Reviews For A Tale Best Told Dead
Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 16/04/13 - 05:17 pm · For: When Old and New Friends Meet
I wonder what happened between Juro and Kasumi…I am very curious. It seems dramatic and we know that it took place on one night but one of her statements, so it must have been pretty sudden. Without any information, I really don’t have any guesses; with the type of person I am, my mind always jumps to the worst possible solution, but I try not to let it. However, I am eager to find out. I sense drama, and you should know by now how much I love drama. It’s like my drug. :P
Orochimaru was just…ew. When Kabuto talked about Kasumi, I just imagined Orochimaru acting like a dog that was having a treat hung above his head. Gosh, that man is SO creepy! Despite that though, I am excited that Sasuke is entering the story, because you know how much I love Sasuke. I’m very intrigued that the Sound is getting involved now.
Masaru…we have heard that name before because I remember when I read it that I have a character named Masaro and their names were very similar. I assume he is somehow mixed up with Kasumi and now you have me even more curious. From the way he reacted to Naruto saying that it was a ‘lady friend’, I am thinking he might have been a teammate or something.
Ohhhh a bit of a window into what happened. Why was she accused? Did she really do it? Was she framed? GAH! I have to know!
In the end, I think when Kabuto mentions to Sasuke that when Orochimaru hands out a mission, you can’t really decline, I feel like Sasuke would have commented on how he doesn’t see himself as a part of the Sound. Sasuke sees himself as in the hideout for training only, and only really affiliates himself with Orochimaru. Just a thought.
Author's Response: Oh yes, what happened between Juro and Kasumi is very dramatic, and I'm making sure to take my time telling about it ^_^ Don't worry though, you'll be getting plenty of drama during this story :D That was such an interesting way to describe Orochimaru haha, made me laugh. But yes, Sasuke is going to be in the story also. I hope I write him up to your standards and expectations. Yes, Masaru is important in the story also. You've actually already met Masaru, he was in chapter two at the end, when I introduced a few other pirates. I don't really like Sasuke during the Shippuden era, so I don't think I'm a real expert on writing him. Sorry about that. Anyhoo, you're all caught up now :D Thanks for giving my story a shot in reading it and I hope you continue to enjoy this!
Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 14/04/13 - 10:49 am · For: Convergence
I have a feeling the old man is being a little foolish. I am sure he has his reasons for meeting the captain alone, but I’m just sitting here thinking ‘you’re ganna die, you’re ganna die, you’re ganna die’. I am assuming from the previous chapters that he used to know the Blue Tiger or something along those lines, but still, I feel like he’s playing with fire.
I liked the intensity when the shinobi came in contact with the pirates, but I kind of wish that there was a little more tension when the Daimyo threatened to kill himself. I felt like there was a lot of build-up, but then it kind of ended simply. I was expecting a little more, but it was still a great scene despite that.
I KNEW IT! As soon as he felt guilt and disappointment, I knew that he was her teacher. I am so stoked for more. I like the drama and tension and I can’t wait to see what Kasumi decides to do. I feel like there is more to her story about setting up shop in the mist, I feel like she is there for a very specific reason. I can’t wait to see more of her personality. Is she really as cold and ruthless as she has been made out to be? WILL THE NINJA FIGHT THE BATTLE OF THE CENTURY?
I love the pirates versus ninjas theme you had going on throughout this capture, by the way. Made me chuckle.
Author's Response: Haha, I think you're the first person who said Juro was being dumb. Mostly everyone said he was being weird or suspicious, but I agree, he was a little stupid to think he could handle it on his own. Hmm, I didn't really think about it being too short. I went back and read it after you pointed that out and I can see what you mean about the buildup and suddenly it ends, but I guess at the time and even now, I don't know how to make that ending more dramatic ^_^''' Gosh, did I make it that obvious that Juro was her teacher? Maybe I'm not as suspenseful as I think I am T_T There shall be more suspense in the last chapter I have updated though! And definitely more to come! I'm so glad you're enjoying this, thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 11/04/13 - 12:10 pm · For: Two Letters, Two Swords
I am jealous of your descriptive abilities. O.o. I wish I could write Tsunade and Naruto like you do because you do it so well. Sooooo good. You have a great gift to describe everything with just the right amount of words. I can clearly image everything I’m reading in my head. I didn’t think you OOC’d Naruto, I thought you portrayed him well, all of the ninja in the room were perfect.
Gosh, I love how your characters came across in the meeting; I got a nice glimpse of personality from all of them and then got all happy with the Blue Tiger entered the scene. She is so interesting and makes this story really fascinating. I have to tell you, two chapters in, and this is already one of the best fan fictions I have ever read. I can see hints of deeper plots everywhere and makes me so interested. Gosh! I can’t to read more!
Author's Response: Aww I'm flattered :3 Seriously, you're making me all giddy with these compliments. So happy you are enjoying this and think the characters (canon and OC) are written well. Makes me all proud and ups my confidence so much :D Thank you very much! I hope you continue this story like you are, thank you very much for all the compliments and reading this and the nice reviews!
Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 11/04/13 - 12:30 am · For: Suiheisen
ZOMG! I am so soooooorrrrrryyyyy I haven't got to your story sooner. Since I joined the TONFA community, I haven't really had a lot of time to read fan fiction. However, I am finally getting around to participating and I have to say, this first chapter was freaking brilliant.
I loved the Blue Tiger. Even though she was a 'bad guy', she was so convincing at being a bad guy that it was epic. I could feel the fear Inari, his mother, and Tazuna had for her. I felt it myself, I was weary of her and found her frightening. Even down to the very way she held herself was so damn convincing. I found that she was so young pretty interesting too and I am dying to know about her, why she wants to set up shop, and her crew. I have always had a soft spot for pirates, and this feels pretty original, so I am super excited.
