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The Anti-Orochimaru Brigade by SilverFoxGirl

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Chapter notes: This was an attempt at an ItachixAnko pairing for DarlingKittystar. It came out humor. Oh well. Spoilers for the second time skip.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Chapter One: A Fateful Meeting

Anko and Itachi were two very different people. Anko was a slightly sadistic special jounin who was loyal to her village and hated Orochimaru. Itachi was an S-Class missing-nin who had betrayed his village and hated Orochimaru. At least they had one thing in common. That might be why they weren't trying to kill each other right now.

They were in a very blue room lined with couches and other comfy furniture. It was one of many such rooms in the Akatsuki base, all a different color. This didn't, of course, explain why Anko was in the Akatsuki base in the first place. That was what the Akatsuki wanted to know. Anko wanted to know that too, to be honest.

“Let me get this straight. You were walking to the grocery store when you saw a large, glowing dango floating in the air. Upon lunging at it, you found yourself transported here.” Itachi recited to the kunoichi sitting in the overstuffed chair opposite of him.

“Yup.”

Itachi sighed. “Did it ever occur to you that it might be a trap?”

Anko blinked. “But…it was dango. You mean you've never done something like that before?"

"No!" At this point the other Akatsuki members, who were eavesdropping from the room beside them, looked at each other. Kisame dangled a stick of pocky in the doorway. Itachi's eyes widened and he twitched once before lunging for the candy. Anko's eyebrows went up.

"You were saying?"

"...Even good shinobi have weaknesses." Itachi admitted from his position on the floor. He would have sulked at this point, but he was an Uchiha and such childish actions were below him. Uchiha don't sulk, they brood. And Itachi was exceptionally good at that particular activity. In the annual Uchiha/Hyuuga brooding contest, for example, Itachi had been the reigning champion for six years straight.

Anko, however, wasn't very good at brooding. Oh, sure, her past was angsty enough that you would expect her to be good at it, but she wasn't. She usually just freaked out, and Ibiki maintained that if she ever did start brooding he'd start preparing for the apocalypse. But that's beside the point.

Anyway, Itachi managed to brood for a full five minutes over this indignity, which was an accomplishment in and of itself (though Itachi had brooded for longer over less). Anko, who found herself suddenly left out, went over to talk to the other Akatsuki members. She soon found a kindred spirit in Deidara, a discovery that horrified Sasori and Kisame.

The relative peace lasted until Itachi snapped out of his brooding. It wasn't that act that broke the moment, but rather what had snapped him out of it. Someone had been stupid enough to let a snake into the base, and it had been unlucky enough to slither into Itachi's range of vision. Both Anko and Itachi had identical reactions to the intruder: kill it. The other Akatsuki members winced as they watched the carnage.

"Wait," Anko started as they threw the dismembered snake off a nearby cliff, "you hate snakes, too?"

"Of course."

"Does this hatred have anything to do with Orochimaru?"

Itachi's eye twitched at 'Orochimaru,' confirming the kunoichi's suspicions. Anko was overjoyed.

"I thought I was the only one!" Thus the unlikely partners bonded. And started a club. The Anti-Orochimaru club. This wouldn't have mattered so much, except that they also decided that they needed to recruit members.

"C'mon, Deidara!" Anko pleaded from where she had latched on to his arm. "Pretty please?"

"But I don't wanna!" The blond whined, shaking his arm to try and get her off. That wasn't the answer Anko was looking for.

"Join or else!" She ordered, ominous black fire blazing behind her.

"O-Okay." He squeaked. Anko could be scarier than Itachi. And that was saying something.

Itachi just glared at Kisame and handed him the members list. Kisame knew better than to argue. That left Sasori. The puppet took one look at the situation and did what any sane (though Sasori can hardly be called sane) person would do: he bolted.

"Hey! Come back!" Anko yelled, running after him. Thus began the epic Anti-Orochimaru Brigade. From his position in the corner of the room, Zetsu felt sorry for the Hidden Countries at the same time he felt relieved. Sometimes being the forgotten member came in handy.
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