TONFA
The Original Naruto Fanfic Archive

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Het Romance [1096]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around different sex couples.
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Where cast of the Naruto Universe are inserted into an alternate universe.
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An area to submit intelligent essays debating topics about the Naruto Universe and writing tutorial submissions.
 
General Fiction [1743]
Any Naruto fanfiction focused without romantic orientation, on a canon character in the current Naruto Universe.
OC-centric [867]
Any Naruto fanfic that has the major inclusion of a fan-made character.
Non-Naruto Fiction [292]
Self-evident
 
Shonen-ai/Yaoi Romance [1574]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around male same sex couples.
MadFic [201]
Any fic with no real plot and humor based. Doesn't require correct spelling, paragraphing or punctuation but it's a very good idea.
 
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Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around female same sex couples.
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An area to store fanfic information, such as bios, maps, political histories. No stories.
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Because no fic is deleted, if a fic doesn't abide by the rules of the category or author doesn't respond to mods, it belongs here.
 
 

Site Info

Members: 11623
Series: 261
Stories: 5905
Chapters: 25597
Word count: 47829306
Authors: 2169
Reviews: 41274
Reviewers: 1757
Newest Member: Diveon123
Challenges: 255
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Name: MaiaFenix2015 (Signed) · Date: 26/10/15 - 09:30 pm · For: A New Beginning
I love it! I love the style of writing


Name: Kris (Signed) · Date: 13/12/14 - 12:08 pm · For: Konoha Sports Festival Revived!
These chapters had me laughing so much. Your writing is amazing and I hope you never stop writing.


Name: MissMuffinman (Signed) · Date: 20/06/14 - 04:12 pm · For: Character Information - Rayne Sayomi
That was sooo sad! I cried at the last moment! This is way i dont like sasuke. Good story! Awesome writing! 😫😢 just so sad!


Name: julia9264 (Anonymous) · Date: 24/05/14 - 09:57 am · For: -//Epilogue//-
I have just finished reading the story. it was soo good.
but I can not stop crying.


Name: Ikkaku Shakuyuki (Signed) · Date: 21/05/14 - 08:47 am · For: Withered Past, Blurry Future
wow, this made me cry! I feel so bad for Rayne.


Name: Tierry Anbu (Anonymous) · Date: 25/03/14 - 01:45 am · For: Character Information - Rayne Sayomi
City : Tangerang
Char : Kakashi_sensei
Gender : Male


Name: Tierry Anbu (Anonymous) · Date: 25/03/14 - 01:44 am · For: Character Information - Rayne Sayomi
Hello guys , I am A NEWBIE ... So Tell me This ?..

Author's Response: Tell you...what?


Name: EraKnight (Anonymous) · Date: 26/01/14 - 01:54 pm · For: First Steps Into Konoha - Not Exactly Steps
Lol, there's more yelling. I have a strange feeling that there's going to be someone yelling at least once a chapter. Must be the clashing personalities. :)


Name: EraKnight (Anonymous) · Date: 20/01/14 - 04:51 pm · For: A Promise
LOL, Sasuke already doesn't like her. And there's a secret mission...Sounds like fun! :-)

Author's Response: It might be fun...or it might not be as fun >_> We shall see c;


Name: EraKnight (Anonymous) · Date: 20/01/14 - 04:44 pm · For: A New Beginning
Poor girl... She hates Itachi and yet she's stuck on the same team as his little brother. That's just plain terrible luck. :-)

Author's Response: Yeah, in the long run I'd say it's bad luck. Those Uchiha are awful xD


Name: EraKnight (Anonymous) · Date: 20/01/14 - 04:34 pm · For: Character Information - Rayne Sayomi
Hey! I like the character designs. Rayne sounds like a good character and I look forward to reading the rest of your story. :-)

Author's Response: Hi there!! I hope the more you read, you continue to like the story. Thanks for checking it out c: My heart skipped when I saw I had more reviews xD


Name: Voaz (Anonymous) · Date: 05/05/13 - 02:17 am · For: A New Beginning
Oh this is even better than I though! And by the way, starting the fic with those beautiful Go The Distance lyrics was a great choice!


