Reviews For The Scent of Strawberries
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 18/07/12 - 08:20 pm · For: Chapter 3
This chapter... just made me so sad T_T After she found out about her parents and how long she's been asleep, it was just really depressing. I felt so bad for her...
There was a lot of emotion in this chapter, I really liked it. It definitely moved me and brought me close to tears. It was pretty good.
There were some mistakes, mostly just minor errors in your sentences like:
She winced, her arms flying to shield her eyes as she shut them eyes completely before gradually reopening them as they slowly adapted to the sunlight.
Maybe proofread it once more?
But this was a good chapter, I look forward to seeing more improvement from you. Keep up the good work.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 10/07/12 - 08:17 pm · For: Chapter 2
Aww~ This was such a sweet chapter. Their reunion was so adorable, I loved it. This chapter really was an improvement in terms of description, you did an excellent job. There were some spelling errors, more than the last chapter I believe, but this was a much better written chapter in terms of structure. Good job, I'm glad to see improvement. I'm looking forward to more with this story. Keep up the awesome work.
Author's Response: I'm glad you thought so. :) I apologize for all the mistakes, I guess I didn't do a good job of checking it over this morning. :| Thank you for reviewing! :)
Name: xXxTiNkxXx (Signed) · Date: 07/07/12 - 02:26 pm · For: Chapter 1
Hiiii :D Just as Silver said, for this being your first story, it was very well written. It makes it seem as though you've put in practice and a lot of thought toward your story. I'm interested in this being a KakaRin story, which is rarely seen on here. Very different. I'm sure as you continue writing aspects of your story and writing will get better and better. I'm excited to keep reading (: xoxo~
Author's Response: Aww, thank you. :) I actually wrote this chapter a little less than a week ago, but it was only last night that I mustered up the courage to post it anywhere. I hope so, thanks again. :)
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 07/07/12 - 08:43 am · For: Chapter 1
I really like this so far! If this is your first time writing, it's really not bad so far. You have potential. Really, the only thing that bothered me was how each line was only a sentence; it made it seem rather short and choppy. I'd like to see you add a little more, maybe in terms of description or even combining the dialogue to the action of the person. An example:
A small smile flashed onto Shizune's face which completely dispelled all of Kakashi's negative thoughts.
"Come to the hospital," she repeated quietly.
These two different lines could be combined because they're both about Shizune. Does that make sense?
But anyway, this story seems really good so far. I really do look forward to more. This story has potential, as do you. I am excited to see where this goes. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thank you for such a thorough review! I see what you mean, I guess I wasn't really paying attention to things like that, but I'll be sure to in the following chapters. Thanks again, I appreciate it. (: