Reviews For One Little Girl Trilogy
Name: mkgirl10 (Signed) · Date: 02/09/12 - 01:40 pm · For: One War Torn World
Yay! I am happy that you got this out! This a really good chapter. I like how she acts. :p Ha ha. Itachi got wet.
Author's Response: Yay!!! Someone who reads my stuff! Hiya! Thanks! I'm partially fond of my chapter as well. Second one is schedualed to be released in about a week. And I couldn't resist playing around with Itachi. XD
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 20/08/12 - 04:00 pm · For: One War Torn World
Oh my... It's almost too cute for Itachi to be allowed to be. It surprises me how close those two suddenly are because she did hate him for a while.
But anyway, this was a really interesting start to Book Two. I'm looking forward to more and seeing what the plot of this story is. Keep up the good work!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 20/08/12 - 03:52 pm · For: One Little Girl
.... Well then.... I feel terribly awfully guilty for not seeing this sooner. I got a whole paragraph of thanks, and I missed this update! I'm so sorry T_T
Anyway... This was definitely the best chapter of this story. I loved it. Everything was crisp with detail and emotion. You did an excellent job with showing us your OC, showing her actual character and providing amazing insight to everything.
I almost cried when she died. But then when Itachi saved her, I was both happy and sad because she was going to live now but would have to leave.
This was a phenomenal ending to this story. It couldn't have gone better. I'm really proud of you, Fantasy Madeline, and I'm happy that I was able to watch you grow as a writer. Good job on completing this first story.
Author's Response: No problem, i've been busy with school. =D Yay! I'm so glad you liked it! I can't believe it's over. A bit sad, but siked for the sequel. Thanks again for your constant reviews and stuff!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 07/06/12 - 12:27 pm · For: One Little Girl
Oh my gosh, it was Itachi! She saw Itachi again! And he wants her to run away with him, haha XD I wonder how that will go.
I am really liking where this is going so far. And I love how much you've improved. You're writing seems to get better and better with each new chapter. It's emotional, dark, realistic, it just gets so much better.
There were a couple mistakes, mostly homonym issues. Though your biggest error was the genjutsu: it's spelled Tsukuyomi.
Other than that, great work Fantasy Madeline! I really enjoy reading your work!
Author's Response: Yeah, normally I go through and do a grammar check manually, but I had an idea and just sort of went with it. Thanks for the spelling of Tsukuyomi. I was almost positive it had an s in it. That shows how good I am at spelling.. XD I'm glad you think it was realistic, I was hoping it would be. Thanks so much for reading!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 03/02/12 - 03:31 am · For: One Little Girl
Oh my gosh, Madeline figured out Orochimaru's plan! What a plot twist! Now I'm eager to see how that will turn out. I hope for the best...
I find it really sweet that Madeline thinks of Ibiki's as a fatherly figure. What a slap in the face to Kakashi. I wonder if there will be any resolution between the family eventually.
Great chapter, Fantasy Madeline! I love the plot development. Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: Yea, well we'll cross our fingers shan't we? As for the family, would I ever be that nice to my characters? XD
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 20/01/12 - 07:46 pm · For: One Little Girl
Wait, it's almost over?! Oh, haha, there's a sequel. Phew! You had me worried there.
I love Madeline as Ibiki's assistant. It's just so fitting. All the trainings and scenarios were amazingly realistic and even entertaining. Loved it!
Keep up the good work, update soon please!
Author's Response: Yay! I shall update, perhaps tonight or tomorrow! Thanks for reviewing! I tried to make the training realistic, I'm happy they came off as so.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 27/10/11 - 03:50 am · For: One Little Girl
You sick... sick person. Why the heck did you do that to your OC?! And it was a test?! That's so gross and horrible and... totally something I should have seen coming, actually...
Oh jeez, the hot rod was so graphic and it made me squirm. So... violent...
Great chapter on this though. Your writing definitely excels in the dark genre. You're very good with it. Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: Yay!! XD I am so glad I did an okay job on this chapter! Now that I have the entire thing planned out, it is so much easier to write these chapters. I am so glad you liked it! And yes, you should have seen it coming. XD
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 24/09/11 - 08:47 pm · For: One Little Girl
Sakura seriously asked if they were all there....... I'm not sure if you meant for that to be humorous or not, but I thought it was. Well, I thought everything before the flashback was funny. It was amazing, Fantasy Madeline. I'm really glad that Orochimaru didn't kill Madeline. I really liked her. And it looks like it was Anko and Kakashi. Hahaha. Crazy snake lady.
Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much for reviewing! I love when people review, and I am so happy you like it. When people review each individual chapter like this, it is so nice, considerate, and helpful! Thanks so much!rnrnYep..crazy snake lady.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 24/09/11 - 08:37 pm · For: One Little Girl
How'd Orochimaru get his hands on Kakashi's child? Wait, you said that you liked Kakashi X Anko? Could she be..... No, you said that Kakashi x Anko wasn't in this story. Darn it, you've got me stuck with so many questions. It was great, Fantasy Madeline. I loved it. I also liked the little confrontation. It was really interesting. Great job!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 24/09/11 - 08:30 pm · For: One Little Girl
Yeah, it's probably a good thing I wasn't reading this when Anonymous was writing because, well, I get kinda mad when people do that. I'm not even going to start about that (even if I'm kinda mad. I seriously need to stop reading previous reviews). Anyway, I FINALLY got around to reading some of this. It was really interesting. I can't wait to see just what will happen when they find out her. I'm especially interested in what Sasuke will do since, well, Orochimaru's effected him the most. I hope that she is accepted, despite what Naruto found out.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 07/09/11 - 07:55 pm · For: One Little Girl
Haha, I found it hilarious that Madeline made four psychiatrists cry. Danzo thinks she needs emotional refurbishment just from her encounter with Itachi; logical, but extremely amusing.
And Madeline fits so well with the jounin. But then, she would, taking into account her mature (and dark) personality. I suppose her strength as a ninja and her intelligent mind make up for her young age ;)
Nice job on this chapter. I found it mostly very funny. It was an interesting change if pace, as opposed to the preceding more intense chapters. Keep up the amazing work!
Author's Response: I had the little psychiatrist bit in my head for a while, and it was going to be a filler, but at the end I included a bit of plot. Think of it as foreshadowing. =D Thanks for reviewing!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 31/08/11 - 04:22 pm · For: One Little Girl
AWW! I actually almost started crying when I read Kakashi's scene. It's such great luck that the report about finding Madeline came right after Kakashi left. That's so sweet :)
On a semi-side note, I'm going to tell you that your dialogue, when needed, is always very professional. During the ANBU scenes and such, you kept all casual tones of voice out, and the ANBU characters spoke so formally, I was impressed with that.
The flashback scenes were wonderful and yet, still sad. It's heartbreaking to see how much Madeline looked up to Itachi, only to feel stabbed in the back. Poor Madeline...
Great work! I'm always happy to see this updated, it's a personal favorite of mine. Keep up the awesome work with this!
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 21/08/11 - 04:02 pm · For: One Little Girl
1. Okay first let me have a fangirl moment….OMG it is Itachi XD he is so cute.
Alright I’m done. What to say about this chapter. Well you got Itachi in character pretty well small parts were OOC but I didn’t really care. I think you did a well enough job I mean I can Itachi taunting someone when he fights.
I could defiantly see improvement in your writing. I mean your description is getting a lot better and sentences are a lot easier to swallow. Any good job with your story and keep with the good work.
P.S thanks for the author’s note JI’m glad I didn’t hurt your feelings and if I did I’m sorry L
Author's Response: Of course not, you could never hurt my feelings! I actually thanked my flamer...it is hard to upset me...rnThanks so much for the feedback, love it so much!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 21/08/11 - 02:55 pm · For: One Little Girl
Gosh darn it, Fantasy Madeline! You've made me feel all sappy now! I had a whole review planned, and then I see the lovely shoutout, and now I'm completely off topic! *sigh* I'm so happy that I was able to give you so much inspiration. You deserve the encouragement.
Now, where was I....
Oh! Review! Duh, why else would I be writing this :P
Okay, so you know how I keep saying that you've improved? Yeah, let's times that by 100. You've greatly improved from Chapter 1 of this story. While I love Madeline for her dark and superior attitude, we were able to see a moment when she wasn't her normal strong self. The fact that Itachi was able to have such an effect on her adds great character depth. Madeline's normal intelligence was thrown out the window with Itachi's presence, and it really shows a lot of insight to her character. Great work.
