Reviews For Our Ninja Way
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 21/08/11 - 06:12 am · For: Our Ninja Way [05]
Ah!!! Cliffhanger! Haha, now I can't wait for the next chapter. Hrm, I haven't been on TONFA for a while, but this chapter is really interesting.
Name: Eclair (Signed) · Date: 07/08/11 - 09:55 am · For: Our Ninja Way [05]
O.o Love triangle!!!!
Woot! Thanks for the update, please post another soon! Arigato!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 07/08/11 - 06:55 am · For: Our Ninja Way [04]
Sorry I didn't review before. I read it, but then I had to leave, and I just forgot to review when I got back. It's an awesome chapter. I loved the Red String of Fate part. It was really interesting. I wonder how long it will take her to meet the other person with the red string. The rivalry between the two teams is hilarious. I love it. This is turning into an awesome story. I can't wait to go on to the next chapter. I will admit, you still have the punctuation problems. Everything else, though, was awesome.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 07/08/11 - 05:02 am · For: Our Ninja Way [05]
Poor Dachi! But... then again, I love NaruOC, so I can't help but find Naruto and Kana extremely cute! Aw...
And Kei just makes me laugh, no matter what the situation :D
Great work with this chapter! It mixed a lot of emotion in together, and it's really coming along very nicely. Nice job! Keep up the awesome work!
Name: Rainbow Fire (Signed) · Date: 04/08/11 - 06:47 pm · For: Our Ninja Way [04]
Yeah, the grammar errors are kind of noticeable in this story, which really makes this story seem, well, not as professional. It's an awesome story though, it has real potential to be really awesome. If you need help editing, do you know any other writers to help you out? But anyways, this story is really cool, and I love the characters so far. I hope you update soon!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 04/08/11 - 06:12 am · For: Our Ninja Way [04]
There were a few points when you didn't capitalize the beginning of sentences. And Sharingan is also meant to be capitalize, since it is the name of an eye technique.
And for this part, you wrote: "She is more than capable than taking care of herself.”
That should be "She is more than capable of taking care of herself."
And here, you wrote: "Some years before I had you and Kei, you’re father and I met here..."
That should be: "Some years before I had you and Kei, your father and I met here...." Your is possessive while you're means you are.
Other than that, just the normal punctuation problem.
But I really do enjoy reading this. Your dialogue really keeps the story at a nice pace, and I love the friendly rivalry you've already created within the teams. And seeing a bit of everyone's techniques was cool too, so I can't wait to see what else they can do.
I loved the Red String of Fate, I think that's so creative that you put that in. It's also very sweet.
This is really good so far. Keep up the great work!
Name: Eclair (Signed) · Date: 03/08/11 - 03:27 pm · For: Our Ninja Way [03]
lol loved thisd chapter! Update soon!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 03/08/11 - 05:57 am · For: Our Ninja Way [03]
Haha. Daichi read that book. I love this story. Key keeps me laughing with his hotheadedness. I'm kinda glad I'm always the last one to review because that means I don't have to point out the bad things. However, I can give you advice. You could always read other people's stories. That's how I usually learn. I loved this chapter and I can't wait to see what you have in store for the two teams.
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 03/08/11 - 05:12 am · For: Our Ninja Way [03]
Haha, I really like this story so far. You're characters are great. Kei cracks me up! Hahaha :D
Anyway, the punctuation is still a bit messed up, and some of the sentences don't have periods.
Either way, I still think this story is great so far. (:
Name: Allison (Anonymous) · Date: 03/08/11 - 02:07 am · For: Our Ninja Way [03]
I don't like this at all. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
When you learn to write fanfiction correctly, come back to submit it.
Author's Response: I'm sorry. But how am I supposed to improve if this is all you say? If you're going to criticize me, at least give me something to help me improve.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 02/08/11 - 07:24 pm · For: Our Ninja Way [03]
Haha, I love the intro to Team Kakashi. It actually seemed original. Hisako and Kakashi seem to know each other already, which really intrigues me. And I loved Kei's commentary when he saw each person. It was hilarious.
Now, I really feel like I'm going to annoy you with these insistent reminders. But punctuation problems are continuously showing up. Just the commas and periods. Konan and Sasaui have already pointed out the problems earlier, and I feel like I'm killing you with these reminders. Have you tried googling a site on puntuation in writing? It might help a bit if you haven't.
But seriously, this story is really good so far. I love your OCs, you've already created some interesting characters within only a few chapters. I really can't wait to read more. Keep up the amazing work, this is really good so far! :D
Author's Response: No it's fine, I obviously need the constant reminders. :) But I'll search for a website, I wish I thought of that earlier. xD Thank you so much! c:
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 02/08/11 - 04:57 pm · For: Our Ninja Way [02]
Seeing as the others have already pointed out the flaws, I'll focus on the good things, such as:
IT WAS AMAZING! I can't wait to see what's going to happen to your ocs. All of them are fantastic. Then you ended with Hanako's PoV. Yeah that she's alive, but seriously? You're just going to leave it there? So not cool. But the rest of the awesome chapter makes up for it. I can't wait to read more. This is turning out to be an amazing story. Please write more soon!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) I'm glad that you're enjoying it so far. Haha, I'm sorry about the cliffhanger, it was sort of impossible to avoid it. c:
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 02/08/11 - 06:31 am · For: Our Ninja Way [02]
*facepalm* Cliffhangers.... Well, at least we know that Hanako is not dead, I was honestly worried for Kei and Kana's sakes that she was.
