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The Original Naruto Fanfic Archive

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Members: 11985
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Stories: 5884
Chapters: 25418
Word count: 47689150
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Name: TeamWorkIsKey (Signed) · Date: 05/07/13 - 08:45 pm · For: Sunrise
You know, I never read this before, because I was too preoccupied with my own story. Now that I'm kind of doing whatever I can to get away from editing (I don't really know why), I'm starting to read other fanfictions on here and I must say, I have no idea why I didn't pick this one a while ago... I enjoy it already.

So Kekkei Dota, huh? Where a person can control the five elements. All I can say to that is awesome. It honestly reminds of my story in so many ways, and makes me wish I was farther ahead in it to right about the nature stuff I've got going on. Anyway, this is quite creative. I'm eager to see how it'll play into this.

I like Ikari already. His personality in this chapter was so adorable especially when he made his siblings pinky-swear and when he said "Night mommy" at the end. So cute! :P His father on this other hand, I'm not sure if I like him, personality wise, I mean. I agree with Mikara that he's too hard. But then again, most fathers in Naruto are hard on their children, especially when their older siblings are strong. Mikara is so sweet. I love the relationship between her and her son. It's pretty heartwarming.

Well, since I'm only on chapter one, and there's still nine more to go, I'm going to continue on. You'll be receiving reviews on them as well. Good work!

Author's Response: Wow! I jumped for joy when I saw you had reviewed. It's been a while since I've had a new reviewer :) I'm so glad you enjoy it too :) Yes Kekkei Dota, I liked the idea of possession of all elements since it'll provide for unlimited jutsu combinations as well as a story to uncover. I'm glad you like Ikari too! I really enjoy using him. :P I'm glad you found everything cute that's what I was going for :) I'll be looking for your reviews thank you so much for reviewing!


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 05/07/13 - 12:07 pm · For: Adamant
I stared at the author's note wondering if I should say no thanks needed or if someone else had secretly helped you out. I over think things way too much XP. But again, no thanks needed. An awesome chapter was produced from it, and that's all the thanks I need.

The opening kinda made me sad since it shows part of Ikari does miss Rayne no matter how much he denies it to himself. But he shook it off, I guess, only to find out asking the Kazekage for help wasn't going to be all that easy. So the person he gets to train him is Baki? Or tries to get, that is. Still, either way I didn't see it coming at all.

Wow. Epic fight scene. Baki really is skilled, and it showed since he could easily fight lightning ninjutsu with his wind ninjutsu. We also got a look of a bit more of Ikari's new jutsu. But what was with the chakra surrounding his legs? Was it a part of the Kekkei Dota? After all, what else could it be? Right....? Poor Ikari. Did so good but still Baki won't teach him. It wouldn't, at least.

Haha. When he decided he was marching past the guards and getting what he wanted, I couldn't help imagining a spoiled little kid. Of course, it proves a good thing Ikari was doing so since it put him right in the situation with the siblings. Good thing he followed. The jewelry dude was a real jerk. I mean, pulling a sword out on a little kid? Really? Gosh, remind me never to make Ikari snap. But again with the chakra outside of the body. What is going on?

So Baki saw, which is a good thing. Now Ikari can get in to see the Kazekage. Wonder what will happen when he does. After all, this is a fanfiction - things never go perfectly.

Great update, Itoko-san. I'm very excited for more!

Author's Response: Haha well you do deserve a thanks :D Ah yes he does miss Rayne but is slowly pushing her out of his mind. Yeah Baki, I like him and he seems like a good person to put Ikari up against and yes he is skilled :P Yeah the chakra swirling is the Kekkei Dota :P When Ikari gets mad, he gets mad. Yes things will slowly start to progress in the village so be prepared for that. Thanks for the review!


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 10/06/13 - 11:07 am · For: Reclamation
Yes! Caught up! *fist pump* Took a while, but I did it. Now if only I could do the sand with typing..... *hangs head* So behind.

