The Labrynth's King by Yumi

It's a parody of the Jim Henson and George Lucas film "The Labrynth" that was made in the 80's. I absolutely adore the puppets and whatnot, so I decided to make a parody with our favorite (or not so favorite) ninja. . . and a few movie characters as well. . . hehehe. . . If you haven't seen the movie already, or don't know about it, THIS DOES CONTAIN SPOILERS!!!!!

There! I've fully warned you about it. . .

and my disclaimer for the entire story:

I don't own "Naruto" or "The Labrynth". so there.
Categories: General Fiction Characters: Shino Aburame, Chouji Akimichi, Sakura Haruno, Kakashi Hatake, Hinata Hyuuga, Neji Hyuuga, Kiba Inuzuka, Jiraiya, Shikamaru Nara, Rock Lee, Tenten, Tsunade, Sasuke Uchiha, Iruka Umino, Naruto Uzumaki, Ino Yamanaka
Genres: Action/Adventure, Fantasy, General, Humor, Parody, Romance
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 6 Completed: No Word count: 11635 Read: 6226 Published: 21/09/06 Updated: 31/08/07

1. Chapter 1: It's Not Icha Icha!!! by Yumi

2. Chapter 2: Begin by Yumi

3. Chapter 3: Confusion by Yumi

4. Chapter 4: The Wise Man by Yumi

5. Chapter 5: The Green Beast and Door Knockers by Yumi

6. Chapter 6: Crystal Ball by Yumi

Chapter 1: It's Not Icha Icha!!! by Yumi
Author's Notes:
Disclaimer is in the summary. . . contains major spoilers for those who haven't seen the movie. . . don't sue me or complain at me. . .

Yumi: WELL! This came to me last night in a weird and disoriented dream. . .

Ryuu: Like you aren't disoriented enough. . .

Yumi: Yeah. . . Ryuu was in it too. . .

Ryuu: That's still giving me shivers. . .

Yumi: ANYWAY!!! I decided to write it down in a straightened out version, since my dreams make no sense. . . I just saw a bunch of ninja running around a labyrinth screaming they were out of time and they turned into goblins. . . Ryuu was laughing at them. . .

Ryuu: I would be if I was seeing random ninja poofing into goblins

Yumi: -____-;;; Anyway, here it is. . . Ryuu and I will come in later, since it was part of my dream and all. . . oh, and I don't own Ryuu either. . .

Ryuu: Yeah, and send reviews. She's been procrastinating writing her other crap, so reivews might make her work. . .

Yumi: TT__TT It's not even a month into school and I'm ready to end it!!! OH! FYI: I know that "labyrinth" is spelled wrong. . . that's the way that the movie is spelled, so I'm spelling it like that. . . ^___^
The Labrynth's King

One: It's Not Icha Icha!!

“Kakashi! Put down that stupid book already!!” Kurenai said, taking his red book away from him. “You’ve had enough porn for one day.”

“It’s not porn this time!” the silver haired Jounin protested. “Look!” The kunoichi looked at the cover, then at the page where Kakashi had stopped at.

“The Labrynth?”

“It’s something of a romance novel.”

“Looks more like a horror book to me.” she said. “One with really cheesy lines: ‘I have fought my way beyond the Goblin City. . . for my will is as strong as yours. . . you have no power over me.’ And here I thought Kakashi’s reading level couldn’t get any lower.” The Jounin snatched the book away and began reading.

“Just because I don’t read ‘War and Peace’ daily doesn’t mean my reading level is low.” She sighed and shook her head.

“Whatever, but I think you should go grab your team. They’ve been waiting for the better part of the day.”

“It’s going to rain.” he said, pointing to the sky. “They’ll give up soon.”

“They seemed pretty determined to stay until you came.” Kakashi sighed and reluctantly stood up from his seat.

“All right, if it makes you happy.” he said, sarcastically. Kurenai glared and hit him over the head with a rock as he walked away.

“Yo.” Kakashi said, waving hello while he finished his novel. As usual, Sakura and Naruto were up in his face about being late and about their sacrifices to get there on time, if not earlier, and, as usual, he ignored them.

“Is that another one of your Icha Icha novels??” Naruto asked, glaring.

“No, it’s a romance.”

“Really?!” Sakura asked. “Which one?”

“The Labrynth.” Sakura’s smile froze and broke.

“You read. . . THAT crap?!?”

“Well, this is my first time reading it. . . and I actually kind of like some things in here. I don’t think it’s crap.”

“But those lines are so cheesy!!” the girl protested. “I mean, those last few lines that the main character says to the Goblin King are just so, so. . . cheesy!!!”

“But you’ve read it.”

“I skipped a bunch of parts.” Sakura said. “And I never finished it because I nearly died of the cheesiness.”

“Very good use of vocabulary, Sakura.” The girl glared. “Anyway, I think we’ll skip training for today. I don’t want to be responsible for your heal, since it’s going to rain.”

“BUT WE WASTED HALF THE DAY!!!!!!” they all shouted. “IT’S YOUR FAULT!!!!!” Kakashi sighed, shut his book, and looked at the three of them.

“I’m giving you the rest of the day off, then. If you want to train on your own, fine by me.” They all grumbled inwardly and left the bridge where they were supposed to meet. Kakashi looked up at the sky again, seeing the dark clouds close in on Konoha. Why the rain made him so grumpy was beyond him. The kids’ normal attitudes toward him were getting on his nerves, along with the fact that he had been - twice - insulted of his reading material within a ten minute span. This was not going well today.

“Out.” Iruka said, finding Kakashi at his door step. The Jounin ignored him and walked into Iruka’s home and took off his shoes. “You’re like a stray dog, you know that?”

“Stray? I’m yours, Iruka.” he joked. The Chunin was not amused. “Koi,”

“Not today, Kakashi. I’m entertaining some relatives tonight.”

“Is that the reason for the suit?” he asked, looking at Iruka’s tuxedo.

“We’re going out to dinner, and then coming back here for dessert and to talk. I haven’t really seen them since the Kyuubi attacked.”

“I see.” Kakashi said, putting his sandal back on. “When can I come back?”

“Tomorrow?” Iruka suggested. Kakashi half glared. “I don’t know when they’ll be leaving, nor if I’ll have to lend them a room. . . My Uncle Kiyoshi always drinks too much.”

“All right.” the silver haired man said, waving good bye.

“Ja-ne.” Iruka said, truly sorry he had to shove his lover out of his home. Kakashi, on the other hand, really didn’t understand what was with everyone today. It was like the whole world was against him in some way. . . even when he went to seek comfort in the person he loved and trusted most, Kakashi was turned away. He just wanted to be left alone, maybe. . . Kakashi smirked, opening his latest Icha Icha. Maybe the goblins from the labrynth could take them all away. . .

Then there was giggling.

Kakashi glanced up, looking around for people. There was no one to be found. Then where had the giggling come from? The man shrugged, figuring that it must have been some children in a near by home.

Then a trash can fell over in front of him.

The man looked hard at the inanimate object.

There had been no trash can in the road before.

Was he going insane??

More giggling ensued.

“You really want them to disappear?” a voice asked seemingly ubiquitous (1). The man took out a kunai and held it close to himself. “Tisk, there’s no need for that, Kakashi. I’m not here to harm you.” the voice said behind him. Kakashi turned around to find a rather all, pale man standing there.

“My friends, then?” The man laughed at Kakashi’s words.

“Neither, unless you wish it.” he said. Kakashi slightly lowered his weapon and inspected the foreigner closely. He had long, blonde hair with blue roots, and intense eyes. The man was clad in a white, billowy shirt, a black vest, a long, high collared cape of the same color, knee-high boots, and leather gloves. Somewhere Kakashi had seen this stranger before. . . but where?

“Who are you?”

“You mean you don’t recognize me?” the man asked. “I’m hurt.”

“Answer.” The man sighed and crossed his arms.

“My name is Jareth, more formally known as the Goblin King.” The Jounin’s eyes widened as he realized this man was telling the truth. Every detail about this man was exactly as described in the book!

“How. . .”

“I’ve learned that most desires are not stated in words.” he said, walking toward Kakashi “Desires, the most truthful and secret desires, are kept within someone’s mind. Words betray us, but our thoughts do not.”

It was then that Kakashi knew why Jareth was there.

The ninja ran back to Iruka’s house and nearly banged down the door. . .

There was no answer.

“He’s gone.” Jareth stated, standing behind Kakashi, lazily.