I hope to keep on reading this in a timely fashion because it was a pretty phenomenal. You immediately captured my attention with the attack and you articulated everything so well that every scene I imagined in my head was crystal clear. This was a really excellent start, completely captivating.
Your friend,
Karnia
Author's Response: OMG I was so surprised to see you reading this :O I'm really flattered you decided to read this, makes me so excited! I hope you continue to enjoy it! I'm really glad you liked my pirate captain :3 I put a lot into creating her character for this rewrite so I'm happy to hear that even new readers like her. You will slowly get to know more about her as time goes on in this story. So stay tuned :) So happy you enjoyed the description too, thank you very much for the compliments :D Thanks for deciding to read this, Karnia-san! I hope this story stays up to par for you. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 04/04/13 - 12:49 pm · For: When Old and New Friends Meet
Don't worry about taking a while to update - it took me a while to review. But I am finally getting to it! And sorry to say I'm making up for lateness in longness. Blame Niji-chan! Now because of her sometimes during longer chapter things I'll take notes rather than just review at the end......
Man, Kasumi sure does seem darker, though I'm pretty sure that was you intention, so bravo. For some reason I enjoy reading her like this, but I keep wanting Naruto suddenly appear and knock some sense into her. Then again, I'm sure you have a reason for why she's like this. There's obviously something terrible that happened. Whatever it is, Juro played a big role. I can't help but sympathize with him. I've felt so much guilt through some of my characters it's almost too easy to feel Juro's.
Haha. Never underestimate the Leaf. This generation is, like, three times stronger than most because they're the main characters from the series XD.
The Mist turned it's back on Kasumi? Maybe I've just been thinking of Uchihas too much, but this is making me think the village killed her family and made her take the blame for certain reasons......
I really like Juro. He's just.... I dunno. He's strong willed and everything, but you also have us this other side of him to look at. The weaker, human side. Like how he's all stressed from the three day thing, confused by his own emotions, and the fatherly side. But he has to keep pushing those feelings back to be a daimyo. Makes me think of that Superman song you told me about for the CS chapter. And that blade. What is so important about it? Did he give it to her as a gift before? Or the other way around? Could they be of the same clan and it's a clan thing? Darn it. You're being a buttmunch and letting my imagination run wild. That's rarely a good thing because it jumps to some things that leave me thinking for a while and even more anxious for the answer.
Okay, this is me being picky, but it bugs me. Blond and blonde are two different things. I actually just looked it up. It's a French word, so blond is for boys and blonde for girls, and when using it as an adjective (the ____ child), it's usually used as blond. Okay, got that out of my system......
Anyway, I think you're doing a spectacular job nailing the personalities and interactions. I especially think you write Naruto and Kakashi well, which probably has to do with the fact you wrote them more in TRoaL.
Don't ask me why I'm being picky today, but gosh, it's hitting hard. Maybe it's because you're so good and I just want to see you get even better or something. Or the lack of school is making me want to be an English teacher in some way. Doesn't Kiba usually speak loudly? Or am I just wrong? Because if he usually speaks loudly, it's pointless to add in loudly.
Gosh, I can feel Juro's fatigue. My body is literally aching now. Thanks, Onee-chan =P. in a way I liked for his Kasumi slip up because it seemed like a transition from the sensei and daimyo with his former student to returning to being the daimyo completely. If that makes sense.
I'm really glad you're making Naruto's strong bond with Inari and his family so much more obvious. It's a lot more realistic. But Naruto is sooo thick headed. Yet I just love the doofus. Gosh, too much CS writing. I smiled quite largely when I saw Shikamaru's name. Then again, seeing as I've been thinking of him lately in CS, that may play a role...... Gosh, you did a spectacular job with Naruto through this entire chapter. Every time you write about him it's like reading the manga. Just amazing, Onee-chan. Now I have that out of the way and will try not to repeat it while reading the next scene with him and Masaru.
Orochimaru...... *shivers*. You wrote him especially creepy, Onee-chan. It's just not right. But now they're coming into play, too. I wonder how it'll turn out. A battle between Kasumi and Sasuke would be really awesome.
Great job with scenery. I can imagine it perfectly. Naruto's anger was also quite realistic. Yeah! Masaru. He was always one of my favorites, so it's nice to see him again. I still like him a lot, but he seems a lot different. Maybe that's just because we're seeing a different side of him or something? I dunno. But he's definitely different. I find it ironic he likes to like the sun disappear over the horizon and then Suiheisen means horizon.
Man, I don't care what your beta says, I think this scene was perfect and just downright beautiful. Then again, that may be because I love sunsets. I do t see them often, but the sky is just sooo beautiful...... So far in this story Masaru is my favorite oc. Juro is close, but I can't help it *scratches back of head*. I think the length was quite realistic, actually. Maybe it seemed dragged out to her/him, but sometimes life is dragged out, and to tell the truth, I don't think it was. Then again, that may explain why I have my own problems with dragging out scenes U^_^. But yeah, favorite scene of the chapter, Onee-chan!
Kakashi is just so smart. Then again, he was a possible candidate for the next Hokage. Do not doubt the copy ninja! I'm glad he noticed, because at least it means we get some answers. Unless you pull a me, give us a bit of information, then leave us hanging. I tend to do that a lot..... Anyway, another scene that was awesome. To tell the truth, this entire chapter really seems like something one would see from the anime or manga. It is just soooo great, Onee-chan.
