You know, reviewing almost two years late doesn't really give me much scope for excuses, but I guess I was facing a bit of an internal struggle with some of the subject matter. It was only about two or three years before that I'd had my last major bout of suicidal depression when I was at my worst physical health-wise and facing potentially becoming homeless (Hah, I've now said that publicly. Yay for me. =0/ But seriously I think you deserved to know that it was nothing with the story itself or whatever), so I think some wounds possibly weren't quite closed enough for me to face the kind of in-depth analysis I needed to do for a review. (I was fine reading this and am fine normally - don't worry. It was just facing the idea of such intense analysis that had me kinda... yeah...) I also appreciate that you probably needed this review more two years ago, especially as - I don't know unfortunately but - I suspect this may have been the story that you and shadow fell out about.
That said, the sheer guilt of not having reviewed kept me thinking about this review for almost two years - and I really felt I had some important points to make that would be important for you to consider in your writing even though you abandoned this particular story itself - so if you don't mind I'm just going to rush through my thoughts without rereading the chapter or anything because if I do that we may be waiting another couple of years until I can face writing this all down again. ///
First of all, I have to say that actually I thought you handled the scene where Kasumi tried to take her life very well. I also thought that you handled Masaru's reaction to what he was witnessing superbly. I could tell that you had thought a lot about this crucial turning point in their relationship and how it would have affected both of them and this really showed. I also really saw for the first time why Masaru was a potential romance option for Kasumi and this may have been the point where I really started to ship that pairing. It was really nicely written pivotal scene.
That said, I also got the feeling that you had also gotten so caught up in the magic of this particular moment between them that you probably forgot to really register how revealing that scene would register with the other characters as opposed to just it's impact on the plot and upon the readers. To be honest I think this happens at least once in the learning curve of every good writer and is really common, especially in the beginning and when they first start to enjoy their own work with other people as opposed to slaving away at it and fretting over every last sentence privately.
We talked repeatedly about how the Blue Pirates are very 'bad-ass' characters with no mushy elements, haven't we? Well, to characters like that Masaru's revelation isn't so much about his ability to be much-needed emotional support for their captain - but about their captain's weakness. To be in charge of people like that she needs to be this untouchable, infallible, ruthless figure of authority and instead Masaru's effectively shown her as this wounded little girl; exactly the opposite of the kind of leader a bunch of brigands would want to follow. The net result would probably not only cost Masaru his authority over the other pirates, but Kasumi too: in that I would almost expect them to just ditch the plan, maroon Masaru on a rock somewhere, abandon Kasumi to Konoha, and sail off.
Now that could be a great story too admittedly, but it wasn't the one you were trying to tell. If I were writing this I would probably have had Masaru relive the whole meeting as some kind of flash-back scene and have him come up with either some other story to tell them or even just have him get really brusque and yell at them about how 'the captain's business is none of theirs and neither are her reasons for choosing a first mate', before having him suggest that authority compromise thing you came up with. So long as her authority is beyond question that could work, because her authority is reinforcing his, but a bunch of badder than bad pirates simply won't follow a weak leader normally - let alone two.
Leaving all that aside, actually having Masaru himself unable to keep control of the other pirates was a truly fantastic piece of character development. Two strong captains would probably have been boring. You were absolutely right; he needed to be very different from Kasumi and maybe not excel at what she excels at. This was also an excellent way to keep scenes back on the ship interesting. Too many poorer authors I know would have just added pointless dialogue or something and most people would have started skipping the lot when they read on through the chapter. You didn't do that at all and that's a great thing.
Overall, as I said, most of this part of the story was great. Yes, you got a little carried away by the Masaru/Kasumi scene - but as I said every writer has done something similar to that at some point in their writing career, including me. It's part of learning to write. I have also said characters such as the Blue Pirates are among the hardest to write well. Keeping people bad (especially without making them cardboard and stale) is far from easy. There is something very human about empathy and it makes it harder to keep identifying with characters who have less of it. Up until this point you did splendidly with the crew and, yes there may have been a little blip here, but this is definitely something you can learn from to keep on improving your writing - and the point has always been that you have enough talent to recognise what has been said and learn from it, which cannot be said about every writer. Good luck with the re-write!
I like this and hope to see more. just one thing, cuz I'm nitpicky about swords. Sai caries a Tanto, not a Katana. also, if Kasumi's heals were sharp enough to break the chakra bracelets, she wouldn't ever be able to walk anywhere with them because they would pierce through the ground. and now I've wasted your time with nitpicking lol. looking forward to see who "You" is, but I can guess. and I think this is my longest review to date. For that, I apologize
Author's Response: Yeah... I'm pretty oblivious to the whole tanto / katana thing. Thanks for pointing that out to me. Meh, the whole thing with the high heels was basically to emphasize that they were like needle sharp. I have nothing really to present an argument for this, but I don't really need to at this point considering this story is kind of abandoned. I threw this one out, and the rewrite is A Tale Best Told Dead. I'm sorry if you really liked this story, but it's just that some things happened that made me realize there was a lot of depth missing in this story. I'm hoping that the rewrite will be better. Thanks for deciding to read this though, and don't worry about the long review, I've gotten many other longer ones haha.