“What did you do?!” Kakashi swore, holding a blade to the man’s throat. The Goblin King laughed.

“Only what you wanted.”

“I don’t want this.”

“Why did you think it?” Kakashi felt ashamed inwardly about this, but he didn’t allow his face to show it.

“Just musing.”

“Apparently.” Jareth said, smirking. “Too late now.”

“There has to be a way.” the Jounin insisted. “What did you do with them?”

“They work for me, now.” Jareth said. “In the Goblin City.”

“I want them back.”

“Is that *really* what you want?” the man asked, his eyes baring deep into Kakashi’s. “You don’t want your friends, do you? They only cause you pain. . . weakness. . .”

“They are the most precious things I have.” Kakashi said, pressing the tip of the kunai further into Jareth’s neck, threatening to pierce the skin at any moment.

“I’ll make you a deal.” the King said, smiling. “I’m a little low on the Goblin population since Sarah and her friends destroyed the city a few years ago. New goblins could easily be made from your friends. . .”

“Get to the point.”

“Finish my labrynth and collect your friends along the way, and your most precious one in the center of my castle.”

“Collect them?”

“I can’t break the spells on them for several more hours, and they’ve already been put to work. I can’t just go around my labrynth rounding up dozens of ninja, can I?”

“What’s the catch?”

“The catch? Hmm. . .” Jareth said, smirking down at Kakashi. “You must find everyone within thirteen hours. . . Sarah was able to get to the center in that amount of time, and she was not a skilled Jounin like yourself.”

“If I’m not able to find everyone?”

“They will all belong to me.” the King said. “Every. Last. One.” Jareth lowered Kakashi’s kunai as the Jounin let everything sink into his head. “Now, I think you should begin. You only have twelve hours fifty-nine minutes and. . . forty-five seconds left.”

Kakashi turned around, finding an endless sea of walls and mist.

“Remember, Kakashi.” Jareth teased, seeing the horrified look on the ninja’s face. “Every one of them will be mine.”




ubiquitous: the state of being everywhere at once. . . yes, I’ve come back from English having learned something. . . it’s also the first “U” word in the dictionary. . . ^___^

Review please ^________^
Chapter 2: Begin by Yumi
Author's Notes:
Disclaimer is in the summary.

Yumi: WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! *twriling around the house* I'm so happy!!!

Ryuu: Stop being happy.

Yumi: *sticks tongue out* Whatever, I got two reviews for this!! AND THE PLOT BUNNIES HAVE RETURNED TO ME!!!!!!!!

Ryuu: I should kill the plot bunnies.

Yumi: You do that and I'll kill you.

Ryuu: Whatever. . .

Yumi: PLEASE REVIEW!!! *bows on the ground*

Ryuu: *steps on Yumi's head*

The Labrynth's King

Two: Begin

Kakashi couldn’t see a door. . . or a hole. . . or any device that would allow him to enter the labrynth. He had tried to climbed over the wall, which was not that tall, however he seemed to go no where. It was as if the wall had been like a treadmill or something. And after trying to jump the wall, he figured out why. Once Kakashi was up in the air, ready to land on the other side, the wall shifted to block his fall, leaving the Jounin with a very sore rear end.

“Take THAT you stupid faerie!!” an all too familiar voice shouted. Kakashi blinked, not believing what he had heard.

“Naruto??” he asked, almost in a whisper. Kakashi jumped to his feet and ran in the direction he had heard the fox. Unfortunately, Naruto wasn’t exactly. . . well, Naruto.

“Evil faerie!” the midget said, shooting some type of repellant toward a flying object, which looked perfectly innocent.

“What are you doing?” Kakashi asked, watching as the little, glowing fairy flew around, trying to avoid Naruto’s spray.

“Faeries are such pests!!” he said, finally killing the one that was teasing him. “AH! Another one already!!!!!” the boy shouted, eyeing one that was resting on a white flower. Kakashi looked over to the next victim and his eyes widened in fear.

“Naruto, wait!!! Don’t!!!” he shouted, scooping up the small creature before Naruto could kill it.

“What’re you doing?!?”

“It’s Hinata.” he said, opening his hand to find a very small, very frightened Hinata-fairy. After that, Hinata bit Kakashi hard, drawing blood from his thumb. “GAh!!”


“She BIT me!”

“What’d you expect? She’s a faerie.”

“You say ‘fairy’ strangely.”

“It’s just a different spelling. I like to say it differently.” the boy said. “What’dya want a faerie for?”

“She’s a friend. . . er, something I’m suppose to collect.” he said, not sure how to really place Hinata, whom he was still holding onto despite the bites that were continuing to mark his hand. “Anyway, how do you enter the labrynth?”

“Enter it? Why do you want to enter it? You’ll just get yourself lost.”

“I have to get to the City.”

“Oh, well there’s other ways of doing that, silly!” Naruto said.

“Er, yes, but I have to gather other people and things along the way.”

“Jareth set you up for it?” the boy inquired. Kakashi blinked, then nodded. “Oh, well, I’d just turn back around if I were you. He’ll just screw up his deal.”

“I can’t do that.” the Jounin stated, quite serious. Naruto looked at him, then sighed.

“Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Naruto then opened the wall behind him, revealing another wall. Kakashi stuffed the Hinata-fairy into his thigh-pouch, and entered the maze. (I don’t know what that pouch is called. . . bare with me here ). “Hey, what’s your name?”

“Er,” the Jounin began, partly confused why Naruto didn’t know his name. Then again, Jareth HAD messed up everyone with his stupid spell. . . “It’s Kakashi.”

“Huh, my name’s Hoggle.”



“Sorry.” Kakashi said, looking right, then left down the labrynth. It seemed that he only had two choices, and another opening into the maze was not going to be very close.

“You called me something else earlier.” ‘Hoggle’ said. “Na-something or other.”


“Yeah! That’s the one!” Naruto said. “Why’dya call me that? It’s not even CLOSE to Hoggle!”

“Because. . . I thought you were Naruto.” Kakashi said, still deciding which way to go. The silver haired man put a hand to his chin and thought about this logically. As he had read in the book, Sarah had gone right. . . then ran into that worm thing, and found a short cut to the castle. “No, I can’t do that.” he muttered.

“Can’t do what?”

“Can’t take a short cut to the castle.”

“Why do you want to go there?”

“Jareth has something precious of mine.” ‘Several things, actually.’ Kakashi thought.

“Oh, is that what this is all about? You want it back?”

“Yes, and I have to collect some of the people in this labrynth.” the man said. “Actually, could you come with me? It would make my journey easier.”

“Why do you want ME to come with you??” he asked, stepping back a little.

“You’re one of the people I’m suppose to collect.”

“O-o-oh. . .” Naruto stuttered, looking around for a quick exit.

“Please? It would really help.” Kakashi could NOT believe he was being so pleading and gentle with this Hoggle-Naruto creature. If this were real, Kakashi would have just picked him up and carried him along with, but he supposed this was slowly coaxing Naruto into agreeing to come along with. A willful Naruto was a lot easier to deal with than a protesting one.

“Uh. . . okay, but I want something!”


“Something in return for helping you!!” Naruto shouted, glaring. The boy’s gaze then turned down to Kakashi’s hand. “Like that ring. . .”

“Not the ring.” Kakashi snapped. Iruka had given it to him for their one-year anniversary of getting together. That was going to be the absolute last thing he’d every give up. “How about this?” he asked, pulling out a kunai.

“What IS is?” Naruto asked, wearily looking at the sharp metal. “Is it a knife?”

“Er, sure.” the man said, handing the dulled blade to Naruto.

“It’s. . . not jewelry. . .”

“No, but it can save your life.” The Hoggle-Naruto took the blade in his hands and, for a brief moment, felt a kind of power rush through his system. For that moment, something strange disappeared from Naruto’s eyes, and the bright determination that Kakashi was so used to seeing took its place. For a moment, it was almost as if the Naruto Kakashi knew was standing there holding a kunai for the first time. “N-naruto?”

Then, the familiar light suddenly vanished as the boy snapped.

“My name’s Hoggle!!”

“Sorry,” the Jounin said. “Is that payment enough?”

“For now.” the boy said, putting the weapon away carefully into his bag. “So, what do you need to look for?”


“Very specific.” Naruto droned sarcastically. “Who?”

“I don’t know, exactly.” Kakashi admitted. “I don’t know who has been taken. . .”

