My day at the hospital passes by quickly, I finally walk in the sunlight, the breeze was cold, but I’m glad to be out of the stuffy room. Eri came by yesterday to show me a picture of her as a chunin and a jounin. She wasn’t lying, she really did look fierce in both pictures. The picture where she just became a chunin she was with both her parents and her older brother, but when she showed me the picture when she was promoted to jounin it was just her and her mother.
Eri told me, her brother Haru, was killed in action right before her father passed away due to the illness. Now its just her mother, her husband, and her. Soon the baby would keep her company. In the picture Eri held a strong look in her eyes, currently its replaces with a more gentler look. Both suited her, but I preferred the gentler side of Eri, I don’t want to see her in a bad mood.
Lady Tsunade had permitted training as long as I don’t use my right arm too much. I can use it in three days, its still a little stiff, but that’s because I haven’t been using it at all. Kakashi finally let me out of his sight when I had a shower. I was combing my hair, finally getting the little pieces of wood that were stuck in there. Kakashi is in the living room, sleeping, something I rarely see him do. I make myself lunch, cooking eggs, and pork for a simple side dish. I can’t reach the rice steamer from the top shelf, and I don’t want to make noise in getting it down, so I eat lunch without rice. I get some green in my bowl. I eat and think, what can I do with my left hand, and train. I can do some stamina building, and shuriken throwing, tomorrow I’ll start practicing torrent in secrecy. Maybe Yamato can teach me other water jutsus.
What is father thinking, now that his own daughter is dead, and he is left with its guilt? I don’t know if he can feel guilty, but deep down I do. I pity Asami too, I don’t know what type of childhood she had, was it worse than mine or better? Was she a happy child, running around with her friends before sundown, or did she have to live up to our father’s high expectations? I like to think she was a joyful girl, it settles in my mind easier. I’ll never know, and something inside me wishes I did.
There’s no good being done, if I think about it. I wash my dishes, putting them on the rack to dry. Today I’ll stick to domestic duties, as much as I hate staying in the house, I can’t do a lot today, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t fall behind in laundry again. There are a few books I want to check out at the library and a few recipes I want to try out, this domestic life, this normal day was something I’ve always wanted, but now that its here, it feels off. It feels like a life I am not supposed to live. I’m not supposed to live without worries, and choose what I want to do today, the life I destined myself is a whole lot different. I chose to go down a path with order and danger. The path that protects others, and enforces the right of each person. Its a life I was always going to live. No doubt about it, but today was too relaxed, even Kakashi took two naps today, I’ve never seen him so tired. What was he up to?
After eating dinner alone, I walk the lamp lit streets. Kakashi was woken up by an urgent knock. Yamato and him ran straight to Lady Tsunade’s office. He left without a word, I was curious, but there was nothing I could do about it. The night was cold, and my toes were beginning to get numb, after just a few minutes of walking. The streets were empty, and the park was lonely, the kids were tucked away in the warmth of their homes, away from the bitter cold. The swing rocked back in forth, with the wind, I wanted to go swing in it, but decided against it, my bottom would freeze in seconds. I keep walking, going to an area with concrete stairs, a beautiful sculpture is in the middle, at the top. Benches are surrounding, facing to the village, and some facing the artwork. I sit in one that faces the village, its not too far up that I can see everything, but I see a wide view. I watched the trees bend with the current, and loose leaves float in the air. I take a deep breath in, filling my lungs with cold air. I was never able to relax and sit, to really look at the village, but now that I can, its larger than I expected. The buildings are close to one another, and the streets range from narrow ones to wide ones.
“Its beautiful when its peaceful, isn’t it.” I hear someone say behind me. I turn to see who disrupted my peace. Guy stands there, the same as always, shiny hair, clean green suit, and unzipped jacket. His headband is tied around his waist. I nod in agreement, peace is beautiful. He sits beside me, his breath coming out in puffs from the cold.
“I heard you passed the second stage of the chunin exams. That’s great. Looks like your flame of youth has just begun.” He gives me his famous thumbs up, flashing me his bright smile. I don’t know how he can manage to always smile, and have a positive attitude. I wish I was somewhat like him.
“My flame is brighter now than ever before,” I say. Its the present time that makes me feel alive. Not once before now did I ever feel like I was alive, I only felt like I lived to be chased, to be hunted down. That wasn’t living, the monster in me even said so, and that was something we both agreed on. The beast on the other hand wanted to kill all human kind, but I wasn’t participating in it. I liked humankind, just the way it is. They have caused wars, yes they have, but humans aren’t perfect, and are always looking for agreement. If we weren’t searching for even ground, we would always be in war. How would I find the answer to true peace? I don’t know, and it's something that I may never know either.
I’ve never and probably never have true peace within myself. The tension between my father and I reflects the tension within myself. I hate him, and he hates me, both my father and the tailed beast. They’ve never showed me who they truly are, and I don’t know who I am. Am I just a weapon, ready for destruction, or am I Kiyoko, the ninja who protects others from herself? Where do I belong? Here, where I feel at home, yet I’m not from here. This isn’t my birthplace, my roots lie in the Moon Village. I hate myself for belonging there, I wish I was born at a different time and place. Maybe I would have had a normal life, and loving parents, but I don’t decide that, that is the doing of something greater than myself.
“I just got back from a mission, so I’m going to head home early. I’ll see you around Kiyoko.” Guy flashes me another smile, before he heads down the stairs, disappearing with every step. The lights buzz, and the grasshoppers chirp, night was here again, taking the warmth of the sun. I felt myself shiver.
