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Finding Nemo...eh...Deidara by Oni_Chan

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Chapter notes: *falls over laughing* Dear gawd this made me like die reading...I fear I'm going to lose readers on the grounds they are going to fall over and die while reading this... Enjoy!
In an ocean far away lived two clownfish, though in reality neither were too funny. "I resent that," the female clownfish squeaked as she glared at the announcer.

Her mate swam past her and sighed, "Shove it, Kin."

"Like you're one to talk, Itachi!" the fish hissed angrily, completely destroying the happy couple look.

"I'm glad you die," Itachi muttered as the two swam towards their new home in the sea anem... anemo... yeah the sea plant that shocks things.

The two looked down on all the little fishy eggs below them, all of which both claimed to have adopted saying neither wanted anything to do with the other but lets save that for a different story. As Kin peered over her little fishes, Itachi proceded to swim outside like some sort of watch dog.. er fish.

Neither of them noticed the approaching shadow of the clownfish's natrual enemy, the baracooda. And for story purpouses let's call him Zetsu.

"I have sharingan. Can't I see him already?" Itachi grumbled from his position outside.

"No now shut up! Jeez why couldn't you be the lazy ass?"

Itachi scowled, "You know what? I am really glad you get eaten."

Anyway... unknown to the not so happy couple, Zestsu had spotted them and their kids. He swam from the open sea towards the reef. Now all the smarter of the reef dwellers had hidden, and that included Itachi who didn't give a damn.

Kin on the other hand had remained to cuddle her eggs and when she noticed it was all to quiet she turned around. But it was to late for her.

Zetsu was right behind her and in one big gulp he gobbled her up and proceded to eat up the eggs she had watched so carefully.

Itachi peeked out of the sea plant thing and looked at the baracooda. "You ate her for real, didn't you Zetsu?"

"Want me to eat you too, brat?" Zetsu hissed looking up at the clownfish with hunger.

"Nope. I'm good," and with that Itachi went back into the shocking plant.

"That's what I thought," and with that Zetsu swam back into the ocean and the coral reef became lively once more.

Itachi waited for the coast to be clear before swimming out and down to the nursery. He swam inside and looked around, nothing could be found. Before he could utter that faint sigh of relief that he was alone, one lone egg caught his eye.

The egg was perfect in condition and Itachi wanted to burn holes into it. "Why couldn't you die and save us this whole damn story trouble?" he growled before tail whipping the egg across the nursery.

The egg bounced and recovered except for the small crack on the side of the outer shelling. "Damn it you won't die will you?" Itachi hissed. "Hn. Whatever. I'll call you Deidara," Itachi muttered before swimming outside to return to the plant thing.

Not before putting up a series of shells outside the nursery that said '24 hour buffet in here.' But appearently one of the neighbors took it down... That neighbor has been missing... Itachi also seems happier. ...Moving on then!

------------------------

Some time later, by human standards maybe three years..maybe five... by fish... who the hell knows. Either way today was the day Deidara was going to school for the first time.

"Dad! Dad! School, un, school!" Deidara cheered as he tackled his father.

"That's nice. Go. Get eaten. Leave me alone," Itachi hissed.

Deidara growled. "You're supposed to worry about my lucky fin, un!" Deidara wriggled is little fin in his father's face.

"Not my fault you got it blown off."

"Wrong story, un!"

"Hn. Still not my fault."

"I should report you to child services, yeah," Deidara huffed as he swam in circles.

"Sorry, Deidara, they don't come under water to often," Itachi mocked as he swam out of the sea plant thingy.

Deidara swam after him scowling, "I hate you, un!"

Itachi chuckled and was so tempted to say 'foolish little brother' but caught himself in time. So he settled for, "That's nice, happens to me a lot."

Deidara glared at his father. "You suck at the caring role, un. I wish you weren't my father!" And with that squeaky reply Deidara swam off as fast as his little fins could take him to the school grounds.

Itachi looked around and sighed. "Is there a way we can change the title to 'Finding Emo'?"

"No!" Deidara screamed looking back over at his father before colliding with the coral reef. "I think.. I broke.. my nose.." he mumbled.

"Good."

"Shut up, un!"

Itachi smriked to himself as he swam after his mental case of a son. He stood off to the side as he watched Deidara join the other fishy kids.

"I'm Deidara...uh I have a small fin," the clownfish squeaked.

"That's ok. I'm Manda," said the little seahorse, "I'm allergic to water," and with that he sneezed bubbles.

"I'm Shukaku and I'm obnoxious!" the fish bellowed.

"I'm Kyuubi," said the little octopus girl, "I have nine tenticles but if I go like this, you can't see," she squeaked as she spun around. Shukaku snickered before pushing Kyuubi forward causing a cloud of black. "No fair.. you guys made me ink," she pouted.

The boys giggled at Kyuubi before they heard a small cough above them. They all looked up and saw a huge manta ray come floating down.

"Get on. I'm Kimimaru-sensei now get on before I abandon you," he growled.

The four little fishy kids looked at each other before boarding the back of their teacher who swam away as soon as Deidara boarded.

Itachi stood... er swam next to older versions of Kyuubi, Shukaku, and Manda. "Hey, hey, you're a clownfish? Be funny! Tell a joke!" the fish of the three asked. Family resemblance much?

Itachi ignored them and asked, "Is there a chance he won't come back?"

Kyuubi's mother sweat dropped. "Uh yeah.. They're going to the drop off."

"Good. Maybe he'll fall," Itachi smirked gleefully.

"You're a lousy father," Manda's dad hissed.

Itachi shrugged, "Tell me something I haven't heard today." And with that he swam towards the drop off... Although he would rather be heading anywhere else.. "Foolish son."
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