“You’ll know them when you see them, huh?” Naruto asked. “I can’t guarantee anything, you know.”

“I know. . . I just need you to come with me, that’s all.” The boy rolled his eyes.

“That faerie too?”


“Okay, if you insist.” Naruto said, shrugging. “We’ll I’d go left if I were you. It’s shorter.”

“No, I have to go the long way.”

“Are you crazy?! You’ll NEVER make it to the center!”

“I have to find everyone!” Kakashi shouted. “The longer route will most assuredly have more people waiting! I can get to them without fear of leaving anyone behind!”

“Okay! Okay! Sheesh!” the goblin said. “Then go right.”

“From there?”

“It’s a long way! Don’t ask me stupid questions!!” Naruto snapped. Kakashi sweat dropped. He was glad that he dealt with the hyperactive Naruto rather than this ‘Hoggle’ one. “Just keep going until you find the worm.”

“Hold up! You’re coming with me, aren’t you?!”

“Not anymore. . .” and in a blink of an eye, the boy had disappeared. Kakashi swore loudly and kicked the wall next to him. He should have tied him down and dragged Naruto with him!!

“Whatever. I can figure this out. . . and I have time to find Naruto later.”

The only real problem without a guide was that Kakashi didn’t know where to stop. Though he had almost no clue how long it had been since he started, he was sure that time was slowly running short. If something didn’t pop out and BITE him soon he’d. . .

That’s when it hit him.

The Jounin took out a spare cloth bandage and the Hinata-fairy he had stuffed in his pouch. Quickly, Kakashi bound the fairy’s arms and let Hinata frantically fly in random directions while holding onto the other end of the bandage.

“Lemme go!!” the fairy squeaked.

“Help me with something first.” Kakashi said.

“What?!” Hinata demanded, getting quite annoyed.

“The worm. . . where is he?”

“That one with the bad accent? He’s right THERE!!” she yelled, looking at the small hole in the wall. Kakashi squatted down, still holding Hinata captive, and peered inside. There sat a purplish, fat worm by a small fire and seemingly crying with a hankie on its face.

“Hello?” Kakashi called, attempting to get directions from it.

“’Allo?” the worm said, sniffling and looking out. “’ho is it?”

“I’m here to ask for directions.” The worm sniffled.

“Oh, well, com’on in then.”

“I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t.”

“Oh.” the worm stated, realizing that Kakashi was far to big to come into his small home. Slowly, the worm trudged outside. “What is it?”

“How do I enter the maze from here?”

“Well, there’s ‘n opening there.” the worm said before blowing his nose. . . somehow.

“Er, thanks. . . what’s wrong?”

“Oh. . . the Missus left me.” he said, the handkerchief falling from his face. Kakashi gapped at the worm. . .

It was Orochimaru!!

“Damn it all. It takes foreva to get that thing back on me nose. . .”

“Here.” Kakashi said, putting the tiny square of cloth on the worm-Orochimaru’s face. “I’m sorry about your loss.”

“Oh, don’t be!” Orochimaru said. “Well, I wish you luck with the labrynth. Which way are you headed?”

“Away from the castle, first.”

“Away? Really?”

“I’m looking for people.”

“May I come with you? I MUST look for the missus!” Kakashi blinked. He was now carrying a fairy. . . and a worm. . .

“Sure.” the man said, holding out a hand for the worm to crawl onto. Shivers ran down Kakashi’s spine as Orochimaru inched up to his shoulder.

He left a slime trail.

Enough said.

Iruka sulked in the castle. He wasn’t exactly in a dungeon, but the room kept him well trapped inside. There were several, winding, gravity-defying stair cases that led absolutely no where, or back to where the Chunin had started. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Iruka stopped and sat down in the middle of the room, exhausted.

“Why so gloomy.” a voice asked him, a hand resting on Iruka’s shoulder.

“Why did you bring me here?” Iruka demanded, still sitting, unmoving, but glaring back at the Goblin King.

“To serve your lover’s wish, of course.” Jareth stated as if it were a well known fact. “He wished you would all disappear.”

“He would NEVER wish for such a thing!!”

“He did, and he’s paying dearly for it.” Jareth walked around Iruka, sliding his gloved hand around the man’s shoulders to stand facing him. “He’s coming for you through my labrynth.”

“If you were granting Kakashi’s wish, wouldn’t you have brought everyone back when he really DIDN’T want it? Why play this game?”

“It IS a game, Iruka.” he said. “A game for me.”

“You’re. . . you’re TOYING with him!!”

“It gets quite boring and lonesome in the Goblin City. . . my minions aren’t much in the way of companionship, and definitely not much to look at.” he stated, forming a beautiful crystal orb. “I like to have pretty things around me. Sarah came and brought a little joy into my life until she chose to save her brother over having me.”

“I would have done the same.” Iruka spat. Jareth glared sharply at the other man.

“If your lover does not collect the other twenty people, you’ll all be mine. . . like this.” Jareth said, holding up the orb to Iruka’s eyes. Iruka didn’t dare look upon his possible fate. He didn’t want to know what this King had in store for him and everyone else. “Hn, stubborn.”

“I don’t care to see an empty future.” the Chunin retorted. The Goblin King’s face twisted angrily and threw the orb at Iruka, which shattered into a million pieces. Though the crystal didn’t physically hurt the man, Iruka’s face was suddenly still. His eyes were lightness and glazed over as if he were in a trance. Jareth smiled.

“You’ll see my future soon enough.”



A/N: I’m so happy!! At least two people are reading this one!!! ^____^ I was afraid that it would just be my sister because no one else would know what the movie was. . .

Anyway, this one chapter was written all today. . . between tests and eating lunch. . . trying to not have my evil math teacher have her paper shredder eat my work!! TT___TT. . . that’s hard work!! >___<

Review please!! ^________________^


Faerie: I have a book of "Faeries" and it's spelled like that. . . I never even noticed that until my dad pointed it out to me @____@ anyway, I thought it would be fun to put that in. . . ^___^;;;
Chapter 3: Confusion by Yumi
Author's Notes:
Disclaimer is in the SUMMARY!!! Bwahaha!! You can't sue me!!! ^___^

Yumi: Soooooooooooooo. . . yeah, I'm updating, kinda. I'll try to write some other stuff in my other unfinished fics. . . but I don't guarentee anything. . .


Iruka: -___-;; She's freaking out.

Kakashi: That's due to the cookies earlier.

Iruka: That would explain it. . . T__T

Yumi: I LOVE COOKIES!!! But I really like that dough you get from those weird fundraisers and you can bake them fresh. . . and you can eat the dough ^__^

Kakashi and Iruka: *tranquilizer darts aimed at Yumi*

Yumi: *hit* T__T you're so mean. . . *falls over*

Kakashi: Since she's out, we'll be doing the end chapter Author's Notes. . .
The Labrynth's King

Three: Confusion

Hinata had been stuffed back into Kakashi’s thigh pouch despite her cranky protests and several bites to Kakashi’s hands. Orochimaru was still sniffling on the Jounin’s shoulder and had lost his hankie more times than Kakashi dared to count.

“Ah I don’t know much in the way of the rest a the labrynth, sorry.” Orochimaru said, blowing his nose again. Kakashi absently picked up the soaking cloth and handed it back to the worm. “Thanks.”

“Pakkun could be useful here.” Kakashi muttered. Then again, what would the dog be looking for? The scents were likely changed, and that would have all of them going in circles. “Or, I suppose I could mark the ways I’ve gone. . .” he said, taking out a kunai and scratching an arrow into the wall. “If we hit a dead end, we’ll be able to figure out another way.”

“Good idea.” Kakashi mentally sighed. This was so wrong having Orochimaru agreeing with him.

After several twists and turns in the labrynth, and finding absolutely no one, Orochimaru and Kakashi decided to turn back. . . or tried to at least.

“What the. . .?”

“We couldn’t have gone down now, could we?” the worm said, looking at the mark on the wall. Instead of the mark being pointed in the direction they had just come from, the arrow was pointing to the ground. “What did you do that for?”

“I didn’t!” Kakashi protested. “I just. . . oh shit.” He purposely did not choose ground tiles to mark because he had read that Jareth’s minions had messed up Sarah’s lipstick markings. He didn’t think that the walls could move his marks as well. “The walls moved.”

“Of COURSE they move, silly!!” a female voice said from behind Kakashi. It was Tenten, very tall and all but completely hidden behind a gigantic card. Her head and hands were the only visible parts on her. “That’s why you can’t solve the labrynth!!!”