Anyway, to the chapter. I know he had to leave eventually, but it still hurt to read. Rayne's already been through a lot. Plus Ikari needs to let more people in. Not sure how much, but Ikari did start to let Rayne in. So I wonder if he's going to hurt from it later on. Or if there'll ever be a reunion. That would be sweet. Or very bad. It depends.....

Ooh. Kino is back. To tell the truth, the brother part threw me off for a second and I had to double check he was the friend. It's awesome to see him again. I remember wondering before if he'd ever appear again. It's great to see Ikari at least is keeping one friend. As soon as I saw the word assassin I thought Yukio....

I can understand from your explanation to Silverwolf why you threw in the fight scene, but maybe if you want to have more action you can do stuff like that but add in little hints about the Kekkei Dota or what's to come or something? Just a suggestion. But I did enjoy it. It was a great fight. Pulse stun really makes me think of Ryu's static field. I think Pulse stun would beat his, though, since his only lasts as long as he touches the ground.

I wonder what will happen now that he's in the Sand and who he'll meet. This is bound to be awesome, and I cannot wait to read more ^.^

Author's Response: Yay! Hey if you could type with sand that would be pretty legit. It was pretty sad hm? We'll see what happens later on in the story. Haha sorry about that I meant like brother in arms or something like that not an actual brother. Kino is the only person Ikari trusts in the world, he trusted Rayne for the time being but severed that when he left. Hm that's a good suggestion, I just don't want to give out too much hints about Kekkei Dota but then again hints don't show the Kekkei Dota as a whole so I'll most likely do that. Thanks for the suggestion. New land, new journey, new people. Thanks for the review :D


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 06/06/13 - 04:34 pm · For: Horizon
Gosh, it's taken me a long time to get to this. I apologize muchly for that. I kinda pushed everything off until school ended. So, well, at least I'm finally getting to it ^_^

Hehe. It's nice to see Ikari happy. He really does deserve it after all he's been through. The little guy is having success ^_^. And now he gets to fight A. As epic as that sounds, A is extremely strong and scary. Ikari is lucky he lasted as long as he did. Not that I doubt his skills - I just know A's. it was a really epic fight that I greatly enjoyed. I wonder what the weird lightning thing was. It was pretty cool, but it has me curious.

Okay, yes to him deserving to celebrate. Morals wanting to chide him from the method. Oh well. Anyway, it was different to see such a vulnerable side to Ikari, though in my opinion it needed to come out. Nobody should holds things in forever. Then to have such a terrible dream *shivers*. Poor Ikari. I wonder where this shall lead. Guess I'll need to go find out.

Author's Response: Hey however long it takes, as long as you get around to it. Or not I'm just happy you even read it lollololol. I'm glad you enjoyed the fight ^_^ I knew you'd find it controversial but I thought it would add a little fun plus it was a good way to bring out his deep hidden emotions. It was creepy huh? Thanks for the review!


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 14/05/13 - 08:19 pm · For: Reclamation
That was a really sad way to leave Rayne T_T She's been through that type of departure already... poor girl.

And I actually almost forgot who Kino was >_> I feel bad about that but it's been a while. Nice to see they're still friends though :D

The mugging seemed to be a bit random and unnecessary to be honest, I don't feel like it needed to be there in the story.

Looking forward to more though, it's been a while. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: It was sad huh :/ Ah that was the whole point though. To make you forget about Kino and then reintroduce him :P Yeah I suppose it was huh? I just put it in there because I felt there was a lack of action in the story but I suppose I shouldnt fret when I think that. This stories a lot about him going through personal trials and what not so I suppose the action will be dulled down from what I'm used to. Thanks for the review! Always appreciated.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 20/04/13 - 08:27 pm · For: Horizon
I was surprised Ikari was able to last even that long against the Raikage. A is scary O_O But the sparring match was interesting nonetheless, especially with that strange ability thing that happened. I wonder what it means.

The nightmare was kinda creepy O_O What was the dad going to do with that scalpel?!