Hm.... I wonder how Sasuke will process the little bit of information given to him. It really makes me wonder.
Well, as I'm sure you guessed, I absolutely loved this chapter. Now I must apologize for the short story of a review you just had to read..... U^_^
Author's Response: Sasaui, why do you do this to me? T_T So much to respond to~
I did really like Kasumi's old snarky attitude but I also really am enjoying writing her as a mean and dark character. The past does play a big role, which includes Juro, so there is a lot of plot to this story (or that's what I was aiming for at least).
I can tell you that the Mist did not kill her family, if that's what you're assuming. Something a little more intricate than that. And I'm trying to write Juro as a deep character just as I am with Kasumi, I really am falling in love with them both because they mesh so interestingly well together. And as for the sword... not telling you ^_^
When it comes to the "blonde" vs. "blond" thing, I don't usually sweat it too much because I never remember to get them right and the point of my story isn't so much to differentiate between the blond(e) and I was never too much of a grammar master for myself anyways. And with Kiba being loud... he's not always loud, really. It's not like he's speaking loudly for every single thing he says. That is being a little bit too picky in my opinion and I don't think I need to worry too much about whether I should be saying "loudly" with Kiba or not.
Happy to hear I'm getting all the characters in character ^_^ I feel like that's such a big struggle for myself, I always screw up with dialogue sometimes. But I'm glad you like them all. I'm also happy that you liked the sunset scene, I am still wondering if I made it too long but I don't want to change it because I feel it still came out pretty nicely. Masaru is, of course, the other OC I'm writing that I'm falling in love with ^_^ I enjoy him when he thinks about Kasumi, it's so sweet.
Lots of more fun coming out when I start writing more, glad you liked this chapter Sasaui! Thanks for reading and reviewing, much appreciated!
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 14/03/13 - 11:42 pm · For: When Old and New Friends Meet
Sorreh for such a late review! :O
why does Kasumi hate Juro :/
what exactly did he do... that makes her hate him so much O.o
"A lot of things changed that night, Sensei,"
so it happened in a day then? overnight?
wait... so the whole mist village did something? or does she mean that they banished her after her supposed killing spree? hmm...
wow... u've kept me intrigued and at suspense at so many points already :P
errr... so Juro knows something hmm... then why is he so scared to ell her bout it? D: is it something taht important?! :O
Kasumi seems portrayed even more of a violent blood-thirsty and wicked in this fic compared to PoTM :P
u brought it out very well :D but its not the Kasumi i fell in love with...!!!!!! D; -dramatic fall
meh... who knows... she could very well be hidden in there somewhere inside ;D
three days... she's actually putting that much more pressure on him lol... poor Juro :P
lol... she's soooooo trolling him xD
ohh did that katana belong to Kasumi-chwan? or did he weild it when she was once his student? lol u've put suspense in the littlest of things keeping us readers thinking and thinking xD
haven't lost ur touch yet, aye? :P
OMG OMG.. -_-
you know... you just get better at catching Naruto's personality xD
and it just keeps getting SOOOOO damn annoying... i wish every single ninja on the group just hits him with their toughest attack +_+
wish Juro-sama would just swat him away without a second thought just to annoy the damn prick =_="""
haha good work at showing how tired Juro is... really gives out a vibe of intense fatigue... :P
made me yawn xD lol... or maybe that was just me being tired myself :P
wahahaaaa Kakashi the awesome dude he is! xD ^_^
wise as always ;D
ooooooooh boy...
there comes the Snake Prince xD
and Saucegay is here too :D
so there are chances that there might be a Cool fight between the two proteges indeed!! :D:D
awesome urufu... ;D
ahaaa...
i knew it! :P
i knew it was Masaru the monet u mentioned the red scarf :P
and Woah... he's a heck of a lot Damn cooler here O.o
incredible :P
makes him that much more suitable for my dear Kasumi-chwan ;P
good job Masaru at gettin at the noob-head's nerves !! xD
so did Kasumi really kill her team and family? :/ if yes then why does it make u feel that she didn't mean to do it...
or if no, then has she been tricked to think that she really did?
this has just gotten a looooot more interesting !!
and Good job kakashi-sama! :D:D
but if she supposedly killed her team, why was Juro left alive then? does that mean he's involved in this somehow? O.o
GREAT GREAT CHAPTER Urufu-chan!! xD
sorreh once again for late review :D
and loved the Long chapter xD
awesome work :)
update soon ^^
Author's Response: Heya! Glad you were able to read and review this :D Yeah, Kasumi doesn't really care much for Juro anymore, as for why though you'll just have to wait and see. Something bad happened one night, which is what she meant, that changed her life. And as for the Mist Village in general, Kasumi just means she doesn't really care much for any of them because *hint hint* she doesn't like them much either. And yes, Juro knows something important :D
Haha, yeah this story is going to be a lot darker than PotM was, which is why Kasumi had a serious character makeover. I'm sorry :( The katana that Juro has is his but it's an important piece of his past. Wow, you really hate Naruto, it's kind of funny XD
Yup, Sasuke is in this story as well :D Hopefully I'll actually get to write the fight between Sasuke and Kasumi. I love Masaru, he's one of my favorite characters with how cool and calm yet caring he can be. And there are plenty of secrets in this story that you'll just have to wait and learn later on :D Thanks for reading and reviewing, much appreciated!
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 25/02/13 - 02:28 pm · For: When Old and New Friends Meet
Haha this was a long ass chapter indeed :P
I liked it a lot. Really interested to see how the Daiymo and Kasumi knew each other and what they went through. I know you gave some hints but I mean in deeper detail.