“But people have. All sorts of people have had to in order to get into the city.” the silver haired man retorted.

“Well, I suppose.” the other person said. This ‘card guard’ was Tsunade, having just as much hidden on her as Tenten. “But they knew from the beginning which roads to take. The more wrong turns you take, the more difficult it becomes.”

“So, why are you here?” Kakashi asked.

“We’re guarding the doors.” a male voice muttered. Kakashi looked around, not seeing anyone else but the two women and himself. “Down here, fool.” Kakashi looked down, finding a Neji head popping out from the card Tenten was on top of. Next to him was Jiraiya, who was the bottom half of Tsunade’s card.

“Oh, so which one is the right one?” Orochimaru asked them.

“I can’t tell you that.” Jiraiya said. “She can, though!”

“Tsunade, which one’s the right door?” Kakashi asked.

“What’s Tsunade?” the woman asked. The Jounin shook his head.

“It’s nothing.”

“Well, it’s this one.”

“No it’s not!!” Tenten said. “It’s THIS one!!!”

“Oh dear.” Orochimaru said, looking at the two girls.

“Why would *I* lie?” Tsunade asked.

“You ALWAYS lie!!” Tenten shouted. “You always land people into the thinger!”

“The thinger?” Kakashi inquired.

“Nothing!!” They both shouted. The man sighed.

“All right, I know how to solve this one.” Kakashi turned to Tsunade and asked her a simple question. “Do you lie?”

“Of course not!”

“How does that help??” Tenten asked. “That doesn’t solve anything!!”

“Yes it does.” Kakashi said. “Because if she was telling the truth. . . oh.” It just dawned on him that what Tenten had pointed out “That does pose a problem. Well. . . What color is this eye?” he asked, pulling up his hitai-ate to reveal his Sharingan.

“It’s rainbow!!” Tsunade exclaimed. Kakashi somewhat calmly covered his eye again (the Sharingan’s a RAINBOW?!?) and turned to Tenten.

“What’s the correct door?”

“Well, both actually lead to certain death. . .” Kakashi’s visible eye narrowed in disgust.

“Lovely. Which one is better?”

“My door, since you’ll just fall into some hands.”


“They call themselves ‘Helping Hands’ but they just freak people out.” Neji said. “The other door leads into the Bog of Eternal Stench.”

“Ew.” Kakashi said. “Thanks, but no. Actually, could you all come with me?”

“For what??” the four shouted. Kakashi shook his head.

“Jareth should know that his system isn’t fool proof. He should teach you a new trick.”

“Teach us a new trick?!?” Jiraiya was appalled at the very idea!

“I’m headed toward the castle. You can come with me if you like.” The two card guards looked at one another and then back at the man.

“You really think we should?” Tsunade asked. Kakashi smiled and nodded.

“Yes, I do. It wouldn’t be so bad having company along the way.” The cards look at each other again.

“But. . . we don’t know the way over there.” Neji stated, as if that was going to dissuade Kakashi from bringing them along.

“Neither do I.” Kakashi said. “But we’ll get there eventually.”

“Well. . .” Tenten began. “We still have the guard the doors!”

“If both lead to certain death, it wouldn’t matter if your guarded the doors o not.” Orochimaru reasoned. The card’s jaws dropped. They had been doing a pointless job this entire time!!

“Well! I guess we have a bit to discuss with Jareth then, don’t we?” Tsunade said, fire burning in her eyes. Kakashi nearly stepped back, fearing she might still have retained her monstrous temper and strength.

“Er, yeah. So, let’s go. . .” Kakashi looked down, seeing a dark, seemingly endless hole in the ground. “Are you sure there are ‘Helping Hands’?”

“Positive!” Tenten said, smiling. Kakashi hesitated, but then took a leap of faith and fell into the hole. Orochimaru screamed.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!? YOU’RE GONNA KILL US!!!!!!!!” Kakashi didn’t think there was any way in heck that a worm of that size could POSSIBLY scream that loudly into his ear. “HEEEEEELP!!!!!!!”

Then they came to a stop.

Kakashi looked around, still seeing endless blackness, but feeling held up by something. Above him, the two Card Guards were suspended, blocking the light from the surface. There didn’t seem to be any ‘hands’ on them either. So what was holding them up? Some other type of magic?

“So, which way?” a lower voice asked. Kakashi scrambled to find the source of the voice. “Up or down?”

“Who is that?”

“The replacement for the Helping Hands. They’re off on break.”

‘Break?’ Kakashi thought. ‘The Hands go on *break*??’

“So, what’s holding us up?”


“BUGS?!?” the girls shrieked, squirming to get the beetles off of them. Kakashi sighed a little. So, this was Shino. Well, at least he had found seven of his companions and had six of them with him.

“Well, what’s up?”

“Nothing much, really. Down doesn’t have much either.”

“Well, I guess we’ll go down, then.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, and if you would. . .”

“Them too?” the voice interrupted.

“Er, yes. When will the Hands be back?”

“After I drop you all.”

“Can you come with us, then? You’re another person I need to bring with me to the City.”

“Jareth sent you?”

“Yes.” Kakashi lied.

“Well, I suppose if it’s the King’s orders, then I’ll have to go.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. BOMBS AWAY!!” Kakashi nearly broke into hysterical laughter. . . until his ass hit stone ground and two (four?) more bodies fell on top of him. They all moaned as they got up, very blindly in the darkness.

“Sorry!” the four voices said to Kakashi.

“It’s all right.” he replied, searching for a match or something.

“You lookin’ for something?” a familiar voice said. Candle lights lit around the room simultaneously, revealing the blonde Hoggle Kakashi had met earlier. The Jounin blinked as he saw a very confident Naruto cross his arms and smirk. “You got trapped here.”

“As did you.”

“Nope, I was sent to get you.”

“Get me?”

“Jareth’s been following you since you entered the labrynth.” Naruto stated. “And he actually wants you to try to make it into the castle. Sooooooo. . . yeah, I’m just here ta get you out of here.” Kakashi blinked again.

“Why in the world would he do that??” The boy shrugged, taking another peek at Kakashi’s ring.

“No idea. I’m just following orders. Of course, I’m to leave ya once I get you out.” he said, walking up to the silver haired man and inspecting his left hand.

“I’m not bribing you to take us any further.” Kakashi stated. “Not with this.”

“Got anything else?”

“I gave you a kunai.”

“It’s not jewelry!!” he protested, almost whining like a spoiled child. Kakashi sighed.

“My dog tags?” he offered, showing Naruto the two pieces of metal around his neck with his identification.

“DOG tags??”

“Never mind.” Kakashi said, taking out wire and quickly tying up Naruto.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?” Tsunade screamed, seeing the boy wriggle like a worm.

“He’s being a pain.” Kakashi said simply. “He also needs to come with.”

“NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Naruto yelled.

“Shut up.” the Jounin said. “How do we get out?”

“That piece of wood.” the boy stated, glaring. “Use it like a door on the wall.”

“A door on the wall? Isn’t that a book?” Jiraiya asked.

“That’s ‘The Door *IN* the Wall’, idiot.” Tsunade said, kicking Jiraiya’s head.


The shinobi ignored the two and put the small board to the wall, finding a notch that acted like a handle on the side. When he turned it and opened the door, a flood of water nearly drowned Kakashi and the worm who was perched on his shoulder.

“It kinda leads a lotta places.” Naruto explained. “You’ll have to find the right one.” Kakashi glared, but tried again. . . and again. . . and again. . . and again. . . and again. . .




Kakashi: I've never done this before. . . so, I guess review and read her other stuff. . .

Iruka: I don't know when she'll be up, but when she is she'll update. . . *pokes Yumi* We should do this more often.

Kakashi: I'd agree, but she's gonna kill us when she wakes up. . .

Iruka: True -_____-;;

Kakashi and Iruka: Damn. . .
Chapter 4: The Wise Man by Yumi
Author's Notes:
Disclaimer in summary!! Me no own, me no sue!!! @___@

Yumi: Holy mother of something I really shouldn't say!! I haven't updated in forever!!! X___X . . . I blame that on Kakashi and Iruka for using a tranquilizer dart on me back when I updated last. . . yeah, and my math homework. . . I really hate Algebra 2

Ryuu: Stop whining. Where am I in the story??

Yumi: Not here yet.

Ryuu: You said I was in it *evil glare*

Yumi: LATER!! You'll show up. . . er, two chapters? Yeah, I think that's right. . .

