Reviews For No Mary-Sue, Make my OC blue ='[
Name: Lady Sun (Signed) · Date: 29/06/14 - 05:35 pm · For: The Ninja Lost Among the Forest
I hate your character. Your writing is horrific, please be sure to use comas in where they're supposed to go. Your grammar could use some work, too. the plot looks like it has potential but idk... something's missing. I dislike it. Now go read my story.
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 04/08/12 - 11:30 pm · For: Mr. Snake
***laughs hysterically for a few moments***
Oh my gosh…that was your first problem with my story…the multiple POVs that made no significant difference for the story! I remember that review you gave me:
“…Like your other story you have a lot of characters doing a lot of different things at once and it can get confusing. When you change to those characters POVs so often it gets annoying and reminds the reader that they are reading a fan fiction rather than actually experiencing it…”
I got no hard feelings to that review but, this chapter reminds me of it…I definitely see now how it is annoying a bothersome to read. It can even be a turn off on reading a story with certain people…***cough***
I have to say ew to the being in a snake’s belly though…that’s so much worse than the biting a crows head…ugh. I did notice the specific numbers thing that you were poking fun off. Too many specific numbers on certain objects can be a super turnoff and annoyance.
The character development didn’t really explain anything though and was rather pointless I think which I think also was your point. It’s only useful to reveal something that occurred to said character if it has relevance to the current situation said character is interacting with. The dumping thing though I got to say is like my favorite part…I know I did that when I was a rookie writer and I admit sometimes still do but, like I said in my first review that I just did on chapter one today, authors’ shouldn’t dump description details of what a character looks like or acts like all in one sitting or all in one sentence in fact. It is annoying…but it is still done isn’t it so the bothersome issues continues on.
Well now I’m caught up on your chapters here so I will say farewell for now. I’ll be back for the next chapter, I assure you, for well as I have said before, I’m interested in what becomes of your OC. What sort of evil plans do you have for him with him being with Orochi-sama and Kabuto? What other issues that rookie writers do that make you itch with irritancy and be the basis of your next chapter? Curiosity is what I have and I shall quench it one way or another.
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 04/08/12 - 11:06 pm · For: Purpose?
So who enters the scene is Orochi-sama neh, no Sakura-chan? That’s a nice twist…I see the typical Orochimaru manipulation going there…interesting that he too breaks fourth wall and acknowledge the fact that this plot doesn’t seem to exist; it’s weak and vague now like many plots that new or slightly seasoned writers seem to make …Hm… you seem to like making fun of a lot of different things that rookies like to do…that’s good. Hopeful there are some rookies that are taking notes here about what not to do for and yes, it really does looks bad and is just as crappy when done in their own stories.
I have comment on one more thing before I move on though…Your chapters are quite short ….is that intention design to show another issue that is a common inhibitor for readers to being satisfied with a fics’ updated chapter; short chapters or is that accidental and is just that you don’t have a ton to say in those chapters after you’ve wrote what you think should be in the chapter? Food for thoughts I guess, moving on.
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 04/08/12 - 10:51 pm · For: Mary-sue make Taku red
Hmmm….fangirl zombies neh…***laughs***
I like that you kept to Itachi’s original personality. Didn’t make him OCC which is by definition one of the most annoying things that I can agree, needs to stop. If it’s not in the character possible nature to express such thoughts, emotions, or actions then that character should not be used to express such unless…well unless you’re trying emphasize a quality that is undesirable in that character or that is lacking a character…like it’s ironic or satire related… but otherwise no author should make that mistake in causing a serious amount of OCC in a cannon character just for kicks or it to fit their stories…*yes I’m aware I’ve done the same thing…I’m fixing it*
Moving on, the know it all attitude with the OC is kind of annoying, but I have to give props for the fangirl attacking…it’s not anything new but it’s still just as funny to think of a big strong character like Itachi being over taken by crazed fangirls…**chuckles quietly** Taku’s behavior is funny in making fun of the situation. Overall I like the story, its nice change from all the doom and gloom or OC female filled ones I typically read out of boredom, so good job. Going on from this chapter I review for chapter 5.
