First I must say you chose a fantastic song title for this chapter. It really fits.
Secondly, I must say I was thoroughly creeped out by this chapter. I don't believe any story about Orochimaru could creep me out more than this. Firstly, he seemed very pedophile-like. I mean, I've seen a twenty-some year old date a fifty year old, and I know Rayne's form of love is complicated, but, well, Orochimaru acted like what many people accuse him of being toward Sasuke. This may just be me always being creeped out by Orochimaru making it worse, but hey, it's what I thought. Another reason it creeped me put so much is because it reminds me a lot of the dream that made me be so creeped out by the snake dude. Just..... gah *shudders*.
Don't get me wrong, it was an amazing chapter. An amazing, creepy chapter. Though I liked how we got to see this inner turmoil in Rayne. And, even though it's part of why I was creeped out, I liked how you showed us that other side of Orochimaru people tend to forget about. It was most definitely different. Overall, it was a great, different and creative chapter.
Author's Response: To be honest, that was exactly what I was going for. Although I can say there is nothing more than what I posted in this chapter in Rayne's past concerning Orochimaru. He's creepy, so of course I made the way he expressed his emotions just as creepy. I'm glad it weirded everyone out :D Thank you for still reading and reviewing!
....You're not going to change the plot of the actual storyline, right? Because if Tsunade actually agrees... It'll be really bad...
Anyway, onto the more important stuff... SHE ADMITTED SHE LOVES OROCHIMARU?!?!?! THAT IS FREAKY!!!!
Okay, I understand their relationship and all, don't get me wrong. It just sounds so pedophile...
I really did like their deep conversation though. I was in suspense the whole time and we learned some more about her feelings and emotions.
Great job on this chapter, it was worth the wait! Keep up the awesome work with this story!
Author's Response: Like I responded to Sasui, it was meant to be creepy (; It isn't meant to be pedophilic, but considering Orochimaru is a completely, mentally screwed up characted, the way in which he expresses his emotions would be just as creepy. Thank you for still reading and reviewing <3
Dude...Oh my god! I couldn't stop laughing at the last like "’We’re ALIKE?! No way! My chest can’t grow that huge! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’" hahahHahHahahahahahah =]
Who needs monster Sakura when you have Rayne? Sheesh, she's kinda scary. I thought it would be cool to see her and Tsunade fight, but the old toad fart got in the way.
I loved the part where Rayne talked to Jiraiya. It was just so heartfelt. It made me really miss the Third as well. I liked the part where Jiraiya said: “Sometimes a shinobi’s strongest feelings can be his greatest strength.” That was my favorite sentence in the entire chapter.
The second one being: We’re ALIKE?! No way! My chest can’t grow that huge! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
That is probably one of the best ways you could end a chapter like this. You have all this sad and tense stuff, and then you end it with some great humor. This was an awesome chapter that I can't help but love. Great job, xXxTiNkXxX!
This was such a deep chapter...and then you ended it by talking about big boobs. Wwwooowww...
In all seriousness, I really liked Rayne's role in this. She clashed with Tsunade at just the right amount, and her input and insight flowed very well with the chapter. I really liked it.
My favorite part had to be Jiraiya's deep conversation with Rayne. The whole thing wih Sasuke was so random that it was a bit amusing but still sweet enough to enjoy reading. And the fact that Tsunade and Rayne are so alike is also a really good parallel that I like reading about. It just falls into place so nicely.
Great job on this chapter! I hope you update soon-ish! Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: Thank you <3 Haha, hey, I can't keep everything serious all the time ;D Rayne's biggest fear of becoming like Tsunade is the idea of a large chest. Muahahaha
Oh. Dear. God.
haha, "these two are just like Naruto and Sasuke" so true. Loved Sakura yelling. Poor Naruto. Rayne's funny.
just one thing - alright twelve year olds are smart. witty. poignant. going into puberty. aware of the opposite sex. yeah, I was twelve, I know. but aren't they still to young to be wanting 'excitement'? Or even knowing all that stuff? I'm pretty sure that kind of knowledge comes with experiance, which Sasuke does not have.
I liked this, but just one thing; wouldn't it be obvious, to Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke at least, that Sasuke's the reason both Rayne and "A" went wierd?
LIKE!!! Really cool so far, I'm soooo happy to find a good story to read which has so many chapters written already! *squeal!* ok, done.
You captured all their characters perfectly (although people tend to underestimate Sakura far too much) . I liked the way Naruto reacted to Rayne and I also liked how she called Sasuke Sakura's bf, LOL. I'm especially interested in whether or not Rayne will kill Sasuke for being related to Itachi or not.
No betareading cuz it's pretty perfect.
