Summary: Gaara visits a port town, and Jack Sparrow looses his jar of dirt. . . short fic. . .
Categories: MadFic > Parody Characters: Gaara
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Word count: 1079 Read: 1107
Published: 03/09/06 Updated: 03/09/06
Gaara 1: Jack 0 by Yumi
Disclaimer: I don't own Gaara or any of the Pirates of the Caribbean characters mentioned. . . nor the plot lines to either. . . and I'm not making money. . . DON'T SUE ME!!!
Gaara 1: Jack 0
Jack Sparrow had lost his jar of dirt. . . yes, his precious jar of dirt that Tia Dalma had given him to protect him from Davy Jones (though he still failed to see how a jar of dirt would help him. . .). He had made the crew stop in a port for the day to find another, suitable jar to fill dirt in. However. . .
There were no jars to be found. . .
It was absolutely unthinkable!! What town would NOT have jars? Sure they had kegs, pots, cups, barrels. . . but NOT A SINGLE JAR TO BE FOUND. . . well, at least not one with a lid. The crew had found various sized jars without lids. Seeing as the seas could get rough, an open jar of dirt did NOT seem to be a good idea.
“Captain, we’ve got to get goin’!” Gibbs said, seeing that the crew was getting a little annoyed with Jack and his Jones-phobia. “We understand the need fer your jar and dirt, but we’ve got to go.”
“I’m not leaving this place until I’ve found a j. . .” and that’s when Jack saw it.
Well, it was a gourd, really, but it had a cork top to it! The red haired boy who had it with him carried the gourd on his back, so it was completely portable! In fact, there had to be TONS more dirt in that gourd than in the jar he originally had! The situation was almost too good to be true. . .
Oh BOY was it. . .
“You! Lad!!” Jack said, running to see the boy and completely ignoring the rest of his crew. “You, with the gourd!!!!!” The boy looked back at him, dark rings around his eyes and a scary vibe shooting through his sea-green eyes. “Hey, lad, why don’t we make a trade, eh? Your gourd for anything a mine!”
“No.” the boy said flatly.
“You don’t understand the situation.” Jack said. “I need a jar, and there ain’t no jars here.”
“That’s too bad.” he said. The pirate glared.
“What’s your name?”
“Sabaku no Gaara, or in your terms, Gaara of the Desert.”
“Huh, I’m Captain Jack Sparrow.” Jack said, putting out his hand. “Oh, well, probably this hand. You don’t want a black spot.” he said switching his hands. Gaara simply looked at Jack, giving off a ‘what the fuck do you want with me?’ look. “Yer supposed to shake it.”
“Whatever. I’m not giving you my gourd.”
“I need a jar of dirt!!” Jack said, glaring. “You’re the ONLY one with a reasonable sized container with a cap to boot. I’ll give you anything!!”
“I need this gourd for dirt as well.” Gaara said. “Find your own.”
“Gimme the dirt!!” Jack said, attempting to grab the ground off the boy’s back. However, the sand prevented him from getting any further than three inches from Gaara’s face. “Lad, you’re beginnin’ to get on me nerves.”
“The feeling’s mutual. You’re getting on mine as well.” Gaara’s face suddenly became dark and sadistic. “You won’t like me when you’re on my nerves.” Jack jumped back, hiding behind a fruit stand comically.
“Well, if you’d just gimme the dirt. . .”
“I said no.”
“Why not?!” Jack demanded, putting his hands on his hips and leaning into Gaara’s face. “I’ll give ya gold, silver, weapons. . . ladies. . .”
“Tempting, really.” Gaara said, sarcastically. “But not interested.”
“I really didn’t want it ta come ta this, but I guess I’ll have ta.” Jack said, rolling up his sleeves and taking his sword out. “Gimme the dirt, and I’ll not hurt yeh.”
“You need it that badly?” Gaara said, an evil smile forming on his lips. “I’ll give you the dirt. . .” Suddenly, a wave of sand took form behind Gaara. Jack’s eyes widened so big, they might have just popped out of their sockets.
The crew waited for their captain to come back, not knowing why he had gone to see some random red haired boy. However, Jack was not making a lot of sense, lately. It was thanks to Davy Jones that Sparrow had become strange. . . well, strange-er anyway.
“Hey, it’s Jack.” Shorty said, pointing to the man who was running away. “Why is he. . .”
“RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!” Jack shouted, speeding past them and on to the ship. “TO THE PEARL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” No one understood until they heard a crunch behind them. Everyone stared at the giant, sand tanuki before them.
“You wanted the dirt, I’ll give you the dirt!!!!!!!!!” Gaara said, chasing after Jack. The crew screamed like little girls and ran back to the Black Pearl, taking off as quickly as they could. Once he was sure that they were gone, Gaara changed back to his normal self, dusting off some sand that had gotten on his shoulder, and went on his way, scaring most of the villagers.
“What in heaven’s name was that?!?” Gibbs asked exhausted from running away. Jack fell on his butt sighing.
“Some kid. . . had the perfect gourd!!”
“Sa-something or other Gaara.”
“Sabaku no Gaara?!?” Short asked, his eyes widening.
“Yeah! That’s the one!!”
“He’s-he’s-he’s-he’s-he’s-he’s. . .”
“A MONSTER!!!!!!!!” Shorty said. “I can’t BELIEVE we got away alive!!!!!”
“Well, I suppose we should be countin’ our blessings.” Jack said, getting up and tripping over something. . .
A jar of dirt.
The crew looked at him, then the jar.
“Hey! Whatdya know! It’s me jar of dirt!” he said, half laughing, half nervous at the scary looks he was receiving from the crew. “Well! I think we should return to our posts! We’ve got to find that key, you know!” Jack said, running back into his quarters with his jar faster than they could all blink. It was no surprise when later that afternoon Jack was jumped by several of the crew and beaten just as badly, or worse, than anything Gaara could have done without destroying the entire port.
A/N: bwahaha!! Another challenge attempted!!! So, was it crap? Somebody? ANYBODY?!? *cries* no body likes me!!!!!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.