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Akatsuki fic 1 by KurayamiLeader

[Reviews - 5]   Printer Chapter or Story
Table of Contents

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Chapter notes: What Akatsuki was "really" training for, and why Orochimaru "really" left the group
The Story of where and what Akatsuki was up to 2 and 1/2 years earlier...

BY
Kurayami Leader



{Within the evil hideout of Akatsuki, the members stand huddled around each other.}

Tobi: "So what are we s'posed to be doing?!"
Deidara: "You're not doing anything, you're not even Akatsuki!"
Zetsu: "Leader wants our act ready by tomorrow..."
(The other members' faces reflect fear and shock)
All but Zetsu: "TOMORROW!!!???"
Deidara: "Tough hnh...?"
(Itachi closes his eyes in thought)
Itachi: "Alright then, it's showtime ladies!"
Kisame: "I'll get the CD player!"
Tobi: "Ooh-ooh-I'll fetch the cd!!!"
(Kisame and Tobi run off in opposite directions, they
return moments later with a Sony CD player and a
copy of the "To Wong Foo" soundtrack)
Itachi: "Alright...let's get changed girls!"

(Large changing screens appear before the Akatsuki
members, showing only their silhouettes. Their Akatsuki garbs
fly over the tops of the screens. Their new attires are revealed as
the screens disappear.)

Itachi (dressed in a purple and sequence rockette skirt): "Hidan! Stop fiddling with
your costume!"
Hidan (wearing a blood-red string bikini with sheer skirt): "This outfit is too tight, let me change!"
Itachi: "That's too bad, you should have picked out a better one while we were at the mall."
Kakuzu (Wearing pink fringe tube top and skirt and black thigh-high boots): "Ya...I wanna change too..."
Itachi: "Sorry...deadline for the plan's tomorrow...you should have known..."
(Itachi looks the whole group over from left to right)
Itachi: "All ready?"
Deidara (Wearing a sheer backless black dress & hair in a beehive do): "Ready...hnh...?"
Tobi (Sporting a Cinderella-esque blue ball gown complete with glass slippers): "Ready!"
Sasori (Wearing Bjork's swan dress from the music awards show): "Ready..."
Zetsu (Wearing an S&M black vinyl cat-suit with flytrap poking out and a zipper mask): "Mmmmmff!"
Itachi: "What?"
Zetsu (Unzips zipper lips): "Ready! *cough* (spits out a ball-gag, and a finger)"
Kisame (Dressed as cute lil Shiley Temple, with samehada replaced by large lollypop): "...Ready"
Kakuzu & Hidan (scowls and groans): "Ready.......*sigh*"
Itachi: "Alright Tobi, hit it!"

(Tobi holds up his dress as he runs over to the CD player and presses play)
Zetsu (glares at Tobi): "I was eyeing that exact same dress at the prom shop!"

Song: "I am the body beautiful"
Artist: Salt-N-Pepa

(Song starts playing)
"And where is the body...?"
"Aw yeah, don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful."
"Move over motha...cuz I'm going fasta (fasta) than you can drive"

"Get with the b-e-a-u-t-y"
"Beauty, the body is beautiful (body beautiful)"

Itachi: "Deidara you're up first!"
(Deidara steps up onto the stage with the music blaring)
Deidara (lipysincing to the lyrics): "Iam up and coming, I am a child, I am legendary, I'm free and wild!"
Deidara (still lip syncing): "I am the ocean and I rule the world (the whoel world)"
Deidara: "My cha-cha pumps, I've got them on and I work the runway baby all night long!"
(Deidara flips his hair over and sashays to the end of the catwalk)

(The Akatsuki Leader and the blue-haired unknown sit in the shadows of the auditorium watching)
Itachi: "Kisame!"
(Kisame walks up onto the catwalk and stops at the edge, waves at the AK Leader and
licks his lolly): "I am body beautiful!"
(The Akatsuki Leader shifts in his seat)
(Kisame blows the leader a kiss and returns to the end of runway)

Itachi: "Zetsu!"
(Zetsu struggles up onto the runway due to the constricting vinyl and has Tobi help him up)
Zetsu (mouthing the words): "Get with the b-e-a-u-t-Y....Beauty, the body is...beautiful!"
Zetsu: "Don't hate me because I am beautiful!"
(The unknown member dances in her seat and eats popcorn while the leader sits unimpressed
and waves Zetsu away.)
Itachi: "Urm...eh...Hidan!"

(Hidan struts onto the runway and slids on his knees to the edge of the catwalk. He kicks his high heels off of the stage
and tears open his bikini top)
Tobi: "Gasp!"
Kakuzu: "Show off...baka..."
Deidara (whispering to Itachi): "Get him outta here!"
Itachi: "Hidan! You're done!"
(Hidan groans and jumps off the walkway)
Hidan: "Stupid...@#$...making me...."
(The Akatsuki leader yawns and looks bored)
Itachi: "Dammit...alright ladies, grab yer feather boas!"

(Itachi places his long purple feathered showgirl hat on and wraps a purple feather boa
around his neck)
Itachi: "We need to show him we're ready!"
(The others all grab feather boas out of a box and wrap them around)
Itachi: "Allright, on three!"
"One"
"Two"
"Three!"
(All of the Akatsukis clash onstage in their outfits lipsyncing to the song and
twirling their boas)
(Akatsuki leader taps the armrest of the seat impatiently)
Itachi: "Pole time!"
(Several golden poles extend from the ground)
Itachi (goes up and wraps himself around the pole): "Impressed?"
Tobi (Twirls around the pole like a fireman): "Weeeee!"
Deidara & Sasori (fight over the pole): "Whore it's mine!"
(The song ends and all of the Akatsuki members freeze onstage at once)

(The unknown member stands and claps while the leader reclines in the seat)
Itachi: "Well...are we ready?"
Leader: "For what?"
Itachi: "The plan..."
Leader: "Oh yes, the plan...that you've rehearsed, trained for over 2 and 1/2 years..."
Itachi: "...."
Tobi: "Are we ready for broadway?"
Leader: "Not even close..."
Tobi: "Whaaa...!?"
Itachi: ".....?"
Unknown: "I thought they were pretty good."
Leader: "Are you kidding me...these guys are complete @#$&'n idiots!"
(The members onstage all gasp and look shocked, except for Kisame who is eating
his lolly)
Leader: "Do you realize how many precious hours of plotting and real training you have wasted
because of this routine?"
Itachi: "A...lot..."
Leader (Starts laughing): "Oh my @#$&'n god, I can't believe you all @#$&'n fell for it! Oh my god..."
(The leader gets up and leaves the auditorium)

(The members onstage are frozen in embarassment except for Tobi who points to Deidara)
Tobi: "Hey! You stole my lipstick, you thieving bitch!"
Deidara: "Shut up skank!"
(Deidara causes a clay clone to explode before Tobi)
Sasori: "That's why Orochimaru left in the first place..."
Itachi: "Because I am stronger than he is..."
Sasori: "No, because I stole ALL of his lipstick and ruined his evening gowns!"
Tobi: "That sounds perfectly logical!"
Hidan (looking pissed): "F@#$ you guys!"
(Hidan storms off-stage and exits the auditorium)
Itachi: "Well EXCUSE me miss bucth!"
Deidara: "Geez-louiseeee."
Zetsu: "Silly head..."
Tobi: "Meanie weanie"
Kakuzu: "(BLEEP) rat!"
(The other members stare at him and then they all start laughing)

~End~
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