By the time Mana had woken up in the waiting room it was an early morning. She was surprised that she was allowed to just pass out waiting for a patient to recover like that. Almost instantly the magician jumped up and tried to peek into the ward where Ayushi was left in after the fire he had caused to test Mana. She had that silly reason in her mind even though she wasn’t entirely sure why Ayushi had done that. He said that he wanted to make up for the pain that he had caused and yet he caused the most pain to her with that last stunt.
Truth be told, Mana was angry at Ayushi, not in a way that made her hate the man or anything, no blood vengeance was sworn, she was just very angry at him because he made her stress out so much, even more so because he made her deny her father treatment once again. Mana’s mission was to protect Ayushi during his stay, make sure his stay was pleasant and yet the man seemed to have went out of his way to almost kill himself. If that would have happened there’d have been no life as a ninja for Mana. She’d have been eternally dishonored and would carry the stigma as the girl under whose watch Ayushi got hurt.
Thing with dishonor was that it was one of the worst marks for a ninja. Usually most cases of shame and dishonoring one’s name or clan didn’t make one lose their ninja status but it always carried a certain social stigma to it. If a person let a teammate die or killed them themselves, they’d have always had the name of a “comrade killer” and be treated as scum. At times even rogue ninja were treated with more respect than those with shame. Letting one of the most beloved icons of the ninja world get injured and stay in a comatose state would’ve made one of the worst social stigmas out there, there’d have been no comparison.
Mana was surprised to find different people in Ayushi’s ward, even the monk’s bed spot was filled by some old lady. The girl ran out to the bathroom and fixed her hair, washed her dirty hands and face and snapped out of her morning snooze, then she tried to find a medical ninja and ask them about what had happened. One was always walking around and it wasn’t too tough of a task to fulfil. After walking just down the hall Mana ran into a group of two just walking to a ward near the one where Ayushi was yesterday. The kunoichi raised her hand and stopped them.
“Excuse me, Guru Ayushi was brought into the ward yesterday, right there, where is he now?” she asked “I am responsible for his well-being and I am working for the Konohagakure administration so I do have access to this information.” The girl added that last bit just in case she was refused the information.
A medical ninja lady with short blond hair came up closer and explained the situation to Mana in half whispered speech.
“Yes, he was here however he had completely recovered after you asked for him to be woken up so we let him go. Well… Actually he just stood up and left, we couldn’t really stop him or anything, technically there wasn’t anything wrong with him after he completely healed himself so we had no authority to keep him here.”
Her male colleague smiled to Mana, he seemed to know the girl from the situation that happened last night.
“Hey, you’re that girl who saved his life, right? He was brought here all burnt to a crisp in a pretty much comatose state and you asked to have him woken up, letting his passive use medical jutsu kick in, right? That was some bold call, how did you know it’d work?”
Mana smiled unpleasantly, she quite honestly didn’t, she was disgusted by her own behavior yesterday and just remembering the darkness in her heart made her puke. That dark gnawing at one’s heart of failure, that terrifying prospect of seeing one’s most loved people disappointed forced her hand, it was her own selfishness and desire to protect Ayushi’s life at all costs, abiding no moral codes and seeing no ethical lines, that forced her to make that call.
“Lucky shot, I guess…” she tried to play it down but the medical ninja didn’t have any of that, he almost started clapping to Mana.
“Lucky call my ass! You luck out when you win the lottery, to make a call like that, to wake up a barely alive man into a life of eternal incomparable pain and disgust of their own pitiful existence, you must’ve had really strong reasons for that! Ah, it’s OK, I guess you’re a magician and a hero, those don’t often share their secrets. Anyways, Ayushi-san insisted that we let you sleep up, he said he’d be waiting for you by the gate once you wake up. Remembering your heroism yesterday and Ayushi-san’s authority… Well the hospital was happy to oblige.”
Mana just couldn’t take it anymore, she couldn’t stomach all that disgusting praise for her own selfishness, her desire to follow her ideals past the line of common sense. She hated her own guts at that moment, after being informed about Ayushi’s intents the magician just waved goodbye and wished the medical ninja to have a good day and rushed off to the bathroom. Nausea took Mana over as she bent over the toilet but she couldn’t even throw it all out, instead that sickness in her own self continued to plague her, burn her from inside. With the last resort attempt to push all anger for Ayushi’s behavior away Mana breathed in and out and left the bathroom after one last wash of her face and hands, no matter how hard she rubbed, that feeling didn’t wash off…
It wasn’t really clear what exactly was that made the magician so angry at herself, maybe it wasn’t the fact that she said all those things, asked burnt body of Ayushi to be forcefully woken up from his comatose state. Maybe it was because part of her actually felt alright about that? Some part of Mana felt like she had acted just how her ideals would’ve demanded, Mana just was herself, she ordered to save lives at any cost, that’s who she was and what she did. It was just that before the question of was saving lives always moral never rose up to her. Not until Ayushi just flat out asked her yesterday, before deciding to test her answer.