Haha! I'm number a hundred! AND - another point. I only reached a hundo reviews after 40 chapters! This is such an original concept, people got caught and couldn't stay away!
Author's Response: Oh wow, that's right, isn't it? I was your hundredth reviewer. Wow, irony works in strange ways, doesn't it? Thanks for being the hundredth reviewer, Rose-chan.
Well wolf-nee, as you said, the beginning chapters do need revision, but not that much. Your dialogue is very good, but in these chapters, your scenes need work so that they don't interrupt the flow of the story. A read through, noting down the points that you noted that you don't like, would help.
Other than that, this is inded good, with only a need of a little revision. for example, Tsubame does not seem to need to use her Secret Technique in battle right away.Kakashi's character is stiffly described, and the end is, once more, rather stiff. You weren't used to writing with some of these characters, and that showed in the story. Also, you do need to work on your inner dialogue scenes just a bit. A rewrite would perhaps loosen things up and help you adress these problems a bit more.
Looking into your reviews, nkbz commented on a few things regarding "an entire boatload of S ranked criminals floating around in the sea, i'd imagine the countries would keep an eye on them". In this case, i'd say he's right - they WOULD keep an eye on them, but it isn't necessary that they'd be able to find them! For example - take the Akatsuki- duh~, lol. So, you can emphasize that, as pirates, they are masters of disguise! I think some of the things that he pointed out you did pay attention to in the story, but not enough attention that the readers noticed. For example, he also said "judging by the sound of the blue pirates, if they land anywhere it should be a damn state of emergency." I believe you did adress this, but not in detail. Perhaps you could give a reason as to why the Jounins are all busy, and show Tsunade Bachan worrying about the teams, or you could have her contemplating asking Sand for some allies, but then refuting that thought for some reason. If you give her a bit of inner dialogue, or something similar to that, i think it would take care of this issue nicely.
The thing is, you do adress these things, like I said, but not in detail. You are an awesome writer, and i can say without a doubt, you already know how to adress some of the things I've mentioned here.
YOU ARE AWESOME - please remember that, no matter what.
Author's Response: I remember speeding through these chapters at the time because I was so excited to be starting a new story. I guess the details really suffered then, eh? I thank you for such a long and thought out review, Rose-chan. Thanks for taking the time to actually look into what needed work. You do have a gift with softening the harsh content of your critiques, Rose-chan, thanks for that :) If you continue to read this story, well, I hope you enjoy what is still posted. Thanks for reading and reviewing, you're awesome.
=D WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! an Update!!! =D (just coz i always show some kinda exclamation on ur updates xD)
Hadn't naruto visited her once already? O.o
i mean isn't this his second visit? .. hmm... yeah first timewas with sakura and hinata was then in already..
so yeah its his second yup. i think .____.
wow... i forgot already -___-
well anywhoos... this chapter was awesome...!! xDD
You know why... right? yeh? yeh? coz it had Kasumi!! well yeah all chapters had Kasumi.. most..
But.. eh.. anyways...
I totally love the way she talks xDD it leaves me lolin for real :P but she was exceptionally a bit different this time.. aye?
I think thats the first time she ever spoke in a proper tone with Naruto.. :P
And his annoyingly Foxy grin towards her showed it all :P
Well.. her terrible state >_< oh man..! it kinda feels like readin "3 days"... :/ Kinda...
haha xD the scene between kabuto and Sasuke :P very canon-like lol...
But why did the snake's chakra seem foreign to those two? O.o
was it just coz of the distance between them or some specific reason behind it? O_O
and LOOOOL at the blue hair part xDDDDD
I had a hearty laugh at that lol...
but um... eh.. i thought it was for that reason too >_>
:P he forgot the scroll? :P
But now they've really gotten the upper hand that they got the map...
but Konoha is in for a big mess here... blue pirates, orochimaru, Kabuto & Sasuke! its a good thing that kasumi is weak or Konoha was going down for sure...
But this is going to be a fierce battle alrite! reminds me of the war during the chunin exams... :P this is gonna be Big! unless u have different plans...
But kasumi sure has in mind to destroy konoha...(or had idk...) so i dont think she'l just escape from konoha, or there would be no point in undergoin the whole plan in the first place... right?
ahaa!!! Kakashi finally came to visit her ^_^ well.. obv the pairing is masaXKasu. a few shots with kiba too xP
I am too excited to know what the sequel will be bout! =O i mean.. now its suspense already.., wether she might escape.. or remain as prisoner... or be kidnapped by orosnake...
lol now every time i read the word pirate it reminds me of One piece lol...and a naruto/One piece crossover comes in mind.. lol
Your writing has really gotten even better uruphoo... compared to the starting chapters... it is clearly improved a lot...
not a single part made it feel boring... i mean some novels i read i just skim through the descriptions and stuff and only concentrate at the main parts. But this chapter...ididn't get even one spot i wanted to just skim through :P infact due to lack of time i was searchin for spots which i could just skip so i could finish this chapter quickly xD but i didn't get a single one lol...
As for the guy who is in the jail....
It obv isn't Masaru.. or wait.. it can be him too :/ since Kakashi has seen him already... and since he has the map, he'l know where exactly Kasumi is.. so it is actually a big possibility that its him unlike my firstthought -.-"
then.... hmm... i won't be Kabuto... Sasuke? Kakashi would say much more then just "You" idk... maybe , maybe not...
So my guesses are
And OMG!!!!!! i can't go on FW site.. -pout-
Have you guys decided any big stuff ? :/ i feel left out... wow my stupid, rotten, stinkin network -________- lol
anyways... just say a hi to all the others from me xD
It might take a month or so till my network shizzle is sorted out,or maybe even less then a week...idk..
They might've even forgotten bout me by now :P
I don't like cookies much... and i HATE veggies.. including carrots..!
i want something else! :o!
Incredible chapter Uruphoo chan!!! Keep up the good work.. cuz yer Awesome!
Author's Response: Yes, Naruto visited her already. He's the only one determined enough to see her more than once :P Wow, you like Kasumi that much? Thank you. I made her deliberately different this time around. Naruto just keeps bugging her, and it is now wearing off on her.
I am glad that Kabuto and Sasuke seemed in character to you. And the snake's chakra was just too far away for them to notice at first, and Sasuke isn't really acquainted with the snake anyway, so he just doesn't know much about it. Haha, I figured most people thought that that was what the "Blue" part meant. Nah, it was always for the reasons that Kasumi explained.
Haha, yeah, he forgot to check the scroll. Masaru has just been so wrapped up in drama with the crew that he forgot his orders XP Yes, a big battle is planned. And remember that Kasumi didn't know that Orochimaru/Kabuto/Sasuke were coming for her, so you never know, she might run away ;)
Everyone should go to visit Kasumi because she's not one to be forgotten, I guess, so Kakashi paid her a visit as well. And as for the sequel.... You'll see....
Oh, thank you for the massive compliment. Big thanks to you, Shadow, big thanks. I don't know what else to say. Haha, I enjoy hearing people's thoughts on who is the guy in the prison. I rarely ever leave cliffhangers, but they're so much fun when I do.
Oh... yeah, a lot happened on Sasaui's site.... You'll see should you be able to get on.... I'm sure they haven't forgotten you though, don't worry. Hahaha, I'm only giving out carrots this chapter, so too bad! Thanks for the big review, Shadow! I appreciate the compliments!
OK! So I finally got around to this! This was awesome. I can't wait for the invasion. I know it's going to be soooo epic. I wanna say Sasuke but I feel like that's what you want everyone to think. So maybe Kabuto...Idk. Keep up the amazing work wolf-chan!
Author's Response: I can't wait for the invasion, either! I've been waiting for this since, like, Chapter 8! I really hope I live up the epicness that I have thought of in my head. Cross your fingers for me :D So, you think either Sasuke or Kabuto, huh? I cannot tell you if you are correct or incorrect, you must wait and see ;) Thanks for the awesome review, Shizake-san! I appreciate it!
You expect these pirates to be tough but they all have such a caring side to them. They understand why each one is here. Great chapter I really enjoyed it
Author's Response: Haha, everyone has some good to them.... It just takes a while to find the caring sides to the Blue Pirates :P I enjoyed writing this chapter because it really did show a whole different side to the assassins we thought we knew. Thanks for the review, Shizake-san! I'm so glad you're still reading and enjoying!
I chose by eenie meenie miny mo cuz they're both good and I can only read one chap before I have to go. :(
I believe you've got some problems in writing style, but they're pretty rudimentary and this is the first chap ^^. I liked it, and I liked Tsubame the most in this chapter, for some reason.
Author's Response: Haha, what can I say to that? Eenie meenie minee moe is the best way to go... Haha, I just made a rhyme XD Oh yeah, the first few chapters of this story are atrocious, I want to get around to rewriting them. Haha, you like Tsubame? That's interesting, I don't think anyone has said they like her so far :P Anyway, I appreciate you reading this, Rose-chan! Thanks a bunch! I really hope the bad writing style in the beginning of this story doesn't turn you away. Thanks for reading and reviewing, you're awesome!
I'm really starting to like the Blue Pirates as a group. They are each significant to the crew but so different from eachother. Awesome chapter
Author's Response: Awesome! I'm slowly trying to make my readers fall I love with Kasumi and her crew. I'm glad to see it's working ;) Thanks for reading and reviewing, Shizake-san! You're awesome!
Whoa those were epic epic battles! The pirates and the ninja battling it out was awesome. Kasumi is really great at Taijutsu also. I really like where this story is headed so far and I cant wait to see how Kasumi executes her plan. Great work!
Author's Response: Yay! You liked the battles! I had so much trouble writing this chapter because I already don't think my fights are any good. So writing this chapter was like beating my head against a wall. I have grown used to writing Kasumi's kekkei genkai, so placing her in a taijutsu-only match was difficult. But you liked it, and that makes me feel so relieved. This story does have a few extra turns left, I hope you enjoy them ;) Thanks so much for reading this, Shizake-san! You're awesome!
I really liked this chapter. Im glad Kasumi helped Hinata boost her self-confidence despite her being a criminal. I think she has a lot of good in her. Great work :D
Author's Response: Yeah, I think this is the chapter that I really started showing just how much good Kasumi has in her. Hinata is one of my favorite characters, and I really enjoyed having her go through a transformation like she did. Kasumi just helped with it :) Thanks a bunch for the positive review, I really love reading your awesome comments!
Awesome chapter! I was afraid Kasumi was going to get to the families. Enjoying this so far gonna go read more :D
Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you liked it. I thought about having Kasumi actually attack the families, but that might look bad on Team Asuma's part. I'm happy to hear you're enjoying this! Thanks for reading and reviewing, I love your feedback!
Haha I laughed at the whole Reformation with Guys team. Buuuut I cant wait to see how Sasuke preforms on this mission. Gotta keep reading
Author's Response: Yeah, I figured I would torture Kasumi by giving her Team Guy as her first day of reformation. I was quite amused while I was writing this chapter, I'll tell you that much. Oh, the epicness with Sasuke comes much later, but I'm sure it'll be worth it ;) Thanks for reading and reviewing, you're awesome!
Hmm i'm very interested to see this type of punishment go through...gotta keep reading! great chapter
Author's Response: This is where the bit of twist begins. I'm glad you kind of like it, that's so encouraging! I hope you like reading the reformation punishment! Thanks for reading and leaving a review! You're awesome!
Whoa...that was an intense fight, i really dont know the correct words to describe it. Awesome! that was awesome! I cant wait to read this!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I was a bit worried about that fight, action scenes aren't my best. But I'm so happy to hear that you liked it! Thank you so much for the awesome review, I really appreciate it!
O it's about to go down isnt it? Haha great chapter I cant wait to see the epic battle between the leaf and the pirates
Author's Response: Heck yeah it is! I hope the battle lives up to your expectations! Thanks for reading and reviewing, you're awesome!
I like the idea a lot! Pirates vs Naruto heck yeah! Why havent I read this yet?
Author's Response: I'm glad you like the idea! I thought it was going to be cliche, but I'm guess not :D Haha, I guess you haven't read this yet because you didn't see it until now :P I'm happy you decided to read this! I hope you continue to enjoy it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Random observation: Did you know you have my name six times altogether in different chapter notes (7 if you count the summary)? Like I said, random.
Well, first of all, I am so very sorry it's taken me so flippin' long just to get to this wonderful story of yours. I'm really glad I got to it, though, because it is phenomenal! Though I really can't believe that Tsunade gave into those stupid old bags of soiled underwear (don't ask -_-')!!! I should send my flying chocolate monkeys after them! I mean, yeah, they did have logic, but still! You cannot kill Kasumi unless..... Wait, Ryu just offered to go beat them up for me. I think for some strange reason Ryu has bonded with Kasumi........ Maybe it was because of how she was so destroyed in the first part. That she'd actually just except death. Wow. Okay, never mind, maybe I can see why Ryu is bonded to her. You put her through the same crap about ready to embrace death as I do him at some point that I won't tell you about =P. Or maybe it's points...... Sheesh, now I actually want the two of them to meet. Stop coming up with random things, brain!
Okay, now to stop straying off subject! I really loved the Konoha crew worrying about Kasumi. I thought that it's really sweet that she's grown on them. I think it's because they're the ones who glimpsed that small piece of light in her. It's also why I feel so bonded with her =D. I was glad when I saw that they were going to visit Kasumi. She needed someone there even if she'll never admit it.
I loved how Hinata went to visit her. I thought her whole thank you was just so cute! I'm glad that Kasumi could help to make her stronger, because Hinata needs some inner strength!
I think Naruto's visit with her, though, was my favorite part of this chapter. I absolutely loved how he was trying to bring life back into her. I really thought it was sad when he thought of Sasuke because, well, I'm pretty good at imagining pain (which both sucks and helps in writing). You did a great job with description and everything to the point I could imagine watching it as a movie in my head. Did I start rambling there? I feel like I did..... Either way the meaning is the same - this was an amazing and (I believe) heartfelt scene that I totally fell in love with. I thought it was funny that Sasuke would be the one to give her inspiration when he may be one of the reasons she may meet (if she does) the dreaded snake man.
My second part of this would have to be where the pirates invade The Land of Waves. First off, that's just cruel, Silverwolf. Haven't they suffered enough by the hands of your pirates? That's just not nice. And it was strange to see the different side of Masaru (the pirate side) after reading about him in the past few chapters. I was really surprised by his cruelness to Inari because I'd grown used to him with the other pirates. Speaking of Inari, I think he's the reason why I loved this part so much. I just love the little guy! If I could come up with an idea, I'd try to write a story with him in it, but I'm sure that would get my head bitten off by a certain wolf..... To tell the truth (haha, every word of that began with a T.....), I'm surprised I still have a head. Anyway, back on track. I'm glad that he wasn't taken prisoner again. He's already had enough trouble in his life for someone who isn't going to be a ninja. I love how he acted like the hero. It just makes me love the little guy even more =D. And now it seems as if the pirates are off to Konoha. If Orochimaru and them arrive, it will be a big bad-guy get together. And nice creativity with her blood bending jutsu at the end. Eight thumbs up on that!
This was a wonderful chapter, Silverwolf. I absolutely loved it. I don't get why you'd ever think it wasn't perfect. I believe I saw some mistakes, but I can't remember because I read it in parts. Even though Kasumi was chained up for most of the chapter, it was still amazing and I absolutely loved seeing how she coped with everything. Her mind is definitely interesting. I think you've done quite nicely at making the bad guy, or, in this case, girl, so bondable (even if that isn't a word). Great job, Silverwolf. It's nice to see such an amazing chapter after you were worrying so much to being with.
Author's Response: Huh... I counted eight, though one of them was just a quick mention, not really an announcement on anything. But hey, that just shows how awesome you are :D
Pssh, don't apologize for taking your time in reading it, I really don't mind that much. You read and reviewed, that's what matters to me. I know, I was afraid it was OOC of Tsunade to give into those stupid old bags of soiled underwear (what a wonderfully descriptive use of words XD ), but it had to be done. And Kasumi being executed was always something that was mentioned throughout her stay in Konoha, almost as a threat to her if she didn't abide to the imprisonment and reformation rules. So I kinda used that in hopes an execution wasn't too out of the question. Aww, I really like Ryu very much, he's such a sweet guy. I'm saying it for Kasumi as well, she'd never acknowledge that about him. Heartless witch... Well, I guess I shouldn't insult her too bad, she was rather depressed and broken in the first part of this chapter. *blinks* Wait... You're going to do the same thing to Ryu?! And you're going to leave me this little spoiler and not leave me more?! Why?!
Yes, you're right in saying that the Konoha crew has taken a liking to Kasumi because they saw the potential in her. In the ways she helped some of them or in just her smart-butt attitude, she has grown on them. And on you as well, apparently :) Everyone needs a little bit of friendship, which is why a few of the shinobi will be visiting her. Kasumi would never admit she appreciated though, and I can tell you that she really does ;)
It seems that everyone thought Hinata's display of gratitude was cute. I'm very glad, I had meant for it to be a sweet little moment before Naruto completely ruined Kasumi's mood only minutes later XD
I'm personally very glad that that scene was your favorite part. If it wasn't, I'd just be very disappointed in myself. This chapter was centered on that scene. Naruto just seems to have a gift with brining life and spirit back to people. Haha, don't feel bad about rambling, I like rambles :P Oh yeah, it's definitely pretty twisted that Kasumi was inspired by Sasuke's faults, but then again, Kasumi's a pretty demented person altogether anyway, so that technically makes sense.
Hmm, the Land of Waves invasion was going to end up differently, actually. If you thought what I did was cruel, I guess I should tell you what I originally planned: I was going to have the pirates destroy the Great Naruto Bridge. Oh yeah, I'm a sick, sick person. But in the end, I couldn't do it, I would have felt too guilty to do something like that. So I turned it around and made Inari the hero. Though I am a bit happy to hear that I surprised you with Masaru's personality; he may be fun and even likable when he's with his friends, but as a pirate (and temporary captain), he's just as heartless as the next assassin. Hmm, why do you still have a head? I should have taken care of that ages ago! Anyway, yeah, I think I'm looking forward to the party that'll be happening in Konoha in only a few more chapters ;) And I'm glad you liked the Blood Bending Jutsu trick, that actually took a lot of thought.
I don't think it was perfect because it wasn't, that's all there is to it. I didn't get around to proofreading this yet, so you probably saw my infinite number of mistakes XP Her mind is more than interesting; it's sick and twisted and demented. But I guess that's why I like writing about her ;D I'm always worried about my writing, and for good reason too; I don't think anything I write comes out as well as I would like, but as long as you like it, then I know I've done a nice job. Thanks so much for the awesome review, Sasaui! I always love hearing your feedback!
Oh now... And I had so thought that Tsunade wouldn't give into the pressure of those two old people. Now Kasumi is being sentenced to death... Wait, she's the bad guy... Is it bad that I don't want the villain to be executed? It seems kind of messed up to me...
Wow, Kasumi seemed so broken in her first scene. She would have welcomed death... I guess that makes sense, since we know she tried to kill herself. When all seems lost, death would seem like a friend.
I thought it was very sweet that the Konoha ninja were upset about her execution. She's grown on them, even if some of them won't admit it. But it was especially nice that some actually went to go visit her. Hinata thanking her was very cute, though Kasumi remained as emotionless as ever :P And Naruto trying to get through to Kasumi was great just because I could actually see Naruto trying to change her, see him trying to get through to her. It was all very captivating to read.
Ah, and the pirates... ooh, they're also on their way to Konoha now. I think it's just going to be one big party in the Leaf Village: the shinobi, Orochimaru, and the Blue Pirates. That'll be very entertaining :)
The ending with Kasumi transporting the map was really interesting and creative. I really liked it, it was such a creative way of using her Blood Bending Jutsu. And it's always good to see Kasumi getting her inspiration back... from hearing about Sasuke no less, but you know, what can you do?
Great chapter, Silver-san! I really liked this. I'm really looking forward to the big climax, which I think will be the epic fight in Konoha.
Author's Response: Yes, Tsunade gave into the peer pressure, sadly... How unfortunate, Kasumi is going to die because of it now... Haha, no, I don't think it's bad that you want Kasumi to live. My goal was to make everyone fall in love with her, so at least I know I am somewhat successful ;D I'm so glad you saw that parallel; Kasumi's suicide attempt did play a part in her being okay with death. She was so frazzled from what she saw in Tsunade's office that she thinks death is the only way to get rid of the pain. Haha, the Konoha shinobi really didn't want to admit that they were starting to like her. How bad would that sound? XD I think almost any scene with Hinata is cute, she's just that kind of person. Naruto is the type who actually does get through to people, and it worked on Kasumi :) Ooh, a party? I love parties! XD Hehe, I can't say who's invited to the party, but you'll see eventually. I'm glad you liked Kasumi's spin on the Blood Bending Jutsu; I needed a way for her to get that map to her crew, and I thought of this interesting method with her kekkei genkai. I'm glad you liked it! Yeah, Kasumi must have a somewhat twisted mind if she's inspired by Sasuke... oh wait, we already knew she had a twisted mind XP Thank you so much for the lovely review, Rainbow-chan! The climax is coming soon, perhaps in only a couple chapters. Thank you very much for reading and reviewing, you're wonderful!
O.O You... You want to execute Kasumi? But... But why? Oh no, I hope Masaru and the other pirates make it to Konoha in time to save her from her execution and before Orochimaru gets there...
I really liked Kasumi's development in this! We keep learning new things about her, making it so much more fun to read about her. It's so cool! I'm loving this turn of events, great creativity!
Author's Response: It's not that I want to execute Kasumi, per se... That's just how the story kinda ended up... I'm sorry I upset you so much :( I hope the Blue Pirates can make it in time to save her too, I haven't decided what to do with that yet... ;) I'm glad you liked Kasumi's development; we are seeing some new changes in her and some things about her hidden past. I am especially happy to hear that you think it's cool to learn these things, it makes me think I'm doing a good job :) Thanks so much for the review, Aka-chan, you're awesome!
D: She's going to be executed?! NOOO~! SilverWolf, please don't kill Kasumi *_* Oh, but I did love her epic Blood Bending Jutsu. That was AWESOME!
Author's Response: Yes, she will be executed in three days... I'm a terrible creator to my OCs XP I can't promise that I'll be able to save her... I'm sorry... ;D Haha, I'm glad you liked the Blood Bending Jutsu, I tried to make it as interesting as possible. Thanks for reading and reviewing, you're awesome, Foxy!
u updated =DD
one of m all time favourites xD
NO!!!!!!! she cant b executed... :L i mean i knw she wont =P bt still its da suspense....!!! (eh...soz m a bit hyper atm :L)
kool at the new technique masaru is using... so well atleast he isn't losing now xP
n wth??? she can actually teleport stuff with her blood...?? =OOO sounds creepy >_> bt interesting....
jeesh those two old farts are annnnnnnoyiiing... >_<
anyways...hmm.. Naruto always has to do something with the turning of the major villians :P he gets his bum(soz for rude language D=) into all important matters... xD n actually is able to change matters.. :P he is annoying bt useful as well...
poor Kasumi >_<
so Orochimaru does hav to do something with her family's death :L
so Sasuke n Kabuto are almost there near Konoha...who knws.. maybe in already :L O_O
n haha... kool at inari.. well in character.. :P just like Naruto xDD
n the Hinata meeting ws really cute ^_^
i wish i could see kiba's team meeting her =P
n those guys trying to hide emotions or showing tht they didntcare boutKasumi ws funny xP
n wth at chapter not being good enough...
well...it wsnt as good as earlier ones...bt good one in its own way =D
Well Masaru looked quite scared at the mention of Orochimaru :L this dosent sound good...
