I love this story!!!!! I really think you should consider a writing career maybe become an author I know I'd read your works! X)
Have you ever had a day where you just don't feel like reviewing anything and just being lazy? Well, I feel like that now, so I'm sorry if I forget something or just ramble or something.
I absolutely love Hikari. She's just so great and caring. I loved when she met Kakashi by the KIA stone. It makes me think of something in TG. I won't tell you what, though.
This entire chapter was amazing. There were, admittedly, some mistakes. But there was so much awesomeness in this story it was covered up. I think it was really nice to see how Hikari affected the Narutoverse now and how everyone acts because of her involvement. One of these things includes how Sasuke asked if she wanted to sit.
I love how you seem to show Yami without actually having Yami there. I find that quite interesting. I'm also really interested in the bird. I want to know what it has to do with everything. Everything about this has me intrigued.
I can't wait to see how all Hikari affects the future of team 7. I'm sure it will be an interesting one and I can't wait to see what you have in store.
Aww, I felt so bad for Hikari being so worried. I really just wanted to comfort her and tell her everything would be alright and that Naruto would be her friend no matter what, even though I pretty much assumed they would be on the same team together.
A lot of this really was just repeating things from the manga, which is always tedious. Sadly, it is always a necessary setup. I remember banging my head against the wall when writing stuff that just repeated what Kishimoto-sama already wrote. But even though it was repeating, you did very well with placing Hikari there. Just her general presence always calms people and just makes people happier. Even having her be friends wih everyone when they were children really played a big part I making people not as mean or cold or anything. You really molded it very well.
My favorite part was when Hikari told Kakashi to take his time. Just that one line, just those three words, it reminded me of why I like Hikari so much. She's just so sweet.
Overall, excellent chapter, Destiny-chan. A few grammar and punctuation mistakes, but I really liked this. Great job!
New chapter again! This time versus Xaldin.
Wow, it's just like Hikari to make friends like this! I guess this time Ino and Sakura aren't going to fight, cause I support SasuSaku but don't want Ino and Sakura to fight. Of course Sakura would be all nervous around him, it's almost funny.
Itachi…it doesn't suprise me that Hikari sensed something wrong with him. I am surprised that Naruto could sense it through Hikari, though. I almost wish it didn't have to happen. But at least Sasuke had a final, fun afternoon with some friends.
So…it happened. The Uchiha massacre. I hate what Sasuke becomes…hopefully Hikari and Naruto could use their lights to purge him of Darkness.
Kiyori Mamuro:………If Sasuke thinks he knows true pain and hatred, he is sadly mistaken. But I know. *Walks away.*
Kimiko: Oh, naïve Uchiha. There is so much worse evil in the world. I would know. *walks away*
Me: Don't ask. Long story. But great chapter!
Warm regards, Snow.
I've been meaning to get around to these stories for a while now. And I finally have! I really like the prologue. It's full of suspense and mystery. I'm going to try to read this and Broken Wings at the same time.
Oh! Yami's so cute! I love stories that give Gaara a companion even though they change what he will become so much. They're just too cute. ^_^ But seriousness from children! It's a sad life a child must have to be that way.
And that last paragraph! Ah! I must know more! XP
Author's Response:Oh, wow, thanks so much!:D It totally surprises me when I get a new reader, I love it! ^_^ Thanks so much for your kind words. In BtD, it'll actually look more into the prologue in either the next new chapter or the one after that.
Thanks, I rarely ever find stories like that, and when I do, they're all unfinished:( Yes, yes it is.
Haha, thanks so much!:D
New chapter! At long last! At last…*thump*
Kiyori: Please excuse my creator. His work load has gotten the best of him. We'll be reviewing instead!
Kimiko: I must say girl this is a nice chapter. Once again you took a canon event and made it your own. I am impressed.
Kiyori: I find it so romantic that they are able to keep each other in check like that! *sighs* That's a mark of true love.
Kimiko: All in all, good job. Hope Gabriel and us can read more of your great work.
Author's Response:Ha, hopefully I'll have it read by today. I have a lot of places I have to go - and it's my day off! >.<
Kiyo and Kimi-chan!:D I'm so glad to hear from you guys! Tell Gabe he needs to do some relaxing and quit over-working himself!!!