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 04/08/12 - 10:38 pm · For: Another Uchiha Fic: Operation Uchiha Reproduction
One word for the crow munching; ew. That is just disgusting… first off why on earth would you put a live crow’s head in your mouth and get blood…wait is it the character’s or the crow’s…never mind I don’t want to know. Second on the crow, don’t eat wild birds that scavenge for food, they can have diseases and parasites…the nastiest that will end you. I found it amusing that the crow was Itachi’s, but I got have ask, if he killed the crow then didn’t he kill a piece of Itachi? The crows were pieces of Itachi’s signature genjustu move so….?
Any way nothing jumped at me that suggested a rookie move that you were trying to make fun off in this chapter just you writing something gross to get some reaction…so going forward, backwards, starburst, and upwards to the next chapter.
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 04/08/12 - 10:17 pm · For: If I owned Naruto-I'd have Akamaru lick my-
Sorry for the length of the first review back there….I had a lot to say so I went on to say it in great detail I suppose…***laughs lightly*** Any way, now for chapter two’s review I suppose, I’ll try and keep it brief.
First off, I’ve never read….wait no I’ve read a fic that was dialog a lot of time but, it was appropriate for the fic because it was a talk show based one…otherwise I’ve not read one like that…so I’m not sure how to respond to that but figure it’s annoying. Dialog is useful and key in fictions because…you can really have a story without it but it can get tiresome without some action on the other hand...
I have to say I like the narrator and OC interaction; it is very amusing to read. The breaking the fourth barrier and all seems to be the huge flair among writers these days. I also like Takuyamo talking to himself…he has a very ….colorful character…that just…. ***chuckles** He’s quite the character.
I can’t really think of anything else to say but what’s above…so yeah, going onto chapter 3.
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 04/08/12 - 10:05 pm · For: The Ninja Lost Among the Forest
Well…I guess I should start with what’s up nkbz? It’s been a long time since I wrote a review for you….a couple years it seems. A lot has change, neh? Mah, I remember first reading this and thinking this was just a silly and humorous fic that the author was just writing to be weird. I didn’t think much of it and frankly I thought it was more or less tasteless crap that I was just reading to past time but, now I’ve reread it and found after 4 years of having advanced English discussions on literary analysis shoved down my throat, I realize there is a point you are making by writing this. It’s basically a satire of what many amateur writers end up doing in their fictions that just drive you bananas…some of which I can say I’ve done quite a bit. You’re pointing out all the flaws that you constantly see in fanfics of today and I can agree that some of them can be extremely annoying.
Moving on from that, this chapter was just as amusing to read as the first time I read those few years ago…. Gosh that makes me feel old thinking of how long it’s been but I digress back to my train of thought. The description of the character you use is…classic rookie mistake number one. A lot of authors don’t take the time to weave a picture of what the character looks like to their reader. They resolve to just shove all the information done the readers’ “throat” and let them deal with remembering what the character looks like and what they do... It’s choppy and sloppy to the viewers and shows a lack of skill in designing a story’s detail. I can testify that it can be hard to not do this for its mighty tempting to just do character info-dump as you said in your latest chapter but, we must rise above that temptation for it’s not the quality of writing that should be accepted around here, neh?
Moving on, another classic route done with authors of Naruto world fictions that you so….bluntly exposed I suppose, is to throw a female character from our world into Naruto’s and give them some sort of power, advantage, something to give them meaning the storyline that makes them useful. Give them some sob story, some trouble past, something to make them sympathetic, pitiful, or relatable to the reader… A route that I do agree that has been beaten like a dead horse…I too wonder why not throw men into the Naruto world more so than girls but, I kind of have a feeling that almost half of the authors here are women and naturally people are more inclined to write about their sex in a means of being a reflection of some characteristic of the author or some characteristic the author lacks or desires. It’s kind of an old overused route used by fanfics authors but, you do have to admit there have been some pretty good fics written with this route that make the old, fresh if that makes any sense, mah.
The flashbacks also can get a little confusing and downright irritating with the over usage…but I think they’re extremely useful if used properly. Like if you wanted to reveal a characteristic or development on a character or a connection that you want to highlight; that’s where a flashback can come in handy.