Author's Response: I never responded to this review! I am so sorry! Thank you very much for such a high compliment :D Haha, I know how you feel. When I found Animespiral, I was so excited when good stories already had a lot of chapters to them. I hope you like it enough to keep reading! Xoxo~
I should be sympathizing with Rayne since I'm a fellow girl (though it wasn't as bad as hers), but I was laughing at her the entire time.
I loved the part about learning a bijuu's name. It has me wondering just how having a more experienced jinchuuriki there with him from the beginning.
Even though I knew it was going to have to happen, I was grinning like crazy when Naruto busted the balloon. GO NARUTO! I thought it was funny how Pervy Sage knew about her little shopping trip, but it was Naruto's final comment that had me laughing like crazy. I wonder how Naruto will live with both Rayne and shippuden Sakura. And now I really can't wait until Rayne and Tsunade meet. Great job! This was amazing!
Aww, I love Rayne's speech about how learning the Bijuu's name creates a bond with the jinchuuriki. That's really sweet.
Haha, Rayne is growing up! That just seems to tie in so well with everything, hehe. The ending part was great, how Jiraiya compared her to Tsunade. It's exactly how I was thinking ;D
Awesome chapter! I can't wait to read more, you've been on a roll lately. Keep up the great work!
Well, first off, congrats on getting all the Cardcaptor Sakura mangas. I've never read it, but it's clear you like it. Anyway.......
ITACHI AND RAYNE ARE SO FUN. I may hate them being like that because it hurts Sasuke more, but I still can't help but love Itachi and Rayne, and I loved how Itachi told her to protect Sasuke.
I'm really glad that Rayne will be joining Naruto and Jariya. Though her and Tsunade..... Well, we'll see just how big their two fires combines are.
Epic reunion wih Itachi already! Yes! It sounds kinda bad, but I can't wait to see Rayne and Itachi together again. Their banter amuses me :D
Wow, I can just imagine Rayne and Tsunade together; there's gotta be a lot of yelling.
It was really upsetting to see Sasuke and Rayne fighting in the beginning, and then he gets put under the tsukuyomi... It really stinks, it's like his last memory is of Rayne thinking his evil brother is sexy and how Itachi didn't even want to give him the time of day during that fight. Poor Sasuke...
Great chapter update! I loved it! Keep up the fantastic work!
Author's Response: Rayne and Itachi are quite juicy ;3 Haha. Sasuke's life sucks, that's the bottom line :D I love him, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go easy ^u^ Thank you for reviewing! Your words are always very precious to me~ xoxo
Sheesh. It took me a few days, but I did it! I reviewed each of your sudden and unexpected updates (which I'm very glad you released). Okay, now on to the chapter review!
Holy flying chocolate monkeys x2.5! That was just amazing. I love how easily you've added Rayne into the original plot. You do a truly exceptional job at it. And you also do a great job at tying her into the past of other characters (such as Zaku and Itachi) without messing anything up. That's also a great feat.
*face palm* You just gotta love Rayne's mind. Who else can be thinking of the threat before her at the same time as thinking of how sexy they are? And I just loved what Itachi said about her more vulgar (I think that's the right word) language. I just found it immensely funny for some reason. And I loved the way you had them know each other.
Though I really am curious as to if Itachi likes Rayne or who she reminds him of. Dang you! How date you leave such an evil mystery? It seems like it's her because of the Uchiha men comment, but then the eyes thing has me curious. Oh, and I loved x10 the end about her yelling at herself. Your story is humerous yet has some serious moments.
As for the possible sequel, I really hope you do it. But as the writer, that's your decision. Either I know it (just like this) would earn the title of YOUR STORY.
Author's Response: Thank you ;3; I try to tie it in precisely and to the best of my ability~ MUAHAHA! I WILL NEVER TELL HOW ITACHI FEELS! ONLY I KNOW THE SECRET! ...I love Itachi just as much as I love Sasuke, but I won't go out of character and reveal everything easily ;3 Well, in the comments on my first chapter I said I have BIG plans for this story...as in I already have all events of this story mapped out, as well as how it's ending, and, in addition, have a complete outline of the sequel...I'M ON FIREEEEE!
You have no reason to feel shame. Not when you had every right with this chapter. I'm still crying and just overall heart broken. This was just too dang beautiful. At first I was wondering why you would cry, and then I found out who the sacrifices where. At first I just felt testy, but after her flashbacks and her out of control emotions, I was bawling like a child. How could you do that to Rayne? How would she feel seeing as she is the one hurt. I'm not sure anyone could write just what kind of pain she felt, but you surely made it easy to see and was probably the closest thing to that as anyone could get, if not closer. Please don't take that as an insult to you're writing, because I've seen what lose of someone can do to people. I don't think ANYONE could describe that.