Oh, wow, thanks so much Kimi-chan!!! I really value your opinion, and if you like this, then just wait till the next chappie!XD
Kiyo-(I forgot, didn't I always call you Kiyo-chan or was it san? Ahh!!! I forgot! >.<) Yes, and love is awesome!!!
Yes, I hope so too. Love you guys! And thx so much for reviewing!!!:D
Ahhhhh!! That was so cute. Well, the part about love was at least. Especially when Yashamaru said they love each other. I know what he meant, but it was still so cute!
I'd say I want to go into your story and teach those kids why not to mess with Yami, but I think Gaara has already done that for him and then some. I was a little worried when the darkness surfaced in Gaara. But then Yami tried to stop them. I wanted to cry it was so.... Well, it was between heartfelt and sad. Whichever you think fits more.
And I also really enjoyed the very end. I thought it was sweet how Yami wanted to know what was going on with Gaara so that she could prevent it later. I absolutely loved that part. I don't get how she can hold such great darkness yet be so pure either.
Overall I give it a 100/10. Yeah, it was just that amazing. This entire story is amazing. After all, it is a YOUR STORY story. I can't wait for part two, DestinyGirl!
Author's Response:Haha, cute is killer!:P
Yes, yes he has. I'll go with both heartfelt and sad, because that's what it was like for me when I was writing it.
Honestly, me and Hikari can't either... What? Stop staring at me like that, Yami! It's mostly because of what she is. I figured if she was human, then she would give into the darkness (since humans tend to lean toward darkness anyway). But since she was born of a light-filled race, and born with the purest heart (besides Hikari), she's able to withstand the darkness.
Haha, you're too much:P Thx so much, Sasaui!:D
Aww, that's so cute! They love each other!... you know, the way all little kids love their friends...
I love the way you were able to place Yami in this. It was already a very touching scene between Gaara and Yashamaru. But just the way you described Gaara and Yami's friendship really meshed well with the actual plotline. It really flowed very well. Nice work with that.
I really wanted to scold those kids for throwing rocks at Yami though. Seriously, don't parents teach their kids respect anymore? Yeesh...
Anyway, nice job on this chapter, DestinyGirl! I can't wait to see Part 2! Keep up the awesome work with your writing!
Author's Response:Haha, yep. Love is love!:P
Yeah, I was worried in the beginning about doing this but then it all just hit me and started coming together. Thx so much!
Yes, have you noticed that kids in general are very mean in the Narutouniverse? These kids' parents probably told them to do something like that though....
Thx so very much, Wolf-chan!:D
No new chapter, a lot of my time is down the drain. Rehearsals have started for a play I'm in and they last till 5 p.m. Then there's homework…
Lol, I loved this three shot. I'm going to do one for each.
1. Again, I never understood why people hated Naruto. Really, people can be idiots. But Halloween is awesome and the costumes fit. *squeals* Hinata in a bee outfit. And the bit with Ino at the end was funny.
2. Shikamaru: walking logic. Sasusaku is something I support! Sakura will never give up on him, deep in her heart. But ohhh, this is getting scary. What is the purpose of this? Can't wait to find out.
3. Now I see. Could June and August be Fallen? I can't wait to see how this affects Broken Wings!
Warm regards, Snow.
No new chapter, a lot of my time is down the drain. Rehearsals have started for a play I'm in and they last till 5 p.m. Then there's homework…
Lol, I loved this three shot. I'm going to do one for each.
1. Again, I never understood why people hated Naruto. Really, people can be idiots. But Halloween is awesome and the costumes fit. *squeals* Hinata in a bee outfit. And the bit with Ino at the end was funny.
2. Shikamaru: walking logic. Sasusaku is something I support! Sakura will never give up on him, deep in her heart. But ohhh, this is getting scary. What is the purpose of this? Can't wait to find out.
3. Now I see. This was pretty epic, I thought maybe they are Fallen? I can't wait to see how this affects Broken Wings.
Warm regards, Snow.
Author's Response:I completely understand. That's life for ya, but don't stress yourself! I'd much rather you focus on your schooling than pleasing me with awesome chapter updates of your very amazing story. Just work on them at your own pace, I'm still here!:D
1) People really are idiots... Sometimes I just wanna go grab my Bo Staff and wack people in the head with it... Thx! I worked really hard on the outfits ^_^ Haha, I'm glad you liked Hinata's, I could so picture her in it.
