“I’ll be back in a minuet, Nara-kun…” Temari kissed the side of Shikamaru’s temple, making her way to the bathroom.
“I’ll be waiting, Nara-kun…” Shikamaru savored the way the name rolled off his tongue. Sitting back on the bed, he loosened his wedding kimono’s belt, smiling at the memory of how his mother teared up when she straightened out his clothes, how Kankurou tried so hard not to cry as he gave his sister away, how touching his father’s toast to their wedding was. He then grimaced slightly at Gaara’s warning that if he ever up set her, he was a dead man. Temari tried to comfort him, telling him that Gaara was joking. Shikamaru wasn’t that sure though.
A loud thud resounded behind him in the honeymoon suite, and loud panting told him that someone just had a hard climb all the way to the fourteenth floor. Turning around quickly, Shikamaru saw that Kankurou had folded his arms over the open window’s sill, catching his breath.
“Kanku…”
“Shhhhh!” Kankurou put a finger to his purple lips, eyes wide. “How long’s shesh been in thar?” His words were slightly slurred, Shikamaru realized then why he didn’t just walk up the side of the building.
“Less then a minuet.” Shikamaru whispered to the slightly drunk puppet ninja.
“Kay, that means I havesssabout seven to tells yous this, I meant to tell yous earlier buts I forgot…” Kankurou sounded like he was beginning to sober up. “You knows how picky she is, a real perfectiondist. That’s why I figured that I would tell you my secret to success when it comes to pleashuring my sishter. Firstsh offs, do you have somethings uhhh… Pointy?” Kankurou looked dead serious, as if Shikamaru’s life depended on this.
“Uh, a kunai maybe?” Shikamaru looked slightly shocked, sitting back on the bed. ‘Is this some weird custom amongst sand nin?’
“Yeah, that’ll work… Just make sure it’s dull, if you cut ANYTHING, she will kill you.” Shikamaru swallowed thickly. “First, just slide it right in half, down her center.” Kankurou continued.
‘What the hell?’ Shikamaru asked silently as Kankurou went on.
“Then, you tie one side off out of da way. Don’t you worry about being rough in all, she is ah ninja. Besides, she kinda likes it to be all tights and pulling on her. Next is the top on the other side, make sure it’s all smooth, like, run you hands all over a lot, tie it up when it’s done, then work on her bottom.” Shikamaru’s eye twitched, ‘dear gods I knew her family was weird in all, but incest?...’
“Now you can focus on the other half. Top, bottom, make sures they are all equally tight and about the same size. Gotta go!” Kankurou dropped out of sight. Shikamaru tried to get a grip on himself when Kankurou popped right back up again. “Oh, almost forgot the most important part! Make sure she poofs! Especially the top because they tend to, you know, flop overs. Try to get it right the first time because if yous don’t, she’ll make you do it all over again and trust me, getting it all balanced out the first time will make her so happy it’s worth all the trouble!” Kankurou then dropped out of sight again as Temari sauntered out the bathroom.
“You ready Nara-san?” She straddled his lap, smiling sweetly, her night robe opening to reveal nothing underneath.
“Um, have you ever, you know, done this before?” Shikamaru asked, beginning to loose all thought process at the sight before him.
“Well.. What if I had? Would that matter now?” Temari practically snarled at him.
“No, it wouldn’t… I just…” Temari ran her finger up his jaw to his chin, looking deep into his eyes. “Okami…” Shikamaru smiled, taking a kunai out from the night stand.
The next morning, Temari sat in front of the vanity brushing her hair.
“Shika? You awake yet hunny?” Shikamaru groaned, sitting up in bed. Walking up behind her, he gently rubbed her shoulders, letting her know that he was functional. “Can you do my hair for me? It’s so hard to get the four ponytails balanced.” Shikamaru nodded his head sleepily, putting four hair ties onto a wrist for easy access.
“What would you do if I wasn’t here?” He asked, sleep making his voice thick as he took a comb to part her hair.
“Oh I would just have Kankurou do it.” Shikamaru’s eyes widened. “He’s always put up my hair since we were kids. It’s just so much faster and easier to have him do it.” Shikamaru blushed as he took a kunai to part her hair, tieing half off to the side. Working it so that each ponytail had the same amount of hair took some time, along with getting the hair around to go into the tie without bumps took some time, but when he was finished Temari flashed him a beautiful smile.
“Hey babe, you did a great job on my hair!” She prinned in the mirror.
“Poofed enough for you?” Shikamaru asked, grumbleing. ‘He could have told me that it was how to do her hair…’ He thought to himself. There was a knock on the door, then it slightly opened.
“You two love birds decent, I have breakfast!” Kankurou’s cheery voice rang into the room.
“Just a second, I’ll go into the bathroom to change my clothes!” Temari kissed Shikamaru’s lips, quickly scampering away. Kankurou waited to hear the bathroom door close before he came in with a tray loaded with breakfast stuffs.
“So, how’d it go?!” Kankurou whispered excitedly, resting the tray on a table. Shikamaru glared daggers at him.
“You could have told me that last night’s talk was about her HAIR!” Shikamaru whispered angerly back. Kankurou looked slightly hurt and very confused.
“What did you think I was talking about?” Kankurou asked, stepping back a little.
“You said, secret to PLEASURING…” Shikamaru said through gritted teeth.
“Oh… oh…. OH MY GODS!!!” Kankurou put a hand over his face. “DO YOU REALLY THINK…”
“SHUT UP! You are not going to start arguing with my husband the day after we’re married give us at least a week and get out!” Temari marched out the bathroom, pushing Kankurou out the front door before slamming it into her little brother’s face. Shikamaru regained his composure and even grinned a bit as Temari took a deep breath and turned to face him. “Now what was that about?” She asked sweetly.
“Nothing.” Shikamaru answered, stealing a bite of a pastry from the tray.
“You know, as I was getting dressed and noticed the rope burns, I started to think. You kind of have sex the same way you did my hair. Isn’t that funny?” She giggled, eating the other half of the pastry Shikamaru started.
‘Damn puppet master face painted freak…’ “Can I have a do over?”
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Chapter notes: I hope that I came up with this myself because this has been stuck in my head ever since I've been trying to write my final paper! Now that it's out and I haven't been able to really find anything else like it, I'm posting it and getting back to work on my paper. Just to let you know, ' ' means thoughts, "" means text.
If someone does have a story like this, let me know so that I can delete this quickly! I'm pretty sure the perverted idea is my own though the characters are not.