Oh, and great parallelism with Madeline. I don't know if you meant it or not, but Itachi and Madeline's teacher-student relationship is amazingly parallel to Orochimaru and Anko. Great work on that!
This was a great chapter, and now that you have gotten yourself back into updating this story, I really can't wait to see what happens next. Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: CHA!!! I am so so happy you thought it was 100 times better than before!!! I tried to add character depth. Most of the summer I spent going back over my character, and analyzing her. I loved writing this, and you can expect an update tonight/tomorrow..i hope. One of my favorite literary devices is parallelism, right next to allusion and cliffhangers. Thanks so so much, can not wait to update once more! Eeeee...
Name: Jigoku Dayu (Signed) · Date: 17/08/11 - 12:01 am · For: One Little Girl
You lost me at KakaAnko. Sorry, I despise that pairing with the burning hatred of a thousand suns. I think I mentioned that before, though. Don't worry. I'm not holding it against you.
As for your talent itself, it seems to me that you are steadily improvng over time. The writing in the other fic is much smoother and the grammar, much better.
The main problem here is character development. No one enjoys hearing this, but your protagonist has a lot of Sue-ish qualities. Things like having the author's name, an unsual appearence, rare abilities, etc. These are some of the most common Sue traits. Add getting so much attention from everyone and feeling cursed by one's unique traits and it just makes things worse.
Please don't take it personally. You're still starting out and you're less than half my age. Some extra work and you can improve by leaps and bounds. The best advice I can give you is visit the Mary Sue Litmus Test.
http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm
It can help you recognise the pitfalls authors need to look out for.
No hard feelings, my dear. Keep writing and good luck to you.
Name: Star of the Sky (Signed) · Date: 05/06/11 - 03:01 pm · For: One Little Girl
I meant to say nobody under 16, so you can change your oc's age if you want.
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 25/05/11 - 08:36 pm · For: One Little Girl
Ahh... this chapter took me a few tries. Haha, totally my fault. I'm not really in the mood for reading, but I got caught in your story about her past.
Author's Response: Thats partialy my fault as well. It took me a few tries to write it. I should have added more spaces paragraqph wise, and made it flow. XD
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 23/05/11 - 07:28 pm · For: One Little Girl
Lol, that was a funny chapter. Naruto's reaction is just hilarious!
Emo girl can cook. Hahaha
This is a really great and interesting story!
Author's Response: I am so happy you like it. Thanks for reviewing on these chapters so far, it really helps me as a writer. I am pretty young on this site, and every bit of advice helps. And yes, Emo girl can cook. =D
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 23/05/11 - 07:18 pm · For: One Little Girl
Haha, release the seal... just like Orochimaru. Really interesting.
It was funny how it was already 2 to 1, but Sakura actually asked for Naruto's opinion.
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 22/05/11 - 11:29 am · For: One Little Girl
Awesome. You're great! This is really interesting, noting I don't really read fanfics, but this is great.
Author's Response: Ah, thanks that is so awesome that you like it! I have recieved some negative feedback, curse that anonymous reviewer, but I love it so much when I hear people like it. It would please me so much if you continued to review these chapters, to let me know what is good, and what I can improve on. Thanks for reading, this has really made my day!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 21/05/11 - 08:43 pm · For: One Little Girl
OH MY GOSH YOU'RE BACK!!!!!
*grumbles* And with such a short chapter.... *grumbles more*
Okay, I get what you're saying about the unnaturally short chapter. But still, with such a nice cliffy? Really?
Now you know I must ask for a quick update. School's over in four days for you? What the heck, I have another month! So unfair... but perhaps an update will be seen in the sometime near future? *hint hint*
Bonus chapter, huh? Well, I just got an idea from this chapter. Perhaps the scene where Madeline and Itachi first meet? That sounds interesting, because they obviously already know each other. I'd like to know when and how they do.
Anyways, keep up the great work with this story! I've really missed this, so I hope you update really soon!
Author's Response: Tomorrow is my free day, and so within 14 hours I will have your bonus chapter.
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 08/05/11 - 10:37 pm · For: One Little Girl
Good job on 2800 view ^^
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 08/05/11 - 10:35 pm · For: One Little Girl
I like you bring each Naruto characters in your story
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 08/05/11 - 10:34 pm · For: One Little Girl
How sad T-T good chapter
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 08/05/11 - 10:33 pm · For: One Little Girl
Impressive plot twist
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