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 05/04/13 - 08:59 am · For: -//Epilogue//-
I have to say that I really enjoyed this story, but more so than that, I made a friend while doing so. Finding out our two OC’s have lived very similar lives and have similar personalities just makes me all warm and fuzzy. I understand what you were going through when you got to the end of this. Alas, it is the way I felt when I finished my FFVII story about Karnia Delmoto, thus where my internet alias comes from. I am currently rewriting that, but she was a really great friend of mind.
I not only made a friend in you, but also Rayne. I love her so much. Her personality and her sense of right and wrong really bring the entire character together. The end really helped show that and she was screaming things at Sasuke that I have always wanted to scream.
Even though there were inconsistencies in some of the chapters, and a bit of sue-ness, I don’t mind when I look at the story as a whole. I enjoyed the story, especially after I got past the first ten chapters or so. I found that the more I read, the more I enjoyed. It’s hard to make your story get progressively better and then finish with a bang, but oh my, you did a fantastic job.
From one fan fiction writer to another, you did a really great job with this.
-Karnia

Author's Response: It's crazy how we've developed similar characters. Like you said, great minds think alike!

I'm happy you like Rayne's character overall. I love it when people tell me they like her because she means so much to me (: And, again, coming from you, it means an awful lot because I hold a lot of respect for through your writing, art, and way you think (at least critique wise). Thank you so much for reading this and giving me your feedback. I really do appreciate it, and all your advice has been noted. Not only for this story, but I'll carry it with me for others I intend to write (: So much love! Xoxo~ Shann


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 05/04/13 - 08:52 am · For: Withered Past, Blurry Future
I think Rayne should crack a bit when Sasuke reveals that he doesn’t care what happens to him after he kills Itachi, because in extension, that means he doesn’t even intend to come back to her…not even subconsciously. I know Rayne is lying to herself and saying she doesn’t want Sasuke, but deep down she does, so I can see those words stinging her in a particular way.
Oh, Sasuke Is being cruel, and you’re doing it well. I want to believe that he is just saying all of these horrible things to her to protect her in a fucked up way; so she doesn’t follow him and so she doesn’t get hurt by getting mixed up in his life. However, at the same he’s being such an asshole that I can’t really know if those are his intentions. Oh gosh, you’re making this great.
THIS LINE! “Itachi was wrong; you don’t lack hatred. You lack the ability to think for yourself.” OMG! RAYNE~ I love you! Gosh, someone who knows about Sasuke. But you can’t forget that Sasuke is really gullible when it comes to an Uchiha telling him something too. XD I am LOVING this chapter, so much! I love the drama and the furry that is just leaking out. The inconsistencies with some of the plot and the sue-ness in some cases just disappear when reading this chapter. It is so worth it!
ZOMG! The end! OMG! The end! It was so fucking sad, you made me tear up! I had to get a tissue. This has been the first time in a long time that I cried over a scene; I think it’s because I have become attached to Rayne. Gosh, I cannot wait for the sequel. And wow, I won’t tell you when, but Hikari also gets chidori’d. So much in common. XD

Author's Response: Honestly, I don't really know if Sasuke would be saying that stuff to protect her, either. In the previous chapters after the altercation with the Sound 4, I do make him say things hurtful so Rayne reaches the point where she's telling him to leave her. Like if she were telling him to leave her, he could accept breaking their bond.

I really had a tendency to say what I had always wanted to say to Sasuke through Rayne, because I thought someone who understood the way he felt and could read into it would make the relationship more interesting. She's telling him how he's acting and how it's senseless for him to do things, and he doesn't want to hear it. Makes for a really good conflict between the two, and also something that really links them together.