2) Yes, yes he is. I love SasuSaku!!! Mystery is the main thing I was going for in this chapter.
3) You're pretty much right, Gabe. It just goes deeper than just 'fallen.' It will have a great affect.....:P
Thx so much, Gabriel! I wish you luck on your play!:D XOXO
I see you might be a bit stuck after this chapter. A word of advice:Dont change up the story too much or the original comic itself will not sound like your story at all. Skip to the Shippuden Era if you have to. I trust your decison (after all, this is your story) and make a dramatic ending that will make readers cry. Good luck and ahppy newyear to you too :D
Author's Response: Yeah, I'm definitely going to be changing it up. In the chapter after this next one you'll see what I mean. I've read too many original fics where they still keep in the Land of Waves Arc. So I'm going to do something completely original!:D Thanks so much for the review and advice, I really appreciate readers like you! I hope you continue to enjoy BW, check out its companion called Beneath the Darkness when you get a chance ;) Thank you so so much!:D
lol. Just keep up the good work. I'll be reading your story whenever I have the chance to. If only this idea and all the characters was oiginally yours, i swear you could become a big-shot at manga writing! Keep writing. You'll get somewhere for sure. ^.^
New chapter!
Man, it's been a while since I read Broken Wings. I liked the imagery of Hikari's angelic light. Will it be like Garra's sand? Or will it be better?
I laughed when I read about the ramen visit. Ramen is supreme to Naruto! But the Hokage's right: something special is happening.
Warm regards, Snow.
Author's Response:Yay, and I absolutely loved it Gabe! I still can't believe Serenna and Zexion have a little boy - Itzal! *Mutters excitedly to self*
Ahem! Back to the review.... Yeah, I haven't been able to post it on Fanpop because I have so much going on, but I will try today and tomorrow to get some more chapters up! ^_^ Hmm... Interesting questions. It likes to defend Hikari, and knows what she's feeling and everything. It has more special abilities than Gaara's sand... So I guess I'm going to let you decide on that one as we get further into BW.
Ramen is awesome! ^_^ Yes, Sarutobi knows what's going on... More so than you think;) Thx so much for your review!
Beautiful story. Amazing plot and I have to admit, a bit more entertaining than the original Naruto series! Idk about you, but i would think abut submitting this to Mashimoto (the writer for those of you dumb enough not to know who he is). Srsly, he can giveyou probably a prize for it. Or better, make a mini series of your cmic for Shone Jump. Damn it, im typing this on mykindle, and i cant erase the mistakes i made! im partly japanese, and fluent so i can translate your work! Doesn't look that hard. Maybe i will, and you can send it to Mashimoto. Hey you never know!
Author's Response:Wow, thank you so much! You have no idea how blown away I am from your review, you've inspired me so much with your words!:D Seriously? You think it's that amazing that Kishimoto-sensei himself would enjoy it? Holy crow! Thanks so much!!! That would be so awesome if Kishimoto-sensei EVER got a hold of this and read it... I would be deeply honored, the Naruto series has helped me and inspired me so much with my own writing (I'm an author myself, just none of my novels are published yet). If you could translate it to japanese, I would love that.
So thank you so much (whoever you are), and I hope you have a blessed New Year!:D
Wow. I loved the dream at the beginning. I'm pretty sure I know who it is, though I may be wrong. Either way I really liked it. It was really sweet seeing Naruto's caring nature toward Hikari. It definitely goes both ways since she takes so much care of him. I thought the entire thing with her and Hinata was pretty funny. I never expected Hikari to be the one to be the shopaholic. That was definitely a funny addition.
Even though you had most of it being from the manga, I think it was a lot better since Hikari in it. It was just so amazing and adorable. This chapter was an especially fun to read. I loved the addition of the drunken dude. It was a nice change and helped show more of her light's power. It was also pretty original.
And then you had the parts that we all know and love, yet you added your own little twist. I kinda expected him to change into Hikari after Naruto told him that, but I still shook my head in, well, maybe exasperation (not a bad thing, just me thinking "what is wrong with these boys").
And then we finally found out about her origin to the Leaf. Wow, now that was amazing. It was very original and unique. I thought if was a fabulous thing to add and am glad we finally learned it. Thanks a lot for that, DestinyGirl!
