Reviews For Learning to Run
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 29/08/11 - 04:23 pm · For: Time Waits for No One
Yeah, it's definitely better! I really like the little things you added in there. They make a huge difference in strengthening the relationships between the characters, and creating more of a story line. :)
I like this version of chapter 7 better than the old one!
The part where Manami shows up and lets Kakashi see the green dress still makes me sad. I think he should've complimented her more, too! But, that's Kakashi for you... He just doesn't understand! Oh, well...
I love the part where Manami and Sasuke are looking at the stars and he's totally baffled that she doesn't know what the stars are! It makes me laugh.
Author's Response: I wish Kakashi had been a little nicer about his "compliment" too, but he just doesn't "get it". Neither does Manami; she doesn't know why she was wanting something more from him. It'll take her a while but she'll realize that she wants attention and affection from him, something she'd never really gotten before. He's pretty dense about it but he'll give her what she wants...in his way, naturally, he can't be good at everything.
Name: Rainbow Fire (Signed) · Date: 22/08/11 - 08:36 am · For: Time Waits for No One
Much better. I was very pleased with this new edit. There was plenty more description, and I'm very thrilled with that fact. You also had a lot more insight to Manami's purpose for being here and her emotions. Overall, this was a brilliant revision, and I'm very proud of you. ;) Excellent job; keep up the great work.
Author's Response: THANK YOU!!!! :D I'm so happy to hear your kind words. Haha, you're proud of me?? XD Well I'm proud of myself too, because I really think I did a lot better with this in terms of descriptions and characterization. So far it's garnered a far more positive response than the previous chapter, so my re-working is something I am happy about. I stayed up super-late listening to music and trying to get the last of the revisions done because I was having quite the time trying to figure out what I wanted/needed to do...this was kind of a mistake because I had school pictures today and ended up looking exhausted (I had bags under my eyes...if I want to have a successful junior year of high school I really need to get into other sleeping habits). Thanks for re-reading and wasting your time with this silly fic, hahaha!! It really does mean a ton to me and I'm so grateful to have a reviewer like you. :)
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 22/08/11 - 08:00 am · For: Time Waits for No One
AWWWWWW! That was a lovely ending to the chapter XD
Great work on this, it was much better then the previous one! Good job on the revision!
You kept all of my personal favorite parts of the chapter, such as the Ryujin scene and some of the little things I enjoyed. The parentheses still threw me off, but they're not as important.
You added a lot more description to the dresses, which was actually very helpful since we get to see what Manami believes is simple in terms of clothing.
But I really loved the ending. It was excellent symbolization. Ino showed willing kindness to Manami, and it emphasizes one of the themes in this story: to be accepted. Manami's inner speech was the icing on the cake, it was so inspirational. I loved it.
Excellent work on this chapter. I love this rewrite, you did a fantastic job with it. Great job! Keep up the amazing work!
Author's Response: Parentheses...? Do you mean the dashes? Because I used a lot of "--" but I don't remember using "(...)" at all. Maybe once with parentheses, but it doesn't seem like it would throw off the tempo of my writing. Hmmmm, I should include this in my bio... "I use a lot of dashes, beware!!" XD Anyway, I'm glad you think this is a better revision and I thank you very much for taking the time to read it again (I'm not fond of re-reading chapters, even if there was a revision) so I appreciate it very much. I took your advice and the advice of many others and I think this has changed for the better into a chapter I am proud of. :3 Thanks for sticking with me!!
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 05/08/11 - 01:23 pm · For: Time Waits for No One
Ah! Yay! A new chapter! :)
It's just fine! It does sound kinda like you're confused at what you should be doing with the flashbacks and in the sea, but I think you're doing just fine the way you're going!
Author's Response: Shoot, I forgot that I didn't respond to your review!! I ended up editing the chapter over...see if you like it in its new and improved form. So far, it's had a pretty positive response! :3rn
Name: Rainbow Fire (Signed) · Date: 04/08/11 - 09:25 pm · For: Time Waits for No One
So I know how you said that this wasn't one of your best, but honestly, after the last chapter, I couldn't bring myself NOT to read it.
So after I didn't listen to you, I feel really bad about saying anything mean.
The retrieving-the-dresses scene wasn't what I had expected. It was kind of short.
I'm also wondering if there should have been any more of a transition for Manami when it came to readjusting after her near-death experience? I mean, I know she's used to the sea and everything, but after nearly drowning, should she have been more cautious? I actually don't know, as I'm not sure if I'm reading her thoughts correctly. Sorry if I'm blabbering...
Anyways, I actually understand why you have Ayame there. No, I don't like cliches, and the rival-in-love is always a cliche that actually appears rather often. But... when written well, it actually turns into something rather entertaining. I'm waiting for that moment, and so far, you're building up to it, which has got me in a bit of suspense right now.
So... unfortunately, this chapter was a bit of a letdown, but I don't think it was as bad as you make it out to be. Probably just some more description here and there will help clear everything up.
You are a talented writer, and after reading this story so far, I know that you will accomplish this revision, even if it gave you a bit of trouble. Good luck! Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Haha, you didn't listen to me, and this is what you get--a bad chapter!! >:D No, jk, it just wasn't done very well--I didn't go through my normal editing/re-editing/re-re-editing and I was also simultaneously watching Great Teacher Onizuka, which is terribly distracting and kills brain cells with its hilarity. (WATCH IT, EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKS RIDICULOUSLY STUPID--WHICH IT IS--IT IS ALSO ONE OF THE BEST ANIMES I HAVE EVER SEEN.) I didn't put in any of the thought processes that I should have for Manami, who is discovering just how "mortal" and flimsy she is here, which reminds her of her mission, which she'd been distracted from by the fact that she is comfortably settling into a life where people accept her for who she is. And I didn't go into the details of the dresses, which I should have, because people always tell me that those kinds of scenes are evidently a crowd favorite (beats me as to why, sometimes; I've never needed strong descriptions of clothes when I'm reading but people just seem to like that). All in all, you're quite correct; this chapter WAS a letdown and I just need to work harder on it and not half-ass it, which I admittedly, did. Thanks for the constructive criticism and don't feel bad; you weren't "mean" at all; you were helpful and polite about it.
Name: Rainbow Fire (Signed) · Date: 04/08/11 - 08:31 pm · For: Temptations and Strength
Wow! This was wonderful! How can you say that you're not flawless, I thought this was the best chapter I've read so far!
I loved how well you wrote the relationship between Manami and the sea. It was so enticing. The sea actually seemed like a person, which was valuable and exceptional writing on your part, as you are writing about a mermaid.
Then, of course, Kakashi comes to the rescue, a bit too late actually, which kind of plays on his 'on time' attitude.
I especially continue to enjoy how well you write Manami. Her experience on land is wonderfully displayed, as you are writing everything very realistically in her eyes. Everything that she has ever witnessed as a mermaid is obviously going to be different in the human world, so I'm glad that you take the time to illustrate that.
Best chapter ever. Well done. Fantastic work. Nice job. Excellent. Your writing really is amazing.
Oh wait! I actually just thought of this. Do we get to hear Manami's real name anytime soon, or does that come in somewhere at the end?