Anyways, this chapter was a great improvement in writing. There were still some small things, but it was great progress. As I said, punctuation just needs to be reviewed a little. You forgot to put periods in some cases at the very end, such as:
“This is so demanding.” Kei complained
The period will actually be after 'complained' while a comma will be after 'demanding'. But there were some other sentences that had no period at the end.
But you really improving, and this story gets more interesting with each passing chapter. I really enjoy this. Keep up the amazing work!
Oh, and I love the song choice. It pretty much describes daily life, I think ;)
Author's Response: Haha, I was wondering how people would react if I had a cliffhanger.rnrnThank you! :)rnrnI have to agree. :)
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 02/08/11 - 05:50 am · For: Our Ninja Way [02]
Great job with this chapter! I don't think this chapter was pointless, it was nice to see a bit from Dachi's point of view.
As Sasaui mentioned before, instead of a period after they say something, like this:
"Let's show her what we can do." He said.
It should be:
"Let's show her what we can do," he said.
Because you are telling us that is what he said. Unless you put it this way:
"Let's show her what we can do." He created 5 other shadow clones.
Then you would use a period.
Author's Response: Oh. So I'm supposed to put a comma if I add the adjective of the way they expressed the word. Thank you for all the reviews you're giving me. :)
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 01/08/11 - 07:35 pm · For: Our Ninja Way [01]
My first language wasn't english either, but I've lived in the U.S. all my life, so my the only problem I have is with 'big' words.
Anyway, I really liked this chapter. It was really catching and interesting. The only mistakes that really caught my eye are punctuation, but overall, I really liked the start of the story. Update soon!
Author's Response: I've only lived in the U.S for 4 years, but I knew basic English before I moved here. I also have problems with big words, they're the worst. And thank you. :) I'll make sure to double check the next chapter for punctuation mistakes.
Name: Eclair (Signed) · Date: 01/08/11 - 12:23 pm · For: Our Ninja Way [01]
Yay! New Naruto OC Fanfic! Please update soon! Like so far! Thanks
Author's Response: Thank you!rnrnI'm actually planning on uploading two more chapters today. I just have to stop being lazy. xD
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 01/08/11 - 09:30 am · For: Our Ninja Way [01]
I really like Kei's determination. I'm just wondering if that promise will get him close to being killed. Then again, seeing as he's a ninja, he risks his life all the time.... Anyway, it's a great start. There are, I'll admit, some errors. Such as in the beginning you put that the sensei was a he while it was a she. I don't know if you did that on purpose since you put 'female' instead of plain female. Plus, when someone ends speaking and its not a question or exclamation mark, you put a coma. Like this:
"And I'll go with you," Kana said with a light smile.
But if you don't have the part about them saying something, you don't have to. Such as this:
"Hey, Sasaui (my oc's name)." I turned to see Naruto running to catch up with me.
That example was just on the top of my head. There was also more errors, such as the But. thing. It should have been But that whatever came next.
Those are all I can remember seeing off the top of my head. There may have been more mistakes, and I'm sorry if I missed them because that means that I can't help you for later.....
Don't worry about English not being your first language. You did an excellent job. You have some of the same problems people who do speak English have, so it's not a bad thing. Great job. I can't wait to see what happens next, because this sounds like an awesome story.
Author's Response: Maybe, Maybe not. (;rnrnSo for buts do I put a comma or...?rnrnThank you. I really do appreciate your reviews, they mean a lot to me. (:
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 01/08/11 - 07:08 am · For: Our Ninja Way [01]
Well, even if English isn't your first language, this is still really good. Just be sure to keep up with punctuation, as it kind of made some things difficult to read. There were some spelling mistakes as well. If you need help editing, you can always ask someone to read it over before uploading it.
But overall, this went really well. I love the idea and the characters you've created. I also like how you've established everyone's personality and character just in the first chapter. This plot seems really interesting, and I look forward to seeing what happens next. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thank you. c:rnPunctuation is my worst aspect in English.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/07/11 - 06:27 am · For: Our Ninja Way [00]
Hm... Sounds interesting. You add details I have never seen before in oc bios, which I like. To me that means that you're descriptive. I'm excited for the actual story. Both of your characters sound so awesome that they'll make an awesome story.
Ooh. Summaries. One of my nightmares. I can't do these very well in my opinion. I guess you can try to do what Silverwolf said. You could also write an expert from your story, like a part that would really grab their attention like Silverwolf's Reincarnation of a Legend. I'm not sure if that's exactly what's in the story, but what's going on grabs ones attention (at least mine).
And I just have to asked, what's the b29; thing at the bottom.
I can't wait for the story!
Author's Response: Thanks. :)rnrnThe b29; thing used to be a heart symbol, but it disapeared. :o
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 27/07/11 - 05:23 am · For: Our Ninja Way [00]
They have the same birthday as me :D
Right, anyways, the characters seem interesting enough. And the point of the story seems to be tracking down their mother. Slightly vague, but it's open enough that I think you can create a really interesting plot.
Hmm, not much else to say, as I don't know what else the story is about other than finding their mother. Once the first chapter comes around, I think it will be interesting. As for summaries, I usually end up writing a summary that summarizes the first chapter or so. Something interesting that catches the readers' eyes. If you need help when the story starts, feel free to ask me.
Other than that, good luck! I can't wait to see what happens :D
Author's Response: Same here. :DrnrnThank you! :)