I love this chapter myself. I couldn't wait to write it after I decided how the story would end, and I wanted it to end with a real bang. I wanted the end to show how far Rayne was willing to go to save him. Not only for the readers, but for Sasuke as well. That someone was willing to sacrifice their life in order to save him from the darkness.. almost like Itachi did, but more direct (I take pride in the things I do in order to make Rayne significant xD I'm currently writing them all down so I can post it and everyone can be like, "I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!") I'm really happy you cried, especially after critiquing the entire story. Hearing that everyone cried at the end really made me feel like I succeeded in making a good fan fiction read. The only question is now did she die saving him? Will there be a light left in him from her self sacrifice?

I'll be sure to plow through the rest of your story as soon as I can! I really want to, and I want to catch up because I know your sequel is already so long!


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 04/04/13 - 05:27 pm · For: To Have Purpose
I don’t mind guys liking her. To be honest, I am one of those people who naturally meshes with men better than girls…girls can be difficult. I am going to outright say this about me, so you know, I am bisexual. I have a girlfriend right now. However, I have, to my own surprise because I have always been on the chubby side, have had a boy into me at some point. Through high school, I had about three who liked me at once and it put me in a very awkward situation. I witness pretty girls having guys hang off their every word, it’s not a fact of fiction, it happens all the fucking time. For some reason, when a OC has a couple of guys who like her, it makes them sue. I was hesitant to make Sora like Hikari in my story because of this. And originally, it was my plan to have Kiba think she was cute. I don’t mind the guys in the story, it quite often makes Rayne’s adventures quite funny.
Also, the idea about her running off is perfect. Have Tsunade forbid her to go because of why Rayne is in the village in the first place. It would be interesting, because I get the feeling that Rayne feels like she is a part of Konoha; like she is one of their ninja. She has a sense of unity to the village and feels like she is a member of team Kakashi, not being protected by them. Like I know she is technically on Kakashi’s team, but I always took that it was that way because she was being protected. If Tsunade reminds her that she is in fact a Cloud ninja and all together separate, it would cause and interesting reminder of reality for Rayne. One that may cause some inner turmoil and a huge fight with said Hokage.
Oh, and don’t worry, I am not going anywhere. I plan to read the sequel and then keep in touch. :D
ONTO THE CHAPTER.
“Did Sasuke just blow up?” I don’t know Rayne, but I am glad you checked for blood! XD This made me laugh so freaking hard because I just kept on thinking Rayne was looking down at her shirt like ‘ew, I hope there’s no blood on this’.
I loved how Rayne said she was Kimimaro’s runner up and the distain in which she said it with. It would even be interesting if she had loved Orochimaru so much that she would have been willing to give up her life for him, but she felt like Orochimaru had only wanted her because he had lost his first pick; she felt second-rated and it sucked. It would be very interesting to see her talk like that because we could see some of her insecurities.
I LOVE the strength Rayne has. It is just so amazing that she is saying she has to save Sasuke, even if there is a chance he won’t love her. I loved the way she put it to Kimimaro. She’s admirable.
First thing I thought of when Lee came in? ‘Go home Lee, you’re drunk.’ I almost burst out laughing because the response was so natural for me. He must have drank a lot of milk then? Really, Lee? Oh wow, you are bad at jokes. -_-
One comment…Gaara does not say dearest. I can’t picture the words slipping from his tongue. I think ‘You go after Sasuke’ or ‘You go after the one who is important’ makes more sense. Or even if he said ‘I’ve got this, you go after Sasuke, he needs you more.’ Would make more sense.
I can’t wait for you to read more of meh story and I am trying to hurry through this so I can judge your card. XD

Author's Response: Congrats on your relationship (: I agree. I've rarely had girl friends because I just can't deal with female mentality the majority of the time. I'm not even going to go into guys liking me, because I might come off as someone I'm not and you could probably judge very easily. Again, I think if it's written the right way, having an OC well liked isn't completely sue, at least to me because I know that one girl can be liked by numerous guys in reality :P I don't think it will be sue in your story with Sora liking Hikari, or any other guy thinking she's attractive. I'm sure it's well written regardless.