Over all I can agree with a lot of the pointers that you well, pointed out in this chapter. They’re all extremely good pieces of advice that many writers should take to heart, I know I’ve had. They’re something to keep in mind when writing fiction, and well that’s all I got for this chapter, so now I move on to the next chapter.
Name: Oni Nexus (Signed) · Date: 01/08/12 - 09:50 am · For: The Ninja Lost Among the Forest
wow, I can't believe you feel you have any ground to stand on in terms of correcting others lol.
Author's Response: u mad bro?
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/07/12 - 02:18 pm · For: Mr. Snake
Blah. That experience does not sound fun. Do it again, Taku! And I laughed reading the info dump. Do people seriously do that. I sure hope I haven't........ I also remember you giving it as an example on FFW for an info dump. So, do we get this picture? Is it free? Because I'm not paying (sorry about the end. I just suddenly veered into a weird review mood.......).
Author's Response: The first chapter of Tainted Guardian:
He had dark hair, the bangs hanging over his face, onyx eyes that were glaring at me, and pale skin. He wore a black long sleeve shirt, white shorts, and black ninja shoes.
I looked a lot like him, but that was probably because we were twins. I had dark hair like my brother, one onyx eye and one jade eye (it was weird, but when I was six, some snake spat poison into my eye; even after my father got the venom out, it stayed green), and pale skin that was a bit darker than my twins. I wore a pink short sleeve shirt, black shorts, and black ninja shoes.
I got up, reaching toward the object, which just happened to be a boy. He had dark hair, the bangs hanging over his face, onyx eyes that were glaring at me, and pale skin. He wore a black long sleeve shirt, white shorts, and black ninja shoes.
“What have I said about running in the house, Sasuke?” she asked. She had long black hair, onyx eyes, and pale skin. She wore a black dress under a beige apron. After a moment, Mother smiled.
you were my inspiration.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/07/12 - 02:11 pm · For: Purpose?
A) Should I be honored to have my name in this story, because I couldn't tell. Either way, I laughed when I saw it.
B) Why does so many seem to misspell my name?
Anyway, funny chapter, Nkbz. And Orochimaru...... *glares at said snake *
Another interesting chapter! I'm now at home, but since I have one more chapter, I might as well read it.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/07/12 - 01:59 pm · For: Mary-sue make Taku red
I never knew making fun of cliches could be so funny........ Poor Itachi. Though I guess he should be used to it XD. I don't know why, but I laugh every time you make it obvious you're not detached from the story such as adding that you forgot due to a two year time period. Another hilarious chapter, Nkbz.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/07/12 - 01:55 pm · For: Another Uchiha Fic: Operation Uchiha Reproduction
Hey, don't diss these fics. They're fun to write. I should know XD.
Though I do see the point with most of them being overly cliche and Mary-Sue like. My first version fit that so well (not Tainted Guardian, but the actual first version). I laughed at the ending, simply because anime do scenes like that so often. They are really cliche, but they look cool XD. Anyway, another funny chapter. Still bored, so off to the next one!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/07/12 - 01:48 pm · For: If I owned Naruto-I'd have Akamaru lick my-
Hm..... Could do with at the male part addition, but hey, that's just be because I'm young and still don't even like thinking the word.
I find it amusing to see all the overused stuff. Well, stuff you apparently see a lot, because me, not so much. Maybe it's because I just don't read as much as you do/did (don't know how active you are now). But, again, it is entertaining. I wonder what his wish will be. Hm......
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/07/12 - 01:40 pm · For: The Ninja Lost Among the Forest
Don't ask me what suddenly made me decide to read this - I'm not sure. Maybe because I was bored as wanted something that I wouldn't write a long review for than usual? I dunno.
This was entertaining, though. There was one part I think I understand but do not want to ask if I'm right about, but the rest I got and found funny. And this did make me realize that I'm not completely messing up Final Wish. Though you are right about the girl thing. I'm sure Ryu feels very special now.