Ryuu: baka.

Yumi: GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! >____< Why don't you go away for a while?

Ryuu: No, I think I'll stay and pester you some more.

Yumi: *throws raspberry* Anyway, to everyone else who's reading this (whoever that is. . . besides those three people who I know read this story. . .) PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!! I'm feeling majorly unloved!!!

Ryuu: Who'd love you?

Yumi: Shove it, Ryuu. T__T
The Labrynth's King

Four: The Wise Man

After a dragon, tornado, fire, lions, field of flowers, junkyard, darkness, snow, broom closet, occupied bathroom, bedroom, space, a beach, a cliff, bottomless pit, and a bricked up wall, Kakashi finally opened the piece of wood to the right door, which led out to a tunnel. According to the Hoggle-Naruto, they would climb a ladder to get to the labrynth. The tunnel was more or less of a diversion for those who were stupid enough to follow the “false alarms”. They would get cleaned out in the sweeps.

“Thank god,” Kakashi muttered, finding the ladder that Naruto had spoken of.

“Do you really think we should trust ‘im?” Orochimaru asked, looking back at the boy who was tied up. “He’s workin’ for Jareth.”

“He has a point you know.” another voice said behind them. Kakashi didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was.

“Did you come to try to stop me, Jareth?” he said, looking over his shoulder and glaring at the Goblin King. The taller man smirked.

“No, but how’s my labrynth? Iruka’s *dying* to know.” Kakashi’s eyes widened as he slowly turned around to find Jareth’s sumg look. That’s what made him pounce on the other man.

“What did you do to him?!”

“Nothing. . . much.”

“What did you do?!!” the Jounin demanded.

“He’s having a nice little dream.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that his mind is locked up where I want it to be. I’ve had his body stashed in the throne room.”

“And after that?”

“He’s been sitting next to me like a good boy.” Jareth responded. “He makes a marvelous pet when he’s not defiant.” Kakashi was about to kill the man right then and there. If it weren’t for the fact that the Jounin had no idea how to get Iruka back to the way he used to be, Kakashi would have already decapitated Jareth and taken everyone back already. “Once you give up or fail to reach the castle in time with all your little friends, I’ll give your sweetheart his mind back.”

“And do what with him?”

“I rather like him as a pet. I might just keep him that way.”

“Iruka’s better than that.”

“I’m *sure* he is.” the King stated, rolling his eyes. “I just don’t have *those* uses for him.” Kakashi snapped and punched Jareth in the face. The Goblin King flew a good thirty or forty feet before grabbing the wall and standing up again, shaking terribly.

“You can bet that I’ll solve your pathetic labrynth *and* get Iruka back.” Kakashi swore.

“Really now? My labrynth’s pathetic?” the other man inquired. “Well, then, how about upping the stakes? You should be able to gather everyone if my labrynth is so pathetic.”

“I’m not increasing my chances to fail, bastard.”

“How about I tell you how many there are?”

“For what?”

“Something small.” the Goblin King said, smirking. “There are twenty of your buddies in total, twenty-one including your lover.”

“What am I giving up for this information and for raising the stakes?” ‘Which I DID NOT agree to.’ Kakashi thought angrily.

“Just give me Hiccups.”


“HOGGLE!!” the boy shouted. “Why can’t ANYONE get my name right?!?”

“Whatever. I’ll keep HOG-gle for you. I have some errands that need to be run.”

“You mean he won’t be with you when I arrive.”

“Well, you’ll just have to take that chance, won’t you?” Jareth stated, disappearing, Naruto along with him. Kakashi cursed, punching the wall next to him several times in rage. How DARE Jareth make a fool out of him? And Iruka? Why did his man go to such extremes to mess with his mind?! Was this some sort of game to him?!?

It likely was, considering how bored and confident the Goblin King seemed to be.

“Er, sir. . .” Tenten began hesitantly, seeing the gigantic cracks that were forming in the wall where Kakashi had punched. “I think we should go up to the surface before the tunnel collapses.”

“I agree.” Neji said, seeing rubble falling to the ground.

“All right.” the shinobi said, letting the two cards and Shino go ahead of him.

It didn’t take them too long to get to the top of the tunnel. That part was easy. However, getting two cards through a tight opening was a challenge. The Tenten and Neji card was barely able to squeeze through the opening, thought that took them a good ten minutes to figure out how to do that. The Tsunade and Jiraiya card, however. . . well, to say the least it made ramming the first card through look like a piece of cake. After almost another twenty minutes, and getting stuck in the hole, the first Card Guard pulled Tsunade’s half up, and Kakashi and Shino pushed Jiraiya up at the same time. Tsunade and Jiraiya ended up flying out of the hole as if they were shot out of a cannon. . . and somewhere far away in the hedge maze.

“Lovely.” Orochimaru said, having lost where the second Card Guard went.

“Where did they go?” Shino asked, quite cluelessly. Kakashi sighed.

“I guess we’ll have to find them.”

“Find WHO??” another voice said. They all turned around, finding a sleeping man with a very fat, birdlike glop for a hat. The Jounin blinked.

“Chouji? Shikamaru??” he asked.

“HUH??” Shikamaru asked, waking up from his dream. “Who said my name?”

“He did!!” the hat-bird-Chouji said, pointing with his head over to Kakashi. “Hey, how DO you know his name anyway?”

“Er, long story.” the man said.

“I don’t have time for long stories.” Shikamaru said. “You need something?”

“Er, well, I need you to come with me to the Goblin City. . .”

“Why in the world would I take the time and effort to do that??” the boy asked. Kakashi’s eyebrow began twitching. Of COURSE Shikamaru would be the Wise Man! He’s such a lazy genius it was the obvious choice. . .

“Jareth sent for you and your. . . erm, hat.”

“My hat.”

“Yes your hat.” Shikamaru leaned on his right arm and fell asleep again.

“Hey!!” Chouji yelled. “Good grief, that’s the tenth time today.”

“What can we do to make him move?” Kakashi inquired.

“A small contribution, probably.”

“Of what??”

“Well, it used to be money or whatever. Lately he wants to play some board game.”


“Yeah! That’s the one!!” Kakashi rubbed his face. I guess even with magic old habits die hard. . . Of course the Shikamaru he knew liked to play against people who were good at Shogi. . . Kakashi was not one of those people. He never learned how to play the game properly since he was constantly working.

“I’ll play.” Shino said, his black beetles covering his entire body as if to prepare the boy for the battle of. . . chess pieces. . .

“You will?!” Shikamaru asked, suddenly very awake. “Great! I’ll set up the board!!” he said, jumping from his stone seat and grabbing his game from behind his chair. Chouji sighed.


“You’re my hat. You’re supposed to me quiet!!” Shika yelled, glaring upward at the other character. Chouji merely rolled his eyes.

“You could always feed me to be quiet. . .” Kakashi shook his head. Yes, old habits DID die hard.

“So, shall we set a time limit, or just play until the end?” the boy asked Shino. “If you’re good, this could go on for a while.”

“How good are you, Shino?” Kakashi asked.

“Who’s Shino?” Tenten asked, blinking.

“Er, sorry.” the Jounin apologized.

“Well, I’m quite good at Shogi.” the bug boy replied.

“I say whoever is winning by the time 15 minutes has passed, then.” he said. “We don’t have much time left.”

“That’s barely enough time to make three moves!!’ Shika protested.

“If you’re really that good, that should be plenty of time.” Kakashi stated, knowing the boy would not admit that he wasn’t good enough to stay within his time constraint. The genius stood there for a moment, wondering it was worth the humiliation to reason with the silver haired man. Eventually, he decided it wasn’t.

“Fine, 15 minutes.” he said. Kakashi nodded, hoping that it might give Shino the edge he would need to defeat Shikamaru. No matter how good Shino was, Shikamaru would be twice as accurate, and three times as good at foreseeing his opponent’s moves. . .

Too late.

Shikamaru had already won with the limit. . .

Five minutes.

“Damn!” Shino cursed, the bugs receding back into his cloak. “That was fast!!”

“Too bad you’re so lame.” Shika said. “Whatever. It was the best game I’ve had in a long time.”

“Who did you play before?” Neji asked.

“Him.” the genius said, pointing to the hat-Chouji. “Very VERY entertaining.” he said, the sarcasm practically dripping from his mouth.

“Ugh.” Chouji whined.