Or maybe it was the fact that she herself denied her father the cure for his pain. She denied her father happiness and his chance to be a ninja, to tinker, to have those stars of hope and glee in his eyes. It was like Mana snuffed those sparks of happiness out herself by demanding Ayushi to be woken up, she didn’t ask for his cells, even if the medical ninja suggested taking his cells. Obviously that would’ve taken time, researching and cultivating them, Ayushi would’ve remained comatose but he would’ve fulfilled his dream “ he’d have cured every sickness and injury ever… Yet… That didn’t feel right, keeping a man sleeping against his will, that’s not what heroes did. Maybe if there was no hope for him at all but… Not like that. Mana covered her tired and teary eyes with the tips of her fingers. She wanted to pummel Ayushi so hard at that moment, for forcing her to do that, to say no to her family’s happiness. For fueling that clash between her ideals and her own personal happiness and that of others.
No. Mana wasn’t always moral, she didn’t do the right thing all of the times and that was painful. Up until that moment the girl thought she was perfect, that good people always did good things and did so by their own free will, that bad people did bad things by their own free will. Good was good and bad was bad for no other reason than the way things were. In reality even good people apparently messed up, even good people did immoral things. Then again, did Mana even know what was moral anymore? After telling the medical ninja to wake a burnt man up under the conditions of equal chance that he died from the pain or healed himself before his heart exploded from the pressure.
There he was, the tall pale figure. Mana walked up to Ayushi and looked him in the eyes. There was this certain shade of anger and hatred in her eyes, not the malevolent kind, the kind that a teenager gets for their parents when they forbid them to leave and meet with their friends in the evening. Ayushi nodded his head and greeted Mana.
“Didn’t exactly feel right to leave without saying my farewells, not to a girl who had changed my life.” Ayushi started up the conversation. His tone was different, he was speaking faster, he thought less of what he was saying. Yesterday his tone was more like that of a person under certain substances, he was slurring and slow even before he got drunk, now Ayushi’s tone and voice was clear and fast. Words came out so quickly that one used to the man’s previous manner of speech had to readjust to the new Ayushi.
“I wouldn’t have minded…” Mana shot back rudely.
“Would you not have?” Ayushi asked curiously.
“Yesterday when… When you did that thing… I almost died, YOU almost died, so many things could have gone wrong! If I missed the precision of my chakra control we could’ve had our throats opened by the glass, I did miss it, just not by that much. Then when they carried us to the hospital and took care of my wounds they asked me about your cells, they said that… That there was not much that could’ve been done but they suggested cultivating your cells.”
“And you refused” Ayushi butt in, “It takes a great hero to refuse such temptation. You have been offered to make a great moral action “ sign under permission for a panacea to be invented. What you did was the right thing “ right thing which seemed grey to you, that thing which your own ideals gave you a suggestion to. Don’t you know what I tried to teach you, young Mana? Your ideals are your moral compass, even mine now too! As long as you follow that path you cannot ever get lost.” Ayushi was quite energetic with this speech. That wasn’t entirely unlike the old Ayushi from yesterday.
“I had to… I had to say no to my father’s cure, I had to do a thing so despicable that it made me hate myself.” Mana almost broke down emotionally. She couldn’t believe that Ayushi too thought of her having done the right thing, how could he? He was the one who almost died last night, he was the one who went through the absolute limit of pain that a human brain can go through. The only reason he survived was because of his unnatural pain tolerance of having been injured infinite amount of times during all those years and having grown accustomed to it.
“That’s what being a hero is all about, you of all people should know that choosing this path is to choose the most difficult life for oneself. You’ll be hated, publically made fun off and in the end you’ll choose happiness for those people who scorned you instead of your own. That’s the kind of person you are, that’s the kind of person I shall try to be as well, from now on. I’ll travel the world trying to become more like you, trying to obtain your spirit, your mentality, your personality. Join that with my own skills… I’ve experienced pain yesterday, yes, but that only made my hatred towards pain to burn even stronger. Instead of focusing my wrath on my own actions or, even more idiotically, you, I chose to focus my spite on pain. I’ve decided to make it my first target. I’ll destroy the world’s pain.”
