The lonely sound of distant thunder
Stirs my restless sleep
And the dream that I was lost in
Slips away,
*************
InuYasha jolted awake. For a moment he was confused. Hadn't he just been with his mother?
'No.'
Water dripped on InuYasha's upturned face. The abandoned shack InuYasha had sought shelter in had sprung a leak. Now rainwater was dripping in. As InuYasha moved to a dry corner, he tried to recapture the happy feelings the dream had brought him.
He had only been a little whelp. His mother? Yes, she had been there. Alive and happy. Like she used to be. Sesshomaru had been there too, barely older then InuYasha.
Sesshomaru...
InuYasha shook his head, 'Focus on the dream.'
Sesshomaru had been there too. He had been standing with their father, pretending to look down on InuYasha's childish games with disdain. After a while, their father had suggested that Sesshomaru go down and join InuYasha but Sesshomaru, trying to be mature like his father, had declined his offer. InuTashio had studied his eldest son for a moment then turned away and strode over to InuYasha. He had picked up his son and began to whirl him through the air. Sesshomaru stood his ground for only a moment before running down to join his family. InuYasha greeted him happily, his innocent face glowing with delight.
Of a young son and his mama
So innocent back then.
Would she even recognize
The boy today?
*************
InuYasha's face showed none of the innocence it once had. Now he looked tired. Too tired to move. Too tired to be alive. Too tired to cry.
But that's what he did. Although no sound escaped him, tears streamed non-stop down his cheeks.
What had happened? What had pushed InuYasha and Sesshomaru so far apart? What had caused the once close brothers to want each other dead? And what had pushed him to finally reach that goal?
'The jewel.'
InuYasha didn't want to think about that. About what he did. But the images, the feelings wouldn't leave him. The terror. The blood. The pain. The bliss. And Kagome.
InuYasha couldn't hold in the weeping any longer. It filled the shack but outside it was drowned out by the howling wind.
'Cause I've fallen to the darkness
And I've spilled blood with these two hands.
In my heart, I wish I could believe
That who I was is who I am.
**************
"InuYasha?"
InuYasha turned to face Kagome. She held the completed Shikon No Tama in her hands. They had finally beaten Naraku and finding the rest of the shards without his interference was a simple task.
"Yes?"
Kagome stood before him, as beautiful as ever. He could tell she felt a little uneasy.
"InuYasha, do you still want to become a full demon?" InuYasha smiled. He had thought about this so much over the last few days that he finally had an answer.
"Yes. I do."
"Then," Kagome looked up at him, worry filling her eyes, "Promise me something."
"Anything, Kagome."
"Promise you won't forget me."
InuYasha's heart ached horribly as he thought about that night. It was just before he had used the Shikon Jewel.
He had broken his promise.
He felt as if his body had filled with fire. All reasoning fled his body. Kagome had watched with horror as InuYasha had begun to shriek. She thought he was in pain, but it was just his inner demon forcing its way to the surface.
It surfaced and the only thing that filled InuYasha's body at that moment was lust. Lust for blood. And there, in front of him, was a pathetic, worthless, delicious human.
Kagome had 'Sit'ed InuYasha and had tried to run but InuYasha's new demon speed was too much. He caught her and...
Darkness.
InuYasha's mind had blocked out the images subconsciously but he knew what he had done. He could still smell her blood on his hands.
I've crossed mountains, hills and valleys
From sea to shining sea
Barren sands to blinding snows.
**************
Kagome's blood hadn't been enough. One face had entered InuYasha's mind. Someone he had wanted dead for so long.
Sesshomaru.
InuYasha traveled for minutes, hours, days, he didn't know how long. Time didn't exist. Nothing existed except the ever present need knawing at his insides. The need to kill.
InuYasha found Sesshomaru in a field. There had been others with him. There had been.
The anger that had come from Sesshomaru after InuYasha had killed the small human would have chilled the old, half-demon InuYasha to the bone. It made the monster he had become laugh.
"What's wrong, Sesshomaru? You hate humans." He laughed like the maniac he had become.
Sesshomaru's eyes turned blood red, "I will see you die InuYasha. Then I will bring you back and kill you again." Sesshomaru lunged but, to his horror, InuYasha was too fast for him. InuYasha came down, claws at their fullest length and slashed Sesshomaru across the shoulder, barely missing his neck. Sesshomaru retreated but InuYasha followed him, hacking away at his flesh. Finally, Sesshomaru managed to stop to catch his breath when InuYasha stopped pursuit.
'What is he doing?' Thought Sesshomaru as he watched his younger brother. Realization and repulsion filled him. 'He’s licking blood off his claws. My blood.' At that moment InuYasha looked up, blood dripping from his twisted lips.
"Your blood is delicious, brother. I look forward to drinking the rest." InuYasha lunged just as Sesshomaru reached for his sword.
He reached. Felt the sword.
He reached. Wrapped his fingers around the hilt.
He reached. He unsheathed the sword.
He was too late.
InuYasha's talons plunged through his heart. His entire body froze in shock. He didn't move as InuYasha dug his claws into him. He didn't move until InuYasha removed his claws, at which point he fell to the ground.
InuYasha stood over his brother. He felt as though he had just woken from a dream, a horrible dream. But it was real. Sesshomaru lay before him, dying slowly.
"Rin..." InuYasha looked at his brother and tears stung his eyes, which had somehow returned to their original colour. He dropped to his knees. Tensiaga and Tetseiga were glowing. But Sesshomaru was still dying. Their magic had come too late. There was nothing InuTashio could do to save his eldest son.
I held my brother as he lay dying
Beside me in some field
Said a prayer and let him go.
*******************
InuYasha was still crying in the shack.