Author's Response: You're too kind, I am VERY flawed. I rewrite every chapter several times, actually, trying to get it right, and I rarely ever do as well as I'd like. *shrug* It's a growing experience, and I'll have chapters that aren't very good, so please bear with me, hahaha. With Manami and the sea, I wanted it to be a relationship that is...ah, I don't even have the words for it. It's a bond so powerful that she feels a physical heartache when she separates herself from it. She longs to go back to it, even as she begins to love the world on the surface. The sea was her security blanket, an ever-constant presence in her mind, and she's having...the best way I can describe it is kinda like how when someone loses an arm, they feel "phantom pains"--they still feel like the arm is there, even though it's not, and when their brain realizes that yes, it really truly is gone, they go into a heartsick kind of shock. Concerning Kakashi coming "too late"--actually, in the first draft, he'd saved her, but I was afraid of the ever-present shojo Knight In Shining Armor Cliche that is so common, so I had her save herself. I think it created a better scene because originally, Kakashi had just yanked her out and she was safe, but in this final version she truly gets to express to the sea how she can't go back with it, and we feel both of their sorrows in their full power. Just a thought. After this chapter, Rainbow Fire, you're gonna be disappointed because I did such a shoddy job with the latest chapter, which I am currently working to revise. -_-" Bear with me, and thanks for the review!
Name: Rainbow Fire (Signed) · Date: 04/08/11 - 08:09 pm · For: Broken Girl, Mended Boy
Aw, I loved how Sakura gave Manami a compliment that she deserves :D
Ino needs an attitude check sometimes, seriously. Chouji's such a nice guy, she should feel lucky to have a guy like him as a suitor. But at least Sakura somewhat keeps her down to earth.
This is wonderful! I loved this chapter! It reminded me of modern times, when girls go out on a shopping spree, don't ask why. Plus, Sasuke was there too, so I don't know why I'm thinking that....
Anyways, great work with this chapter! I'm really falling for this story.
Author's Response: I'm glad you're falling for this story, haha! Ino does need an attitude check, but sometimes I like that about her. And Choji is such a sweetheart, I don't know what she's thinking. Thanks for the review, hon!
Name: Rainbow Fire (Signed) · Date: 04/08/11 - 07:45 pm · For: Lessons in Pain
Hmm, Ayame as the rival to Manami? Peculiar... I don't know if that's a good way to portray her...
But another awesome chapter! I'm beginning to fall in love with this. This is so beautifully written, it's so well done. Nice work!
Author's Response: Haha, Ayame is so OOC that it's amusing. I just needed someone to have a crush on Kakashi, ne? In truth, I like Ayame...cliche as it is (and I know you don't like cliches), that one bitchy rival-in-love is a character you sometimes like to have. Though I don't particularly like to have them, I'll throw them in occasionally. ;) Thanks for the review!
Name: Rainbow Fire (Signed) · Date: 04/08/11 - 07:23 pm · For: The Veiled Princess
Yup, this is amazing. Now I feel awful for saying this is cliche...
I love Manami. She's a great OC, as she's not sickeningly perfect. She has flaws, which is quite refreshing.
Great work!
Author's Response: Awwwww, thank you! I'm so glad you've enjoyed it thus far and that you like Manami. I like her too. XD She may be one of my favorite OCs I've created (but I do have a few others I like...if you're interested, my more popular fics are "Firefly Tears" and "By Your Side" that were written for the yaoi-fan-crowd here, but because I'm not a SasuNaru fan, it's pretty mild. Getting back on track, I'm awfully fond of Izumi from Firefly Tears and Kenshin from By Your Side). If there's a kind of character I hate, it's a blatant Mary Sue who is good at everything, abnormally beautiful, and seems to have no flaws (other than perhaps a temper or clumsiness, which are "endearing" flaws). So I wanted to make Manami kind of average and not attractive or "special" enough to have people tripping over themselves for her. She makes a good friend but she's underestimates herself to a fault and is kind of bad in some social situations, but she's a fundamentally good person and is pretty friendly. She's a good girl. :) Thanks for reading and reviewing!!!
Name: Rainbow Fire (Signed) · Date: 04/08/11 - 07:08 pm · For: Speaking: Not Always With the Mouth
0_o Never mind about the cliche part.
This is amazing! Your writing is awesome, as I said, but this story already sounds so cool! I hate myself for saying otherwise! Now I'm all giddy to read more! I'm off once again!
Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad that you don't find this cliched...I was trying not to make it that way. I get tired of cliched stories (like everyone else) and, no offense to the TONFA crowd, but there's a lot of generic fics that involve the writers going into the Naruto world or a Naruto character coming out and into their world, and also making an OC in that kind of situation. I've read several of those fics that are excellent, but I noticed very similar storylines and characters, and wondered if I could do something different but the same fundamentally, seeing as how they're so popular on this site (it's all anyone's writing anymore, heh, so I figured the readers have an acquired taste for "OC gets thrown in with Naruto characters and inevitably falls in love, etc"). I wanted to mix it up a little without making it too weird, and then my buddy ontuva (who's writing a "companion fic" of sorts called The Leaf and the Moon, you should definitely check it out!) said she was writing a Little Mermaid story using the Naruto characters and I was all over it. "Here's my chance!" I thought, so here I am, writing this silly story. XD Again, thanks for reading and thanks for your review, I'm so grateful that you've taken the time to do it, and I hope to see you again soon. ;)
Name: Rainbow Fire (Signed) · Date: 04/08/11 - 06:50 pm · For: The Librarian and the Sea Maiden
Hmm, a Little Mermaid fic? I don't know, it sounds kind of cliche...
But I do like your writing, and I think your style is flawless so far. I can't wait to see more, so I'm going to continue reading right now....
Author's Response: Ha, my writing is far from flawless, but I greatly appreciate your compliment. ;) Thanks for reading (and reviewing!!); it means the world to me. Currently, my latest chapter needs some work, so I'm in the process of rewriting that, and it'll be quite clear that my writing is NOT flawless... ^^" Bear with me, I'm still learning.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 03/08/11 - 06:26 pm · For: Time Waits for No One
*slams head against desk*
I'm going to hate myself for this, I think.
Unfortunately, I think you're right in saying that this chapter was iffy. I don't know, it didn't live up to your normally awesome writing.
I actually really liked the scene that occurred under the sea. I never noticed your underwater scenes being stilted, though that may be me being oblivious. I thought this one was good and creative, just what I always expect from you.
I personally think it was scenes after that that had me not as impressed. I feel like there was a lot of depth into everyone's thoughts, but not really any elaboration on present events. I loved how you went into detail about everyone's thoughts, such as 'Time waits for no one' and 'Is Kakashi really handsome?' But when it came to describing what was actually happening at the very moment, such as dialogue and actions, I didn't see your normal flow.
The dresses, which I was greatly looking forward to reading about, had no description. You only described the green dress, and I don't even know what it looked like except that it matched her eyes. You only said it was simple, but that really doesn't illustrate a vivid picture of what kind of simplicity you're referring to.
And then there were the parentheses. I personally think the usage of parentheses disrupts the flow of the writing, and you had so many of them, when I don't think they were needed. I honestly think you could have worked the content in the parentheses into the story without any problem.
I did love the ending, when Kakashi sort of brushed her off when she was expecting a compliment. And you open up more plot development with the last line as Ayame begins to create a plan for catching Kakashi's attention.
This is my opinion, and I personally hate myself for being so mean now. Please forgive me, I'm so sorry for being so cruel :( You have great talent and you underestimate yourself a lot, which might hinder your performance when it comes to starting a new chapter. You're really doing great, just stick to your normal flow, and you'll continue to do amazingly!
Author's Response: No, Wolf, you're right, this wasn't nearly on par with what I write usually. I'm going to probably leave this up for now and then once I've rewritten it, will delete the old chapter and repost the new chapter, so that there's a "then and now" thing going. Personally, I'm surprised that you thought the scene with Ryujin and the nure-onna was written better than the other scenes, because I've always felt that when I write those (the sea) scenes, I was fumbling along with the writing talent of a third grader. I don't know Ryujin and the nure-onna as well as I should, and haven't had the chance--exactly--to make them into the characters I want them to be. Okay, and about the dresses...yes, it was lazy of me not to describe them, but they're all more or less the same, and I didn't know how to do it creatively. I'll give it my best shot though, because everyone seems to like those scenes. And also--don't be hard on yourself. I asked for an honest critique, and that's what I got, and honestly, I've very appreciative of it. Thanks for your honesty, and I don't think you were mean at all, but actually very considerate and helpful. I know with better clarity what I can do to improve, and I owe you thanks for that. It's all about revising and improving, and you can't do that without honesty from your reviewers. :)
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 29/07/11 - 07:12 pm · For: Temptations and Strength
Woah! That was an intense chapter, I must say! I would've been so scared! I hate the idea of drowning. It's sickening. But, how she thought of how everyone would be so sad about her dying was really sweet! I loved that. The way she thought about Kakashi was very cute, too.
