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"Burry me under your window with the cinder block in hand."
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(Neji)
It wasn't like I wanted to do the Nara specifically, it was just that everyone else was already taken. Hell, I wasn't even sure I liked men. Just... any viable options were closed. I usually slept with Tenten or Hinata (since Hinata was supposed to be my future wife, anyways) and occasionally Ino or Kiba, when I wanted someone who would scream for me.
But then Lee finally summoned the courage to ask Tenten out, and when she said yes, she shut me out of her bedroom. Permanently. Next Hinata got rolled up in a threesome with Kiba and Shino, and I'd rather not be castrated by either one of those guys, thank you very much. Ino got all mixed up with Chouji and she felt too bad about cheating on him to fuck with me more than once after they'd started dating. Sakura is a frigid bitch and won't give me anything, and that left me with the Nara, since Naruto was off chasing Sasuke (after all these years, he's still at it).
I guess I sleep around this much to escape the confines of being a Branch Hyuuga. Sex is something that is completely for me, not for Hiashi-sama, not for Hinata-sama, not for (god forbid) Hanabi-sama. I do it for myself. Not even for my partner- because I could really care less if he or she actually gets off- just for me.
Shikamaru lived by himself by that point, though he chose a small, cramped apartment on the seedier side of town. I never understood that, since he made far more than enough to live somewhere nicer.
The lights were on, so I combed my fingers through my hair and adjusted my hitai-ate one last time before knocking on his door. There was a bit of shuffling from inside before he cracked it open and a bar of light fell across my face. I squinted into it.
"Good evening," I said.
"Yeah," he mumbled, not opening the door any wider. I noted that the deadbolt was still in.
"Can I come in?" I asked. He studied me lazily for a moment and I began to worry he actually wouldn't let me in.
"Sure," he said finally, reaching up and undoing the last lock. The door swung open just enough for me to slip in and quickly shut behind me. I toed off my shoes, wrinkling my nose at the curls of cigarette smoke that rose into the air as he took another drag.
I gingerly plucked the half-burned cigarette from his lips, smiling coyly, "You shouldn't smoke. It's bad for you."
"Ch, troublesome," he muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets and loping into the living room. I shrugged and tossed the gross cigarette into the sink as I followed. Flipping my hair over my shoulder, I slid onto the couch next to him, and he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, already moving lighting another cigarette. I took that one away, too.
"Don't," I said.
"Why not?" he answered. I frowned a little, tossing the unlit smoke away.
"Because I don't like it," I told him candidly, growing tired of the small talk. I came for sex, not chatting. He shrugged, pulling an entire pack out of his pocket and slapping it on the coffee table, which was pressing uncomfortably into my shins. I leaned closer to him, still smiling.
"Then that's your problem," he rolled his eyes, realizing my intentions at last. He shifted uncomfortably. "I take it Sakura turned you down?"
"She's completely frigid," I nodded, beginning to crawl over him, relieved to have my legs away from the god-awful table. He made no move to avoid my advances, but didn't seem particularly interested either. It bothered me, the way he turned his lazy eyes on me, knowing but not caring.
"I thought she would be," he responded, completely serious, letting me push him back until he was lying down, "I take it you want sex from me instead?"
"Yes," I purred, ghosting my lips over his neck, not sweetly. He gripped my arms, causing the neck of my yukata to open a little more.
"I'm not working," he whispered, closing his eyes.
"I didn't expect you to," I chuckled, already working on his pants. They came off easily and he reached up, dragging the silky material of my yukata off of my shoulders with the most careful caresses I had ever received. Removing myself from the disconcerting gesture, I sat back on my heels and quickly shrugged the rest of the way out of the garment. He stared, reaching up to run his hands along my sides. I swatted the hands away before they grazed the skin.
"I don't do foreplay," I informed him, smirking and straddling him. He sighed.
"Oh well. Lube's in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Go get it."
I frowned. "Why do I have to get it?"
This time he smirked; "Because I'm not doing any work."
"Bitch," I hissed, getting up and stalking off to his bathroom, which was easy to find, and was also a terrible mess. I got in and out of there as quickly as I could, returning to the couch with the lube in hand. He rolled over onto his hands and knees while I coated myself with the lube before joining him. I adjusted his hips so they were where I wanted them before slipping in a finger. I felt a shiver run down his spine.
"How thoughtful of you," he gasped, and I could hear the smirk in his words, "I'll bet you don't prep just everyone before you fuck them."
"Shut up," I growled, "Want me to do you without?"
He shook his head, and it was relatively silent.
It wasn't like I tried to make it anything special. In fact, it wasn't even that great for me, and he didn't even get off. But it was sex, and it was freedom from the Hyuuga cage for however long it took me to cum. Yet, he still moaned and shouted my name, as if I was doing it all just to pleasure him.
It pissed me off severely, and I think I might have hurt him pretty badly in my anger (he could barely move when I'd finished with him). But he asked for it.
