I often have dreams about what life would be like had Obito and Rin never died.
We would all be happy, and content with the life of being shinobi. We'd go on missions, get injured, become worried sick about each others safety then help each other heal. We'd repeat that sequence until we were each ready to settle down. Obito would marry Rin, and I, in turn, would find a girl who wasn't a shinobi. I wouldn't want to risk ever losing someone that I promised to spend the rest of my life with. That's would be the only time I'd let myself be selfish.
But, nothing ever goes as planned. Obito and Rin died many years ago, and it was because I hadn't been selfish enough.
I wasn't selfish in the fact that I didn't want them to remain alive enough. I only developed that want when it was too late - when they've already passed on to the other life.
Those dreams often ended with me waking up with a bolt, cold beads of sweat running down the spine of my bare back. I'm never able to fall back asleep once I have those dreams, the images of my dying comrades haunt me too much to even try.
Of course, I'd never tell anyone that. I couldn't, not when I have the reputation that my father left to live up to, along with the one I've made for myself in my prime years.
Their deaths plauge me even in my wake. The farewell smile that stained Obito's face as he said good bye. Rin's single tear as she also whispered a faint goodbye after fighting to keep her heatbeat going as we waited for medical nin to arrive.
Obito's eye - our eye, cries from time to time. And I can't do anything to stop it. I always wonder if it's actually him crying, crying for me.
I find myself at times thinking, "would they have these same dreams, had I been the one to die instead?" I'd like to think so, I really would.
Only they know how much I miss them. I tell them every Sunday evening when I visit them and Sensei.
Sensei. He was such a character. I'm sure the bickering between Obito and I would drive even the most patient school teacher nuts, but he had developed an immunity to it in just the first few times we met as a team. He died also, but his death was way beyond my control.
When I visit them, I would murmur, "I still haven't found a suitable girlfriend, Obito. Nor have I learned how to cook for myself Rin, the premade ANBU rations are enough to keep me going for decades. And Sensei, Naruto is still as obnoxious as ever - I no longer have any doubts to whether he's actually your son or not," then I would gently, almost barely brush my fingertips across their engraved names before walking away in complete silence.
Before, I used to beg with the gods to give just one of them back, I wouldn't be picky. When that didn't work, I offered my own life in return for theirs. But I eventually realized that they're not even willing to take that offer.
What would be the point? It would seem selfish to those who also have lost their loved ones.
But, if I had a say in it, I would risk anything to jump back in time to be given just one more chance to save them. That's all I would need, one more chance, and we could finally fulfill my dreams.
Who am I kidding though? Time travel is only spoken of by fools.
And I, Kakashi Hatake, am not a fool. Just a selfish man that would do anything to have his team back.
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Chapter notes: My first post of anything on any site. It's a little pointless, but I've been wanting to write something like it for a while and I finally have.
Feel free to leave comments/thoughts, I'd like to see what others felt about it.