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 14/06/12 - 02:35 pm · For: The Ninja Lost Among the Forest
I read the second chapter before the first......
Me takes my LOL? back because it really didn't make me laugh out loud. T_T Points for a couple of smiles and a nutty plot. Nuetral Opinion.
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 14/06/12 - 02:07 pm · For: Another Uchiha Fic: Operation Uchiha Reproduction
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 25/04/12 - 09:27 pm · For: Mr. Snake
I like Mr. Snake :D I think it was the flashback that did it for me, I gotta say. It just completes it for me ;) And I want that picture of Kabuto! You better have one up next chapter!
Author's Response: I'll break out the crayons and mspaint!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 08/09/11 - 03:14 am · For: Purpose?
Whoa.... Orochimaru's manipulative attitude was perfect.... which just made this a whole lot creepier....
Sasaui Uchiha? As in the writer? Hmm.... I think it's kind of funny that Taku would rather go with another writer; I find it funny you chose a friend of mine XD
Well, now I gotta know what Taku is going to do after his encounter with Orochimaru. So keep up the good work!
Author's Response: I love an in character Oro, he's fun :3rnrnNow I gotta find out what Taku is going to do :xrn
Name: WinterzDream (Signed) · Date: 28/08/11 - 10:55 pm · For: Mary-sue make Taku red
AHHHH I LOVES IT!!!
Personally I have never been able to get far in an OC-Centric story but this is just gold. I can't wait for more =D
though I fear for his life....Sakura would kill him with one simple punch unless he had some remarkable power or what not, lol. I loves that bitch but she is crazy! Poor Taku....
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 26/08/11 - 03:52 pm · For: Mary-sue make Taku red
*laughs hysterically* Okay give me a minute...
*laughs for ten more minutes*
I actually found this really funny. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the screen. I don't know what I find the funniest, but I do love paradoies XD This was really interesting, nice job.
Name: Rezzalia (Signed) · Date: 26/08/11 - 02:05 pm · For: Mary-sue make Taku red
:D Update soon, please! I loved whole "Fangirl no Jutsu" part~
Name: Rezzalia (Signed) · Date: 26/08/11 - 01:57 pm · For: The Ninja Lost Among the Forest
I adore this story. :D Even though I plead for reviews and whatnot, I still love the humor in this.
Author's Response: aw shit I have to give you a review now~!
Name: kageainoko (Signed) · Date: 06/06/11 - 04:16 pm · For: Another Uchiha Fic: Operation Uchiha Reproduction
uumm i dont know what to write... well its a good start i like your charater and the plot, oh and talking to the narrator, that was funny but to short. and why would he want to kill people?
Name: bre2k8 (Anonymous) · Date: 04/08/09 - 06:47 pm · For: The Ninja Lost Among the Forest
Okay,just going to tell you now,I didn't read the fic.I was just going to say sorry about getting mad at your review.I know the hospital usually happens(even though in my fanfic she doesn't go to the hospital until a week after the massacre)I was just a bit mad that you'd review just to tell her something like that.I think the hospital scene happens a lot too,but she made it her own,like how she had Sasuke act and stuff.Once again,sorry that I acted that way,but I get a little mad when I see reviews like that.
Author's Response: xP if you want to talk about my review use email. And yeah, don't read my fic.
Name: G i g a L O V E (Signed) · Date: 07/07/09 - 11:02 pm · For: The Ninja Lost Among the Forest
I took the time to read this, which was about... fifteen minutes long of a read. I do see your point of view on the quirks of having a long story, and a short story. I won't review this piece as a real story, because you meant it as a joke-story, does that make sense? Hm. I suppose it was funny to read. It was interesting to say the least.
Author's Response: Yar it makes sense. Only depending on the type of story or content of the chapter can there be quirks to length of a story. My chapters are as long as my ideas are. I take those random ideas and mold them into the story, try to make sense out of it, all the while getting the readers involved in assisting me with writing my own "story". It's all about humor and fun mixed with situations that some fic authors can relate to. Since it is so short it can be followed easily when people see it pop back up or check their favorites just to check in on what he wished for/how Itachi reacted, etc. I agree with the interesting comment.
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