Ayushi’s words sounded so mad, the world’s spiritual leader, one of the most respected people on the planet got charmed by the ideals of a young girl in Konoha and decided to change to fit her way of life. That should’ve become the practical example of madness in the definition somewhere in some dictionary. Mana tried to reach out and stop Ayushi from leaving, to try and talk him over but the man turned around and started leaving through the gate, he slightly peeked back at Mana and smiled.
“I told you spiritual journeys of self-discovery were for the best, young Mana. I shall become a brother of your ideas, once I truly discover how to become more like you, once I learn to absolutely rely on that one ideal, once I start to truly treasure life... “No life is unnecessary” will be my one true mantra from now on!” Ayushi’s last words echoed before he left into the thickness of the forest from where he appeared early yesterday morning. For a moment Mana just kept standing there, thinking and refusing to believe this insane visit. She just kept staring at the vastness of the forests and refused to move on.
A gentle hand reached over her shoulder, it was one of the guards of the village gate, the man smiled and gave the girl a thumb up. “Relax, Mana-chan, this is a mission completed for you” he reported but the magician still refused to believe it. Slowly she turned around and started making her way towards the Konohagakure administration building, she still had to report about the mission, then the painful part came, the part of going home and telling father and mother that she’s the worst daughter to have ever been born in the history of time and space. Only an individual worth such a title wouldn’t be able to step over oneself to cure the pain of their loved family member.
As the girl entered the building she couldn’t help but let out a disappointing sigh. For the first time since probably ever her mind was completely empty, she was so weighed down by all that had happened that she couldn’t even think or feel straight. People thought she was a hero of some sort, she hated herself for that same decision. Apparently moral sense was not some sort of absolute either, the more days Mana had spent in this life of hers, the more firmly she started to believe that moral things may have not been some sort of absolute and to be defined by the observer.
“Sorry, Kiyomi, I’ve got no viable team members for you at the moment. You’re an experienced genin and I will grant you permission to work alone on missions but I cannot put you on a team.” Mana overheard a heated conversation inside the Hokage’s office. She decided to wait it out, the magician didn’t really want to listen in on that but the two people that were talking pretty much forced everyone in the building to listen to them go on by yelling at each other.
“Then put me up for the Chuunin Exams!” the other, much younger voice yelled out angrily, it seemed to have been something that was repeated over and over again during the conversation as the young lady talking said those words in a rather monotonous but loud nevertheless tone.
“I told you, that’s out of the question, Chuunin Exams are meant to be taken by teams of three. An essential part of the competition is to test the teamwork of the people taking it. Letting one person without a team take it would be unfair. More so, there’s not enough time left for you to find one, the sign-ups will be over tomorrow at midnight. Even if you do find a team by then, you won’t have a chance to bond and train with them, you will be taking a test of teamwork with people you don’t know.” At that moment Mana recognized the voice of the first woman, it was the Fifth Hokage. It wasn’t that easy to identify the woman, after all, when she spoke to Mana she spoke in a much calmer and pleasant tone. Now the woman sounded like she was really getting annoyed.
Suddenly after a loud exclamation of frustration the blonde burst from the room, she was a girl of a similar age to Mana, perhaps a little bit older. Her hair was so blond that it was distracting and her eyes seemed to be completely light blue with little to no intelligible irises. A more experienced ninja, or just one who lived in Konoha could’ve easily identified the Yamanaka clan, the masters of illusions and mental abilities. Usually every genjutsu user wasn’t too fond of those guys, to the Yamanaka the abilities to manipulate minds came almost as naturally as waving a hand whereas it took great mastery for a common ninja to learn that sort of ability. Yamanaka were the elites of illusions and mind reading and controlling, they also were unmatched in intelligence gathering and enemy displacement.
The significantly taller and more muscularly built girl just stood in front of Mana, who had not yet realized that she was blocking the young lady’s path. For a moment it was clear that the Yamanaka girl wanted to shoot something offensive or just to bump into the young magician pushing her out of the way but she restrained herself. “Please get out of my way” was all that the girl said after walking around Mana and disappearing behind the corner leading to the stairs down and out of the building. The young kunoichi wondered what was that all about before remembering having seen this young lady before, in a much more battle hardened look, it was back when the Hokage returned with her students to the Administration building back when she, Shimo and Sugemi originally received the mission to protect Ayushi.
Mana sighed and entered the Hokage office. The Fifth looked extremely irritated so she just raised her palm to stop the entrant in her tracks, looking scared and confused. Hanasaku took a moment to rub her temples with her fingers to relax and then gestured with her hand to continue.
“My mission to watch over Guru Ayushi was… I guess successful…” Mana stuttered at the last and the most important part of her report. The Hokage’s assistant placed the countless files he had on the table and crossed his hands on his chest.
