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Normal by KaIruKashi

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Chapter notes: This just…amused me. I wanted to write something with little Shikamaru and little Kiba and I thought I’d throw it in here because it would be a nice change to focus on the kids even though the KakaIru-ness of the situation is still most of the focus.

And...I still don't own them. You know, this gets old after a while...
Title: Normal
Word Count: 1,488

“Kakashi! I said not now!”

The crash from above their heads caused everyone in the small group, besides Naruto and Sasuke, to jump.

“What was that?” Hinata whimpered, pulling her handful of playing cards up to cover the lower half of her face.

“Iruka-sensei sounded pissed,” Kiba whistled softly. The only time he’d ever had that sort of voice used against him was when he’d tried to impale Shino with a kunai during Iruka-sensei’s lecture on safely handling weapons.

“He’s not really,” Naruto said, looking up at his wide-eyed friends.

“Yes he is,” Sasuke muttered, studying the cards in his hands. “He called Kakashi-senpai just Kakashi. That usually means he’s pretty upset. Got an kings, Shikamaru?”

Shikamaru, who’d been the first to regain his composure among them, shrugged. “Go fish.”

Sasuke scowled and took a card, completely ignoring the sound of something heavy being thrown to the floor and the echoes of a door slamming.

“Aren’t you guys worried?” Chouji asked around his mouthful of chips. “I would be, if my parents fought like that.”

“Not our parents,” Sasuke muttered.

“Besides,” Naruto grinned, trying to take a peek at Sakura’s cards, “this is normal.”

Sakura pulled her cards away and hit him upside the head before asking, “what do you mean normal? They fight like that all the time?”

“Not all the time. Just when ‘Kashi-senpai gets bored. Which is a lot.”

“Must be a genius thing,” Ino said, shooting a glare over at Shikamaru. “Ne, Sasuke-kun, got any threes?”

Sasuke scowled at her and handed over a card. Ino looked crestfallen.

“’Ruka, please?” They heard Kakashi whine, apparently now sitting outside the door.

Naruto snickered and yelled up the stairs, “You blew it today, ‘Kashi-senpai! I don’t think Oniichan is giving you any!”

This was rewarded from a crash of something that sounded breakable being dropped from the room above their heads.

“Naruto!” They heard Iruka yell. “Don’t say things like that!”

“If he hadn’t blown it,” Sasuke smirked at his adopted brother, “you just did.”

Naruto grinned.

“What would Iruka-sensei give Kakashi-sama?” Kiba asked nobody in particular. “They live in the same house, and it isn’t like it’s his birthday.”

Shino shook his head, rolling his eyes even though nobody could see them, while Hinata blushed and the other two girls giggled. To Kiba’s relief, Chouji looked as confused as he was, but Shikamaru just looked distinctly uncomfortable.

“You really don’t get it do you?” Naruto asked Kiba, staring at him. “I thought all you Inuzaka’s bred dogs.”

“We do,” Kiba said, not seeing how that was related at all, as the tiny puppy sitting in his lap yipped his agreement.

“Well then you know what happens when you get two dogs in the same room together…” Sakura hitting him upside the head cut off Naruto.

“Naruto-kun! Don’t be crude!”

“I’m not,” Naruto whined. “I’m just trying to explain to Kiba…”

“Come on, Ruki-chan, I’ll be good…”

“You called me WHAT?! Kakashi if you even think of picking that lock, I swear…”

“Uh, they fight?” Kiba asked, blinking his large eyes in utter confusion.

Sasuke muttered something that sounded a bit like ‘idiot’, but Kiba decided it was best to ignore him.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. Honestly, he had to do everything himself. “Look, Kiba, they like to…”

Here Shikamaru made a rude gesture with his hands. Next to him on the couch, Hinata squealed and blushed, hiding her face with her hands and dropping her cards. Sakura squeaked, her face soon matching her hair, while Ino hit Shikamaru on the top of her head with her elbow.

“Idiot! You shouldn’t do such things!”

“But they get it now,” Shikamaru complained, rubbing his head and nodding toward the wide-eyed Kiba and even more horrified Chouji. “Honestly, you’re so troublesome.”

“You mean Iruka-sensei can…” Kiba was horrified at the thought of his teacher doing anything like that.

Naruto grinned as lecherously as an eleven-year-old boy could. “Yep. Oniichan is as bad as Kakashi-senpai sometimes.”