GREAT CHAPTER!
I love you and your writing! I always look forward to your stories! :)
Author's Response: Thank you adisaur!!! I enjoyed writing this chapter, but I had to go through and do it a second time around as not to make it too cliched...ah well, rewriting is a part of writing a good fanfic!
Name: BattyBigSister (Signed) · Date: 28/07/11 - 01:35 pm · For: The Librarian and the Sea Maiden
I'm glad you like it. We usually call them 'banners' on all the sites I've been on, but title card is a nice name too.
Do you know how to use basic html to bold and italic and stuff? Basically you just put 'img src=' then the image url inside pointed brackets ( < ). There's no need to close the tag.img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v376/BattyBigSister/Banners/BeazysBannerIO1-LtRbanner.png"
Try googling 'html image' or something, if you're still confused, for a helpful guide. I'm not sure how to explain it better in a review...
Author's Response: Awesome. Thank you so much; I'll put the banner in the description and make sure to credit you too...fantastic work, I love the beautiful sky against the water and the boot too! It reminds me of Manami slipping out of her boots in the most recent chapter so she could feel the sand in her toes. ;)
Name: BattyBigSister (Signed) · Date: 27/07/11 - 05:12 pm · For: Broken Girl, Mended Boy
Did I forget to review this one? I did, didn't I?
Okay this was a lovely chapter. Manami came across very personable again, as do the others, and it was fun to read their interactions (although as usual more stilted than when you do the merpeople stuff). Ino was wonderfully described. I loved her lack of people skills and her abruptness... and also the fact that he's going to marry Choji (and lack of appreciation for that). Sakura's reactions were amazing during that scene. I loved the way she reminded Ino what a good man Choji really is when she was to busy with the superficial side of things (but then we can all be a bit like that at times - and this is the man she's meant to be spending the rest of her life with). I thought it was a lovely chapter and i found it very entertaining to read. I'm glad Manami found some pretty dresses in the end too.
Author's Response: Hey, don't worry about it, it's okay to forget small stuff. :) Anyway, thank you for your review and I'm glad you enjoyed it. You think my writing is more stilted than when doing the merpeople stuff? XD I guess you could say that; I tend to get kind of writers-block-y when I'm writing about the merpeople (Manami's flashback thing, the part where her father cried over her...). I think it's pretty bad, honestly, so I suppose that's why it seems less stilted (to me, perhaps more childish?). Anyway, on to bigger things. Yes, Ino was being a little bit snotty over this, perhaps...I think she needs to appreciate the good guy she'll be paired up with--I mean, she could be getting a lazy, kind of grumpy guy like Shikamaru who'd be snapping at her and telling her to shut up all the time, but she's getting a pretty sweet guy who clearly likes having her around. She shouldn't be complaining, and Sakura is wise (and mature) enough to recognize this. Thanks again for your review!!
Name: BattyBigSister (Signed) · Date: 27/07/11 - 05:04 pm · For: Temptations and Strength
That was a stunningly beautiful chapter. All the imagery and the way she responds to the sea and it calls for her... Wow! It took my breath away.
I actually like the way you've built in the Japanese legend her (and if you really wanted too. I don't see why you can't build in a little dragon-ness into the mermaids either... like a fishdragon sort of thing...)
I thought your personifications of the sea and the way you described Manami and interactions with it .. and with the boys... well, it was all so beautiful. Definitely one of my favourite chapters so far...
Author's Response: I suppose I could build some dragon into the merpeople...my plan is for a sea dragon (the wani) to be one of the forms Manami's father takes, seeing as how he is Ryujin the sea dragon god. I was thinking about it for Manami but I wasn't entirely sure...ah well, I'll figure something out. Feel free to throw ideas at me too, I'm pretty open. I'm glad you liked the chapter; I worked pretty hard on it (two tries!! I'm glad I went with my second try...my first draft was pretty childish). Thanks so much for your kind words once again, and I hope to hear from you with the next chapter. :)
Name: BattyBigSister (Signed) · Date: 27/07/11 - 04:45 pm · For: The Librarian and the Sea Maiden
I have a little something for you if you're interested. Something I just made for the fun of it, while playing around in adobe and paint. Please let me know what you think if you've got the chance?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v376/BattyBigSister/Banners/BeazysBannerIO1-LtRbanner.png
Author's Response: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT, WHAT, OMG, WHAT?!?!?! YOU ACTUALLY MADE THIS FOR ME!!! THAT'S SO NICE OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD I've never actually had someone make one of these for me, these--what are they called? titlecards?--so I'm really super excited. XD .........Wait, I have no idea how to get it into the description?! Ahhhhh, will you tell me how?? D: I wanna put it in the description!!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 27/07/11 - 11:04 am · For: Temptations and Strength
O_O The chapter ended?! Aw....
Yup, this was an amazing chapter. First we see Manami's excitement about the marketplace, and then it transitions to thoughts of becoming a mermaid again. And I like how you described the feud between humans and merpeople. It added more historic and personal depth to her situation, and I really liked it.
Then when the near drowning scene approached... woah.... First off, I was honestly waiting for the cliche knight in shining armor comes to her rescue. I was waiting for Kakashi to pull her from the water and rescue her, but that didn't quite happen. So thank you very much for that. I liked how Manami reacted to the water and how the water reacted to her. It was all brilliant. Original with plenty of creativity on your part.
Oh, and I like how you described the water god/otohime/sea stuff. It may not follow the exact Japanese mythology, but I think you wrote it well enough that it sticks somewhat close to the Japanese custom while also making it your own story. And related to The Little Mermaid, of course ;)
Excellent, excellent chapter. I was so impressed with this installment, and it made me cry a bit at times. It made me even sadder when the chapter ended, but hey, I love any update you put out :D
Keep up the amazing work. This is by far an amazing fairytale story. Great job!
Author's Response: ............................the first draft of the chapter had the knight in shining armor scene. I KNOW, I'M SORRY, I'M A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL, I LOVE THIS STUFF. I was talking to my friends about it--ontuva and ChicagoIsCalling7--and they agreed that while that's an awesomely epic scene, it's awfully cliche and Manami is a strong girl. I changed the chapter to what you know now (and good thing, too...). Thank you for your kind words in this review!! I wanted to make Manami's relationship with the water something that is borderline...ah, unhealthy, I guess? I mean, she is drawn to the water but the water doesn't really understand that it will kill her if she goes to it. It loves her, and she loves it, but she's also become frightened of it because she's not a mermaid anymore--she has a fatality to worry about when it comes to water. The ocean is too unpredictable for her now, and she needs a stable something to return to. Stable Something = Kakashi. I had to have Kakashi *sort of* be her knight in this because at the rate it was going, this was going to turn into a SasukeXManami story, because he's a kind protector figure who seems to genuinely care for her, and this is something that is novel to her, as she had never had that kind of attention as a mermaid. She likes it. A lot. More than she's willing to admit. So I needed to get Kakashi out of his armchair and asserting his manliness and awesomeness to the heroine or else she'd be stumbling over ambiguous attraction for the wrong guy!! Don't worry, though, romance is a long way off. She's got way more important things to do while she's on land, and her mortality and time limit--reminded to her by the sea when it practically drowned her--has jolted her "awake", you could say. She's a woman with a mission, now, and she's got to find her mom. And she knows the perfect man to help her find this mother, a man who has records of the kingdom stored in the library... See you in the next chapter, Wolf, and thanks for reading!! :D -S
Name: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: 22/07/11 - 06:12 pm · For: Broken Girl, Mended Boy
This was a great chapter. :) Manami is very sweet, she just seems so personable, like someone I would hang out with. Ino's a little bbit of a bitch, but whatever. And I definitely like Chouji and Ino together more than Ino and Shikamaru. Thanks for the update!
