Reviews For I am Kimiko Kazuki of the Hidden Leaf
Name: coolninja90skid (Signed) · Date: 18/04/15 - 12:01 pm · For: Prologue
can I be in the story
Name: coolninjaboy (Signed) · Date: 06/03/15 - 09:05 pm · For: Prologue
can i be in the story?
Name: bajoosub (Signed) · Date: 09/09/14 - 06:23 am · For: Prologue
Name: RampageGear (Signed) · Date: 15/02/14 - 01:12 pm · For: Chapter 1
Well, you certainly have an interesting writing style. My main critic would be semtance structure I think, because a lot of these paragraphs don't really have a chronological flow to them. They see! To cover a moment and then suddenly change scenes, it's kinda rough.
The other thing is too that I'm not a sure how old you made everyone?? They sound and aft as if they were 15-17ish?
Critics aside, I really like Kimiko so Far. The bits of personality I've picked up make me think she's a real spit fire X3. I'll read through a few more chapters soon :)
Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 05/12/13 - 11:58 am · For: Chapter 2
So I came to creep your profile after you left a review on my story. I must admit I was hesitant to read this because your summary was rather vague, but I gave it a shot any ways.
You have a nice writing style, though a lot of the body feels like it's lacking direction, if that makes sense. It doesn't necessarily feel like all of the paragraphs string together to make one nice cohesive mini plot line; it felt like Kimiko could be rather random at times. However, it was only a small distraction and it was more of a curiosity for me than a problem.
I would have liked to hear more from Kimiko rather than just read everything she was seeing; some emotional output based on what she saw would have been nice, especially if it revealed a little more about her past.
How did her parents die? How does that make her feel now just to think about it? Did she have a lot of support in that time or what she a small child left alone to deal with quite a large tragedy?
I did like that you thought up the idea of the Konoha orphanage, because I have always secretly wondered how Sasuke and Naruto lived on their own. It was an interesting idea to put them and your OC in their own building because it could technically be a good or a bad thing. You know, there is the building where all those orphans live. (Pity) Or, there is a place where they could make new ties and maybe create a community and family of their own. (Hope.)
Over all I liked the chapter and your writing, but I would suggest writing in longer paragraphs. I am fairly busy, but when I have free time I will try to read and review the second chapter.
Name: Voyna (Signed) · Date: 17/10/13 - 04:38 pm · For: Chapter 2
You know, I really like your character, Kimiko so far. My mom being an orphan I guess I was always close to the cause of children left to fend for themselves. In a war-torn country as is Konoha, there must indeed be so many children left to themselves.
I am looking forward to read on and see how she interacts with her classmates and how your character will blend in with our other little shinobi.
Author's Response: So glad you like her, enjoy the story although I am revising like a mad(wo)man right now lol. Some characters are more OOC then others, just the way I need them to be for the storyline.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 18/06/13 - 06:00 pm · For: Chapter 2
I really like this, and your writing is a lot different than I am used to because I've gotten used to reading people new and younger. There is one thing that is bothering me, mostly because she reminds me of my original version of my used-to-be main oc, Sasaui. So I figured I'd give you some advice I've been given. For one, giving the appearance from the mirror is kinda overused. Also just giving out their appearance in one go. This is more of a writing style thing, but if you can, it's better to kinda give it throughout the story. Again, kinda something I've just been told. Another thing about her appearance is it reminds me of Sakura. I may just be imagining it wrong, which is quite likely, but if I am not wrong, watch on that because you don't want a copy with slight differences in color and appearance. The orphan thing, although you didn't exactly use what I have seen as an overused thing for the deaths (not 100% sure on that) can be seen as Mary-Sue like. As well as being friends with Naruto, but I cannot berate you on that one because two of my stories does have the main character being friends with Naruto. Final little nitpicky thing is the classes being a no-brainer for her. Sorry, this is just some things I did to begin with that were considered cliche/Mary-Sue, and I thought I could share the advice with you. I know it's a lot, and I'm sorry for being nitpicky, but it's because I like it and believe you can take it and improve. Or you may get totally angry with me. I dunno. Guess we'll see.
Like I said before, I did like it. This is a nice start that has me interested to read more. Kimiko seems like an interesting character and I am eager to see what she does in the Naruto plot. I'm sorry there wasn't too much on this chapter. Hopefully there will be more good things and a lot less nitpicky things next chapter, because I feel like I'm coming off with not liking it when I actually really enjoyed this chapter.
Just one thing I would like to know. This is rated R18. How bad is it going to be? Like what kinda things? Because I am a very innocent 16 year old, and I'm wanting to know if there's going to be some things I shouldn't read.
Author's Response: Thank you for you're review! This isn't my normal genre and the first time I used the mirror, felt off to me also. I didn't want her to seem like the type who is fixed on her looks, not how I wrote planned her. As far as the orphan arc and certain abilities, it'll play into her growth as the story goes on. I did touch on it in the Graduation chapter. When I write a character, I have a dossier, a history before I even start. So her life, from past relatives to the current shippuden episode is written out. Keeps me on track :) I will give extra warning when a situation in a chapter is the R18, I usually code it in red in my drafts(so I omit it when I open read it IRL. Hope this don't sound chopped but it's 6 in the morning and I haven't had any coffee lol.