Nice chapter Shizake-san. Looking forward to more.

Author's Response: Haha yeah lots going on. sweet I got the creepiness factor down. Thanks for the review!


Name: Hazard (Signed) · Date: 19/04/13 - 09:54 pm · For: Rude Awakening
Ikari has learned his lightning release fully! Great to see progression and sorry for slacking on the reviews!

Author's Response: No need to apologize bro. I appreciate you even looking at the story. Thanks for the review!


Name: Purple Dinosaur (Signed) · Date: 17/04/13 - 03:11 pm · For: Sunrise
Nice chapter, Shiza! It was sweet coming from you. Oh, I havent heard from you in awhile! I'm starting to worry!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. Don't worry I'm still around.


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 06/04/13 - 06:39 am · For: Rude Awakening
Well, with Itachi's help, it seems this little arc(?) shall end soon. That's good because it means he succeeded in the element, but I'm a bit sad to see her go. After all, her interaction with Ikari is really fun. Especially how she tends to embarrass him. I mean, seriously, she kissed him! Haha. Poor Ikari. So red in the face XD.

Anyway, this was a very interesting chapter. I can't help but wonder if we'll ever find out what Itachi and Rayne were speaking about. Then again, this is Ilari's tale, not Rayne's. that's Tink-chan's job. And I was so happy when Ikari did it ^_^. Though I'm surprised you go so much into the scientific stuff like the waves. Did Kishimoto do that when wind was described? I really cannot remember U^^.

Nice chapter, Itoko-san. I look forward to more!

Author's Response: We shall see :D Haha yeah Ikari doesnt really know emotions well so he doesnt know how to react correctly. Yeah I didn't wanna ruin anything in Reverse this Curse so I decided to keep it private between Rayne and Itachi. I don't think Kishimoto did but I looked it up on Naruto wiki and it was explaining frequency changes in chakra so I decided to go into a whole spiel about waves and stuff. I thought it was interesting (sort of) and I figured Itachi would be the best to be able to describe it especially in that detail since he is pretty smart. Thanks for the review I always appreciate them!


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 26/03/13 - 07:23 am · For: Rude Awakening
Whoa... Did she just... did she just kiss him? O_O Yeah... wasn't expecting that at all...

I'm glad that Ikari was finally able to learn lightning release though :D It's about time~

I kinda wonder what happened between Rayne and Itachi, what did they talk about...

Nice chapter, even if it was shorter than the others it was still good.

Author's Response: :P yes she did. Took a while didn't it? Itachi is a good teacher :) Thanks for the review!


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 16/03/13 - 11:01 am · For: Battery
I am very glad he is having trouble with the chakra nature. It makes it seem more realistic. After all, it shouldn't be easy to learn a totally new element when you've never done it before.

I was surprised when Itachi made his appearance, but since this is with Rayne, it makes sense. I was wondering how he'd react since A had told him (in a hilariously threatening way) to watch out. Now they're planning to meet Itachi. Just how shall that turn out?

The fight was really great. Though I did fear one was going to be close to dying before they stopped. Rayne was really trying to shove him to his limit. Especially if she'd use her jinchuuriki cloak. But then he used the lightning, which was totally epic. Now if he could only use it when his life wasn't in danger....

The only problem I saw was Ikari probably should have found out about Rayne by what A was saying. Though that mat have only been me.

Great update, Itoko-san. I look forward to more.


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 16/03/13 - 10:13 am · For: Thunderclap
As soon as Rayne said shadows of vengeance, I laughed. Don't ask why - I just did. Don't get why it would seem humorous though.....

You did a great job with the fight scene, Itoko-san, and then an amazing job with the training. How it affected Ikari's body was also interesting to read.

When B came in, I was surprised he didn't rap at all simply because you enjoy making them. I was actually waiting for it.

The talk between Ikari and Rayne was very.... I dunno the right word. Sweet maybe? Anyway, I greatly enjoyed it. I'm hoping Ikari can be saved from, as she put it, the shadows of vengeance. It can really drive one crazy, and I don't wanna see poor Ikari that way.