Author's Response: Hey Anon!! Thanks for reviewing. I am trying to get Manami to come off as a sweet girl, heh. :) I like her a lot too; she reminds me of a friend of mine. I always saw Ino coming off as a bitchy sort of girl too, but one who is fundamentally a good person. She doesn't really *try* to be a bitch, but she speaks her mind too easily and has no manners or subtlety. And I like Ino with Choji too (obviously). I think that Ino would help his eating habits and he would help her less-than-amazing personality, because Choji is a pretty sweet guy. Ino and Shikamaru, I think, would clash. I mean, I know Shikamaru cares about her, but for a girlfriend, he'd want someone less troublesome and maybe more like himself--intelligent, a strategist, someone who doesn't have an overwhelming personality, and someone who holds their friends or family in higher importance than themselves. I see Temari being a better match for him, not Ino.
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 19/07/11 - 11:25 am · For: Broken Girl, Mended Boy
Awww... Sakura did it! She complimented Manami! :)
Kakashi's warming up to her! He's definitely got the hots for her. Yet, he just doesn't know it yet! hahahaha
Ino's such an ass.... I wouldn't mind marrying Chouji. He's really sweet. hahaha
Author's Response: I agree, Choji is really sweet!! I think she'll warm up to him. Some women can't resist a guy who is really into them, and I totally see Ino as one of those girls. And yeah, Kakashi is starting to have very light feelings for Manami, but he doesn't realize it yet. Thanks for your review, it means a lot to me!!!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 18/07/11 - 02:37 pm · For: Broken Girl, Mended Boy
Just to tell you, about halfway through the chapter, it remained italicized.
Now... This was a wonderful chapter! Truly. You're actually including other characters, and not jus having them pass through either. You actually take the time to develop everyone. In addition, you do a fantastic job of explaining he kingdom and the clan marriages and such. It all flowed beatifully, it was wonderful.
I love how you write this story. It's not just centered on the romance. You write this story with great description, and you actually add more substance to the plot and storyline.
Great job. Fantastic. Amazing. Wonderful. Keep up the awesome work, this is really a phenomenal story.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I want to try to make it a well-rounded story, not just with romance. It's a challenge to yself, because I used to write romance with a story, now I want story with a romance. And I'll fix that italization problem...crap, I hate HTML codes, I always manage to screw them up. -_-" I'll fix it in an hour or two; I have to go to my volunteer job right now. Thank you Wolf!! I love your reviews an how I can count on you. :D
Name: chronicxxinsanity (Signed) · Date: 17/07/11 - 10:54 am · For: The Librarian and the Sea Maiden
This looks really interesting so far. :) The plot is really unique - I can honestly say I've never heard of a story like this.
Author's Response: Thank you!! It means a lot to me that you reviewed; I really appreciate it. I hope you'll stick with me!! :D
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 09/07/11 - 02:40 pm · For: Lessons in Pain
Finally! I get to review!
Okay, seriously? I think this fic is pretty steezy. I love it! :)
I want to keep reading and reading! You are such a great author. You're going to be famous! ;)
I love how you have the competition like every story has, and she's kind of a bitch. hahahahaha
Manami is such a cute name! I love her personality, too. She's a little self deprecating, but very nice.
I hope you continue this fic because I'm totally addicted!