You're absolutely right. The only reason Rayne is there is because she's being guarded, even though she's "on a team." She's an on-going mission, and I think if Tsunade did remind her of that, she'd be crushed. Thinking she didn't actually belong there, she had no ties to the village, etc., just as you said. A reality check. And then maybe she could storm off to find Sasuke to "prove" that she has a purpose in the village or something along those lines...OHHHH I WANT TO WRTE THAT IN NOW SO BAD. Thank you; such a good idea!

I'm glad you enjoyed that xD Re-watching the episodes with Kimimaro kindled the idea that he could be Rayne's rival, because there was that point in time where Orochimaru was her life. And having that memory is another thing that ties her to Orochimaru, and shows that she still cares about him even though she doesn't want to. I thought adding a rivalry between them would be interesting, and I'm glad you liked it, because I thought it was a strong idea (: I wanted to make Rayne a selfless person after a while.. She has an idea of what Sasuke is going to go through, and she doesn't want him to face that. Also, seeing Naruto so desperate to bring his friend back to the village really inspires her. It's the "you'll end up hating me for it, but I know it's for the best, so it's okay," kind of mentality. That kind of dedication to a person is something I've always admired, and I wanted Rayne to have that kind of resolve.

And, yes, telling her to go to Sasuke flat out would sound better (x


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 03/04/13 - 10:38 am · For: Consumed! Will of Fire Ignites!
Gosh, the way in which Hikari and Rayne react to Sasuke leaving is very similar…supress and bury. That’s literally the motto that Hikari lives by. XD Now, the way they handle the situation is very different. They’re both pretty bitter, but the way in which they last contacted Sasuke is vastly different. Rayne’s reaction is totally understandable. Sasuke was a complete jerk off to her. In my opinion, Rayne probably feels even stronger about Sasuke’s decision than she realises because he willingly went to Orochimaru despite knowing how much Rayne detests the man.
I have to say that if Tsunade was aware of Rayne’s connection to Sasuke, she would be uneasy about sending her after him, just because of the emotional tie. However, considering her connection to Orochimaru it would most likely work. However, Rayne should be careful because like demonstrated by the Sound Four, she seemingly became strong because of Orochimaru, but I would argue the Raikage had more to do with it. Orochimaru doesn’t like to make his vessels too powerful or else he will have another Itachi on his hands.
Also, Konoha is responsible for protecting Rayne against people like Orochimaru and the Akatsuki…to be frank, it is vastly irresponsible for Tsunade to send Rayne after Sasuke, even if she is a great resource. When thinking critically, Tsunade has just sent Rayne right into enemy hands, they could capture her at any given moment, especially since she is so emotionally compromised it isn’t funny. I just don’t see Rayne’s home village taking this well because Tsunade put their Jinchuuriki at risk with little thought about it. If the Akatsuki chose to strike now, Rayne could very well be killed. =(
Oh, and Chouji never shares the last chip…I would say the only person he would is with Shikamaru. To be honest, it’s moments like these that make Rayne feel sue. She had too many of them. She’s seen Kakashi’s face, ate Chouji’s last chip, and so many boys like her. When you look back, you may want to downplay this a little. It would be funnier to see Rayne whine about never getting to see Kakashi rather than her see his face, you get what I mean?

Author's Response: You're almost finished with the story ;___; I'm going to miss you.
Oooohohoo. Well, I know Hikari does go with him or something along those lines.. O-O But I still gotta get there. Yeah, Rayne tells herself she doesn't give half a damn about Sasuke at this point. I like making her lie to herself a lot; causes a lot of inner turmoil.

Reading your remark about Tsunade being weary for her to leave made me think of an alternative situation. Maybe Rayne fleeing the village herself to go after him, after another altercation with Sakura, since she had been Rayne's driving force to go after him to "shut her up." I think that'd be more interesting.

Another good point about Chouji. I think I went a little overkill on that because I was trying to show him being nice to her because she had always been kind to him. I'll probably cut this out, along with her seeing his face, just because that's more obscure and really doesn't affect the story at all. As for boys liking her.. I think there's a certain way that makes it seem totally Mary Sue, other than that, it does happen sometimes. But, being an OC, I can see how it automatically labels that as a MS factor. If every girl that was liked by boys was considered a Mary Sue, then I'd be a real live, walking, talking example.