Cant wait for the next chapter =O
Awesome job Uruphoo...=D
(n soz for the jumbled review :L)
Author's Response: Hehe, you always start your reviews with an exclamation about how excited you are to see that I updated. It makes me feel very good to know that I make my readers happy when I update :)
Hey, how do you know she won't really be executed? I just might do it to throw you guys off ;) I'm glad you like Masaru's new style as captain; I thought organization would suit him better.
Yeah, it took me a while to figure out how I was going to make Kasumi's Blood Bending Jutsu work out just right. It is creepy, but at least it's effective.
Old people just seem to have a way of being annoying, don't they? Naruto, no matter how irritating he can be when he gets involved in everything, is actually a very important piece for interacting with new people. He just has that magic touch that seems to get through to people. Though in this case, it inspired Kasumi to not be executed, which can be a good and bad thing.
Oh yeah, I'm still slowly revealing things about Kasumi's past. I won't explain everything at once until later. So for now, you're stuck my little hints ;D Hmm, Sasuke and Kabuto are probably just around Konoha at this point, but that's all I have to say about that XP Ah, Inari, I enjoy writing about him because he has Naruto's fighting spirit.
I think when Hinata is involved, it's just always cute, just because she's such a sweet and genuine person. I'm debating whether I should have all the teams meet Kasumi in prison, we'll see... Haha, they all seemed like they didn't care about her, but they really do. She's grown on them already XD
I just figured since this chapter didn't have the kind of drama that the two previous ones had, this chapter wouldn't be as good. But I'm still glad you liked this! Thanks for the (jumbled) review, I always appreciate your comments. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
Well, I definitely think this is one of the best chapters of this story, definitely. Probably one of the best and most mature you've ever written.
The idea that Kasumi was so depressed that she tried to kill herself is such a deep issue. It deserves to be treated with justice, and I think you did just that.
It was still shocking to see that Kasumi felt that unstable. And Masaru's feelings toward what she did were really well-portrayed. Even if they were strangers, I think the way you showed how Masaru reacted is relatable to a lot of people. Or at least some. His actions and emotions are definitely noble, and I can appreciate what he did.
Even though they have different backgrounds, you did well with connecting them together. Masaru's feelings about being lost and alone and how he doesn't want Kasumi to feel that way are really sweet. I really do hope those two end up together :)
I'm glad the Blue Pirates are no longer fighting amongst themselves. Whatever change they go through, I hope it works out. In fact, I hope we see more of that, I want to see what happens between them.
The description in this was beautiful and intense. The entire scene with Masaru saving Kasumi was great. I almost felt like I was drowning with just reading it. Everything was really clear, which made it so much more interesting to read.
Great job on this chapter, Wolf-chan! I quite liked this installment. Keep up the good work with this story!
Author's Response: Really? You think this chapter was that good? One of my best, wow. I did enjoy writing it, so maybe that's why it came out as nicely as you say. With everything Kasumi went through (you guys still don't even know the true story :P ), I felt that her attempt at suicide was logical, and I tried portraying (through Masaru's view) just how depressed she was and what happened. I'm glad you thought I did well with this. And I'm especially glad that you like how I described Masaru. I personally liked writing through his perspective. I may even like him more than Kasumi... o_O But I do like those two together, especially. They have a special past, as you have seen, so it's nice to actually show you guys what that is. Oh, I don't think I could live with myself if I left the Blue Pirates all hating each other. You will see a bit of a change in how they behave in the next chapter, but that's all I'm going to tell you ;) Ah, I'm glad you liked my description, that makes me feel better :D Thanks so much for the reading and reviewing, Rainbow-chan! You're awesome!
XP She tried to kill herself?!.... I can't believe it, I thought she was stronger than that....
Yup, I definitely love Masaru now. It's official. I never would have pictured that a Blue Pirate was this kind-hearted, and if I did, I thought it would be Kasumi. She's on her way, I guess.... slowly, slowly getting there....
And they all made up! Yay! This calls for a party!
Awesome chapter, SilverWolf! I really loved it. We learned a lot about Masaru and Kasumi's relationship. Where does it go from here, I wonder.... Keep up the good work with your stories!