“What are you doing here? This isn’t your home, and you know damn right, that I’m right.” The monster in me says. I feel a different kind of shiver run up my spine.
“Where do I belong?” I don’t know anymore, perhaps the beast knows.
“No where. You and I we don’t belong anywhere. All we can do as long as you live is roam around. VIllage to village, it was fun. Seeing the different architecture, and smelling different foods. We should do that again,” his voice softens, like he actually enjoyed being outside the walls. His kind voice, rises my suspicions. What is he up to? I don’t reply, maybe he’ll continue to talk, if I don’t. And I’m right.
“Why be part of something that’ll only get yourself killed? For the good of others? What will they do for you in return? Love you, that’ll never happen. No one loves a monster.”
“I’m not you. I’m Kiyoko.”
He laughs, “As long as I am in your body, you and I are one. And every one knows you are a time bomb, you’ll crack, and you will be a monster.” He flashes an image of me, a savage look in my eye, and blood staining my hands. A memory, when I killed someone who was after me, I shake that picture away. I can’t let him persuade me to doubt myself, I promised Suzu, I promised myself. I promised Kakashi.
I rub my hands together, trying to return the warmth to my fingertips. The numb feeling tells me its time to head home. Rest, and be ready for training tomorrow. I’m in desperate need of exercise. To warm my body, I jog home, a few shop owners were closing their stores for the day. I pass the resting place of LB, little bird. Stopping slightly to pay my respect, and jog along. The feeling in my toes returns as I take two steps at a time up the stairs. I notice Kakashi is already home, as I open the front door. I hear the kettle scream, he must be in the kitchen. I slip off my shoes, and follow the heat, leading me to the kitchen. It looks like he just got home, because he still wears the jacket and his headband. He was tapping his fingers on the counter, somthing I noticed he does when he has something on his mind, or is nervous. I want to ask him about it, but then I’ll only be intruding.
“There’s still tea left if you’d like some, looks like you’ve been out in the cold for too long.” Kakashi says without looking at me. I grab a cup, and pour the steaming tea. It makes my fingers burn from the sudden change of temperature. He leaves with his thoughts and his tea, I hear his bedroom door slide open and close. There is something on his mind, and I wanted to know what it is. He’s always listen to me when I needed to vent, and I want to listen when he needs to let out steam too. I take a few sips, before I build enough courage to knock on his door. I tap quietly, not wanting to wake him if he did fall asleep.
I wait for a few seconds, he’s not going to answer is he?
“Yea?” Kakashi asks, from the other side of his door. I’m relieved he answered back, I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t.
“I’ve noticed you’re acting a little off. Everything okay?”
I hear the creak of his bed from his weight, and the soft steps of his feet coming closer to the door. I wait, my hands ringing themselves. I’ve never been good at these sort of things. Mostly because I didn’t grow up expressing my feelings, so I never had others tell me what they were feeling. Kakashi seemed like that type of person, reserved. The door slides open, the crease around his eye, was deeper, like he spent a lot of time frowning.
“Today is Obito’s anniversary.” Kakashi sighs. My heart feels heavy, today about fourteen years ago, his best friend died. I didn’t know what to say.
“Will you introduce him to me?” I blurt out. I wanted to go pay my respects at the cemetery, but I didn’t know where it was. It was close to midnight already, but better late than never. Kakashi smiles a bit, but agrees. I walk besides him as we make our way to the streets.
“You know when I was assigned team leader of team seven, the first thing I noticed was the rivalry between Naruto and Sasuke. It immediately reminded me of the relationship Obito and I had. Always trying to outdo each other, and arguing. It was like someone copied Obito and I into their bodies. I found it amusing at first, they helped each other, they pushed each other to train. And Sakura reminds me of Rin in some ways. She’s gentle when she has to be, but Sakura is a lot more corporeal and hard on Naruto. Rin was always looking out for both of us, patching us up. I was always annoyed with Obito’s excuses, but even if he was late most of the time, he had good reasons.”
We walk to a patch of green, the headstones, rising as we get closer. I let him walk us to the correct resting place. We stop in front of his plaque, it read Obito Uchiha. So this is where he lies in peace. I crouch down, and touch the fresh flowers, Kakashi must have placed them here recently.
“We’ve never met, but after everything I’ve heard, it sounds like you were a very brave ninja. My name is Kiyoko. If you’re anything like Kakashi tells me, I wish I could have met you. And if you’re anything like Naruto, then I’m sure you would have gotten a long way. I admire your love for your comrades. I’m going to take that to heart and try my best to protect people I hold dear to me too.” I touch the concrete, it was cold from the chilly night coming. I tuck my hair behind my ear, the wind was picking up, I make sure the flowers are secured in the container, I wouldn’t want them to blow away over the night.
I stand, and notice Kakashi’s spirit has lifted. He smiles a bit, and I smile knowing I could brighten his mood a bit.
“He even wanted to be Hokage, just like Naruto. That’s why I want to do everything in my power to get him there. If Naruto becomes hokage, I feel like Obito fulfilled his dream too.”
He really does love his students, and that makes me feel like I’m over the moon, to know someone like him. We back in silence, there wasn’t anything that needed to be said, I was happy he showed me his resting place, maybe next time when I have time, I’ll come visit him, let him know how Kakashi is doing. I’ll look for Rin’s plaque too.
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