Reviews For Sandpaper
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 23/08/11 - 08:34 pm · For: Chapter 5: Drawing Her
Whoa... Whoa... Whoa...
Now that... was a pretty impressive 'out of body experience.' I really liked it. It's great insight to the connection that Aiko and Gaara have. You're really beginning to show the depth of that sibling relationship. Even though they barely know each other, the insight into their mental connection really shows how close they actually are.
It would be really cool if you showed Gaara's point of view of that scene, maybe describe how he could feel someone close to him, even though he didn't quite understand what happened at the time. Just an idea.
Anyways, poor Sai. Some friends are just so mean sometimes. It's really adorable that he's drawing pictures of her. You really kept him in personality during that scene, as I really doubt he would be the one to whine about getting his sketchbook back, no matter how badly he wants it.
Excellent work with this chapter! I enjoyed it! It started with comedy but ended with drama, which is a method that I really like. Keep up the great work with your story, it's really going good so far!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I was worried that the Gaara thing would make it too confusing but I’m glad it worked!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 18/07/11 - 04:16 pm · For: Chapter 4: Meeting of Minds
Much better! As I said before, I love the mental chat and the way it played out. It was really original and the reason behind it all made sense. And it was funny :)
Great edit! Keep up the great work with your writing!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 08/07/11 - 09:01 pm · For: Chapter 3: A Secret No More
It kind of does make sense, actually. Obviously, it throws some of the things about Gaara's death out of whack, but that is generally what happens when an OC is thrown in, so don't worry too much, I think :D
This was a great chapter. It was very well-written, and it had a great flow to it, in both dialogue and description. Excellent work!
Author's Response: Thanks! I do know it isn’t quite uniform to the storyline but the important part is the akatsuki do not have the one tail. They need Gaara and Aiko at the same time for that or well that’s how my version goes. I like to make things harder for the bad guys ;)
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 06/07/11 - 07:10 am · For: Chapter 2: Battle of Arts
I will agree with BattyBigSister that your punctuation needs a little more work. I also will admit to seeing some spelling errors. The group's name is Akatsuki, with a 't', and it is usually capital.
I also think you were too excited to write the fight scene that you forgot to check your grammar. There were some incorrect tenses used and such. Just don't forget to proofread, and all will be good.
As I said, this story seems really interesting, and it is steadily going into more depth. It is becoming more attention-getting, so good job for you. I do like where this is going, and I think it has great potential. Keep up the good work.
Name: BattyBigSister (Signed) · Date: 06/07/11 - 03:20 am · For: Chapter 2: Battle of Arts
Again, punctuation. It doesn't matter how good a writer you are, if your punctuation is bad people will still struggle with reading your story and subsequently enjoy it less. Your actual story was good though and reasonably detailed. Work on expanding those details for maximum quality I think. Don't rush your story. You've definitely got some talent in there and this story has some potential. Expand on that.
Name: BattyBigSister (Signed) · Date: 06/07/11 - 03:09 am · For: Chapter 1: Meating
Well, it seems like an interesting idea and you write quite well. You do, however, need to work on your basic punctuation, double-check the spelling of your Japanese phrases like 'Jinchuuriki' and correct Sai's name in the summary too. There's a link on the main page for betas I believe that might be worth looking into. Sai's in character and you have a decent set-up and good attention to detail. Not a bad start! So the girl's a Jinchuuriki as well then...?
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 05/07/11 - 06:34 am · For: Chapter 1: Meating
Oh, a Sai/OC story, huh? Yeah, you never see stories like that. So hurray for you on creativity!
I will inform you now that you are spelling his name wrong. It is actually spelled 'Sai', with an 'a' in there in the middle.
I do think this is quite interesting. It has an interesting start, and you are keeping Sai very much in character.
And ooh! I think I know who you were talking about in the end notes! Ahem, but I'm not gonna say it or else I'll spoil it ;)
Anyways, I think you have a very good intro to a really interesting story. I hope to see more of this; keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thanks for the encouragement! I’m going to try to have the next chapter up as soon as I fix the Sai’s name *groans at prospect of tedious task* anyway thank you so much for responding! Please keep reading!