Great job, Itoko-san. Off to read more.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 06/03/13 - 12:05 pm · For: Battery
Whoa... Itachi meeting with Rayne... I wonder how that will go O_O

Ikari finding out Rayne is a jinchuuriki, I wonder if he realizes just how much trouble the Akatsuki will be to them now if he keeps hanging around her. Maybe he'll take them seriously now. Or learn more about them?

I'm glad he was able to release some of this power, but it seems he actually hasn't mastered it, which does suck for him a little =/ Well good luck to him accomplishing his goal. He seems in quite the hurry to be mastering all the elements though, he needs to calm down.

Nice update, Shizake-san. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Should be interesting, no? Ikari doesnt think things through, nothing is more important than his objective. So we'll see how that goes :P Seems mastering the lightning release is tougher than it looks. Thanks for the review, I always appreciate them!


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 22/02/13 - 10:09 pm · For: Thunderclap
I read the revisions for the last chapter, and I gotta say that you did really well with the improvements. I like it a lot better now, nice work.

And as for this chapter, I really enjoyed it. Overall, this was really enjoyable and I felt the characters were all presented well in this chapter. Nice job.

Author's Response: thanks. And thanks for liking and reviewing this chapter.


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 18/02/13 - 03:41 pm · For: Destination
Well, I think you did fine with this versions. Since apparently you fixed the problems Tink-chan pointed out, I'm guessing that means you did Rayne right. Of course, I thought so, but that's always up to the author to decide.

I agree with Tink-chan. This reminds me of Avatar. It's super awesome with a similar concept in the Naruto world. I'm very excited to see where it leads.

I can't help but wonder if Ikari is prepared for what he's going to go through. Maybe they'll hold back....

Author's Response: Yeah I think I got her better with the revisions :P Yeah and I wasn't even thinking of avatar when I made this until after. At least I put the little twist of revenge. You'll have to wait and see :) Thanks for the review


Name: xXxTiNkxXx (Signed) · Date: 15/02/13 - 08:03 pm · For: Destination
Story development! The idea of having Ikari set out to master jutsu types from each country reminds me of Avatar. Whether that inspired you or not, I have no idea, but the idea of him setting out on a quest for that is original for a Naruto fic.

In terms of Rayne, I think you did a good job at keeping her in character, aside from a few minor hiccups. If I were writing this fic, at the point where Ikari told her that, I doubt she would have cried, it isn't like her. If anything she would have yelled at him and told him to fuck off in colorful ways. Especially with everything that happened, Rayne's a little more reserved in the "Shippuden" setting, so to have someone tell her off would make her snap. Also saying she is a jinchuuriki is a little forward. I'd rather see her whip that out on Ikari as she trains him, which I'd recommend to capture more of the clashing attidues during their fighting.

I'm really looking forward to reading more! Excited to see who you're going to have train Ikari in the other villages :) I hope you're motivated to update soon! And I hope you don't take my critique negatively. Rather than me, I wouldn't want anyone whose read my story to flame you with, "YOU'RE USING SOMEONE'S CHARACTER WRONG AND BLAAAAAAAFFFHHHHHH!!!!!!

Author's Response: You know I thought about it after I came up with the plot and I was like oh. Yeah I kind of thought about that after I wrote it, went back and looked around at "Reverse This Curse", and still wasn't sure if it fitted. I had this scene thought out before I decided to add Rayne and had the person still running off in tears because I wanted Ikari to say it in the harshest way possible but I didn't really think how Rayne would've reacted so sorry about that. Don't worry I will update, I'm just going to have to go through and change a few more things with you and Silverwolf's advice. I'm glad you didn't flame me because I'm still honestly terrified everytime I use her because I don't want to OOC her. So forgive me if I hesitate to update :/ Thanks for the review.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 15/02/13 - 07:02 pm · For: Destination
Having Rayne in this story surprised me. Overall, you wrote her bubbly personality and temper fairly well. I do think her connection with Ikari happened a little too fast. He still seems pretty cold, but I doubt he'd open up to random strangers so easily about his life and the tragic events of his past. That's touchy stuff, and that shouldn't be spoken of until he trusts the person. Same thing with her, she was a little too open with him about her own life - let's keep in mind she didn't tell Naruto she was a Jinchuuriki until a good point into the story.