“You guess?” he got annoyed.
“Well, he’s alright, he seems pleased but…” Mana wanted to report the whole situation but the Fifth once again lifted her hand into the air.
“That’s all we need to know. Ayushi-san is a strange individual, he says and does weird things to “cure” everyone. Things he does are also highly personal so you may not wish to share them. The fact that he is safe and that he is happy with his stay is enough, we’ll report to Kirigakure that he’s coming, thank you, Mana”
Mana shook and rubbed her foot onto the floor, she was a little hesitant to keep talking but she had to report on what happened.
“We do know of the situation with the fire and the whole hospital ordeal, you’ve encountered difficulties, you’ve moved past them and made the right call, congratulations, now go back to your recovery, Nakotsumi Mana.” The assistant informed the girl after noticing her hesitation.
“Ummm… I’m not sure he’s going straight to Kirigakure…” Mana let the bird out of the cage. Hanasaku’s fist shot through the table leaving a large hole in the colossal pile of papers and the table but strangely enough it didn’t collapse.
“WHAAAAAT!?” the woman straight out roared. Mana was a bit worried for her life but she actually sort of wanted to be beaten down and punished for what she pulled last night.
“He said that he wants to start using his medical abilities again to save lives and change the world, he said that meeting me opened his eyes or something…” Mana closed her eyes and clenched herself for impact that would’ve sent her flying through the wall. She waited, fearing but also wishing for her high flying death, whether she’d die instantly from the Hokage’s furious fist or her neck would snap while flying or she’d crash and die that way… Nothing. Mana opened her eyes only to see Hanasaku smiling like a lovely old lady over a cup of coffee.
“Heh, you just can’t help it, can you… Oh well, it’s not like he has to do anything, he’s retired anyways…” Hanasaku cracked a grin even if a vein was still pulsing on her forehead, though that was most likely present there from her meeting with her student before.
“B-But… Hokage-sama!” the assistant yelled out wanting to make a bigger deal from it, Hanasaku waved her hand.
“I said it’s fine, whatever, the man does whatever he wants, he’s a force of nature, thanks for letting us know, Mana. I saw your team’s application for Chuunin exams, I don’t think I need to explain it do I?” the Hokage brought another topic up, Mana’s face turned to the floor as her hair weighed down and covered it. The girl’s top hat almost fell off from her sad expression but it remained just barely on her head.
“Yeah, Chuunin exams are a test done by teams of three, part of the test is testing the teamwork and all that… I’ve heard it, I’m pretty sure everyone did…” Mana uttered with profound sadness and disappointment in how this whole situation went. It wasn’t just the fact that she was denied her chance to grow in rank, it was also the fact that this denial also went out of its way to remind Mana of the fate of her disbanded team.
“I’m sorry, I’ll be going through possible candidates to form a new team… For now though keep training, there’ll be another exam in three years, you’ll have your team formed and ready by then. I’ll send you some easier missions to do in the meantime, after you recover from your training injury, of course. Now, if that’s all, you’re dismissed.”
Mana dragged her sorry body out of the Hokage’s office. Things really went bad, there was so much hope and expectation back when Tanshu-sensei last trained her, back when he promised to recommend them for the Chuunin exams to get that sweet battlefield experience. The magician sighed. After that things just all went downhill: Tanshu-sensei died, the team got disbanded, Ayushi-san got mad or something, now there’ll be no Chuunin exams for at least three more years. Worst part of all was that she had to go back home and talk to her parents about those damned cells…
Mana went back home, her parents almost immediately picked up on her sad face. Mother hugged the girl and kept almost furiously stroking her hair. “Ayushi’s cells won’t work, they’d heal father but that’d cause another sickness that’d kill him really fast…” Mana said to her mother, the magician could feel her mother shaking in sadness. No. They had to know the whole story. Father entered the living room too, walking down the stairs and staring at Mana and mother expressing their sadness and support to one another.
“Oh well…” he said “I mean, that bastard took his sweet time to get here anyways, by now I’m almost used to it. Got the recipe for the new herbs and ointments, they help keep it manageable, I’ll live” father replied and went up to Mana trying to express his approval by gently stroking her hair. “You did good, you were hurt, you had my unfair expectations and expectations of the whole village to make this work, even more we relied on you to do something stupid and impossible. Any sane person would’ve cursed this world to hell for that sort of responsibility and pressure. I’d rather completely lose my arms and legs than have my precious girl be blamed for that sort of bullshit, I kind of loved my life as a ninja but I love you much more.”