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 03/04/13 - 09:03 am · For: Drift
I am half an hour early to lecture, so what else do I do? Read your story of course!
I loved where Sasuke said that, but also got mad at him. He only made things so much worse by saying that. At first, I thought you were pulling the kind of drama I like to write, because I didn’t understand where this scene was taking place. So I thought they were in plain sight and he purposely did it to get Sakura to stop bothering him, which is something I totally would have wrote because I like making Sasuke look like a jackass. However, you scene was just as enjoyable. I also thought you might have been up to some shifty drama on your part because Sasuke specifically chose to take Rayne to Yamanaka flower shop for her birthday. I highly doubt Konoha does not have another…it just seems like you could say Sasuke is using Rayne to get rid of his fan girls. :P I know he’s not, but it could seem that way to my evil brain.
Ah you speak with wisdom and truth, yes, Naruto, listen to Rayne- girls always do blame you for your feelings. XD
Holy moly, I did not expect Sakura to instigate a fight, mainly because in this part of the anime she was so distraught over Sasuke and Naruto, but it sure does make for interesting spectacle. However, I feel she is being stupid, like Rayne pointed out, it’s not Sasuke that is coming between them, but Sakura’s jealousy. Totally glad Sakura helped Rayne though when she was on fire, points for outweighing her anger to save her friend.
Fuck Sasuke, Rayne. If he is going to be a little bitch, go shack up with Izumo; at least he is a decent man. I would have ripped that necklace off so face and purposely broke it just to hurt Sasuke back, because I am a vindictive person like that. However, at least Sasuke tried to say some form of goodbye to her, even if it was the most dickish way possible to do so. Seriously Rayne, do not go back to Orochimaru for Sasuke. Forget about him.

Author's Response: I felt as though at this time Sakura is so upset that Rayne hadn't said anything to her about Sasuke that she's turning her heart ache into anger, and just wants to beat the ever living crap out of her :D!! I thought it would be good to show how strong their friendship actually is, despite Sasuke "getting between them," because they stop to help one another and immediately dissolve the issue afterward. And Rayne's waist cloth burning was symbolic, just gonna say, because it was the cloth Zaku gave her >__> ..

"Go shack up with Izumo." Oh my Lord, I died. I died several times over. I laughed so hard I couldn't even catch a breath xD You're so great. And yes, he did try to say goodbye. I think you're the only person that actually pointed that out (: Seeing you get into the story now by actually saying stuff about my character and what she should do... Ahhh, makes me all smiley happy *u*


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 02/04/13 - 07:21 pm · For: Victory; Spiraling Downfall
And finally, Sakura caught them. Been wondering how this would play out. I don’t think this will be the end of them though, I think Sakura will come around. Hopefully.
To be honest, I didn’t like the Idate arc in your story and I didn’t like it in the anime…I just found it boring. I would have rather seen something of your own inventing in Konoha and saw the plot furthered with Sakura at the end there.

Author's Response: Well, I totally failed at making this interesting xD I knew I would since I read your last review. Sometimes sticking so closely to the story line does make it difficult to make it interesting. And, since this is the arc where Sasuke decides to expand his inferiority complex, I felt as though I needed it. I really don't know how to make it more interesting, just because I need this in order for Sasuke to reach his breaking point. But, it's something I'll think about.