“Anyway, we’ll go with you. You were a. . . *fair* opponent.” Shika stated, putting board and pieces away. “So, what are we headed for again?”

“I’m. . . just supposed to collect you and go to the city. . . and find 15 others.”

“Wow, I guess we should get going!” Chouji said, wondering how in the world they were going to collect 15 other people in the labrynth.

“Yeah, Jareth won’t be too happy if we make him wait for us.” Tenten commented.

‘I won’t be happy waiting either.’ Kakashi thought. “Which way?”

“I’d go that way.” Chouji said, stretching out his neck toward the left. “We’ll get to the castle faster.”

“I can’t.” Kakashi stated. “I have to take the longer route.”

“That’s just silly!” Tenten said. “No one’s going to be on the longer path! Everyone stays close to the castle path!”

“How do you know?” Kakashi asked, knowing that they had hardly been around the place anyway.

“Well. . . it’s just common knowledge! No one wants to be out in the middle of no where when there are likely to be people dying out there because they can’t find their way around!”

“I suppose.” the Jounin said, thinking a loud. “All right, left then.”

“What about the other Guards?” Orochimaru asked. “You need to find them too!” Kakashi sighed, exasperated.

“I’ll go find them. You all stay here. If I’m not back in an hour, head on without me.”



A/N: yay! Chapter four is finished!! And guess what? I ALREADY WROTE PART OF CHAPTER FIVE!!!!! bwahahahahahaha!!!!!! . . . I'm just proud that I'm not just writing one chapter at a time and BS-ing the next few. . . ^__^;;;

please review!!!!!!!!
Chapter 5: The Green Beast and Door Knockers by Yumi
Author's Notes:
Look for the disclaimer in the summary. HAH!! YOU CAN'T SUE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yumi: *ahem* So this is a bit of a strange chapter. I wrote it a while ago half asleep, and it kinda rambles.

Ryuu: You've come to like those lately, haven't you?

Yumi: I hate them. . . and my creativity streak is running on fumes now . . . -__-;; But you're in here finally!!

Ryuu: Really? Cool. . . so, what am I?

Yumi: *sarcastic* You're a little toad Kakashi steps on and kills.

Ryuu: *holds pointy, bloody object to Yumi's throat* Say that again?

Yumi: You actually believed me? Wow. . .

Ryuu: What am I??

Yumi: Just read the damn thing and find out!! -__-;;;
The Labrynth's King

Five: The Green Beast and Door Knockers

It actually didn’t take long for the ninja to find the Jiraiya-Tsunade gaurd. In fact, they hadn’t flown very far from the tunnel exit. However, they were trapped in a bush and tangled in a LOT of rope. When Kakashi (and Orochimaru) found them, the Jounin was greeted by the sound of loud, low howling.

“What IS that?!?” Kakashi groaned, covering his ears.

“THAT is HIM!” Tsunade said, pointing toward the small, yet lanky green beast. “He keeps yeowling!”

‘Oh no. . .’ the Jounin thought. “Lee??”

“Ludo.” the boy said. “I Ludo.”

‘I can’t. . . no, this is just wrong. . .’ Kakashi thought, trying not to loose his composure. Lee looked like a little, furry imp with horns. . . He didn’t quite think that was what Lee meant by ‘the Green Beast of Konoha’. . . well, the Lee that Kakashi knew anyway. . .

“You?” Lee asked.

“I’m Kakashi. What are you doing out here?”

“Ludo lost.” he said.

“Would you like to come with us, then?” Lee tilted his head, wondering if he should trust the man or not. “We won’t bite.”

“You like Sarah?” he asked. Kakashi blinked a few times. Was that ‘did he LIKE Sarah’ or ‘Was HE like Sarah’. . .?

“Erm, sorta.” the Jounin said, not knowing what else to say. “Can you come with us, though?” Lee cowered behind a bush on the next asile of the labrynth.

“Mrhmnft mmn rnurint!” a voice said from the side. Kakashi turned to find a set of door knockers that were shaped like demon heads. One had the knocker ring through his ears, and the other held in his mouth.

“Ryuu?! Yumi?!?” Kakashi shouted, wondering there he rest of their bodies were. . .

“HUH?!? I can’t hear you!!” Ryuu shouted, hardly hearing herself.

“Mrnm!” Yumi tried to say. Kakashi walked over to them and took the ring out of Yumi’s mouth. “HOLY SHIT!! It’s been ages since I’ve had that thing out of my mouth!!!”

“I see. So, what did you say?”

“I was talking to Ludo, but seeing as he’s run away. . .”

“I here!!” Lee said, peering behind the bush.

“Well, I was saying don’t run away. He isn’t gonna hurt you or anything.”

“How do you know?” Kakashi asked. Was it possible that the minor characters retained their memories? Maybe even Jareth’s powers weren’t as great as he though they were!

“Well, I just kinda know.”

“Why the heck do you keep mumbling?!” Ryuu shouted. “I can’t hear a thing!”

“That’s because your deaf, baka!!” Yumi shouted, trying to get through to the other demon.

“Nope, still can’t hear you.” Kakashi sighed and tried to wiggle the other ring out of Ryuu’s ears. “That hurts, damnit!!”

“I’d stop complaining and let him help you, ass.” Yumi said, glaring as much as she could to the door next to her.

“Do you two always bicker at one another?” Kakashi asked, pulling the ring hard now. Both feet were planted on the door as he yanked backward.

“Yeah, because it’s frustrating when she can’t hear a thing I say, and I can’t clarify.”

“FUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!” Ryuu screamed as Kakashi finally yanked the ring out, flying a few feet backward and falling on his ass. “Damn, it’s too loud!!”

“Monkutare.” Yumi mumbled.

“Hey, I can hear you now.”

“No shit.”

“So, what were you trying to say earlier?”

“How much earlier, baka? We’ve been stuck here for nearly a millenuim!!” Kakashi stood up, rubbing the sore spot on his bum. It seems that he was falling down a lot lately. . .

“Hey, can you two stop the fighting already? I need to pass through with a bunch of other people.”

“NO!” they shouted together. Kakashi sweat dropped.

“Will you let us through, then?”

“Sure, why not?” Ryuu said.

“I’ll also have to take you off your hinges. . .”

“ARE YOU NUCKING FUTS?!?” Yumi shouted. “You can’t just do that!!”

‘Nucking futs??’ Kakashi wondered. “Yes I can.”

“The kitten actually has a point. Jareth sealed the doors.” Ryuu explained.

“Gee, thanks.” Yumi said, rolling her eyes.

“No prob. Anyway,” the dragon continued. “We’ll let you through, but you can’t take us with you.”

“Damn Jareth.” Kakashi cursed under his breath. “Of course he would have done something like that. . .”

“What about just taking US?” Yumi thought a loud.

“What are you talking about?” Ryuu galred. “We ARE the doors!”

“I mean just unscrewing the knockers!” she said. “Jareth didn’t say anything about US being sealed in the DOORS.”

“Hey! You’ve made two good points today! You’re improving!” Yumi glared at the snickering youkai.

“You know, if you had been able to HEAR for the past thousand years, you might know that I make MANY valid poitns.”

“Not that you were able to talk either. . .” Ryuu mumbled.

“Shuddap!” the cat demon shouted. Kakashi sighed, tired of them already.

“Okay, we’ll try to unscrew you from the doors.”

“Why do you need to bring us anyway?” Ryuu inquired. “Not like we’re of any use. Even you’re getting annoyed with us.”

“I have to, and soon.” the ninja explained. “I made a deal with Jareth.”

“Oh, that was stupid.” Yumi said. Kakashi’s eyebrow twitched.

“Whatever. We know the labrynth inside and out! We can get you out in no time!” Ryuu said optimistically.

“I need to get to the center.”

“Oh, it’s THAT kind of deal.” Yumi said. “Well, Ryuu can get you in there. I can get you out if you ever need to. . .”

“Maybe.” Kakashi admitted. There was nothing said about how he was going to get out. However, if everyone was set back to normal and they had to get out on their own. . . well, Yumi’s memories as the door knocker would be erased and they would be lost again. “I’ll be right back.”

“HEY!” Tsunade shouted. “GET US DOWN FIRST!!”

“Yeah, the blood is rushing out of my head.” Jiraiya said, who was for the first time right side up. Kakashi threw a few shuriken at the ropes, which let the Card Guard fall with a SLPAT.

“You two stay here and I’ll get everyone else. . . oh, and try to convice Ludo to come with us. He’ll be a big help there. . .”