Author's Response: Yeah, you would think. But after what happened, it is understandable that she went a little crazy from her depression. Heehee, everyone seems to be falling for Masaaru; it must be his awesome pirate mojo. Yes, Kasumi is slowly... slowly... slowly... on her way to being a good person... slowly... Oh, if only the Blue Pirates had time for a party! We could all celebrate! But sadly, I don't think that will happen :( Hmm, Masaru and Kasumi's relationship will be... No, I won't say anything ;) Thanks for reading and giving an awesome review, Demon Fox! You're awesome!
I had most of this review done yesterday, and then my sister accidentally deleted it. For Pete's sake, it really sucks! Okay, well, here's the new review I have invented.
First I shall begin with the writing itself. You are very creative with all of it. You added in humor when it came to the pirates. Hayashi was especially hilarious with his jumping to conclusions thing. You are very descriptive and amazing at getting your readers into the scene. I remember seeing a few mistakes (though I can't remember where), but overall it was wonderful writing.
Okay, it's official. Masaru is my favorite male character in this story. I still like Kasumi better, but it sure is close. I just love it. The way he thinks is amazing. And the sad thing is, some of the things he thinks I think. I think the same way as a pirate T_T. Then again, that just makes me like him more.
The entire thing had me in suspense as Kasumi began to jump. I knew that Masaru was going to jump in after her because he said he'd saved her, but I still felt suspense waiting. And then it got even more suspenseful waiting for him to rescue her. I was on the edge of my seat reading it. Part of me expected him to use his wind style jutsus to propel him or to put more oxygen into her. But I don't think he knew how to so well back then and it was kinda a do now, think later situation. But your version was so much more suspenseful. The part in the the cave was my favorite part. It was then we got to see just how each of their mind's worked (slightly). I think it was nice that you had it Masaru's point of view. Because of this you weren't giving us all the information like we would have if you'd done it in Kasumi's. It was a very sweet (to me) yet intense scene. I love how despite not knowing her, Masaru stuck with her. I feel like that shows there's some light within him despite him being a pirate and everything. Then again, the more I read about these pirates, the better they seem, just escaping their pasts the wrong way. But yeah, I enjoy when there's something that shows human kindness in the darkness of the world.
I thought the end was very touching. They made up. YEAH! I love how their pasts tie them together despite being so very different. I like how they worked it out and the entire thing about the crew changing. It keeps me wanting to know what's going to happen. The more about the crew I read, the more I want them to become the family they once were again. Sheesh, Silverwolf, you're making me fall in love with the bad guys. I usually hate things that do that (such as the movie Thor. I loved Loki in that movie). But this is definitely an exception because I know it's not going to turn out the same.
Overall I love this chapter and I love this story. I had thought of having the suicide attempt happen in one of my other stories, but now I'm glad I didn't, because it would have completely blown mine away. Sheesh, I absolutely love this, Silverwolf. All your fanfictions are amazing and mind blowing. No matter what you say, Silverwolf, you are infinity and beoynd times better than me.
Author's Response: Aww, I'm sorry your sister deleted it. My computer is so old that sometimes it logs me out the moment I hit the submit button on a review. I think it has to do with the time span of what I'm doing... Ah well, I feel your pain.
Heehee, that makes me really happy. I had hoped to be a bit creative with this chapter, and I'm glad I pulled it off. And any humor that I threw in with the pirates was meant to somewhat take away the tense atmosphere. At least that worked, I'm happy you liked their overactive imaginations ;) Mistakes?! *sigh* What a letdown, I actually proofread this one... I'll probably find them a month from now, but by then, I'll probably want to just rewrite the whole thing, so... yeah... how troublesome....
Hehe, I'm glad you like Masaru. I personally find it difficult to choose between him and Kasumi sometimes. I guess it just depends on who I'm writing or thinking about at the time.... I think it's a good thing that you think like Masaru; that means you're noble like he is :)
Well, of course Masaru was going to save her. There'd be no story if he let her drown ;D I had thought about using some of his wind style jutsu to help him, but I decided not to. I think it makes the rescue scene more effective when he's swimming like a normal person would have to: with no chakra. I had to decide if I liked the way the scene in the cove came out; I was debating whethere I thought it was good enough, but I did like the dialogue (some of it, at least), so I figured I would leave it. It does show some insight into their personalities at the time, though obviously, more for Masaru than Kasumi. And it also shows how good of a person Masaru is... was... whatever...
I made it a point to give everyone terrible pasts because, well, misery loves company. They wallow in self-pity and anger together. So in their own strange way, they make a nice family, so I also thought it was sweet that they made up. Hehe, I'm glad I'm making you like the Blue Pirates. My initial goal was to make you love Kasumi, but it's a bonus if you fall in love with the crew as well :D
Aww, I don't think my writing would blow yours away. It'd be the opposite; yours would blow mine away. Your writing is definitely better than mine. Seriously. You had to know that I was going to refute what you had to say, right? ;) Anyway, thanks so much for the nice review! I always love receiving your comments. Thanks again for reading and reviewing, you're an amazing person, Sasaui!