I'm also a little disappointed with how we didn't see a little bit of his training with Shibaru but that's just a small preference of mine.

This is an interesting development in the story, and I think it has a good chance of being a really good development, I just think the interaction with characters needs to be a little more realistic and paced out.

Author's Response: Glad it surprised you. It's not that I was thinking "Oh lets have Ikari open up" its that I wanted Rayne to kind of force it out of him before she let him in the village but I guess I kind of messed it up. Yeah I might have to rewrite that then... Ah Shibaru might come back in later in the story, not sure yet. thanks for the review, I'm going to rewrite it.


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 11/02/13 - 02:12 pm · For: Zero Hour
Oh, I can honestly say I didn't see that one coming. I could guess someone was going to want to use his power, but his parents? And although it was a bigger surprise with how they'd acting before, you already told Silverwolf that'll be explained later, so.....

The beginning of the chapter I knew something was gonna happen because it was called Zero Hour and they had found out about the Kekkei Dota. I thought maybe the Kirikage would send someone or something.

At first I thought his siblings might survive. Hoped, more like it. Though thinking back to the summary, I should have known. It was really hard after seeing them struggle so much to protect Ikari. I guess it was necessary to the plot, though.

The path has been set for Ikari, it would seem. I'm eager to see what'll happen next. This is really an awesome story.

Author's Response: I wanted a huge huge surprise when I first started thinking about this story. So what better way to surprise the readers by having his parents out of all people be the bad guys? There is a lot more to come and a lot of explaining. Hope you enjoy what's to come and thanks for the review.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 10/02/13 - 11:42 am · For: Zero Hour
I kinda have a little difficulty believing the parents would kill both Hitari and Kikoro. Maybe the dad, I can understand because he's been pretty strict and I could see him doing whatever he wanted to gain power. But the mom, I'm not as sure on personally. She seemed so loving and whatnot, so I can't really imagine her killing her own kids and wanting to use the other for power.

Other than that, I did like the beginning with the Kirikage. I hope that after all that bloodshed in this chapter though the parents don't have the nerve to stay in the village... seriously...

Anyway, as I had explained earlier, I am a little sketchy on this chapter because of the characters' actions and all. But I'm looking forward to more. Nice job, Shizake.

Author's Response: I had a feeling someone was going to point that out. I think it's the perfect facade, no one suspected a thing. Interior motive. But I understand what you mean. I promise it'll be explained later on. Thanks for the review


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 01/02/13 - 09:48 am · For: Suspicions
Every time I saw Kino I smiled because it's a name I used to use and where Kina and Krino came from.

Anyway, I enjoyed the chapter. It had some really nice foreshadowing in it, and yet you still held Ikari's childish innocence. The scene at the school was interesting seeing as it helps show us more of the Fog Village. They seem to teach more advanced stuff or have a better knowledge of using nature. One or the other. And the lava was very interesting. An example of the Kekkei Dota I'm guessing.

It was nice to see his friendship with Kino, and then his bond with his siblings. It was sweet as well. It was really nice of them to take him out. Then the yelling. Could the jonins have told them something? If so, what? Man, I wanna know. Guess it'll have to wait, though.

Great chapter, Itoko-san. I really enjoyed it.

Author's Response: ah really? I never knew you had an OC named Kino, the name kinda just came to me :P Did I really? Thanks! I'm always so worried that I am awful at capturing children. Yeah it may seem a bit more advanced the lesson too just came to me and I thought it would be an interesting concept to use. Don't worry questions will be answered soon I promise :D Thank you so much for the review, glad you liked it!