Ryuu: I'm a doorknocker.

Yumi: Yeah, so am I

Ryuu: You did that on purpose.

Yumi: We DO bicker like that a lot.

Ryuu: True.

Yumi: So, can you lower your pointy object?

Ryuu: sure *blood seeps into Yumi's shirt*

Yumi: RYUU!!

Ryuu: what?! oh. . .

Yumi: T__T whatever. . . TIDE BLEACH!! BWAHAHAHA!!!

Ryuu: o__O. . . okay. . . sure.

A/N: Hey! I updated!! ^__^ lol, anyway, I’m drawing off the last ouce or two of creativity I have for today. I need to restock and have my head examined by the repair man again. . . and have a conference with the Plot Bunnies. They’ve been giving my ideas for new fics, but none for the ones I already have going. . . They’re not being nice to me. . . -___-

ANYWAY! I only have two notes for this chapter, I think. If you were a little confused by “Nucking Futs”, just switch the first letter of each word and you’ll get the real words. I like to do that with the phrase “That’s bass aackwards!” (that’s Ass Backwards), and “Nool Poodle” (Pool Noodle) ^__^ Isn’t the English Language just SO fun to play with?

and. . .

Monkutare: Whiner (literally "one who complains")

Review please!! ^__^
Chapter 6: Crystal Ball by Yumi
Author's Notes:
Disclaimer is in the summary ^__^


Anyway, this is just an appetizer before the main course. . . I know a lot of people don't read this one, so I posted it now. I've been DYING to post something, but I know no one is on yet really. . . thus I'll wait until this evening. . .

Try again at about 5:00. I'll have a TON of stuff posted!!

OH! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TARI-CHAN!!!!! ^^ I have your present posted on deviantart ^__^ I finally found my colored pencils X3

Anyway, hope you enjoy! Please leave a review!!
Six: Crystal Ball

Jareth had done with Iruka exactly what he had told to Kakashi. Iruka was propped up in a chair next to the Goblin King’s throne and just sat there. His mind was crowed back into the back, dark, deep recesses of his brain and Jareth liked it that way. The man was actually quite pretty with his eyes glazed over, seemingly dead or dying.

“Are you having a good time, Iruka?” Jareth played, his feet up on the armrest of his chair while his head was on the other. He was continually running his hand over the other man’s head like a faithful pet dog. “It’s a nice illusion, isn’t it? I love masquerades, don’t you? I used it on Sarah a while back, but she shattered the crystal. I was rather disappointed, actually. I was having fun dancing with her.”

Iruka’s eyes let out a single tear. Jareth saw this and wiped it away with his thumb.

“Don’t cry, lovely. I’ll have Kakashi join you soon. You’ll live happily ever after. . . inside my little crystal ball.” he said, smirking. “This really is turning out to be a lot of fun.”

“Sir,” the Hoggle-Naruto said, entering the throne room.

“What is it?!” Jareth snapped, glaring.

“Erm, you asked me to deliver something?”

“Oh yes, I do recall something like that.” the Goblin King said, reaching into the coat that was hanging on his chair. “Kakashi’s getting pretty close.”

“Yes, sir.” Naruto said, wondering what was going on.

“We’ll just have to fix that, won’t we?” The man threw something at Naruto, which the boy just barely caught. “Give that to him.”

“It’s. . . a ring?” the boy asked. “Why a ring?”

“I doubt that Kakashi’s stupid enough to fall for the same trick as Sarah.” Jareth said, reading a book called ‘The Labrynth’ which he had stolen from Kakashi’s back pocket. “He wouldn’t eat a peach.”

“But a ring. . .”

“It’s Iruka’s ring.” the King said. “Well, an imitation anyway.”

“So, I’m supposed to give it to him?”

“No, just wear it and go to Kakashi. That way he won’t suspect anything’s wrong with it. Just say you stole it off Iruka or something.” Naruto sweat dropped, not knowing really what to do.

“Okay, if you say so. . .”

“Good, now go find Kakashi and company. I want him in dreamland within the hour.”

“Er, how much longer does he have, exactly?”

“He has. . . hmm, about six hours left. Less than actually.” Naruto nodded, wondering if he should help Kakashi along instead of hindering him. It wasn’t fair that the Jounin was getting sidetracked with so many different things. He was never going to make it in six hours.

“Okay, sir.” he said, hobbling out of the room. Jareth smiled, returning to his bored position on his throne.

“Yes, you both will be attending my Ball very soon.”

“How many more?” Shino asked, getting somewhat impatient with all this traveling. “And how much longer do you have?” Kakashi took a look at the watch he had with him.

“If Jareth hasn’t tampered with my belongings, I believe we have five and a half hours left.”

“And the people?” Shikamaru asked, equally annoyed with wasting his energy moving.

“Eight including Hoggle.” Kakashi said, wondering how in the world he was going to find Naruto again. If Jareth didn’t want Kakashi to finish, all he had to do was keep Naruto away until time was up. It was cheating, yes, but Jareth didn’t seem to have reservations about fairness. “Where to now?” he asked Ryuu.

“Erm, let’s see. . .” the demon door knocker said, looking around. “I think it’s left.”

“You think?”

“About 99% sure.” Ryuu said. “That 1% is nagging at me, though.”

“Split up?” Ludo suggested.

“No, I can’t afford to have us split.” Kakashi muttered. “My gut is telling me right.”

“That must be a pretty loud GUT for you to hear it!!” a voice said from above. They all looked up, finding red bird-looking creatures laughing at them. “Yo!”

“Yo yourself.” Tenten said, glaring. “Go away!”

“What?” another one said. “Can’t we have a little fun?”

“No, because you’re all annoying.” Tsunade spat.

“Take some time and smell the BOG!” the third one said, laughing so hard he fell off the branch he was sitting on. “HAHAH! I’m laughing myself to pieces!!” he said, looking at his body which had come completely apart when he fell. “Hey, guys! Can I get a little help here?” The other two were laughing at their comrade, soon falling from their perches as well.

“Sorry, bub! We need a bit of a hand ourselves!” the second one said.

“A hand? Here’s a hand!” the first one said, watching his hand wave hello to everyone. The three began to laugh again. Kakashi and the rest were hardly amused.

“*ahem* You are?” the Jounin asked.

“I’m Ino!”

“I’m Kabuto!”

“I’m Itachi!” They said, introducing themselves.

“We’re the WILD gang!!” they shouted in unison. Kakashi put a hand over his eyes, not believing what he was seeing. . . well, nothing in this little alternate universe was believable, but. . . Itachi as part of the Wild Gang?? Ino he could see, and possibly even Kabuto, but Itachi??? And the Uchiha was SMILING and LAUGHING!! He was sure the world was going to come to an end soon. . .

“Erm, nice to meet you all.” Kakashi said. “You’re just the people we’re looking for!”

“Really?” Ino asked. “COOL!”

“What do you need us for?” Itachi asked.

“We’re going to Goblin City!” Orochimaru said.

“I’m supposed to be collecting people along the way.” Kakashi explained. “I need to get to the city before time’s up.”

“OOOOOh, you’re like that Sarah girl. . .” Kabuto said, thinking back. “OKAY! Why not?”

“You can’t be serious!” Chouji said. “They’re. . . WEIRD!!”

“Look who’s talking!” Itachi shouted. “Hey, can someone assemble us?”

“You know I would, but I don’t have a body.” Yumi said, looking at them. “Can’t you assemble yourselves?”

“Yeah, but it takes forever.” Ino said. “I usually end up on the wrong body or with the wrong legs.”

“Yeah, she steals them.” Kabuto said. “That or my glasses.”

“You LOOSE your glasses, idiot!”

“I do not! How can I loose them when they’re on my face?”

“How could I steal your glasses when they’re on your face?”

“You’re just sneaky like that.” Itachi said, snickering. “So where’d you put them this time?”

“I DIDN’T!!” Ino shouted. Kakashi shook his head and began gathering up the body parts which were scattered across the forest floor. “He LOST them!!!”

“We’ll look for the glasses once you’re all properly assembled, okay?” Kakashi said. “I don’t have time for this. . .”

“You need to get some time then!” Ino said. “I mean, com’on! You can’t be in a hurry ALL the time!”

“You know, for once in my life I’m going to be in a hurry.” Kakashi stated, trying to figure out which arm went with which hand and body. “Ludo, can you get the other limbs? The rest of you help him put these three together.”

