oh!!! i totally would like sakura SO much more if she were like that!!! i hate her in the genin years...
plz update soon!!! :P

This story is really good, but I must say the actions of the characters sometimes appear unclear and your punctuation and description of different actions, such as when a character thinks to themselves, changes.
I think that if there was a little more description and something so small as thought description was the same all the way through, the story could be a little better.

I'm not critisising your current content - I really like the new Sakura and the way that Sasuke reacts to her, though something that effects her life would not so much effect him as much as you portray it, it seems like you've almost switched the roles of the characters.

This is a great story and I look forward to reading future chapters.

Author's Response: thank you so much, reviewers like you help to shape the story but you will see that sasuke is still sasuke later on

First off I have to say that I like the whole concept of seeing how a character can be changed by such an important event. Having the kyuubi kill Sakura's parents is certainly interesting and I look forward to seeing how this develops.

I love that you have avoided using said too many times. It was great to see: growled, explained, inquired, etc. ^-^

I have to admit I didn't like the scene at lunch between Sakura and Sasuke. It's only been five years since the Uchiha massacre and everyone in the village is well aware of it. Even if she felt her loss was greater Sakura should have better tact than the try and shout it out. Also Sasuke himself seemed very ooc. it just seemed all very forced and like a chance for Sakura to show she was cool be rebuffing Sasuke.

While this is a retelling of the story you don't need to rewrite and repeat every scene from the anime. Some events of course are unavoidable and it will be interesting to see them rewritten however not all scenes need to be done and most readers would probably love to see new things, scenes in between the ones we are shown. With the team seven dynamic changed there's a lot of potential for different ways for events to unfold.


I feel the story lacks a bit of description. The main characters get a basic description but nothing else really does. In future chapters even adding a bit of description in how the rest of the world looks will help bring readers more into the story.

You can change something like. Sakura thought, I'm glad noone's here to disturb my lunch. Just at that moment Sasuke came striding up the hill. Sakura completely ignored him, hoping he was just passing through. Her hopes were dashed when he leaned against a tree right across from her and stared into her eyes with a smirk on his face.



to

"I'm glad noone's here to disturb my lunch,Sakura thought. Just at that moment as if summoned by the law of irony Sasuke came striding up the hill. Her new team mate walked at a slow and steady pace, everything about him appearing carefully composed.

Sakura completely ignored him, hoping he would just pass through. Her hopes were dashed when he leaned against a tree right across from where she sat on a stone bench. Sasuke seemed to stare into her eyes with a smirk on his face."

Even that could be expanded upon and made into a better described scenes. Still I use it as an example to show you what even just few changes can do to help.

All in all I think that with a few changes you can and will improve with each coming chapter and I will be excited to see them.

Author's Response: thank you so much for the advice and I will see if I can do better in the next chapter do you have any suggestions in mind for a new moment?