I meant to throw this KNIFE AT YOU INSTEAD!!!” Hmm. Maybe I spoke to soon.

“Can’t we talk about this and settle this like normal human beings?” Cadence pleaded. She was desperate now.

“Who said I was normal!!” And so Taryn thought it fit to throw…two, oh wait three, knives—totally missing Cadence by some miracle-like chance—along with eight glass plates and bowls at her thirteen, borderline on fourteen, year old half sister who so very much deserved the sadistic punishment.

Luckily only a few shards of glass hit her but not hard enough or at the right angle to cause a deep cut. Yes, you can totally feel the love radiating off of the two sisters.

Slipping behind the couch and trying desperately to convince her sister into calming down, the poor girl watched as her sister chuck plate after plate, knife after knife, and couldn’t help but think ‘She’s more like Anko from ‘Naruto’ than anything…’

She knew that if she were to say it out loud, she would no doubt be pummeled into a comatose state in less time than she could have from saying, ‘Oh, shit’.

“If only life were as simple as it is for every other friggin person in the world,” Cadence sighed wistfully.

“Come out, come out wherever you are my dear, little sister! I won’t hurt you…MUCH!!!” And in a split second, a long knife, normally used for cutting up vegetables, flew over Cadence’s head and embedded itself into the wall.

Scrambling up to her feet, the chocolate- brown haired teenager quickly tried to find solace behind the restroom door and away from the monster coming up behind her. “GODDAMN IT CAY!! OPEN THE DOOR!!” Taryn’s right fist pounded on the painted wood while the other clutched a butcher knife quite menacingly.

“No way in hell! I’m not suicidal!” A low growl ripped itself brutally from Taryn’s throat. ‘Damn.’ Sighing in resignation, she calmed herself down and flung the knife into the kitchen where it bounced lifelessly—and oh so innocently—off of the refrigerator and onto the floor.

She knew that if she wanted to keep on having a sister any time soon then she had to control her anger and calmly resettle this—damn anger management classes…ruining all my fun.

“You can come out now Cay. I’m not…angry…anymore…” She wasn’t angry anymore…that is, not as angry as in the beginning when all she saw was red. Not knowing whether or not to trust her sister, Cadence slowly opened the door just a tiny little crack in which a hazel eye popped open and scanned around.

Cadence, deeming that it was now safe, opened the door all the way and stepped out…and right into her sister’s noogie galore.

“Hahaha! Just because I’m not going to kill you…yet, doesn’t mean that I’m going to let that…prank…go unpunished. So prepare yourself!! NOOGIE OF DOOM: LEVEL THREE!!”

And try as she might, poor, unfortunate Cadence didn’t stand a chance.
--------------EWW-------------
It has been three hours, forty-three minutes, twenty-seven seconds, and counting, since Taryn dished out her ‘punishment’ upon Cadence. Needless to say, after experiencing Noogie of Doom: Level Three, Cadence has wisely decided to never, and I mean ever, play a prank on her sister like that again…

Well…at least not a prank that involves Taryn’s unnatural fear of H2O. Reason why she fears water: will be named later in this production.

So now here they are, lounging around in Taryn’s living room doing…well…absolutely nothing…That’s why it’s called lounging around folks!

“Hey…Cay…What do you want to do now?” Taryn asked while flipping through channels on her awesomely awesome television. Thank god for microwaves right?! Eh? Oh…my bad…I meant television. Really I did…Would you stop snorking at me you dang director!

“Ngnn…”

With a sigh, Cadence jumped to her feet and crossed the room to where her older sister lied, feet dangling behind the couch with the top of her head on the carpet. Hey…shouldn’t the blood be rushing through her head be too much for her to lie like that? Tch. Am I not allowed to question the way your stupid story works?

“Hey, Ryn…”

“No…”

“…Yes…Wanna play strip-poker? Stole some of Dad’s cash...” A silence so awkward that…that…Oh, whatever! A silence that was really awkward was cast upon the two women.

“I think it would be more fun if there were guys…or a donkey…yeah…a donkey.” Now you might be wondering how some guys might make strip poker fun, well then, all I have to say is you need to play some strip poker with some guys!!

Unfortunately, now that Cadence’s idea has been utterly reject, the two were once again bored out of their minds. A quick flash of grey suddenly wedged its way into the carpet right next to Taryn’s head; with a few blinks, she started to scream bloody murder.

“What in the blazing hells??!” Cadence whose back was turned when this strange event happened twirled around to stare at the same object her sister was staring at.

And to their surprise, and chagrin, there sat a little puppy. A stunned silence filled the space as both girls watched in rapture as the grey puppy barked once then trotted off and into their T.V. Yes…I mean into their T.V.

Taryn, who in her surprise had turned and landed on her butt in front of the couch, sprang up and hesitantly inched her way to the living room television wondering what in the world happened to the puppy. Behind her, Cadence watched on hoping beyond hope that the Twilight Zone wasn’t real.

As Taryn reached for the little box in which pictures moved, the little puppy that was thought to be long gone, popped its head back out and scared the crap out of both Taryn and her sister. Locking its small beady eyes with the elder sister’s, the puppy once again barked and turned its head around and back into the T.V.

“I…I think…it…wants us to…follow it…” Cadence said after a moment of hesitation. Slowly, her feet led her to where she was standing right behind her sister. “Try sticking your hand into it…” Recoiling in horror, Taryn turned on her sister and looked at her as though she was crazy.

“Cay, in case you haven’t noticed, but this is a solid, and a solid means you can’t go through it! And besides, why the hell do I have to stick my hand in there?”

“Because you’re older,” Cadence deadpanned. And with that, she pushed her scared-out-of-her-wits sister—probably thought that she would have just bounced off of the T.V. And…what do you know! Taryn did! Bounced off of the T.V. that is…
A few curses and swears later, the auburn-haired young woman turned and shoved her laughing sister into the T.V. in her spite. Much to her shock and dread, instead of bouncing off of the surface as she herself had done, her little sister fell right through with a loud yelp.

“Damn.” (Damn.)
Chapter end notes: A/N: Okay! So what do you guys, or gals, think so far?
If you're annoyed by the narrator don't worry too much about that.
Like it said, she's only temporary...
Wow. That made me feel terrible...
I'm dissing my own character. Haha.
Anyways, review as always and don't tune down the criticism.
I like them.
I like them very much.
Flames are also welcome though (Shock right?)...not sure if I'll read all of them though.
Gives me a good laugh...though I won't take it to heart...maybe.
So sorry for all you Flamers who would love to make me feel insecure.
See you next time! Ja ne! Feicfidh mé thú!
You must login (register) to review.