Masaru...isn't he part of the Suihesen? (I think I spelled it right) Interesting run in with Naruto.
Ah yes still keeping Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Sasuke in the mix. Sweet. Excited to see where that leads.
So awesome chapter, I'll be looking for the next update.
Author's Response: Sorry about that >_> In my defense, I guess I've written longer installments in the past but this was definitely pretty lengthy compared to previous chapters. I'm glad you liked this chapter :D I'm drawing out the relationship between Juro and Kasumi so slowly XD It'll take nearly the whole story to explain to the readers how they know each other and what went down in the past. Stay tuned ;D Masaru is part of the Suiheisen, yes. He's Kasumi's right hand man. And I was a little iffy on bringing Orochimaru and Kabuto and Sasuke in this story again, but I decided I liked the mesh of madness they brought in. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, thanks for reading and reviewing!
Name: Oni Nexus (Signed) · Date: 25/02/13 - 04:45 am · For: When Old and New Friends Meet
I like here this is going. Kasumi has a lot more personality this time around. ah and Orochimru is now a part of this. someone mysterious! I can't remembr i this et in Naruto or Shippuuden? interesting teaser there at the end, now I'm curius to see what hapens when Sasuke runs into Kasumi. all in all, I think worth the wait.
Oni
Author's Response: Cool, I'm glad you like the direction this story is taking. Hmm, I didn't really think about Kasumi having more personality in this story, I just tried to make her like an interesting bad guy and sinister. Yup, I added a twist in there by bringing in Orochimaru :D This is set in Shippuden, hence why Sasuke is with the snake man. And it should be very interesting when Sasuke and Kasumi meet :D Thank you for reading and reviewing, Oni! I really appreciate your comments!
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 23/12/12 - 11:12 pm · For: Convergence
I agree 100% with Sasaui.
tries not to start laughing
:'3
Author's Response: Oh gosh, I think I detected sarcasm. That's always fun :D
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 22/12/12 - 07:33 am · For: Convergence
Hm....... This is probably just me personally, or maybe just because there were so many characters and you didn't want to keep on using there name, but for some reason the use of adjectives for the team like when you referred to Sakura by her temper started to bug me. Or maybe I'm just trying to find something so I do t feel like I'm competing with perfection.....
You couldn't resist bringing in Kiba, could you? Though I'm really glad you've also brought in Team Ten. Writing CS has made me fall in love with this team. It got to the point I was mentally chanting for Shikamaru to come up with some plan in the future. Go Shika-san!
Random note because my dad just gave me some: I LOVE CORN BREAD CAKE!
Anyway~~~ I really enjoyed the bickering among the teams. They haven't changed a bit, have they? It is always so interesting to read when they're together. Now just throw in Taishi and the real fun begins XD.
I like Miu, though that may only be because her name is the same as a character from Kenichi..... Though she seems really sweet and cares a lot for Juro. And then the Leaf team gets the shock of not being able to accompany him to talk to Kasumi, though the reason why is obvious. Oh, and now I actually can say her name because you have said it. Yay!
Haha. More bickering. You've just gotta love the Rookie Nine together. And then the pirates attack O.O. And then no fight? How dare you tease the hunger of my fight loving brain? Though I did love what you did, and yet I can't shake the feeling it reminds me of something. I mean, not that I'm saying you copied or anything, just it's driving me crazy I can't remember where I've seen it. Any ideas? I like you had Juro do this since it gives us more of a look into his character, and I'm really starting to like him.
I WAS RIGHT!! YES!!!! Sorry, just had to do it. I can't really say I'm surprised since you know the truth U^_^. I do love the twist, though. It was quite interesting and it leaves me eager to see where it leads. Especially with his guilt. What caused that? What happened in their past? Does it have to do with the event that caused her to attempt the thing in PotM in the chapter How To Save a Life? And if anyone is looking at my review and has no idea what I'm talking about - DO NOT SPOIL YOURSELVES!!!
Anyway, great chapter, Onee-chan. I really enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Really? That's surprising you don't like that... I figured I'd venture away from describing characters by their hair / eye color because other adjectives will show the characters and their personalities more.
You're the second person to bring up Kiba, haha. Yes~ I had to bring him in, along with the other Rookie Nine people. I figured since they're all so fun together, I'd reunite them for the mission. Their bickering and such is pretty fun to write about.
I'm surprised you like Miu, seeing as how she's only a minor character. Juro is also an interesting character, wanting to speak to Kasumi by himself. And that pirate attack and his little scheme ;D I don't know what you could be thinking of with Juro's move being similar to something seeing as how I don't know myself what it would remind me of O_O
Haha, yes you were right. But I am not spoiling about why he feels guilty and where this little twist will lead ;D
I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading and reviewing, and I hope you continue to like this story!
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 13/12/12 - 06:59 pm · For: Convergence
Okay, something that jumps out to me at the start here. Why are they walking there? Isn't it kind of a huge emergency? That's what I got from Shizune rushing in and Tsunade wanting better people on the job. It would be simple to just have them running, as they generally are.
I am nitpicking. T_T Okay, sorry, but is Akamaru a mangy dog? He's more like... very fluffy. XD
Ah! You didn't tell us who else was on Team Rescue Inari! But everyone was very in character; Kiba and Naruto are a bit too alike? But they're like that normally, 'cept they annoy each other.
The assisstant questioning Juro was a nice touch. Why does he want to conceal his weopan?