Mana felt almost surprised and a bit relieved hearing it from her parents that they didn’t blame her for anything. She was certain that they’d cave in but father was right, all this extra time it took for Ayushi to get here made him better at dealing with the pain himself. He was so much more mature than Mana, he didn’t believe or need any miracle cures. He acknowledged that his life was in his hands and his hands alone and dealt with his pain, he learned to live with it and deal with it. He was a true hero, her true hero! Mana hugged father apologizing to him one more time. “There’s one thing… Ayushi… He once fell into a coma and… There was a chance to cultivate his cells…”
Father put his finger on Mana’s lips, the girl flinched in surprise.
“You did the right thing, kid. I’d rather live in pain than know it was healed by causing pain to someone else, I know you asked for his life to be saved, you’re my little hero. I know you’ll always do what’s right, what you think seems right.”
*****
Back in Hokage’s office the assistant angrily looked at the Hokage and tried to object to something she had said to Mana before her words broke and interrupted his speech before it even began.
“Before I and my students left to Kirigakure, not too long before Howoku and Tanshu left for the Summit, I met with Howoku, Misu and Tanshu over dinner, just to call back to the old times, we always do that sort of thing before big missions. Just to remember that moment in case our last hour comes in those missions, just to have a pleasant memory to grasp on to in case nothing else comes up, just to make that final journey into the void more pleasant.”
Hokage’s assistant walked up in front of the woman and found a seat, he put the files he had in his hands at that moment back onto one of countless more piles to the side.
“We spoke about our happiest moments, I of course kept going on about some big brawls I had, some of the fun tests I had with Kiyomi and the others, I kept abusing them and almost killing them and most of that wasn’t even consensual, I was just an idiot who kept messing things up. Howoku spoke about how he loved sometimes leaving the office, walking through the street and admiring his peace, the smiles of the villagers and the children just playing in the street, the peace he had created from violent wars over those last fifteen years. Misu didn’t talk much, he rarely did talk much… Lil’ Bro, however… Tanshu, my little precious brother, usually just bashed how idiotic our happy thoughts were and how he’s wasting his time, he didn’t mean it but he always had to keep that façade up…”
The man fixed his glasses, Hokage’s assistant was a very strict and to the point man, still, he appeared to be smiling and enjoying the story. Having one’s job experience pile up by working for the Hokage meant having to listen to these kind of stories from time to time.
“That day Lil’ Bro was different, he actually praised his students to us, he spoke about how they were bunch of losers but how they actually grew stronger under his guidance which he initially thought impossible… Then… That last couple of lines he said… He spoke about this lovely but stupid young girl who reminded him of a friend he once had. I think I may remember that friend of his, at least him talking about her from back when we sieged the Tower of Bones that one time. I thought, wow, a young girl who reminded Tanshu of a woman he once loved, that was amazing. I almost instantly wanted to meet that young girl who was so weird and stupid that she even made my Lil’ Bro smile… Now when I saw her change both Lil’ Bro and Guru Ayushi…”
Assistant stood up and took a bunch of files into his hands, slamming them in front of the Hokage’s face. “That was a fun memory, you’re not allowed to die yet so don’t long for it. You have no right to die until you fix the Feudal Lord bingo evening budget.”
*****
It was a really lovely night outside. Mana kept breathing deep, observing it from her bed. Her childish chest kept lifting up and down from her heavy breathing. The young ninja carefully stroke her thighs, she didn’t feel that much more pain left. Tomorrow she’ll start training again, she’ll be careful, she’ll still keep training her kicking focused style of taijutsu she’s trying to master but she’ll put more focus on her chakra control. That technique, that illusion she casted on Sugemi and Shimo saved both of their lives. Mana was called Konoha’s Sorceress as her stage name, that name has also been associated with her ninja abilities too. She was crafty and tricky, she always did the right thing, she always lucked out so far but she needed some powerful tool like that to stop relying on luck. Next time when innocent lives or lives or her friends will be in danger “ she’ll be ready for it.
Ayushi may have given her the cold shower about the moral implications of her ideals, how they may not always have been the right and moral thing to do. Either way, saving lives was what Mana did. What she wanted to do and how she wanted to change this world. Ayushi also taught her that fighting for her ideal, fighting to stop the bad people trying to hurt those she wanted to protect may have been OK sometimes. That if they chose the violent path, she should’ve not been so afraid to disable them if talking didn’t work. Before she often found herself frozen in fear of hurting her enemy, Ayushi taught her that hurting the enemy wasn’t the problem. She was the Konoha’s Sorceress, she had it in her to find ways to beat the enemy without killing them and then leave it up to them to change. That was her nindo, her ninja way.
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