But the thing that finally shattered my heart was the part with the Hokage. I can imagine that perfectly in my mind, which just makes me cry harder. It was a beautiful, incomparable scene that would reduce anyone to tears. So yeah, feel no shame. The final scene with the funeral were just as touching and tear-inspiring. Overall this was my favorite chapter. I don't believe anyone could have written this as you just did. Right now it even surpasses the YOUR STORY compliment. You are just truly amazing.
Author's Response: O__O and again..like I told Silverwolf, I didn't think I did all that well on this chapter, but evidently I am wrong. I'm so glad it went over well and I was able to envoke the emotion :D!! Thank you. So. Much! XOXO~ You're most kind with your compliments!
You realize just how impossible you make it not to love this story, right? If you don't, well, it is FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE. Your story is amazing, binding an oc perfectly with the true plot at the same time as you make it your own. Overall this is an awesome story that totally deserves the title YOUR STORY (I've actually made that an award for other great stories). I'm not sure how close the ending will follow the climax since that means you need to start descending the pyramid that climbs up to it, but I'm excited to read it. Even if that means it may be close to an end =(
Author's Response: Thank you for giving me that award :D That's awesome lol hmm..maybe I should say this is the FIRST climax of the story..maybe it has two O_o oOoOoOohhh...lol
Well, first of all, I'm impressed with the fact that you don't update for months and then release three new chapters in the span of... what, five day? I wish I had that kind of talent wiht my own stories, they'll remain un-updated for so long... ^^'
Anyway.... I had to facepalm when Rayne was thinking of how dangerous Itachi is... and then she thought of his sexiness. Wow...
But in all seriousness... Okay, I gotta know, does Itachi have a thing for Rayne? Or is it solely the fact that she reminds him of someone? Which then begs the question, who does she remind him of? So many gosh darn questions!
And there's a potential sequel?!?! REALLY?! You will make my life complete if you write a sequel to this!
Anyway, great job on this chapter! I love how the plot continues on with new developments on Rayne and her past. I can't wait to see what happens next! Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Haha, that's because I'm so into writing again! I deprived myself of working on my story; if I continued, it would be done by now! Also, I've had each chapter pretty much outlined since I began. I sat down and decided where I was going to go with each occurence... I don't know if it's good that you facepalmed or bad. The way I look at it is..Rayne's still a young teenage girl. They're all still teengaers, despite being ninja. So, Rayne still has teenage girl thoughts...and her thought process towards men is EXACTLY replicated from mine xD lmao...>___> AHEM!..I'M NOT TELLING YOUUUU ;D !! I don't want to state that Itachi has a thing for Rayne blatently, because that'd be completely out of character for him. Unfortunately, I won't reveal the answers that those questions UNTIL the quite possibly-maybe-sequel to this story..we've still got a ways to go. Buuuuuuut I guess I'll answer one question...her eyes remind him of Sasuke when he was young. And, since I'm sure you've read the Shippuden manga, particularly after the fight between Sasuke and Itachi, when the truth of the Uchiha massacre is revealed...it just makes the whole ItachixRayne scenario that much more adorable. Shippuden has a big effect on my story, not only for the quite possible-maybe-sequel, but also because I want to make sure everything flows smoothly...okay, I think I'm talking too much x__x I will definitely have the next chapter up soon! I've spent the last few days just writing on my free time, so it won't be long xD Xoxo~ Thanks!!
Wow... I'm in tears, this chapter was so emotional! On top of that, it was outstandingly beautiful! You've truly outdone yourself with this. I loved the flashbacks, it really made Rayne's pain more believable, and when her anger and sorrow took over like that... It was just so awesome. To see her so powerful and avenging was truly remarkable.
I laughed when Rayne threw Kidomaru off of the roof, that's what you get spiderman!:P But it was all so great, I loved every part - this is now one of my personal favorite chapters. I felt like crying with Rayne, especially when Ibiki made his speech. Long live Third Hokage!
Author's Response: Again, I was really unsure about this chapter. Personally, I didn't think I did that well on it, but apparently I'm wrong haha! When I originally watched Naruto for the first time, I never really cared for the Third...after re-watching the episodes for my story, I realize how important he was to the village, and I feel really guilty for killing him..again x__x Lol, but nevertheless, thank you for the review!
Absolutely amazing! I can't get enough of this story, it's so awesome!:D I like the way things have changed, yet stayed the same. Rayne is so awesome in this! Brilliantly written, great plot, you're such a fantastic writer!XD
I never really liked Kidomaru... Kick the spider's butt, Rayne! I love it!