Bunch of kids. What an interesting observation; definitely makes me more eager to have them prove him wrong. Three teams of four.... Ah, i remember now you saying that all of Rookie 9 came! But wouldn't it be a bit louder if all of them came along, on the journey there?
Ah, the Kiba and Naruto fight! Haha! Ino glared at Kiba "through the stage coach"? That confuses me...
WOw... The old man doing that, just, wow. That's pretty dynamic.
My, they made it to meeting her quickly! I wonder what will happen!
AH! Sensei! Ahhhhh! Okay, I was thinking they knew each other, but it was like... father/daughter! Interesting!
UPDATE SOON! But no pressure, yeah? Darnit, I shouldn't have given in and indulged in both! *wails* And I might as well say it twice once I've said it once - Happy Birthday Wolf-nee. I hope you've had a great day~ XD
Author's Response: From what I remember, it took Team 7 at least a couple days to reach Wave Country, or at least it seemed that way (since getting there in a day would be a little ridiculous), and mix that with the fact there is such a large group, I can't imagine they would be racing, since traveling in large packs isn't as easy as just one small squad. Hmm, I never really considered Akamaru as fluffy, the way his fur looks I think he looks wild and mangy, not really groomed so much that I could call him fluffy. I'm sure his fur is very soft, though mangy could just be like scruffy or unkempt, which I feel suits Akamaru. I said the Rookie Nine were on the mission :P Kiba and Naruto are always getting into spouts because they're so alike with how hot-tempered they are. Well, let's think of it like: why would a daimyo, who is hiring shinobi, need a weapon? Plus, since it's the "precious sword" (from the previous chapter), it's kind of important to him and deserves to be hidden. It also made for a nice surprise later on when he pulled it out on the pirates. Mmm, I don't think a lot of people of the Rookie 9 are really that loud, so just because there's a lot of them, I can't picture them making a loud ruckus or anything. If you remember how I described how the three teams were walking by the stage coach, Team Kurenai was on one side while Team Asuma was on the other, meaning the wagon was between them - so when Ino wanted to glare at Kiba because she could hear him being annoying, she had to stare "through the stage coach", her gaze going towards the wagon and staring through it to glare at Kiba. I'm glad you liked the little twists in there, Juro's little mind game was interesting for me to write because I think it shows how unpredictable things can get with this story. I'm glad you're enjoying this story thus far! Thanks for reading and reviewing this chapter! And thanks again for the birthday wishes!
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 13/12/12 - 06:33 pm · For: Two Letters, Two Swords
I love the description of Juro; in a quick paragraph you paint the picture of a successful man defeated by this Blue Tiger. how interesting. XD
His old acquaintice? The Blue Tiger? He met her many years ago? But how? Isn't she just a child...? Curious.
At first you called the secretary "white haired" and then later "young". Kind of sending mixed messages; I know she can be both, but are both adgectives really needed?
Ah, something I've noticed - you like the word gawked, which is fine, but it's an odd word so it sticks out. Perhaps it shouldn't be used so much?
Interesting ending. I'm looking forward to being frightened by this girl, I am. I know everyone else is frightened of her, S class people, so it makes me eager to find out about her.
Over all, a great chapter. XD I find that you use alot of adgectives, which can be good but can hinder the flow of the story sometimes.
YAY FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER TO READ! I don't know why I never got around to reading this one.......
Oh.
And.
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU WOLF-NEE!!!!!
Author's Response: I'm glad you like Juro! He's an interesting character who deserves a relatively good description, though I'm going to sprinkle in stuff about him very slowly just to torture you all ;D Yup, he knew the Blue Tiger. You'll find out just how close those two were. She's about Naruto's age, so I wouldn't call her a child per say, it's not wrong to think he knew her many years ago - she would be just a little younger. Meh, white-haired does not mean the person is old, or at least I feel that can be the case for characters in the Narutoverse. I don't think both adjectives are too much but I'll keep that in mind next time. Well, "gawked" is a fun word, though I had no idea I used it too often. I usually make it a point to not repeat words too much, at least not in quick succession, huh... You will be finding out about the captain slowly and steadily throughout the story. I intend on being agonizingly slow with revealing stuff about her XD I had no idea I used too many adjectives, no one has ever said something like that to me before...hmm... I'll keep it in mind. I'm happy to see you're catching up with this, Rose-chan! Thanks for reading and reviewing! And thanks for the birthday wishes :D
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 11/12/12 - 06:31 pm · For: Convergence
It's something I could actually picture as an arc in the show and is very well written. You take too long to update though :<
The twist at the end is fun so don't make everyone wait too long.
Author's Response: *stars in eyes* Really? :D That makes me really happy then! I'm glad you're still liking this so far. I'm sorry about slow updates T_T I have no excuse for taking a month to post this after so long though except for pure laziness XP Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy this story! Thanks for sticking with it so far, and thanks for leaving nice comments!
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 10/12/12 - 01:36 am · For: Convergence
WOOT~~ Finally an Update!!
and i got a feeling that u might have updated! so i checked, and it ended up right! ain't i smart 8-)
1 month??!!! wow.. that sure is lazy -___- really really laaazzzzzy... well u are a girl after all... -sigh
anyways... the review,
You just haaaad to put him in there didn't u :P
you couldn't not fail to not mention him could u? (guess what that means xD)
and yes i mean Kiba lol...
wow... naruto can be so annoying huh? .__. i'd almost forgotten how much i hate the orange nub... =_=
wow... he's her sensei aye? hence the privacy he wanted... all would be shocked to learn that lol... even the sui....hei..sen.. that was tough to remember x__x geez
they do have a long history afterall...
and i now think he does have a hand in her current situation... him feelin guilty does mean somethin...
hayashi the ruthless swordsman.. kool seein him again...
i was half expecting to see a fight :D but then it'd be toooo troublesome for u to explain it all lul :P
but i can feel the pressure... the fight isn't too far away...
and that was quite smart of Juro to use that trick :P the pirates were helpless :D
guess he ain't as dumb as naruto thinks :P
and if he IS Kasu-chan's sensei, he's gotta be strong as hell....!
this story is takin a new twist... and its veery interesting...!!
how long do u intend to write this story? like will this be a short one, or will it have a plot like the PoTM?
great job at it all urufu...
u haven't lost ur touch yet huh...
what does it mean to rock one's socks anyways..... -_-?