“You’ll be grounded if he hears you said that,” Sasuke observed.

“Got any fours, Chouji?” Shikamaru asked, looking up at his best friend.

“Wh-what? Shikamaru, how can you focus on a game when you just said…” The rotund boy still look horrified at the very thought.

“They share a room,” Sasuke stated, laying his cards down. It didn’t look like they were going to be getting back to their game of ‘Go Fish’ anytime soon, which wasn’t so bad. He was getting bored anyway. “What did you think they were doing?”

“I hadn’t ever really thought about it.” Kiba admitted. “I mean its Iruka-sensei! I don’t think about him,” the normally loud and brash boy blushed furiously, “doing…that.”

“Even insects must give into that need,” Shino said darkly. Shikamaru wondered why no one bothered to hit him for it.

“That’s…gross, Shino,” Naruto said, making a face. Shino seemed unimpressed.

“But,” Chouji frowned, “I always thought only girls and boys could be…like that. My father always started ‘when a man and a woman love each other very much.’”

“Oniichan and Kashi-senpai meet some of those requirements.” Naruto said brightly. “They do love each other very much.”

The kids fell silent as they heard Kakashi beginning to speak again. “Come on, ‘Ruki-koi, I could help you get dressed. I’d make sure to smooth out all the wrinkles in your pants…with my tongue…”

This was followed by the sound of the door opening, flesh on bone, and something that definitely sounded like Kakashi’s body hitting the hall wall and one of the pictures landing on his head.

Naruto looked over at his obviously mortified friends at THAT bunch of mental images. He grinned sheepishly as he amended his previous statement. “Well, most of the time.”

“Did he just?” Sakura managed to squeak, her cards falling out of her trembling hands.

“He’s said worse,” Sasuke shrugged, enjoying his ability to be off-hand and have no one squealing over it for once. Maybe he should get Kakashi to sweet-talk Iruka in front of the girls more often. It certainly was a sufficient distraction.

They heard another door closing and the sound of the shower being turned on. It was a mutual agreement among the preteens that the certainly would not ask.

“You’re certain they love each other?” Kiba asked skeptically, peering up the stairway. He could see Kakashi sitting up; rubbing his head and Kiba was willing to bet he was glaring daggers at the door.

“Oh yeah,” Naruto said, looking down at the cards in his hand with a frown. “They say it all the time. Especially when Kashi-senpai gets back from a big mission and Oniichan hasn’t slept or eaten for days. He pretends he’s not worried, but we know he is. Kashi-senpai always has to calm him down, and then Oniichan will whisper it and you just…know he means it, you know?”

Even though Sasuke didn’t think that was the most eloquent way to put it, he had to agree with Naruto’s basic point. There were the times when you could just tell that they would die without the other. Sometimes, Sasuke allowed himself to wonder what would have happened if they’d never met.

Chouji, belatedly, handed over the fours Shikamaru had earlier asked for. “So, really, it’s not all that different from my mom and dad is it?”

“I don’t see how it’s any different at all,” Naruto said confidently, “’cept Oniichan isn’t a girl. He’d still die before leaving Kashi-senpai, just like your mom would your dad. He still looks after him and us, and he still makes sure we feel like we’re a family. Your mom does that too, ne Chouji?”

“And she cooks,” Chouji said, grinning. Sasuke and Naruto made identical faces of disgust.

“You don’t want Niisama to cook,” Sasuke said simply. “Trust us on that one.”

“So,” Sakura said slowly, gathering up her cards, “they must have found true love. I’ll bet it’s nice, ne Sasuke-kun?”

“Hn,” Sasuke said, not sure what the masculine answer to that would be otherwise.

They heard a door opening, and quiet footsteps across the room above their heads. Another door opening, followed by a squeak that HAD to have been skin on tile because it wasn’t possible that Iruka could make that high pitched a noise.

There was a low mutter of voices, followed by Iruka’s indignant yell. “Kakashi! There are kids right below us! I don’t want to have to explain to their parents why their darlings are scarred for life. This is absolutely inde-“

As Iruka was cut off, the kids downstairs instantly decided that it was too nice a day to really be playing inside, and as one raced out the door.

To Kakashi, the front door slamming was a welcome sound. He grinned lecherously at the breathless man in the shower he’d just finished kissing; ignoring his own soaking wet clothing. “You were saying?”
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