I Climb, I Slip, I Fall
Reaching for your hands
It went so fast. It seems as though life passes you by and leaves you laying in it's wake. It makes you want to scream and batter your hands against something. I found that out the hard way. He disappeared so quickly. It felt like my feet were pulled from under me and I fell on my face. I want to cry and scream, but I know that won't get him back. And that only makes the reality harder to face. I want to run away and hide somewhere, waiting for his hand to once again hold mine and tell me that it was all some kind of sick joke. But I know that won't happen. I was told he was gone. And now I can't contain my emotions anymore, like a good kunoichi should. My emotions just explode out of me like fireworks, and I have to get away from the others as to not embarass myself.
Why did you have to be so stubborn and go? You knew you couldn't beat him. Why did you run after him and challenge him? When you knew this would happen? You were too cocky. You thought you could defeat anyone. And I guess that's what I loved about you. Your thickheadedness.
In the silence of your room, I can almost smell your cloak like that night with my nightmare. I can almost feel your breath down my neck like the time I was poisoned and you helped me recover. I can almost see your smiling eyes and upturned lips. But I'll never see those again.
But I lay here all alone
Sweating all your blood
Your bed seems empty without your weight on the other side. It's splattered with blood from when you got back, already lost to us. I didn't cry then, and I promised myself I wouldn't anyway. But it's just so hard to know that I won't hear your laugh or your annoyed tone ever again. I'll miss you waking me up super early and me throwing a tantrum like I used to. Living without you seems impossible. I curl up in your abandoned sheets and feel the tears drip from my nose, leaving a small puddle under my head. I close my eyes and try not to remember you’re gone. I want you to burst into your room and scream at me to stand up and go to my own room. But no one disturbs me.
I couldn’t save you, and I feel like I’ve failed somehow...
If I could find out how
To make you listen now
If you were still alive, I would cling to every second. I would tell you my true feelings and let you take them in. Your life is gone now, and I’ll never be able to speak with you.
Whenever I think of you, I feel almost a feathery light touch on my arm. Like you’re trying to contact me or something. I’m too tired, imagining things now. They told me to get some sleep, but I don’t listen. We were both stubborn, huh? Always ignoring the advice of the others. You were the light in my day. The moon in my night. You were the one who told me things to keep me going, who saved me from numerous death encounters. And when the time came to pay you back, I couldn’t fess up. You were already gone.
Because I'm starving for you here
With my undying love and I
....I will
Loneliness is a hard thing to deal with. That’s another thing I found out the hard way. My room seems desolate, even though the walls are covered with pictures of us. My memories can’t heal this pain inside I’m feeling. It’s like you were that much of an impression on me.
The tears come down my face again as a soft knock hits my door. I yell at them to go away, ashamed that I’m still crying over something I can’t change. But the door opens anyway, and the last person I expected stands in the doorway.
“You can’t continue like this. He would’ve wanted you to be happy.”
“I know...”
It was true. You would have wanted me to be happy. To laugh and joke around like I used to. But when something hits you this hard, it’s hard to recover from right away. It’s like there’s something missing in your heart, but in your mind you know it’s gone forever. I guess I’m still learning.
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause there’s no hope for today
Why you? Why couldn’t your opponent be the unlucky one? That bastard got away. Life will never be the same without you. Whenever I walk past your room, my heart aches so bad that I almost begin crying again. Your room is dark, not illuminated like when you would be there. Your bed is still unmade, just like I left it. No one seems to want to bother with you anymore. They all moved on, but I haven’t. You were the only true friend I’ve ever had, and to have you taken away so quickly hurts me. There’s no more hope in any day, no reason to continue on.
I wish that I had gone. That I had taken the mission. I would have had a better chance. But you went on about it being your original duty or something and I had to let you go.
What a fool I was...
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause maybe there's another way
Another way... I hope there is. I know there’s not, but still... that last sparkle of hope that ignited in my heart... it helps me go on.
I feel no emotion anymore. No pain or suffering. Your mind taunts me every night as I ponder how to see you just one more time... just one more...
The pictures of us are smashed on the floor around my feet. Anger had welled up within me and I crushed them all. I can clearly see you even without them. Your blue eyes reflecting back whatever emotion was on your mind. They showed me everything I needed. Your hands, which were always soft and always around mine.