Author's Response: Haha, sure, you're just so smart for seeing that I updated. It had nothing to do with the fact that I told you about it XP But yeah... I had this for a month... I had wanted to hold onto it and reread / rewrite it because I wasn't sure I initially liked it, but then I never actually got around to fixing it, so I just posted it :P
Teehee, you know me so well ;D Of course Kiba had to be in here somewhere, he's Kiba. Aww, I'm sorry Naruto annoyed you :( That stinks how you kinda hate the main character of the series :P
Yup, the big secret (thus far) was that Juro was Kasumi's sensei. And he does play a major role in this story, so he shall be sticking around for a while. He's rather important in Kasumi's life and in the story :D
I'm pretty sure everyone was expecting to see a fight, and it wasn't that it was too troublesome for me to write. It was that it just wasn't meant to be. I didn't really see the need for the fight, plus I don't want to write what people will be expecting ;D
This story might be a little long, I'm not sure. It depends on how far I'm willing to take it I guess. It will have a somewhat different plot to PotM though.
Haha, "Rock my socks" means you're awesome :D And thanks for the compliment on my writing, I really appreciate it! Thanks for reading and reviewing, Shadow, you rock my socks! XD
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 09/12/12 - 07:46 pm · For: Convergence
Woot what an awesome chapter! I thought for sure there was going to be an epic fight but guess not. Though I know there will be soon! Awesome update :D
Author's Response: Gah, I'm a failure~ I didn't give you the epic fight T_T I'm sorry, Shizake-san, for disappointing you *sobs* But you are right, there will be an epic fight!... I'm not sure when, to be honest, but there will be one! ^_^'''' Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing this! I'm glad you enjoyed!
Name: Oni Nexus (Signed) · Date: 09/12/12 - 04:34 am · For: Convergence
I decided to restart my fic and do it differently, and it's taken me, what, like a month and a half to get the second chapter ready, and it's still only 1/3 complete. I can out lazzy you!
Author's Response: Haha, well, I guess everyone has been pretty busy and procrastinating with writing, so we're all in the same boat I suppose :P
Name: Oni Nexus (Signed) · Date: 08/12/12 - 07:48 am · For: Convergence
I like the direction your taking this. I think with school having started, everyone expects updates to be long in coming.
Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you like where this story is going, hopefully you'll continue to enjoy it as the story unfolds. I know that school is just bothersome to everyone but I definitely feel like I'm just a slowpoke in general when it comes to updating. It's quite tragic, really T_T
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 02/09/12 - 11:19 am · For: Two Letters, Two Swords
-sigh...
a new and different review .___.
oh well :P
Juro juro...
hmm... interetsing person.. O.o
so.... is he an old Samrai? :O mayyybe... but looks like there is gonna be a grand duel in the next few chapters >:D
and he seems to have quite a history with Kasumi O.o how might they be related.. suspense >:D
oooh boy -.-
u got Naruto veerrrry well a'rite...
i mean seriously... that Damn ANNOYINGLY dumb orange dud, u got he pretty well in character... trust me... :P
sheesh :P he just can't keep quiet can he? xD
hmm.... Kakashi is kinda in character too... :P
soz for the 'kinda' :P but well.... idk... just didn't get the 100% vibe of him being Kakashi.. :P (i dont think kakashi says "meh" just my opinion though :P)
like Tsunade and naruto seemed pretty perfect if u ask me....
didn't see much of sakura and sai... so won't say anything.
The dialogue was awesome! :D as awesome and realistic as always... if not more...!
So who'll accompany Team 7 this time? :D
oooh... so they'll still be in the story? >:DDDD
kool...! ahahaaa... and i understand what u meant :P
u have to keep in mind each and everyone of em :P
and oooooh... Kazumi the strategist :O
five groups... lets see who faces whom.
And so... the next few chapters will have a greeeaaaat lot of action i think :3 SO EXCITED...! >:]
but hayashi and tsubame as a couple xDD lolol...
and LOOL at this "Could you two seriously just make out or something already, You two bickering, it’s obvious you want each other." that was friggin good< xD
You know what, You haven't lost ur touch at kool dialogue at all...! like u've gotten ur feel again xD
ur speciality is this friggin incredible dialogues afterall(IMO) and u've gotten it back >:D
Glad to have u back lol...
but now that there'll be no reformation, I am really excited to know how this story is gonna head! :o! like...
will she be captured again...? will there be another twist? how will it go on?! what will be the new plotline...?!