Overall it was a fabulous chapter with a fabulous character. I really liked that last thought. It seemed to make her seem more realistic in my eyes. There were a few mistakes, but the awesomeness totally covered up. I can't wait to read more, DestinyGirl!
Author's Response:Thx so much Sasaui! I tried to make it obvious, but since Hikari herself didn't know I didn't exactly point it out. Yeah, it's in Hikari's nature to take care of him, since Naruto's been in her life for so long. Haha, it was a nice twist to things:P Just wait till she has ALL the kunoichi girls with her on a shopping trip!
Thank you, I tried my best! I'm glad you enjoyed it:D
Haha, definitely! Boys will be boys I guess:P
Yeah, that was more of a short version since I didn't want to spill anything too quick. Sort of like how Kishimoto-sensei does to us, give a little of the past in the beginning, and then wait till later in Shippuden to finally reveal it all. At just the right time, I just hope I do it as well as he does - probably not, though, since he IS the author of Naruto. Your welcome, Sasaui!
Thx for your words, I really appreciate them! Yes, I will try to correct those mistakes as soon as I am able! (Meaning, when I finally go home and get on my desktop with spelling check) Thank you so so much, Sasaui!:D
AWW! It was so cute! I know that a lot of it is basically manga/anime stuff, but it's still so adorable. Even more so when Hikari is thrown into the bunch.
I really liked how Konohamaru was attacked by that drunk guy though. And then he was saved by Naruto and Hikari. That was awesome.
And then Konohamaru used the Sexy Jutsu to transform into Hikari... Really DestinyGirl, I'm quite shocked that you did that. It was funny all the same though ;)
It was such a lighthearted and fun chapter that the last line of this made me want to cry for Naruto and Hikari. They were having such fun and all, and then she thinks about what if they are separated... It's so sad, I hope they get to be on the same teams...
Great chapter, DestinyGirl! It was wonderful! A couple spelling errors, nothing big though. I really enjoyed this chapter. Especially when Naruto blushed at being questioned if he liked Hikari. Best part out of the whole thing ;D Excellent job on this chapter. Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response:Haha, yeah I figured since they're still young that I should make it as cute as possible:P Yeah, I wanted their meeting with Konohamaru to be slightly different from the original manga/anime.
Was it that shocking? I'm glad you found it funny, I just thought of it and went with it:P
That was the goal in this chapter: lighthearted and fun. After this they'll be assigned missions and things will start to get more serious as they learn more about what it is to be a shinobi.
Sorry about the spelling errors (I really hate those), I'm on someone's labtop and unfortunately they don't have spelling check AT ALL! I'll get those fixed as soon as I can, thx for telling me. Haha, that was probably my favorite part to write - the beginning of something big. I'm glad you enjoyed this, Wolf-chan! Thx so much for reading and reviewing!:D
Might as well get this over with: New Chapter!
Anyway, to the story: I like Rei, he reminds me of my blonde lezzie Kimiko Rei. I think these two would get along.
Garra/Yami fluff! But what I could never understand was why he was treated so bad. I mean, is it not there fault that he has Shukaku in the first place?
I winced when Kankuro got slapped. But I loved everything else! Keep up the good work.
Author's Response:Haha, great! I'll read it real soon! ^_^
Yep, I think they would:) Thanks!
I think it's just because they're different, and if you're different (like having a dark power inside you) than people grow afraid. And then fear turns into anger, anger turns into hate.
Thx so much, Gabe!:D
Huh. So that's where Yami's been. I liked this, but I must admit, this sounds like it will end in the apocalypse.
So, Serenna(or Kayla? Which is it?) The good news is, I created an account here, Hinata-Moon. The bad news is, I can't access it. Anyways, I'm still working on a new chapter for Chain, I'll tell you when it's done. One question though: What's the name of your novel and where is it going to be published? So I can read it.
Author's Response:Hey, Gabe!!!! So glad you could join! ^_^ You can still call me Serenna, if you want. Um... Well the series is called The Girl of Destiny, and the first book is called Fate Arises. It's not published yet, I've been talking to Tate Publishing, and if that doesn't work then I'm going to publish it myself:D That would be awesome if you could read it!!!