Author's Response: Thank you ardisaur!!!!! XD I'm so excited that you're going to be a reader too. :3 I'll make sure to update you with each new chapter in a facebook message and such. Okay, on to the story!! Haha, yeah, Ayame is going to be fun to write. I love/hate writing bitchy characters like that, but they can be really interesting. The name Manami was chosen for two reasons, specifically the two name meanings: first of all, it means "love for the sea", and because Manami is from the sea, it made sense. And Kakashi, when he picked the name, had just found her washed up on the beach and also he absolutely loves the sea, so it made sense. Also, Manami means "beautiful love" (I've also seen "affectionate beauty" as a name meaning). She doesn't consider herself beautiful by any standards, but when she loves, she loves wholeheartedly. Her heart, I hope to make it known, is beautiful.
Name: ontuva (Signed) · Date: 08/07/11 - 04:00 pm · For: Lessons in Pain
Whoaah, Sarah-hime! You are doing it again - producing an excellent chapter! :3 I loved every second of it. It was really nice to get some insight on how Manami is very different from a normal girl - not knowing hot or burns for example. You have a great imagination. ^^
And the Ayame-part: XD. Omigosh, you did it, Kakashi-fangirl! I laughed out loud with the Adonis-part. I mean, I know people who actually think like that (ah, high school drama queens, how I don't miss you at all...), so that made it even more hilarious. Can't wait for the drama to ensue! :3
Author's Response: I always find it difficult to respond to your reviews because I've already said so much in our emails...it doesn't mean, though, that I dislike getting your reviews. XD Thanks for the review, it makes my story look more popular, haha. I really hope that this story goes well, and I always feel like I'm second-guessing myself. I don't know if I've ever felt this uncertain about a fic before!! Like, with Firefly Tears, I just wrote for the hell of it and if someone didn't like something that happened, I was like "screw it, I think it works." But I've become a lot more...conscious. I don't want to make this like a Sarah-Wish-Fufillment story like I have in the past, by putting in my preferences by pairings or writing characters out of character because it makes them more appealing to me. I dunno...but anyway. Yes, I went with the fangirl...hahaha. She's a creepy bitch. I wish I hadn't picked a name so close to Manami though. Why hadn't I just made it that one scary woman, Anko, and had been done with it?!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 01/07/11 - 06:42 pm · For: Lessons in Pain
Seriously, I never understand why you want to rewrite some of these chapters. They really just get better and better! It's only the fourth chapter, and I feel as though I'm running out of praise already :( I really believe your writing is impeccable, it's so beautiful. Everything just flows right into the next, and the story just unfolds amazingly well. It's wonderful.
The OOCness (Ayame and Naruto), I will sadly admit, confused me only slightly. For Ayame, it is understandable as to why you would make her like this. And I liked it, not the personality, just the way you used it. It's so fun to add plot twists, and I love the way you manipulate the plot, as it is based on a fairytale, and add your own flare to make it your own. As for Naruto.... well, I will say that he seems too (not to sound mean for his sake) smart, I guess the word is. But then you added the bit about him talking in his head, and I seriously just had to smile. That is the Naruto I like to think of ^_^
Anyways, great chapter. It was phenomenal, beautiful, and wonderful. I loved it all. Amazing work, keep it up! This really is an awesome story, and I think you should stop being so insecure on your writing. It really is great ;)
Author's Response: In my mind, I always found Naruto to be pretty intelligent and someone who really thinks outside the box, but ADHD and not one to think things through in pressing situations...and plus, he was always kinda immature. I dunno, I've had two people say he was too OOC, I may just rewrite his part and stuff...I don't feel very confident about the last two chapters, character-wise and with my skill of getting ideas across and sounding like a good writer at the same time. These chapters are all written from 2-5 a.m, too, so I may not be at my best then, despite my cursed nocturnal-ness. ...And I was a total bitch in the author's notes, I think I'll change that and just be like "please review, it makes me super duper happy! Mwah!!"