So many questions! or rather i make them look like so many -__-
anyways... lol..
really awesome chapter Uruphoo :D
glad to see that you could update already... >:D
well... don't leave us in this suspense xD
so... when's the next update? ;)
Author's Response: Thank you for leaving another review, Shadow, even though you didn't really need to. I'm flattered though anyway :D
Haha, I can't tell you who Juro is just yet or how he knows Kasumi, you'll have to wait and see. But I can tell you there might be a fight coming up soon ;) Hehe, I'm glad you thought Naruto was in character. Everyone says I did well with him, so I'm happy with that, considering my beta had said I didn't get him right initially. Hmm, I'm sorry you think I didn't get Kakashi totally in character. But I'm happy Sakura and Sai seemed alright. Hehe, everyone is so eager to see which team(s) will accompany Team Kakashi. I'll leave you all in suspense for that ;D
Haha, yeah, the Original Nine might make some appearances in the story. Depends on what I'm thinking as the story progresses. But don't worry, there should be enough action in the upcoming chapters... I hope...
Aww, I didn't know you liked my dialogue so much :3 I'm really flattered you think so highly of it, thank you so much for the compliment. This story will have some different twists, it definitely won't be exactly like PotM. Thank you for the awesome review, Shadow! I really appreciate it!
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 30/08/12 - 10:17 am · For: Two Letters, Two Swords
Wohooo..! :D an update... :D
terribly sorry i didn't review earlier D:
i just couldn't coz of studies and all... :/
anyways...
not as thrilling as the earlier one?! ur kidding right? xD
i loved this chapter much more than the first one...!
so u reduced the 9 to only 5? :O
aww... :/
and u removed the thoughtful Osamu too!
but u kept hayashi the badass one >:D so its all fine :3
And our dear Kasumi is here!
Author's Response: Aww, it's alright for the late review. Life is always getting in the way. The important thing is that you read and reviewed anyway :D Really, you liked this chapter better than the first one? I didn't think anyone would like this as much because it didn't have any action. But I'm happy to hear you liked this chapter so much. Eh, I wouldn't say I reduced the pirates from 9 to 5, I'm sure the others will make a side reappearance or something here or there, they just won't be as important. Nine was just a bit too much to keep track of =/ Thank you very much for reading and reviewing, Shadow!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 25/08/12 - 10:25 am · For: Two Letters, Two Swords
Hm..... No, I can see Naruto acting like this, do for me, it's a no on the OOC thing. Though now I'm curious as to how you may have OOCed him.
I don't really see any writing mistakes, but thats either your fault for writing too well or drawing me into the story to the point I couldn't notice them. Though I do agree with Nkbz about meeting all the main pirates at once. At the same time, though, I can see why you did, seeing as it was a scene where they all gathered. I'm pretty sure I did that in Darkness Unleashed, so that may just be why I understand. For some readers it can be a bit much. Nothing major to me, though.
Now, on to the other thoughts.
Juro has met the Blue Tiger before O_o? Wait, did he know her before she went rogue? Was he her Sensei?! Haha, don't ask. I've told other people in reviews, I tend to jump to ideas that I think would be interesting, because I know whatever you have planned is interesting. You had both he and her pull out a katana. Does that signify something? Gah, this is evil. I want to know more about Juro T_T.
For some odd reason, and this is just something random because I seem to have jumped a bit intoy weird reviewing mood, but I suddenly thought of Deno Hyuuga. I blame you!
Back on track (I hope). I really enjoyed the Hokage's office scene. I don't feel like we saw the same strength in Team 7 and the Wave family's bond in the original version, so this definitely pleased me. I think you did a great job with their reactions, and for some strange reason, I loved Sai knowing about Suiheisen. It makes sense he would, too, after being in Root. I'm curious about whether or not Team 8 will accompany them. Or maybe even Team 9. Now that would be epic! I can't see more of their mission, and again, I loved this scene.
I've already told you about bringing in all the pirates, though I won't repeat it. Well, of you're keeping the same pirates as in PotM, that's not all of them. Speaking of this scene, are you still debating whether or not to change her name from Kasumi? Or is there another reason you haven't really had it in the story? At least I don't believe it was said last chapter. Also, I loved the fact you still had in the humor even if this version does seem to be more..... I'm not sure of serious fits, but I'm going to say a bit more on the serious side.
I really enjoyed every moment of this chapter. It had me hooked and wouldn't let go (except when my grandma arrived and I forced myself to put it down T_T). I can't wait to read more, and it seems the more I read, the happier I am you came back. Great job, Onee-chan. Just for your amazingness (and because I just remembered I didn't give it to you last chapter like I meant to), here is this. Hopefully it shows since I'm on the iPod.
This story has officially won the YOUR STORY award (still not sure this really matters to anyone, but eh). I'll add in ATBTD when I get time. This is definitely worthy of the YOUR STORY award.
P.S. Writing long reviews on iPods are hard.
P.P.S. Even with Nkbz's compliment at the end of his reviews, you still argue with me about being better than me *says with hand on hip and eyebrow raised*?
Author's Response: Oh good, Naruto was OOC. My beta had just said I made him too whiny, like he was in Part 1. Apparently he's not so whiny in Part 2, which I keep forgetting -_-
Even when you don't find mistakes, it's my fault? I can't win with you people! Jeez... Oh, I still need to get around to fixing that scene. Even when I read over it, it's starting to irk me because I know I need to fix it.
Hehe, yes, Juro knows the Blue Tiger. I can't tell you how he knows her, but they're pretty much old acquaintances. The katana pulling does signify something: basically their upcoming confrontation with old acquaintances ;) You'll learn more about that little bit as the story goes on.
...Why on earth are you thinking about characters from my other story? :P
Yeah, the original story didn't go into a lot of depth with Leaf and Wave relations and all that, so I'm hoping that this rewrite will show more of the bonds between Inari and his family and the Leaf shinobi. I also tried alternating between Kakashi and Sai knowing about the Suiheisen (other than Tsunade of course) because they seemed to be the ones who would actually know stuff like that. As of now, even I'm not sure which teams will be accompanying Team Kakashi to the Land of Waves... I haven't really gotten to writing the next chapter yet...
