My path was my own, forged in both anger and despair, as well as sorrow and hopelessness. To others, my reasons for revenge would probably seem stupid and worthless, yet to me, they were more than enough.
How the hell
Did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try turn the tables
They would probably say that I should be thanking him for keeping from killing me as well. I should be thanking him for allowing me to live, even though he killed everyone else. I was lucky, they would say.
I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
They didn’t understand. I would never be at peace until the spirits of my clan were no longer resting on my shoulders, in my mind, but instead on their murderer’s corpse. Only then would I be free.
Lately there's been too much of this
But don't think it's too late
And when I killed him, I knew that I could go on with life. Kakashi was wrong. What would be left would not be nothingness. I would not allow that. I never would allow my life to become pointless, however many lies I lived.
Nothing's wrong
Just as long as
You know that someday I will
Once my mind was freed, I would spend a while in solitude. I would have to learn to live without my mask, without my lies. I would teach myself to tell the truth, and to experience that one emotion that I had forgotten…happiness.
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right
But not right now
But all this would be after I killed him. I would not stop at anything to get the power that I needed. I no longer lacked the necessary hatred; that was sure- but I still needed the power to match the hate.
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
And to achieve that amount of power, all I had to do was go to Orochimaru. What I had felt when I experienced the final stage of the curse mark that he had left was beyond what I had imagined.
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right
But not right now
That power, plus what I could achieve myself, would definitely allow me to kill him. And after I did so, I could find all the peace that had been lost to me, all the happiness. I only regretted that I would not, no matter how I tried, be able to recover my innocence.
I know you're wondering when
In a way, I suppose that I wouldn’t want my innocence. In a way, innocence was not real, but merely another form of lies. Maybe I didn’t want my innocence again, after all. I had only been innocent because I didn’t know the truths of the world.
Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
I simply wish that what happened never did. I wish that the path I walked was not necessary. But wishes were not real, and never came true. I knew that wishes were stupid, but I was wishing anyways.
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Of course, wishing and hope would bring nothing but more pain. I knew that ever since the day I awoke in the hospital, always wishing that everything had just been a dream. Always hoping that I would wake up if I just waited.
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
But, of course, I never did awaken from the nightmare. I was still living it, still surviving within it. I had forgotten many emotions- love, happiness, trust, and strengthened others- hate, determination, wariness.
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Only fear remained hidden in the shadows of my mind, only coming out at night, in the reenactments of my past, or in the whispers of those long dead. Fear could be powerful, far more powerful than any other emotion that existed.
Nothing's wrong
Just as long as
You know that someday I will
It was also an emotion that could be suppressed with determination, or overridden with foolishness. But certain things amplified it, certain memories, selected words, careful actions. And when amplified, fear was one of the worst enemies a person could have.
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right
But not right now
I was glad that my fear only came out at the most rare times apart from in sleep. And when it came, it was small enough to contort to be some other emotion, something far less obvious- caution, or anger.
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
Of course, they were all variations of lies. Everything in the world was some form of a lie, though some were far more twisted than others. Everything in the world was some form of an emotion that a person no longer wished to feel.
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right
But not right now
Maybe there were some truths, but I just couldn’t see them. Maybe there was such an abstract thing as honesty, but I had just never experienced it. Maybe there were many things that I knew nothing of, simply because I had no time to see them.
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
I realized that I had very little time for anything in my life. Little but revenge and hate, determination and coldness, were ever on my mind. There was sadness, too, but I rarely dwelled on it.
How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
If I lived on the sorrow, I would probably weaken. If I wasted time with other emotions, I wouldn’t be able to strengthen my hatred to what it was now. I couldn’t allow myself to think upon what I had lost with a sad view, only with one of anger.
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
There was darkness too, of course. No light was in my mind, or in my thoughts. Everything was against me, trying to take me off my path in one way or another. People would wonder why I was so dark, yet they only needed to see my past to think otherwise.
Nothing's wrong
Just as long as
You know that someday I will
I didn’t want pity, though. Pity was worthless, and very unlikely to be true. Anyone who really understood how I felt would agree that my path was the correct one. For someone like me, there was no path but vengeance.
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right
But not right now
But when that path was finished, there was always more to be found, to be recovered. There were far more paths than just one, but I had chosen the one that would free my mind. When that path was completed, I could move on.
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
But only after. I would not allow myself to forget my true path until I had reached its end. I would not allow myself to be taken from my path, like I nearly had in Konoha. Only after finishing this path would I move to another.
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right
But not right now
Whatever blocked my path would be ridded of, in one way or another. If hunter-nin were sent after me, I would not care if I had to kill them. If Naruto was sent after me, and I had to fight him once more, I would leave him unconscious once more.
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
Naruto was still my friend, so I could not kill him, as that would have me following the path he wanted me to. And I would never follow the path that he wanted me to- I would do what my father asked me to, and not go on the same path as the man called my brother, at whatever the cost.
I know you're wondering when
Nothing could keep me from doing what was necessary to achieve my revenge. Nothing could stop me from doing whatever I needed to free my mind from the spirits that resided there. And since nothing could stop me, I would follow my path till the end, and only then would I choose another path to follow.
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Chapter notes: Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or the song 'Someday' by Nickelback.
The words in italics are from the song.