“Do we ‘ONESTLY ‘ave to bring them?” Orochimaru asked. “Ah don’t like that one in particular.” the worm said, looking at Itachi’s head.

“Yes, we have to.”


“sOOOOOOO! Do you know where you’re goin’?” Kabuto asked, his head hopping blindly over to where he thought his body was. “You seemed at a disagreement.”

“I think it’s left, but this guy thinks it’s right.” Ryuu said.

“Left goes into the bog, doesn’t it?” Yumi asked.

“Naw, it’s just the shorter, stranger route.” Itachi said, getting placed on a body with no limbs. “Man, I have to pee.”

“We really didn’t need to know that, doofus.” Ino said.

“Then hurry up and get my arms and legs over here!!”

“Which yours?” Lee asked, dumping the pile of body parts in front of him.

“Uh, that one.”

“Which one?” the boy asked again. Shikamaru sighed and pulled out a random set of arms and legs and plopped them on Itachi’s body.


“Ew, these are Ino’s legs.” Itachi said. “They’re all skinny.”

“Gimme my legs, you pervert!!” Ino shouted, using her arms to carry her over to grab her legs back. “And my legs aren’t skinny.”

“Whatever, can I get my legs now?”

“What are you doing with THOSE people?” a very familiar voice said. They all turned around to find Naruto coming down the path to the right.

“We need to take them along, I guess.” Tenten said. “Why are you here?”

“I’m. . . uh, done with my errands I guess.” Naruto said, scratching his head. “Aren’t they just getting annoying?”

“Increasingly.” Kakashi said. “Come over here and help me. I can’t get Kabuto’s hand to attach.” Naruto rolled his eyes and helped Kakashi snap the appendage back on.

“Sheesh, it wasn’t THAT har–”

“What are you wearing?” Kakashi asked, seeing a very pretty ring on a chain Naruto was wearing around his neck. The boy put a hand over the jewelry.


“That’s Iruka’s ring, you little bastard!!” the Jounin exclaimed, grabbing Naruto’s shirt and ready to kill the boy. “Why do you have Iruka’s ring?!!”

“It was just lying around!! It’s not like I stole it off of him or nothin’!!!” Naruto swore.

“Give it to me.”

“No! It’s mine!” the blonde shouted, ripping the front of his shirt to run away.

“Get back here, you little brat!!” Kakashi yelled, running after Naruto. Unfortunately, whether it was because Kakashi was getting tired of collecting people or by Jareth’s magic, Naruto seemed to be running away faster than he had ever done back in Konoha.

“Where are you going?!” Tsunade demanded.

“Getting back Iruka’s ring!!” Kakashi bellowed, leaving them behind.

“Should we follow?” Yumi asked, seeing that everyone was reassembled properly.

“Probably should,” Neji said.

“But he went right!!” Ryuu said. “I remember what’s down that way!!!”

“What’s down the right path?” Chouji asked.

“The Bog of Eternal Stench.”

The smell became stronger and stronger as Kakashi chased Naruto down the pathway, and the Jounin was becoming light headed. The stench was unbearable!! Still, he pursued the thief down toward the horrid odor, even as the ground became soft and mushy.

Kakashi stopped for a second, looking around at where he was. Apparently Ryuu was right when she said they needed to go to the left. . . UgH! It smelled SO BAD!!!

“ARGH!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!” Naruto shouted, running back toward Kakashi. “Here! Take it! Just get me out of this bog!!!!!”

“The ring first!” Kakashi demanded, trying not to gag. Naruto pulled the chain off his neck and handed it to Kakashi, who immediately swiped it up and inspected it.

“Com’on! Let’s get going!!”

“Fine,” Kakashi said, putting the ring on his middle finger to secure it. “Let’s go.” He said, feeling suddenly more tired and light headed. He figured the smell must have been getting to him hard, but he’d fight through it.

“Hey, are you okay? You’re not moving. . .” Naruto said, poking Kakashi’s side. However, the Jounin didn’t hear him. All he did was fall limp on the mushy ground, completely passed out, though convinced that he was running far away from the bog.

“Welcome, Kakashi-kun.” a woman with half her face covered said. She smiled and giggled when she saw what he was wearing, which was still his Jounin attire. “Apparently you didn’t know this was a formal occasion.”

“Formal?” Kakashi asked, not knowing where he was exactly. One minute he was in the labrynth, the next he was outside of a large ballroom packed with people.

“Yes, Kakashi-kun, formal.” she said, handing him a suit out of thin air. “You’ll need it to meet Iruka.”

“Iruka is here??”

“Why, yes he is.” she said, handing him a mask as well. “He’s already been in here for quite some time.”


“Oh, somewhere. . . I’m sure he’s socializing.” the woman giggled. “Bathrooms are down the hall.” Kakashi still didn’t know what was going on, but decided that it was best that he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb. The suit would have to do. . .

“Oh? Kakashi-kun.” a voice said from behind him on the way to the bathroom. The face was familiar, but he couldn’t place a name to it. “I’m glad you finally made it to my ball.”

“Yeah,” he said, wondering who this man was. “Late as usual.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ve already met some people, no?”

“A few.”

“Have a good time tonight. The ball ends whenever you wish it to.” he said, putting his mask back on and smiling evilly. Kakashi didn’t like the sound of that.

The floor was jammed with dancing bodies, frivolously flirting with whoever they happened to be partnered with. Some had champagne glasses in hand and toasting one another, while others had fans or small bits of food, talking. It seemed that Kakashi was never going to find Iruka. He asked around to some of the women who were flirting with him, but none of them seemed to know who he spoke of, though they were all disappointed when he told them that he was bonded with the person he was looking for.

“I know who you’re looking for.” a woman whispered in his ear. “But he’s not here.”

“What do you mean he’s not here?” he asked, attempting to turn around and see who was there. However, she put a hand to his shoulder, preventing him from looking at her. “Who are you?”

“That’s not part of the deal.” she said, smiling. “Umino Iruka is the one you’re looking for, no?”

“It is.”

“He’s in the center of the dance floor, waiting for someone. He won’t let anyone touch him, which is quite sad. He’s very cute. . .”

“Thank you.” Kakashi said, bolting out of the woman’s hand and heading straight for the dance floor. It seemed almost impossible for him to get to Iruka when he saw the floor, though. It was a mad, swirling whirlpool of couples, and the steps were not getting and slower. Kakashi grabbed the closest girl and began dancing with her, not knowing the steps and not caring in the least about it.

“A bit friendly, are you?” she said, giggling.

“Not in the least,” Kakashi retorted, his eyes on the brunette who was alone in the center. Kakashi let go of the girl and latched onto the man he had come to love. Iruka was startled, and tried to pry off Kakashi at first. . . until he saw who it was.

“K-kakashi??” Iruka asked, shocked and happy all at once. “Take off the mask.”

“Gladly.” he said, pulling the cover off his face. Iruka kissed Kakashi passionately on the lips, tears running down his cheeks.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Kakashi said, hugging his beloved tightly.

“DUDE!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!?” Shino asked, his bug-body hovering over Kakashi’s unconscious form.

“I didn’t do anything! He just passed out!!” Naruto said, glaring.

“Must’ve been the smell.” Neji said. “I’m about to fall over as it is.”

“Well, what do we do?” Tenten asked.

“Ludo know!! Ludo know!!!” Lee said, happily jumping up and down, shaking the ground.

“Okay, Ludo, calm down!” Ryuu said, hoping that Tsunade didn’t drop her in the mush below. “What’s your plan?”


“What the fuck?”

“Here!” Ludo said, going further into the bog.

“Don’t go that way!!” Yumi shouted. “Omg, he’s gone psycho.”

“Well, we might want to save him, don’t you think?” Naruto said.

“Yes we should.” Orochimaru said. “Let’s go.”

“Who’s taking Kakashi, though??” Yumi asked. “I think Ludo was the last person who would be able to carry him.”

“Bug Boy can look after Kakashi.” Shikamaru said. “We’ll stay here too.”

“You just don’t want to move.” Ryuu said.

“Nope.” Shika said, sitting on a root. “Have a good time.”

“I’m sure we will.” Tsunade said, glaring.

End Notes:
A/N: OMFG!!! I FINISHED THE CHAPTER!!!!! xp I haven’t even been able to think about writing this one in a while, and I finally finished this one!!!!!!!!!!! XD

SO! As I have updated, it’s only fair that you all leave a review and rate this story. Thanks!! ^^
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