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 30/01/13 - 01:16 pm · For: Suspicions
Finally got around to this!

You are taking your time developing the story and whatnot, even though there were some interesting foreshadowing moments in this chapter, such as the lava and the jounin and the sensei freaking out a little bit. I think there might be too much of a casual feel for it to seem like something drastic is about to happen. I don't know, I think it's just because I'm really anticipating something bad about to happen and the atmosphere doesn't seem that way just yet, which honestly might just be me waiting for the really dramatic stuff XD

Anyway, despite my little feel of eager anticipation, I did like this chapter. I thought it was cute how Hitari and Kikoro took Ikari out, that seemed really sweet. And I wonder if Kino is going to be around more too? Anyway, nice work on this chapter. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Glad you liked it! Ah yes I want to show Ikari's personality and relationships instead of having to tell it in one go. Ah you'll see what's going on soon enough I promise. Yes I want to make Kikoro and Hitari seem like the best siblings in the world despite being ANBU, sort of like Itachi before he did what he had to do. Thanks for the review!


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 25/01/13 - 02:10 pm · For: Sunrise
Finally feeling better, so I actually feel like reviewing now.

For some reason I liked the way this started. It reminds me of something, and even though I can't remember what, I like it. The Kekkei Dota sounds very interesting as well and I'm eager to see where that goes. I'm sure it'll have some epic battles.

I feel bad for Ikari. He really is being pushed. Though because of that he's pretty good for an eight year old. I worry, because the summary makes me sure he's losing either his siblings, parebts, or both soon. He seems so innocent. It's sad to know he'll have to go through crap soon. I hope someone can help him through it.....

Nice start, Itoko-san. I'm very eager for more.

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked the way I started it. Personally I feel like i'm awful at starting stories :P Yeah Ikari's father does push him but he just doesn't want him to be weak and rely on others for support. Thanks for the review.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 25/01/13 - 07:26 am · For: Sunrise
So it took me about three days to actually read this. I kept getting distracted and then I'd forget and stuff... Whoopsie ^_^'''

Anyway, I understand what you were going for with the development / explanation of the characters and their daily lives. I maybe even detected a bit of foreshadowing in this :3

Honestly, the part in the beginning where you were describing the Kekkei Dota and Kekkei Touta and the Fog Village, I wasn't really following you. I understand what the Kekkeis are and such, don't get me wrong. I just think I got confused by how you were trying to describe the village, how isolated it was. Like this sentence: This means the people of the village hardly know anything outside of their own village. What does that mean? I kinda didn't know what you meant.

Other than that, I'm looking forward to seeing where you go from here. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Haha it's fine really don't worry about it :P Yeah I'm terrible at starting off stories, I guess I should go back and edit that to make it more understandable. Well It's a village very far up north. Nobody really ventures outside of the village because of it's proximity to other villages (not close at all) So not many people leave which means they don't really know what the other villages are like, what the land is like, etc etc. And since it's surrounded by a thick fog that pretty much conceals it, nobody really ventures in either. Thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed.


Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 23/01/13 - 04:52 pm · For: Sunrise
Needs something to make me want to read more. Right now there is no conflict or foreshadowing, it's just a chapter about an 8 year old sparring and relationship with his parents. It's like I'm just waiting for them both to get murdered and have this kid go berserk because that would be entertaining at least.

Author's Response: Yeah I mean it's just for development purposes. Starting off slow and whatever. Read on if you want to or not I don't really mind. thanks for the review I guess


Name: xXxTiNkxXx (Signed) · Date: 22/01/13 - 10:12 pm · For: Sunrise
The idea of Kekkai Dota catches my interest, especially since the main character is only 8 years old so far. I guess it's from my sick nature, but I'm waiting for the next chapter to be terrible news that his sister and brother are dead.. >___> Heh heh =u=

I will be looking for your update!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it :D especially since it's my first time writing in third person. Thank you for reviewing so much :)


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