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Count to Five by EagerBeaver

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Table of Contents

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Chapter notes: Unbeta'd as well, raising the rating.
The shelter is mostly an empty, barren wasteland, much like the area above ground. Deidara knows he's not going to be seeing daylight for at least a week. The hours move like grass grows and he reads over the dossier enough times to drive him mad. For now the Iwa ninja has settled down in the alcove near the mess hall, there's a few blankets and he's tallied how much food is available. The entire base is surprisingly cold as well, though he can't quite see his breath he's aware that there's likely to be a large amount of hardware stored in here.

The shithole is somewhere along the border of Suna, Ame and Kawa; Deidara can practically smell Kakuzu within the deeper bowels of the base. The young man wraps his cloak around himself tighter and waits for Sasori to finish taking his seat. Each page that has been offered to Deidara has been arranged artfully on the bare table. “Dana, do you really think that this is worse?”

If he could give an honest sigh, Sasori would have at that very moment “We haven't seen the scrolls much less engaged our enemy. If it's everything they've been promising it very well exceed any known horror.”

Coyly, a tongue dips into Deidara's teacup and starts to slurp noisily, “They might be like Hidan, un.”

Sasori shakes his head in reply, “Impossible.” drifts out in his amazingly monotonous voice.

Thankfully the tea is still warm and all present are spared a spray of it over the documents “If you were alive yeah.” both his eyes droop slightly.

Sasori rises from his seat and the crowd of clay birds around Deidara disperses across the table. “Like this I am without physical needs, eternal.”

His face scrunches up before he can stop himself, “I hope I die in an explosion.” Deidara stretches out his fingers and picks up a bird.

The puppet watches the man for a long moment.

Blue eyes dart up but Sasori is gone from the room, he can sense the lack of chakra. The room feels too big and too small at once. Flying is all that's on his mind. They can't leave, something nags and says that the air has gotten staler the longer they've been hiding. Deidara knows stir crazy, he knows it very well.

At some point he finally cracks, “I can't stay down here any longer.”

Sasori speaks from where he's been cleaning blades, “Deidara. It's only been four days.”

The Iwa ninja balks, “Are you sure the gas lines are completely intact?”

“I can't tell.” Deidara can't discern if that was sarcasm or honesty. “We'll be leaving tomorrow.”

Waiting in one spot for too long has upset Sasori, so Deidara suspects, “And to the mission?”

The smaller ninja rises and gathers the documents, “Two. We need to be completely prepared by the time we arrive.”

Both of them can pack up in less than an hour. Blankets go back in the closet, laundry is done. Sasori has to sort the mixed kunai by using a blacklight to identify the poisoned ones. Deidara makes sure to put everything back in place and sends out a request for maintenance that's sure to annoy Kakuzu. They

It takes two days, Deidara catches sight of a building just before twilight. The parched plains had given way to dried out shrub land, what few trees they passed by were turning brown from dehydration.

Deidara raises his hand and uncovers his scope, “Mister Sasori, it looks abandoned.”

They keep walking, “It's occupied.”

The blond man shakes his head, “There's traps everywhere.” and points at a explosive tag. Shortly afterward he strips it off without detonating it.

Sasori hardly spares Deidara a glance, the town is empty, hollow. The only sound is the faint clanking of metal against metal as Hiruko's tail extends. Both of them are uneasy in the gray, dead town.

The wind is gone, the air is gone. Ash sticks to the back of his throat and makes him queasy. “Where the fuck is everyone uh?” the blond lifts up some debris and looks under “Nobody's home Danna, try the next one.”

Hiruko is out of sight already, and Sasori can't hear Deidara at such a distance.

Deidara checks over the town and it becomes apparent that there had been a widespread fire. Some of the structures are repaired, most are nothing but charred remains. Traps are there, all of which are easily removed. Eventually the Iwa ninja settles down in the corner of a house missing its roof and falls asleep.


Sasori sharpens the kunai very carefully, long strokes that bring sparks now and then. Hiruko's tail emerges from under the tiny man's cloak, ticks from side to side like a cat's. Gentle gurgling sounds are coming from the still living body that's being skinned, there's blood everywhere on the concrete. Popping noises suddenly fill the air, marbles are scattered on the floor and they explode into shards of hot glass. Sasori rises and cries out, he's been badly burned and the glass is stuck in his body, from next to him rises a gigantic snake that drips sand from its fangs. Both of them are disturbed and they run into the darkness beyond the campfire.


Watching over the ruins is Sasori. Deidara raises his hand and rubs at his eyes, he gets a few swipes across his eyes by both tongues and makes a disgusted face. “That was a fucking weird dream yeah.”

The puppet turns around to face Deidara, “Shut up.”

Deidara doesn't stop scrubbing at his eyes, he's already awake. There's movement beneath them, certainly other ninja are there, too much chakra to ignore. “We've been spotted?”

Sasori shakes his head as the tail disappears under Hiruko's cloak again, “No. The mice are out.”

Grinning, Deidara stands and readjusts his rumpled cloak, “Time to clean up.” he fixes his bangs and starts off.

The town is not quite as dead as they'd expected it to be. More traps, the concentration growing the closer they got to the entrance of the underground local.

They are quiet, stealth is their name and Sasori is able to find one of the enemy operatives quickly. He quickly takes the man as a spy and hears everything.

This town was an abandoned location, one of Orochimaru's hideouts that they had been maintaining but ultimately defected from the sanin. There are only a handful of ninja left within the complex, most having left under threat of the snake ninja's wrath, many had died from the independent research.
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