See! You finally got your drama! Sakura caught them! Did you like Sasuke's, "this is exactly what it looks like"? Because I did xD


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 02/04/13 - 05:42 pm · For: ...Todora-tashi-wha?
Aha, see, me and you would have gone through that scene kissing Naruto soooo differently. Me being the drama junky I am, I would have had Sasuke witness it. XD However, as I have said before, I do not like Rayne and Naruto as a couple…it just feels so wrong, like two siblings are kissing each other.
I really hated this filler arc to be honest, so I hope you make it more interesting. =)

Author's Response: You sadistic little girl, you xD I'm not writing in RayxNaru, don't worry.. Now we get to go into a little insight of my life. AHEM. I don't like making friends with girls. Period. With my interests and ways I process emotion, I make better friends with guys. So, I've run into that problem where I've inevitably flirted with the guy friend, ended up thinking I had feelings with him, kissed him, and then everything went down hill and someone gets hurt. It's happened more than once. I wanted to write Rayne so she would bring more of a "real world teenager" aspect to the Naruto realm, and she would feel certain ways that weren't expressed through other characters. So, when it came to Naruto, I wanted to make Rayne question how she felt about him. I wanted her to be attracted to him, and think that she liked him. Even though it doesn't always go well, I don't see a problem with trying to kiss your friend once or twice. I thought it would be interesting to add that in to the story between the two of them. I might pick back up on it in the future for the sake of drama for all I know.


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 02/04/13 - 03:45 pm · For: Kakashi's Mask
On a previous response you mentioned wanting to cut out a couple of scenes. To be honest, it’s going to happen if you go back and comb through the story. When I did some minor edits over these past few months to Hebi no Ko, I cut out a lot of scenes and then flat out altered others so they had different outcomes. It my story, it makes the romance more choppy if that makes sense, because I was horrible and had the romance start at chapter ten in the original, and then pushed it back to nineteen in the revamp. It causes some future scenes to feel less natural because of it. Be careful editing your romance scenes is my advice…
Now! Onto the chapter!
OMG! I DIED AT THIS! “Sliding across the window like a perverted monkey, Kakashi peered in at the contents of the store.” I totally pictured a monkey with Kakashi’s hair and mask, it was amazing. Ah! I loved this episode soooo much even though it was so stupid. XD
And this, “He himself had been staring at the tea pot, contemplating a move in which to get Kakashi to lose the mask. What was this movement? The act of grabbing the tea pot and flinging it at Kakashi’s face, while saying, ‘oops, my hand slipped,’” part of the chapter killed me, as well as the episode. I just love the blatant sarcasm you wrote in.
Seriously, Sasuke? Do you think you’re a smooth operator? Trying to tell Rayne your feelings while you happen to be on top of her butt-ass naked? Sounds to me like Sasuke’s hoping he can get that towel off of her…
Rayne, you think it was Naruto? Instead of thinking ‘Oh, good, it was Naruto’ you should be thinking ‘Oh, god, it was Naruto’. That boy cannot for the life of him keep his mouth shut at this age. HE WILL MENTION THIS AT SOME TIME OR ANOTHER.
I don’t think Rayne should have been able to see his face. It kind of would have made the ending of the chapter better if she was let down like everyone else.

Author's Response: That's one thing that's keeping me from telling myself I'll actually go in and edit what I've written. I might alter small instances, or flaws that you've pointed out to me. I don't think I'll change too much where it messes up where I've gone with Rayne and Sasuke's romance, because I do think I actually did a good job with that. I just made a few slip ups on other things (:

This was definitely a fun chapter to write because of how non-sensical it was. I like humor and ridiculous anime scenes. I will sit here and laugh at my own writing because I can picture it in my head. Every time I read where I wrote Rayne beating Naruto senselessly with the tea pot, I laugh, because I picture it. And to me, sarcastic humor can be the funniest if it's well timed. I like adding in a sarcastic tone to chapter just to get a laugh. I was sweating bullets as you approached this chapter, because I didn't know how you'd react to the whole towel scene. When I got that idea, I couldn't wait to write it in because I thought it would be so awkward and fantastic. I'm so relieved you enjoyed it, because I hoped it would fit it with Kishimoto's ridiculousness at times.

As for Kakashi's mask, yeah, I'll think about that. It is a bit sue that she would be the only one who gets to see it, as if everything only happens to her.