"Yeah, 'cause no-one will ever feel like this again
And if I could move, I'm sure it would only be to crawl back to you."
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(Shikamaru)
I could tell Neji wasn't trying at all to make it a good experience for me, but it still felt great. I don't think he realized it, but he hit my spot every time, and I couldn't hold back the shouts or moans. Goddamn, I must have sounded like such a bitch, just taking it like that.
And I didn't even get off, the bastard; hell, I didn't even get my shirt off! He just pulled out as soon as he'd had his fun and was done, smirking at me as he tugged his yukata on and I rolled over, my problem still obvious.
"You're just too slow for me, Nara." His voice was layered in poisoned honey, and he leaned over and placed a rough kiss on my lips, leaving them bruised. I watched him seem to float out of the door, and wondered why in the hell I wished he wasn't leaving.
He was an ass.
I hissed through my teeth, letting my head drop back, wrapping a hand around my erection to jerk off.
"Fuck you, Neji."
But as much as I hated him, I knew I would spread my legs wide if he condescended to come 'round again, which he did. At least twice a week, thought usually more often than that, he appeared at my doorstep, pulled the cigarette from between my lips, replacing it with his lips in a bruising collision- the only contact other than his hands on my hips that I would get from him- and he would leave as soon as he was done, half the time me having to jerk off afterward.
I learned to come fast pretty quickly under the circumstances.
And when I found that however-many-times a week wasn't enough for me- that I thought about him all the time, wondering which days he would come that week- I realized that, if my ass didn't hurt so much afterward every time, I would go to him and ask for it.
But I wouldn't, because that would be letting myself become far too used.
As if I wasn't used enough, as it was.
"I must have dragged my guts a block...
... they were gone by the time we (talked)"
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(Neji)
As much as I loathed the Nara for welcoming me in his own lazy way every time I went to his house, I had to go back. I would stay away for as long as I could, but it always boiled down to me at his doorstep, pulling another cig from his lips.
I chalked it up to needing to do something for myself, to escape the Hyuuga cage.
"Say, Nara," I breathed running my hands up his bare back, relishing the way he convulsed under the touches, unused to me doing anything more than a fuck-and-go, "Why do you live in such a dump if you can easily afford better?"
"I'm saving my money," he gasped, his arms nearly giving out. I hooked an arm around his waist to hold him up, positioning myself.
"For what?" I asked, mildly curious. He shrugged his shaking shoulders.
"For when I have a family and children in the future," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut.
I slammed in, not wanting to hear any more.
If the guy wanted a serious relationship, it was not going to be with me. Shikamaru could hate me if he wanted to, could hate me all he needed to, but I was not going to commit myself to anyone.
That would be flying out of one cage and into another, and I would not do that to myself.
"I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself."
-
(Shikamaru)
I winced as I gingerly sat down on my balcony, back against the wall of my house, taking a long drag of my cigarette.
Neji didn't care about me, I knew that. Hell, he made it obvious every night when the only touches he gave me left black and blue bruises the next morning. He made it obvious every night he came but left me to jerk off alone.
So why couldn't I hate him? I wanted to, oh how I wanted to hate the bastard, but I lost my focus every time he dropped by, plucking a smoke from my lips, every time he gave me that one kiss before we stumbled to either the couch or my bed (more often the couch, as he was as impatient in sex as he was in anything else).
I exhaled the cloud of smoke, watching it drift away. I reached into the plume, watching it swirl around my hand while taking another drag with the other.
I hated myself.
I hated myself for every night I cracked open the door, pretending to myself that I didn't know it was Neji, that I was completely innocent answering the knock that was only Neji's. I hated myself for every time I let slip a moan or, god forbid, a shout, of pleasure when he thrust into me.
I was being completely complacent in letting him use me. And I couldn't hate him for it, even when he said the most crushing things to me.
"But you know that I could crush you with my voice."
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(Neji)
"Neji."
He said it so quietly I could barely hear it. I grunted in response, not interested in small talk that night. He swallowed dryly.
"I, uh..."
"What, Nara?" I spat, not bothering to look into his eyes as he craned his neck to look back at me over his shoulder.
"Neji," he repeated, pulling out of my grip, turning over. I scowled.
"Stop saying my name like that," I hissed, and he flinched, reaching up to snake his arms around my waist imploringly. I grasped his wrists, holding his hands away from me, "What?"
"Nothing, Neji," he said sadly, and I dropped his hands.
"Good," I told him, motioning for him to flip over again and he complied, "And stop saying my name like that, goddamnit."
He didn't answer me, and it bothered me, so I got up and left without doing anything further, retying my hair.
I'd heard the Hinata, Kiba, and Shino trio was having troubles, and I was confident I could snag Kiba for the night.
"Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me,
Hide the details, I don't want to know a thing."
