Reviews For being me
Name: sam (Anonymous) · Date: 31/12/13 - 09:51 pm · For: Chapter 1
Cool story but if you want to make people more intrested use like dick instead of thing
Author's Response: Yeah sorry lol :) its just naruto was really really young there so well blame the innocent kid :D but I think I need to change it anyway but I'll say penis it sounds better for a small boy to penis instead of dick but thanks for the tip :)
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 30/12/13 - 02:46 am · For: Chapter 4
Hey, so I will do a quick review seeing all that I’ve wanted to say has been said about what I’ve thought about your tendency for the small chapters. I don’t mean to be rude; I don’t think I need to add salt to a criticism burn so I’ll just tell you that I’m surprised that Kakashi is the rapist of Naruto. That I did not see but, that does put a good twist on things. I can see it now developing into a tango of eggshell dancing and nervous breakdowns; oh I got chills on the possibilities!
I do have critic on the fact you are using the commas wrong; what you want is the periods instead when doing this …….. And all in the paragraphs you had some misspellings. No capitalizations on the names of the characters (grammar I know meh), first paragraph second sentence, instructor not instucters and impatient instead of impatient. Last sentence in first paragraph resemblance instead of reseblence. Second paragraph, use comma after yourselves to signal the end of thought but connecting to another one; also arrived has two not one R. Third paragraph first sentence caught has no H, thoughts has a O instead of A, gazing with Z not S, bullies with two Ls and snickered has a C. I dislike that you didn’t type in what Sasuke says; I’m very painfully aware how annoying it is to type in what cannon characters say at certain moments in a story but it has to be done. You can never slack when you are trying to get a work of art done. Also you misspelled worried with missing one R; change out jerkedly for nervously; the J word is not a word, and finally you misspelled Uzumaki’s last name with a S instead of a Z plus a A when you need a U. I a wait for your update,
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 30/12/13 - 02:30 am · For: Chapter 3
Well I’m glad you are taking my advice to heart. Some people would view it as flaming or being rude, but I honestly just want the best from authors as the same for myself; I know perfection cannot be achieved that’s just so but people can still shoot for the stars. I have to say I’m hesitant to see how this Shikamaru idea pans out. I do admit to being one of those hard core stick to pillars of the anime kind of fanfiction writer but, I’m quite open to different ideas or notions others get. It is the great what if this happened instead of that, so I have faith it will be done justice. I don’t have to tell you that I see a little more potential in this chapter; I just repeating what I’ve said before in previous chapters so don’t be afraid to update the chapter.
It’s totally okay to do a redo on a chapter and replace it on the site just give people a heads up on the change. I’m in fact rewriting majority of all my stories, especially my favorite one I love to mull over on; Seeing Beauty………….I beg of you however don’t read my old version if you feel a need to examine or
“pry” on my writing styles *chuckles*. I’m aware how immature it is; I started it when I was … what ….15 and in complete disarray with who or what I felt I was. My point is that I feel that it doesn’t show my true abilities and the only reason I keep it up is for the reminder of the need to always be open to change. So in all, I cannot wait to see what you give in your next update. Note I will review your next chapter as well for it’s a habit of mine that doesn’t seem to fail me yet; helps me absorb the story better and continue on with the reading. Till the next chapter,
Oh, also on the second paragraph, first sentence you missed spelled never with a W instead of a V; thought you should know, *chuckles*.
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 11/11/13 - 10:15 pm · For: Chapter 2
I’m a little disappointed with the amount of words you use in your chapters. It’s not just about the word count, you really need to just sit down and really think about this work. It really reflects in a piece of work if the author put an hour’s effort or a month’s effort into to it. I feel more could’ve been being shown here. A nightmare of the ordeal, perhaps a bit of background info on the child; you cannot assume and write like the audience knows every little detail of Naruto; not everyone does nor does everyone want to; they want to be romanced into the story, swept into it! You need to reflect what the kid is thinking, what he does. You could’ve really expanded on the morning before school or at school or on the way. I’m not saying you got to put a detail on every single thing he does and go into great detail what he is doing or thinking but, really you need to read this allowed and say, is this going to get the readers into this story and remember it tomorrow? I remember countless stories from this site because they were well really moving, good, or yeah, bad but the point is that I remembered them and that’s what you’re going for. You got to write the story not just for you as an exploration of what if this happened or what if that happened but, wouldn’t it be interesting to others if they saw this spin? Is there other person that would like to read this what if too or thought about what if this happened too? I just saying you need to think outside what sounds like a good story to you if want to share with other people.
I a different subject, I found some more errors for you to just be aware of… and yes I will keep doing this; this story can be great and I would like to see the grammar and spelling be a part of that. To start with, in the beginning the word sourness should be used instead of sour; throat instead of trout; at the shower part use felt instead of feel; soar is wrong, it needs to be sore; hit for hitted, for its not a word; and academy instead of academie. Talk to you in the next chapter.
Author's Response: Ok um I thought about what you said and your right,,,I actualy just write when I'm utterly bored so I didn't think to much on it but well when you said this storie could become something I felt all hyped up and well you gave me a reason to continue writing this storie and well I don't really plan these chapters but decided to to write it on paper and devide stuff like morning,evening,,,well you get the idea so I just want to thank you and I'm really going to try and make the chapters longer but maybe I'll update in a few days because I have exams now but only four subjects to go so thanks for reading and updating it really opened my eyes and got me thinking :)
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 11/11/13 - 09:58 pm · For: Chapter 1
Well, where to start with reviewing this? This is obviously going to be a good story for I always find stories with this type of genre tend to be realistic and very …addictive. They hook you in for an unknown ride where you hope the protagonist will in the end victorious or in some retrospect happy with his journeys end. They make you uncertain of the future and feel like you are there with the character experiencing what they are experiencing. I hope to see such predictions of mine to come to life in the future but, I do have to chime in about some grammar and spelling. Such things are usually not a huge thing with me but, when dealing with a good story, everything should be excellent. So down at the part you spoke of his colon….its spelt colon not with a k; a little future along pounding….you forgot the o, and the use of the commas was incorrect what you wanted was periods …... those back there. Yeah it seems silly to correct on those but, it’s just something that irks me and I feel you should be aware of.
And one more thing, I see the potential of your story but, I feel that the chapter could’ve had more….Not sure how to describe the thought but, I feel if you read the story aloud you could feel that it needed a little more emotional descriptions perhaps? Or descriptions of the situation in general; I like how it is and there isn’t anything wrong with it, it’s just I feel it could have a little more in it and that would make it perfect. Perhaps the second paragraph could get broken up so it flows more. I think that’s what was getting me, the flow of it; it seems a little rushed and not indulged in on what was going on in the scene. I’m aware of what was going on in the scene, rape was what was happening, but I mean more on the personal level of what was happening to the kid. You’re speaking from his mind, his feelings, what he is personal experiencing at that moment. Get into his head and express that. Want a good idea of how to do that if you can’t, read a bit of a book called Beloved by Toni Morrison or The Bluest Eyes ; both deal with the genre and the general problem the boy I’m going to assume is Naruto and therefore will have the basic same life difficulties of being rejected by society. Anyway these books are good reads on this matter and help you really get into the characters head. Hope this was of some use.
Name: nina (Anonymous) · Date: 08/10/13 - 12:46 pm · For: Chapter 3
Great please update!
Name: nina (Anonymous) · Date: 08/10/13 - 12:40 pm · For: Chapter 1
Great so far please update!
Author's Response: Thank you for your review your my first:D I'll make sure update now!:)