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 02/04/13 - 09:54 am · For: Firework; Naruto's Birthday!
I guess both you and I do see Kiba as a pervert. As for the spider, if I was Rayne, I would have fucking fainted. Spiders scare the bejeezers out of me.
As I remember they only had three shots. However, everyone there is pretty tiny. Maybe three shots would do it? I would have said four or five to be honest however. I don’t know, do ninjas get drunk so easy?
Gosh, I love the fluff. You write those scenes so well. I like the sweet side to Sasuke you show, quite often, people don’t pay attention to it because they don’t think it’s possible. However, I happen to think that anyone is capable of being nice. I like thinking of Sasuke as a slightly romantic kind of guy. It doesn’t reflect much in my story because Hikari and Sasuke don’t honestly get the time. I think it was mostly in my rush to get to the sequel that I skipped out on it. But yes, I do love these kind of moments.

Author's Response: I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE! WHOOOOOO! In respect to their characters, aside from Naruto, I think Kiba is the most normal (and by normal, I mean by our worldly standards) teenage boy there. I've explained it before about how I see them.. Sasuke ignores girls, Shino's character secludes him, Shikamaru has a damaged view of women due to his mother and Ino, and Chouji's one and only true love is his food. So writing Kiba as a pervert was fun for me. He is a dog, after all ;P

I never drank when I was thirteen, so I really have no idea what the tolerance would be. I just went with three because... well, fuck it, because I had no idea xD Didn't want them to be drunkards. That is SUCH a nice compliment ;u; It means a lot coming from you. I totally agree about Sasuke being a romantic, and I'm glad I can successfully get that across. I'm sure you sneak in all the SasukexHikari fluff you can ;P


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 02/04/13 - 09:28 am · For: Konoha Sports Festival Revived!
I don’t know why, but I always viewed the arena for the Chuunin exams like the Roman Coliseum. I mean in the way that I imaged that it had many functions for the battle. You will see in my story that I say the arena is floodable because I imagined that for each exam they change the environment. I kind of like the idea myself.
I think you’re mischaracterising Neji here; do remember that Naruto has beat sense into his head by this time. Neji may even slightly respect Rayne because of the fact that she had such a huge influence on Naruto which therefore influenced Neji. He can be an ass, but I’m not sure he’d hiss at her. He might cross his arms and be all high and mighty, but I just don’t see the seething angry he seems to be with Rayne. Does he have anything against her other than the fact she said he’d lose his match and was a bit obnoxious around him? He just tends to ignore everyone…
WHY ASK AT A TIME LIKE THIS SAKURA, HAVE YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME! Gosh, I feel so bad for Rayne in this moment. Answering that question would suck balls. However, I disliked that Rayne lied to her. I know that she was doing it to spare her feelings, but Sakura is her teammate. How is she going to really feel when she learns that later Rayne had lied to her? The poor girl is as sensitive as a sappy love song.
Ah, Sasuke plays dirty. I would be a little peeved to if he had used Sakura against me like that. What a douchebag. However, Rayne should have distracted him by flirting with Neji. NEVER MIND, SHE USED NEJI AGAINST HIM. ATTA GIRL. And to use Sasuke’s butt against him was good thinking. Ahaha. Oh my Rayne, I know you’re crushing on him, but if you know what’s good for you, stop pinching Sasuke. XD The whole village is going to think you’re insane.

Author's Response: You've got a point about Neji's attitude.. I might have mis-written the high and mighty demeanor I was going for and just made him come off as his usual self. Mehhhh, noted for edit!

I make Rayne lie to her on purpose for the sake of drama, woman!!! Rayne's lies willl catch up, as lies always do, at the most inopportune time!! And, yeah....I like butt's.. I don't know why, but they're fun xD


