‘I’ve been alone for as long as I can remember. It feels like a century ago since I’ve been with someone, anyone. It’s hard to think of a time when I didn’t feel like this. This loneliness, it eats you up inside. And it’s been ripping me apart for eleven years.’
The wind is blowing outside, I can hear it. It whistles and howls and I try to ignore it. But I can’t, this unrelenting wind wants me up now. I grumble as I slide out of my bed. I pull on a pair of worn out jeans and a loose black shirt. I slip my feet into some dust covered sneakers. My fingers interlock as I stretch out. As I make my way through my home I pick up my rucksack and sling it over my shoulder, its collection day.
My home is all rock, if you can believe it. I spent a good two months or so chipping away at it. After I was done I had to rest for about a month from the exhaustion. I was only twelve at the time. Before this I had been living in a small shelter made out of pushed together boulders and a piece of debris for the door. It was horrible. There were drafts and sand always got in. Even at the age of twelve I knew that it was time to find a new place to live.
I walk outside my home and am greeted by the only beautiful thing left in this world. The sky. The whole thing is so clear, not a cloud in sight. The color of it is a sparkling blue, just like the ocean. I stare longingly upwards; I wish I could just fly away into it. If I could I might be able to forget this horrible place, this wretched wasteland.
‘I’ve never given much thought to how it all ended up like this. I always felt that it was and inevitable thing. The signs were there, for anyone who was willing to look. Anyone with a brain could she that the Earth was dying. Storms became worse, temperatures spiked drastically, water levels dropped. It seemed as if the Earth was crying out for help, but few listened. I suppose this fate is only fair.’
I march down a rocky path, passing nothing but, you guessed it, more rocks. Since that day there have been no more buildings. They all crumbled away, just like the human race. The only things that this world holds now are dirt, rocks, a few animals, and one human.
The ground crunches under my weight as I walk towards my destination. Every Thursday I’ll dig into the ground to search for buried treasures. These treasures can range from an old toothbrush to a gold necklace. Either way I’m acquiring things that I don’t have. Digging for these things is something I do to pass my time. The feeling of accomplishment when I find something reminds me of what I am.
‘I’m always afraid that being alone has rid me of my humanity. I haven’t interacted with someone for so long that I sometimes wonder if how I act is normal. I suppose I’ll never know.’
Up ahead I see a shovel perched against a pile of dirt. This is the place. I come beside the shovel and place my rucksack on the ground. I search through the bag until I uncover a pair of thick gloves. I pull them on then take out one of my better finds, a portable radio.
I place the device a short distance away and turn it on. Static becomes present and I pull the antenna up. The static stays but I don’t. I’ve made my way over to the shovel and taken a hold of it. I place the tip of the shovel on the ground and push it down with my foot.
‘But it’s not hard to forget when it seems like such a different place, the past. Every memory warps in your mind and twists itself until there’s no more truth. It leaves you to wonder if any of it’s true at all.’
The static of the radio drones on as I dig. It’s become background noise that I only ever listen to every once and a while. Of course there’s never anything on, but it’s nice to not have to listen to my own thoughts sometimes.
……...biku…
My head snaps up, what was that? I move over to the radio but it’s still static. I shake my head, now I’m hearing voices. That’s great, just great. I position my foot on top of the shovel again and push the metal blade into the earth. I lift up my tool once I have a scoop of dirt and throw it to the side. My hand swipes my brow clean of sweat. It’s always hot out.
O………ou no des…
There it is again. I stare at the machine and start my way over to it. I grab the radio and I try to reposition the antenna. Nothing. I turn the dials but only more static comes out. I sigh; my hopes are crushed. I smack the thing.
…bun …ge…om …
I stare at the device incredulously, I couldn’t have imagined that. I pick up the portable radio and smack it again. Yet, this time it doesn’t work. Then I try lifting it up in the air. The reception improves.
Chit…ai ha…na… …nai…ochi………u
Before I know it I’m dashing outside with the device in my hand towards the tallest place around here. The cliff. About a mile away lays a cliff that overlooks the ocean, my only source of water. Without it I would have been dead long ago.
I discovered this cliff about four years ago. One day I became bored and decided to go for a walk. I ended up going a different way than I usually did when I went on my walks. And this is how I found it. I noticed that the ground’s slope was becoming steeper and I eventually had to climb. When I reached the top I was amazed at the view before my eyes. My vision went on for miles and the ocean glimmered from the Sun’s rays. Ever since then I try to go there as often as I can. It’s my favorite place to be.
My sneakers pound the ground fiercely and I’m gripping the radio tightly in my arms. This radio is my source of hope. My salvation.
Do…ni omott…kimi ha mou…ai
The path to the cliff is slowly inclining and it’s becoming harder and harder to keep my pace. But I somehow manage. I slip on a pebble every now and then and every time I earn myself a few cuts and bruises. I know that I’m being reckless, but I don’t care. I’ve never felt this excited.
‘It’s come to my attention that I’ve always been running towards something. Of course it means something different now than it did back then. Before, I was always running to catch up to my brother. He excelled in everything. Athletics, academics, social life. He was the pride of the family and I always wanted to be like him. I would stay up late studying and I would push my body to its limit. I even tried to make friends. However, no matter how much I did I could never compare to him. Not like it matters anymore, he’s gone. Just like the rest of them.’
My feet are carrying me down the path much faster then I’ve ever gone before. I can feel the sharp stones underneath my feet and I wince every now and again. It hurts, but it’s nothing that’ll make me stop.
‘I was running back then, and I’m running now. Except now I’m running to catch this voice.’
Ikitai…kimi no soba…..sakutemo chiisa..temo
The steepness of the path is too much for me to continue running. Now I have to climb. It usually takes me around a half hour to scale the side of the cliff, if I’m being safe. Safety is the farthest thing from my mind now. After all, I don’t have a half hour.
My hand grips a handhold and I pull my body upwards. The radio is strapped between my body and the rucksack’s strap. It feels a little loose and I could have put it into the bag if I really wanted, but then the voice would be muffled. It would create the illusion that I’m imagining things.
The placement of my hands and feet keep changing rapidly, I’m ascending at a great pace. My foot sticks itself on a piece of rock that’s jutting out and I put my weight on it before checking if it’s safe. Wrong move. The rock crumbles away and I slip downwards. My arm flies forward as I grip another handhold. This time nothing breaks and I bring my other hand to the same rock. My arms are shaking from exhaustion and I can’t pull myself up. My hands are slipping. I clench my eyes shut as I slip even further.
Ichiban ni kimi ga suki da yo tsuyoku irareru
The voice is so clear that it makes my eyes shoot open. A newfound strength finds its way to my body and I pull myself up. This time I test out the each rock before I step on it. But not as much as I should be because I still need to make it to the top.
And I do just that. Once I’m at the edge my hands grasp a rock that juts out and I use it to climb over. I fall onto my back and start panting. I flip around and stand up once I’ve caught my breath. I stumble over to the far edge overlooking the ocean and breathe deeply with a smile on my face. I’m no longer alone.
Negai wo nagare boshi ni
Someone else survived.
Sotto tonaetemitakeredo
A flicker of something unrecognizable rises up in me.
Nakanai yo todoku darou kirei na sora ni
My fists close tightly. I will find them. If it’s the last thing I do.
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Chapter notes: So a new story, WOO! I hope you enjoy this.
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