Author's Response: Thank you!! :D So glad to hear that you appreciate me sticking to the plotline. It's been a struggle at times, but I'm weaving around it! I must go read your stories to repay you for being an avid reviewerrrrr! Xoxo~
*sniffle* And I had promised myself I wouldn't cry... *sobs*
Even when I knew what would happen, I was so hoping it wouldn't happen... Rayne took the sword for him, and even though he still died, it was a most epic moment.
That was a new spin on things, having Orochimaru use Kin and Zaku be the sacrifices. It definitely made me cry even more...
This chapter was definitely one of the best of the story, by far. Great job with this installment. I loved it.
Author's Response: Yaaaaay! I envoked sadness and made you cry! :D ...thank you very much, that's such a high compliment. I was really worried about this chapter, but I'm so glad that it turned out well! Xoxo~!
As the really annoying person I am, I feel compelled to tell you that Kakashi actually invented Chidori. That info was released in the Kakashi Gaiden arc. But that tidbit of information is extremely unimportant in respect to the content of this mind-blowing chapter.
Seriously, I love your creativity and imagination. Rayne is a wonderful OC to read about, and she fits so well with the plotline. I really enjoyed this chapter, it was a great buildup for the awesome epicness that comes next.
The climax is coming?! Oh my gosh, that is both scary and exciting. Scary because I can't even fathom that this story is even close to ending. Exciting because I really want to know what happens!
Great job on this! I loved this chapter! Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: Womp womp. Well I'll just have to fix that then! I'm so glad you're still reading ;u; I promise I will get the next chapter up soon <3 Well, the story still has quite a few chapters to go, but the climax kind of paves the way for the rest of the story later. Again, thank you for reviewing <3
woohh!!! go naruto!!
This story is so amazing! I absolutely love it!!! I couldn't wait to read the next chapter, it was addictive. You've beautifully woven your character into the heart of the Naruto series, making it believable and that much more memorable.
Rayne is an amazing character, and don't let any one try to change your mind otherwise. She's YOUR character, and this is YOUR story, so continue writing it the way you want. You'll always have people who disagree with a lot of stuff, but then there's people who you'll inspire. So thank you for writing this awesome story and for inspiring me with my own stories.
I can't wait for more of Rayne's story and how she'll make a change within Sasuke's future!:D
Author's Response: Hi, thank you so much for your kind words in your review (: I haven't written since July, and it sickens me. I don't have much time between classes and work..I feel like I've lost all of my readers.. :I But I'm glad to know I still have some amazing fans out there, so thank you for reviewing! I'm definitely going to try and get more chapters up. I just have to take an hour or so one day to type it all out, so soon enough there will be another chapter up! I promise!
Wow. This is fantastic! Already the first chapter has captured me! I love it!:D Your character is very original, and you described everything so clearly - it was like pictures in my head. I'll be reading more of this for sure;)
sounds like a mary sue...no offense...and theres no such thing as a six tailed raijuu...sorry, I just cant really see it as believable...I don't mean to bash on you or anything... D:>
Author's Response: I'm not offended, but the Raijuu does exist. It is stated as follows on a Narutowiki site. Here: http://narutofanon.wikia.com/wiki/Six_Tailed_Raijuu
Umm...Wikia is a fan based site...I'm sorry, but somebody really did make it up...
Author's Response: Alright, you've gotten on my nerves. I bit my tongue the first review, but now I'm digressing from doing so. Obviously it's made up. Naruto itself is made up. Was there ever historical documentation of a yellow headed ninja wearing an orange jumpsuit running around Japan fighting bad guys and saving his homeland? No, there aren't, and never will be, because Naruto is made up. It was a creatively written story, born from Masashi Kishimoto's imagination. Aside from traditional Japanese folklore that Naruto may scratch the surface of, NONE of it is realistic; NONE of it is believable. If you're so concerned about believing something, why are you on a fanfiction website to begin with? YOU write fanfiction yourself, do you not? Are your stories based on factual historical events, or are they based on your imagination? I believe it's the latter of the two. What requirements has Kishimoto met to make Naruto "believable" for you? The fact that after publishing the manga, the story became so popular that it was turned into an anime that reached the United States? If Kishimoto originally wrote the Six Tailed Raijuu in the story of Naruto, THEN would it be more believable to you? When you read fanfiction, you aren't supposed to believe, you're supposed to be entertained. I have personally been working on this story since I was in the 7th grade. Currently, I'm a college freshman, and I'm still developing my story line. I've put years into these characters, and they mean a hell of a lot to me, and I don't need someone such as yourself to come here and knock my creative talent because it doesn't suit your standards. I couldn't care less if someone doesn't like my story, because I like it. However, when someone bashes my work by telling me it's inadequite, that really sets me off. If you don't like it, get off my story's review page, and stop bashing my work.
Gyah! sorry! I didn't mean to make you mad! I guess our views of fanfiction are just different