Can't wait till you can access your account, then you can add some of your stories on here:)
The first thing I want to say is that I find it funny that you named the boy Rei because that's the name of one of my main ocs in the new story I'm going to write, Tori Kago. It's a GaaOc story as well. You can see the old first chapter at Fanfictionwriters.webs.com. It's one of the blog thingies.
Now to your YOUR STORY story. It was amazing. I absolutely loved it, DestinyGirl. I love that bond between Yami and Gaara. And I really like Rei. I love the way he saw things. At first I thought he was going to be a bad influence, but as he explained more what he meant, then I saw him as a pretty good character. After him explaining why he didn't fear Gaara and Yami, though, I just completely and totally fell in love with him. I hope that he stays there friend even after whatever happens happens (if you do indeed make something terribly bad happen). Then the whole Kankaro thing. Hehehe. He got slapped =P. He needed it. Nice way to wake someone up. He should be grateful she didn't punch him in the nose instead of slapping him. Either way it would have knocked some sense into the puppet master. I like the moments you chose to bring out the anger (both in Gaara and Yami). They seemed perfectly timed to me. And I loved the part where Gaara helped Yami out when she got mad. I think they really need each other to tame their inner darkness. I just hope it stays that way and nothing bad happens.
Author's Response:Lol, well, Rei IS a very popular name in Japan, and I've always been fond of it. Did you know it's both a girl and a boy name? One girl off of Sailor Moon has the name, though she spells hers like this: Raye. So yeah, when designing the character the name just came to me ^_^ Yeah, I read it a while ago, it was great Sasaui!:D
Thx so much! Your reviews always put me in a good mood!:) Yeah, Rei's pretty awesome! Or at least I think so. :P Ha, Rei I think you have someone crushing on you!
Rei: What? Who?
Author: ....I'm not telling you until you're older!:P
Rei: You're so mean.
Sorry, had to do that!:P Yeah, since it was Yami's first time unleashing the darkness it was just minor, though I can't say that for next time.... Thx so much! Your really not wanting anything bad to happen are you? I wish I could do that but let's just say some things HAVE to happen in order for this story to keep going like I want it. But there will be good times after the bad I promise! And yes, about the inner darkness within them both, you're definitely right about that.
Thx so much for reviewing, Sasaui!
What a great chapter. I like Rei, he's pretty cool for what he did. Good job again! :)
Author's Response: Thx so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it, and thanks for liking Rei!:)
Kankurou is two years older than Gaara, I believe. But that's just a minor fix :P
Anyway... WOW! I cannot believe how amazing this chapter was! Wait, what am I saying? Of course I should believe it, you're an awesome writer.
This chapter was definitely my favorite so far. I absolutely loved how Rei and Kankurou accepted Gaara and Yami. Rei is just an incredible guy, I already admire him as a person. And when Yami slapped Kankurou, I nearly had a heart attack. She's never that mean, but this chapter brilliantly illustrated the darkness in her. I really liked that. Actually, I like how you describe the darknesses in both Gaara and Yami. It's just fantastic. It makes me happy to know that Kankurou seems to accept his little brother now; I guess all he needed was a good slap in the face to make him understand ;)
Great chapter, DestinyGirl! This is now a personal favorite chapter of mine. Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response:Yeah, I just looked that up online and changed it. Thx for letting me know!:)
Oh, wow, thanks so much! I'm so glad you loved it! ^_^ Rei is a very special character to me, he's going to have some major roles in future parts of BtD. So look forward to that! Yeah, the darkness in Yami is very strong and feeds off of everything - she's going to have a hard time controlling it just like Gaara is going to have a hard time controlling the Shukakau. Haha, yep:P Sometimes that's all anyone needs!
Thx so much for reviewing, Wolf-chan! I'm so glad this chappie made it to your favorite's, stay tuned for more!:D
Yayz! Totally epic chapter! I look forward to seeing updates in the future! Oh, and happy thanksgiving to you to! ^.^/
Author's Response: Thx so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it:)
This fanfic is one of the best ones ive read on this site!!! Really awesome so far!
Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much!!! I hope I don't disappoint you in the future!
This fanfic is one of the best ones ive read on this site!!! Really awesome so far!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much!!! I hope I don't disappoint you in the future!
Aww wow, this story is so cute! I'm really liking it. Good job!
Author's Response: Thx so much for reading and reviewing!:D