"Why?!" InuYasha cried into the night. Why what? He didn't know. Why had he killed Sesshomaru? Why had he not stopped himself? Why hadn't he protected Kagome? How could he? What could he have done?
'I could have done what Kagome wanted.' He thought as he buried his face in his hands. 'I could have became a human.'
But he didn't. He had been afraid. Afraid of being weak. So weak that he couldn't protect the ones he loved. He didn't have to be afraid of that now. Kagome was gone. And his fear had been the cause.
But I've fallen to the darkness
And I've spilled blood with these two hands
In my heart, I wish I could believe
That who I was is who I am.
******************
Kagome was dead. Sesshomaru was dead. There was no one left. Everyone he had once cared about was gone. Miroku, who had been killed by his wind tunnel, Sango and Shippo, who had died in the battle with Naraku, and now Kagome and Sesshomaru, who had died at his hands.
InuYasha staggered to the door, only half-aware, as he was moving.
'There's only one thing left to do,' He thought as he lurched over the drenched grass, 'Everyone is gone, there's nothing left for me here.'
He stumbled as he made his way towards his final destination. Where that was, he didn't know or care. Nothing mattered anymore. There was no reason to go on.
InuYasha fell to his knees as he drew his sword. The only things that were running through his head were the horrible things that he had done. Those images made what he was about to do almost comforting. Not that he deserved comfort.
He raised the blade to his throat, read to take his head off with one sweep. Tetseiga, the sword that had protected him so many times, would be the one to cast the final blow.
InuYasha shut his eyes and steadied his hands. He jerked the blade upwards. At the last second, one face flashed before InuYasha’s eyes.
Tetseiga fell to the grass with a silent thud. InuYasha staggered to his feet, the face still fresh in his mind.
I’m letting go (I’m letting go)
Letting go (I’m letting go)
I’m letting go (I’m letting go)
Letting go (I’m letting go)
*******************
InuYasha started to run. How could he have forgotten? How had he been so stupid? How could he have been so selfish? He had no right to take his own life. That was the easy way out. And he couldn’t leave yet. Someone still needed him.
Now with all of my trials behind me
I’m so blessed to cast my eyes
On my family and my home
*******************
InuYasha ran. He kept running, needing to see the face in his mind for real. He ran to a small hut and stopped, afraid to go inside, afraid of what he might find. He didn’t need to go inside because the curtain door was pushed back. Out stepped a little girl, no more then four. With cute brown puppy ears and dark silver hair.
And Kagome’s eyes.
And with faith I faced my demons
When God was on our side
And all that’s left is letting go
*******************
The little girl peeked out shyly and, seeing who it was, came running out. She called his name and hugged him tightly. InuYasha stood for a moment, stunned before bending down and holding his daughter close.
His daughter. His only reason left to live. She was safe.
“Daddy?” InuYasha looked down at her, forcing himself to smile.
“Yes, Shiren?”
“Where’s Mommy?” InuYasha’s breath caught in his throat. He looked into his daughter’s innocent eyes, Kagome’s eyes, at a loss. What could he tell her? That her mother had died at his hands?
“Shiren, I…” InuYasha stopped. The world had started spinning. He fell to the ground but didn’t feel himself collide with it. He could hear Shiren’s frantic cries, but they were distant, getting farther away by the second.
Then, InuYasha’s eyes were filled with a blinding light. He blinked, trying to see. And what he saw made him stare.
Kagome.
I’m letting go (I’m letting go)
Letting go (I’m letting, letting go)
I’m letting go (I’m letting go)
Letting go (I’m letting, letting go)
******************
InuYasha stared, speechless. Kagome was standing in front of him, just as she had been a few days ago. This couldn’t be right. She’s dead. I killed her. This must be a dream.
She called out to him, but InuYasha stayed where he was. If it was a dream, then it wasn’t real, she was still gone. He didn’t move towards her but as she stepped closer to him, he didn’t move away.
“InuYasha,” Kagome stood in front of him, laying a hand on his chest, “Why won’t you talk to me?”
Tears were welling up in InuYasha’s eyes. He tried to speak but he barely managed a croak. He tried again, “Kagome, I’m…I’m so sorry. I wanted to protect you but I couldn’t even protect you from me. I…”
Kagome placed finger on his lips, “Shh, it’s not your fault. I love you.” She added quietly as InuYasha broke down. His knees buckled and Kagome held him steady while lowering him to the ground. He wept into Kagome’s shoulder, burying his face in her hair. She held him close and cried silently with him. InuYasha was crying and trying to talk at the same time.
“I…I killed you and I couldn’t stop myself. I killed Se...Sesshomaru too.”
“Hush,” Kagome held him at arms length, looking at him sadly, ”InuYasha, I’ve already told you it’s not your fault. Be careful InuYasha.”
Kagome stood and turned to leave.
“Wait!” InuYasha scrambled to his feet and caught Kagome’s hand, “Where are you going?”
Kagome looked at him, her eyes very sad, “I have to go.”
“No! You can’t leave! I need you! Shiren and I, we need you! You can’t go!”
Kagome shook her head, “No. I have to pass on InuYasha. The world beyond is calling me. I have to go.”
“Then I’m coming with you!”
“Inu…”
“Kagome, I can’t live without you. You are what kept me going all these years. I love you Kagome. I can’t survive without you.”
Kagome reached up and kissed him. InuYasha wished this kiss could have lasted forever but she quickly pulled away, “InuYasha, you will have to survive. If not for yourself, do it for our daughter,” Kagome smiled and placed a hand on his cheek, “I love you InuYasha, but it’s time for you to wake up. Good bye.”
InuYasha watched as his love faded before his eyes. “Good bye.” He whispered softly. With those two words, he made a promise to himself. He would continue on and care for their daughter. He would give her the life that he and Kagome had wanted her to have.
And he would never, ever make the same mistakes again.