Oh yeah, we'll see if all the original nine pirates I made in PotM actually come around, but the five that you saw in this chapter are going to be the most important, the S-class as it was said in this chapter. Sasaui, why do you keep saying her name?! It wasn't technically mentioned in the story yet, you're ruining it for new readers! -_- I'm just going to refuse to answer the name question haha. Oh, well, this story is going to be more on the serious side than PotM was, but I don't think I could write an entire story without at least a bit of humor in it :3
Ah, the award did show up! Thank you for giving me the Your Story Award, I feel all special now that this story made it in, especially since there's only two chapters :D Haha, I'm sorry you had to write such a long review on an iPod, I hate writing them on my phone too. Hmm...yeah, I'll still argue about who's better. We're in too deep into the argument for me to just stop disagreeing with you, it's too fun at this point ;D Anyway, thank you very much for such a nice and long review, I really appreciate it!
Name: purpledinosaur (Signed) · Date: 21/08/12 - 01:41 pm · For: Suiheisen
THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING! Way to go, Wolf-Chan!
Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much, Purple-chan! I'm glad you liked this so far and I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 19/08/12 - 09:29 pm · For: Two Letters, Two Swords
Nah I don't think you OOCed Naruto.
It was good development you know. You gotta have those in order to get to the action and stuff.
Not much else to say, good chapter though. As usual, doing well with all the emotion and detailed description. Good jorb.
Author's Response: Phew, I'm glad I didn't OOC Naruto. I think I just have trouble writing him in Shippuden time. I'm happy that you liked the development in this installment; I know it wasn't as exciting as the first chapter, but this is just the buildup for more action to come. I'm glad you're still enjoying this story, and I hope you continue to like it. Thanks for reading and reviewing, Shizake-san! I appreciate it!
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 19/08/12 - 09:23 am · For: Two Letters, Two Swords
Wow this is going very good. Initially I didn't think I'd be interested in Juro, but he definitely set the scene really well and the emotion was clear. You've done a good job at slipping in little details here and there to set up a back-story rather than laying it all out on the table. You've branched out from the ordinary and mundane by bringing in Daiymos and working with other villages in the Narutoverse.
The characters are all in character, and the pirate captain even has that pirate feel to her which might have faded in the previous one. Chapters are also well sized where the reader doesn't have to leave it on a bookmark or be discouraged. You created very distinct scenes with each POV switch rather than recycling the same junk for 7000 words. The narrative also has been getting put to good use.
The biggest problem I see that stands out is the self dubbed 'introduce all the pirates here' section of this chapter. It's clearly evident you're inches away from an infodump when you start the height/eye color/hair color rodeo to introduce multiple people. Maybe instead of:
“Someone had to check on the prisoners. Seeing as the actual guard never got around to actually doing his duty. Hayashi.”
Hayashi guffawed at this.
You could have put: 'The pirate in question...' (or something similar since you have already established it is Hiyashi.) It would have made that area of the chapter flow and seem less obvious/redundant.
I'm sure others can help you point out any spelling mistakes and debate about buildings, so I'll steer clear of any of those errors. Aside from the above there isn't much to nitpick.
I still consider this at least a tier above anything else polluting the most recent page lately. I can really see how you've grown since your early work. Keep it up.
Author's Response: :D You still like it! I feel so accomplished! You're the only one to mention Juro so far, so I'm glad he really stuck out to you. He is important to the story for now, but I didn't want to throw out his real purpose right away. I'm trying to keep the story suspenseful, so the small details are (hopefully) doing a good job of foreshadowing. Writing about daimyos and other countries and politics is really difficult, admittedly, so I'm hoping that I can keep it realistic and interesting at the same time.
Awesome, no one was OOC! That's always reassuring to hear. And you like the pirate captain! That's even more reassuring to hear :D Haha, I'm hoping I don't go overboard with creating long chapters; I have done it before so let's hope I don't go back to that. But for now, I'm hoping to keep the narrative crisp and the chapters enjoyable to read.
Omg...I'm close to an infodump... T_T Now I feel like a failure... Gah, thank you for pointing it out to me. I'll make sure to go over that and fix it when I have time.
Your compliments really do always surprise me, and I'm always deeply flattered by them. I really hope this story continues to impress you and lives up to your expectations. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I'm really grateful for your insightful feedback!
Name: Hazard (Signed) · Date: 18/08/12 - 10:05 pm · For: Suiheisen
Awesome update! Your details are so crisp, and I don't think you had anyone out of character. Very nice chapter and I'm looking forward to the next one!
Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you liked this! I'm happy that this chapter came out so well. Hearing that the details were so nice is always assuring to hear. Sweet, I didn't OOC anyone, that's always a personal fear of mine. It would be awful if I messed up Kishimoto-sama's characters. I'm glad you're liking this story, Hazard-san! Thanks so much for still reading and reviewing!
Name: Oni Nexus (Signed) · Date: 18/08/12 - 06:44 pm · For: Two Letters, Two Swords
it would be so awesome if I were the first one to review this chapter! I think I caught it just as it was posted too. I found your site silver, so now anyone who had like no coments has a poem! that is how bored I was waiting for this chapter.
This is looking good, well up to your usual standards!
Oni
Author's Response: And you were the first one to review this chapter! You work fast, wow haha. I saw that you found my site, thank you so much for deciding to join. And I'm glad you liked this chapter, thank you very much for reading and reviewing!