But there was one picture I would never destroy. The picture of you hugging me during the Haruno festival. I hugged that one close to me and closed my eyes. Time seemed to stop and once again, I felt that fluttering up my arm and like something slipped in my hand. When I opened my eyes, however, nothing was there. Not like I expected something...
Okay I did. I expected your hand there, your smiling face looking down upon me, telling me that it was a mistake. That was a bunshin that was gone, not you.
I Climb, I Slip, I Fall
Reaching for your hands
But I Lay Here All alone
Sweating all your blood
So now, as I lay here in a pool of my own blood, I laugh. My life was good. I gave my life to protect something I believed in. All alone here in the forest, my opponent a few feet beside me, one eye still open. My old friend. I had almost killed him.
“Why did you do that? You could have lived...” He coughed up blood.
“Because I’m wanted somewhere else. My time on this Earth is up, I am no longer needed.”
“You are needed!” He winced and let tears fall from his cerulean eyes, “Konoha needs you! But you ran away to... them! You came after me, even when you promised not to hurt me!”
I lay back, my hair creating a pillow behind me, “You were a fool to believe in promises...”
“I want to know why you hurt yourself!”
Tears fell from my own eyes, “My only love is gone. There’s no reason for me to live.”
If I could find out how
To make you listen now
Because im staving for you here
With my undying love and I
....I Will
Naruto began to drag himself over to me. I opened an eye and smirked. Trying to get in one last attack, even when you know I’m done, eh? Go ahead. Stab me. Rasengan me. Make me feel the pain in the last thing I will ever feel.
My mind is already filled with cotton. My eyes can no longer focus and my heartbeat begins to slow. My time is coming soon...
Naruto was now laying next to me, his fists clenched, yet crying at the same time.
“You were my friend... but it turns out... you’re just like Sasuke! And look where that’s gotten him! He’s dead! Because of one of your cronies!”
I could barely convince my mouth to move, “Heh... guess I am like Sasuke... and look where this’s gotten me...”
My hand was between his two and they were wet, “Don’t leave me... you’re the only one I have left... Sakura-chan is on her deathbed as we speak... and so are you...! Don’t leave me alone!”
He coughed up more blood and I felt it land on my cheek. It mixed with a gash I had there. He was right. I was needed here... but it’s too late. I can’t even move anymore.
“Naruto... it’s too late...”
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause there's no hope for today
“No! It’s not! There’s still hope!”
That one word... he always said that to me... always to have hope... there is no more hope... anymore...
My hand fell limp out of his and he leaned over me. I could barely make out the whiskers on his face that were caused from the prize I had come to get... no... I hadn’t come to get my prize... I had come to join my beloved...
The blood around me was beginning to seep into the ground. My body was sweating it now.
“Don’t leave me...” He whispered, his blood still falling on me.
“Naruto...” I couldn’t even hear my voice now, “Don’t... ever.... lose... your neverending hope...” I winced from the pain, “I did... and... look what happened...”
“No! Don’t die!” He sounded like a child, “I’ve seen too much of it!”
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause maybe there's another way
Cause maybe there's another way,
A bright light began to come over me and I felt my eyes drop. So this is the end? Only eighteen and I’ve lived all of my life.
Right before anything happened, I remembered standing over his grave. His name was carved in beautiful script and a dove was underneath it. I remember placing my hand on it and whispering for him to live a peaceful afterlife. That I would see him soon. My favorite flower, a rose, was placed beneath my feet and I turned away. I cast a glance back, and I swear I saw him sitting on top of his grave, smiling at me. That goofy smile he always gave everyone. I was the only one who came to appreciate it.
And then the light came. I didn’t feel anything, just a white void. It felt like I was floating. In the distance, a younger version of me came into view.
‘Me...?’
Her hands were clasped together, looking at something. Like she saw an angel. But then I noticed she was looking at me.
I Climb, I Slip, I Fall
Into Your Empty hands
but I Lay Here All alone
Sweating all your blood
In the last minute of life, the last nanosecond, I still thought about him. And even through the pain and disabilities whispered,
“Rest in peace, Deidara...”
[Reviews - 1]
Table of Contents
- Text Size +
Chapter notes: This story is in memorium to Deidara-sempai...