Humor is our way of defending ourselves from life's absurdities by thinking absurdly about them.
There you are, sweat dripping down your shirt under the semi-light of the full moon as you feel the cold steel of the sword grasped firmly in between your hands shake, as if it lost its conviction. You can’t help but to sob when he looks at you with that stare, the stare that has haunted your dreams for as long as you can remember.
“You are useless,” it says. You’ve heard it so many times you’ve numbed yourself, but now when you see it in his eyes, his endless pools of cerulean, the pain comes back tenfold, as if you were that lonely little girl once more, and you couldn’t help but to cry at night under the light of the moon and the stars, where your drunken father couldn’t find you and beat you.
You could collapse, right then and there in the field, but then you would only prove him right. Instead you try to focus on the rain soaking through your clothes and into your pale skin, and then you laugh. Even under the circumstances at hand, you laugh loudly and insanely.
“What’s so funny?” he asked you, his blond hair matted down onto his brow with blood and water. He is not the man you fell in love with, no, Uzumaki Naruto could not be this man.
You don’t answer him; instead you only laugh harder and collapse onto your knees. You can’t believe that you haven’t thought of this earlier as you stick your blood stained sword into the gooey mud as you try to get up, a new determination burning in your heart.
“You are,” you answer with a grin as you undo your hair and he gives you an odd look. He thinks that you’re insane, but you could care less, for the only thing you could think of is how hilarious he really is.
“How so?” he asks as he brandishes a sword of his own, his usually lustrous eyes now dulled much like the blade of your sword.
“You have always preached about becoming Hokage and of protecting your precious people, Naruto. But where are they now? Where are you friends now? Do you still want to become the very person who wants you dead?” you manage to choke out in between a mix of sobbing and laughter. “Do you still want to protect the ones who tried to kill you? Can you still say you will despite the fact that their blood stains your hands?”
His face contorts in anger as he quickly approaches you and then shoves you to the ground strong enough to shatter your bones, and now you are truly numb, or, from the waist down at least. He seems majestic as the moon reflects off of his sword and his hair as he holds the sword to your face.
“Don’t patronize me when you don’t even have the slightest idea of what I have been put through,” he coldly said. His eyes seem to be sparking, with tears maybe? You can’t be sure, but you think that he’s disappointed that you are just like the others. But you’re not; you’re not like the others.
How can you be like someone who’s dead?
“Don’t speak as if your entire life sucked Naruto. At least you had friends once you graduated; people to have fun with, people to annoy, people to hang out with. I had no one, not ever. I may have pretended that I was one of the others, but I’ve always known that I was isolated, and that I would be alone even when death takes me,” I snap, my heart pounding against my chest as my throat tightens. His expression seems to change somehow, as if he knows what you’ve dealt with, but then its gone and is replaced by that hateful glare.
You know that he’ll kill you; he’s killed everyone else, so why should he leave you, the outcast alive? And then you start laughing again, and this time he smiles with you. Sometimes you think that everything was a mistake, that you weren’t sent to kill him and that Tsunade or Sakura will come and sort out the mess, or maybe your knight in shining armor will come and rescue you and take you away to live happily ever after.
But then reality strikes; they’re all dead.
Tsunade was killed by Uchiha Sasuke, leader of the Sound Invasion
Sakura was murdered by her lover, the Rokudaime Hokage himself to lessen the chances of rebellion
Neji was slain by Naruto after Danzo overthrew Sasuke and then ordered all of them, all his precious people, to kill the dreamer that saved the hearts of so many.
“Well, are you going to kill me or are you just going to stand there?” you ask, his smile replaced by a grimace as you feel the mud stick under your nails while you grip the ground in a futile attempt to stay living; to stay alive and thrive and love and be accepted.
To do all of the things you failed to do before.
“Why?” he asks as the sword in his hand begins to waver. “Why Tenten? Why do you have to make me do this?”
“We all have to die Naruto; we all have to die because we’re too fucked up to stay alive. But I don’t want to live this way anymore, I don’t want to feel so alone in the dark,” you cry as you lock your eyes with his. And now you know he’s crying as the shimmering tears cascade down from his eyes.
“I see,” he answers shakily as he sheaths his sword and leans down in front of you. “I know you more than you think Tenten,” he whispers to you as he sits you up and then envelops you in his grasp, and you can’t help but to do the same.
You try not to look at your allies’ eviscerated corpses, but it’s taking all of your willpower not to. You finally lose the solitary battle of wills and your eyes wander to Rock Lee, the self proclaimed Green Beast of Konoha, his throat severed clean and his body mangled, and you have to try hard not to retch.
Then you see the sword that you had plunged into the mud and you hesitantly pick it up with your hands and point it at his throat.
“Naruto, before I die, I just want to say that I love you,” you whisper before you plunge the sword through his throat. Blood sprays all over your face, but you don’t really seem to care. In fact, you like it, the warm gooey texture mixing with the pristine rain.
And then you laugh, not because you find Naruto’s death funny, quite the contrary. But instead you laugh so that you can bear the final blow, you laugh so that you can say that you died happy, with no regrets.
In a way you can say you have lived a no regret life, but then again your entire life has been regrets.
And now you’re a lifeless doll, you’re throat cut open by your own blade as the corpse of the person who you’ve secretly adored and admired over the last few years lies on top of your own.
In life, the two of you were as far apart as the oceans.
But now, in death, in peace, one of you is a reflection of the other; dieing in life and thriving in death.
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