-
(Shikamaru)
I guess that night when Neji asked why I lived where I lived, I should have told him it was for the stars, which were brighter and clearer from my roof than any other, instead of admitting to him that I was saving up for a family. I should have known it would piss a guy like him off.
But it had been worth a try. He'd caught the hint that I wanted a real relationship with him, or else he would have laughed, not shut me up painfully.
I burned out my smoke on the roof tile, propping a leg up on a knee as I looked up at the stars, twinkling down at me, and sighed heavily.
I noticed that Neji smelled like soap a little stronger than he used to. I noticed there were marks on his neck that were decidedly not from sparring. I noticed Kiba's ego had swelled to new heights and Shino wandered to and from the Hyuuga residence at odd times of the night.
I noticed all this, and ignored it.
Neji still came to me. Still came to me. He still greeted me with a coy smirk, taking my cigarette and kissing me, not as roughly as he used to, but with less compassion than he had before.
Neji hid the fact that he was screwing with all of us pretty well. I'm pretty sure Kiba was oblivious, and Shino only knew about Kiba. Hell, Neji might have been screwing a few of the girls by then, too, and I didn't know it.
But he still came to me, so I ignored it all.
I didn't want to know who else he fucked, as long as he was still fucking me.
"I hate the way you say my name like it's something secret."
-
(Neji)
I really didn't want to see Shikamaru, I swear I didn't. But team eight was away on some mission that would last an ungodly amount of time- an entire month- so I was left with no other choice than the Nara. It's not like he would mind, anyway.
"Hey," I greeted sweetly, drawing the cigarette out of his partially parted lips, leaning forward to kiss him. He stood still for me, taking it like he did every time, except this time, he ran his tongue along the bottom of my lip. I grimaced and pulled away, wiping my mouth on the sleeve of my yukata.
He let me in. "Hey, Neji."
I spared him a glance, already pulling my clothes off my shoulders on my way to the couch.
"Could we use the bed tonight?" he asked softly. I looked at him, but he seemed determined.
"I don't see why not," I sighed, leading the way.
His bed was not the most comfortable bed in the world, but it offered much more space than the couch did, and he laid down for me. I removed his bottoms, and he took his shirt off. I quirked a brow at his actions.
Something was different that night, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
"Neji," he simpered, and I grabbed the lube, covering myself with it. He made another soft sound as I began prepping him.
"Neji," he said again.
"Stop saying my name," I hissed, positioning myself, propping myself up with my hands on either side of his head.
"Neji..." he breathed as though it were some big, fucking over-blown secret, grasping my wrists.
"Stop," I told him, "Stop!"
"But, Neji, I-"
"No. Shut up," I said, "You're not allowed to talk during sex, anymore."
He closed his mouth and I heard his teeth click.
Hinata found a letter on my nightstand a few mornings later. It was from Shikamaru, and I was immensely grateful that she had not opened it.
After reading it, I felt a little guilty about what I had been doing to the Nara for the past year, and I didn't go to him for sex any more.
"My pen is the barrel of the gun...
... remind me which side you should be on."
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(Shikamaru)
I guess maybe the letter was a little too much, and I did regret it when Neji stopped coming to me. I tried to talk to him once, but he ignored me.
It was like I didn't exist, like I had never been significant in his life. Which I guess I hadn't been, since all I was to him was release. Someone he could go to who would let him and spread their legs willingly.
I can't believe I let him do that to me, that I let myself be his bitch.
No, not even a bitch. I was less than that, because a bitch would at least have been allowed to touch him, or speak to him. I always thought it was ironic that he avoided me, but not Kiba or Shino in public, when I was the one who gave the most of himself to the Hyuuga.
An ass, as always, I suppose. That was how he always was- never knew how to appreciate what he had.
Though I still find myself wishing that I could have gotten more from him than what I got in the bedroom. I would have liked to talk to him out on the streets, maybe eat lunch with him once in a while. But that was just me being too much of a romantic for Neji. Maybe that's why he couldn't put more of himself into our relationship than the empty sex he gave.
Sitting at the bar with Kiba one evening, though, it really hit home that I had been completely cut out of the picture.
It was crowded and loud, the air drenched in sweat, smoke, and the smell of stale beer. Kiba and I both nursed mostly-full mugs, and Neji made his way over, stride confident as if he owned the place. Kiba and I both turned, me offering a small smile while Kiba grinned widely and waved.
"Yo, Neji!" he laughed, clapping the Hyuuga on the shoulder. Neji offered him a cold smile, but Kiba didn't seem to notice, or care if he did notice.
"Hey, Neji," I said in my soft drawl, but he didn't even blink, sliding onto a stool to Kiba's left, away from me.
The smile stayed plastered on my face, but I couldn't finish my drink as I watched Kiba yammer on to Neji, and Neji listened and nodded periodically.
When Shino came, I gave up my seat to him, and Neji greeted the Aburame as well. It was like I didn't exist in Neji's world.
Which, I guess, was pretty true at the point.
"I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel."
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