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 01/04/13 - 10:22 pm · For: Happy Merry Birthday, Rayne!
Didn’t Jiraiya mention Rayne was thirteen a couple of chapters ago? Wouldn’t have Naruto realised that her birthday went by already?
I don’t like this push for Naruto and Rayne to love each other to be honest, I see them as siblings. They are way too comfortable with each other to like one another like that…she sleeps in his bed. I don’t know, I just don’t see it. But then again, I think no one should be with Naruto but Hinata. I am a huge NaruHina fan. Maybe it’s making be biased.
YAY IZUMO! I just want Kotetsu now. *Drools.* I just love looking at them when they’re next to each other. XD She had better take that offer of a date up, who wouldn’t. Izumo would be so much better than Sasuke for her. Think about it! LOL. Oh what a thirteen-year-old thing to do, quickly hug him and then run away before he can react. So CUTE! Strangely, the age doesn’t bother me…strikes me as a bit dangerous. Tehe!
Gosh, Sasuke being so awkward was amazing, I see him in a similar light to you…having no idea what to say to a girl. However, I tend not to make him become wordless at times because I believe Sasuke rehearses what he’s going to say in his head before he says it. XD
However, there were a couple of times you had Sasuke say things like ‘kay’ and I’m not so sure he would speak so informally. It kind of stuck out for me, anyway.
AWE SASUKE YOU SWEET, SWEET BOY. He got her flowers. The smile on my face was so…oh, wow. I admire this, because I saw it coming, but stilled loved it. I like that I have felt like they have been together for such a long time that I love these fluffy moments. Ah~

Author's Response: Well, Naruto is a doofus. So, even if he heard, he might not have processed the thought. I dunno; I'll have to edit that out.

I throw Rayne and Naruto together for the simple fact that when you're good friends with a boy, especially a cute boy you live with, you sometimes end up thinking you have feelings for them. She's confused because while he's her brother figure, he's this cute guy that's nice to her and tells her she's pretty. While she likes Sasuke, he doesn't give that to her, at least not blatantly. Know what I'm getting at?

LOL. I keep playing with ideas in my head, and they're honestly making me consider just making an IzumoxRayne one shot or something completely separate from my story line. Just for fun. And because I love writing them together xD Again, VERY happy you liked it! I thought it was something Sasuke would do, because I see him as the type that would be completely devoted if he actually accepted his feelings for someone. Flowers seemed appropriate for this x)


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 01/04/13 - 09:44 pm · For: Snake, Toad, Slug, Weasel
I kind of dislike this chapter…there is too much going on at once. However, I liked how Kabuto made Rayne question herself. Especially where Sasuke was involved. I liked seeing her vulnerable when it came to things like that because it showed a weakness to her character, one you don’t get to see often.
I loved the moment between Rayne and Sasuke, it’s my favourite scene between them. It really moved me that they have such a special connection. =)

Author's Response: I didn't want to exclude everyone, and it's hard to involve so many people in one fight just using words :I I'm glad you liked the scene between her and Sasuke; I honestly didn't know how you were going to feel about that :x


Name: Karnia (Anonymous) · Date: 01/04/13 - 08:55 pm · For: I Hate Everything About You
Woot for the Three Days Grace shout out in the beginning of this chapter. I live so close to we’re they’re from, I love it! Strangely enough, Everything About You is a song I choose for Hikari’s playlist quite often because it fits so well.
Okay, that scene where Rayne was a child, I thought Orochimaru was going to do something extremely bad to her. Holy shit. I would not put it past the creep because he seems to be obsessed with little children. Borderline pedophile at times. Stop using Orochimaru to scare the fuck out of me! XD
I am sorry to correct you, Mr. Lord Orochimaru, but Kabuto is not your right-hand man. Kabuto is your BITCH. Kabuto is a little bitch who I want to just throw out the window of a car that I am driving in front of a bus and watch him get hit! ...Uh, yeah, I loathe Kabuto with every fibre of my being.

And I have to add one last thing...WHAT THE FUCK IS RAYNE DOING. STOP CHILLIN LIKE A VILLIAN WITH OROCHIMARU.

Author's Response: SUCH A GOOD SONG. Bahah, I've actually grown to really like Orochimaru's character. I LOVE how creepy he is and how you can write him into stories to be such a freak. Just to clarify, Orochimaru did not do anything horrible or pedophelic with Rayne! >__> A lot of people asked, and that was not what I was going for. Definitely just a.....creepy..fluffy moment between the two.


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