Okay. I'll try to do this in a nice and constructive way, but its going to sting no matter what.

To begin with, your opening is... really lackluster. It doesn't try to make any sense(1. All italics. Try using them only for technique/jutsu and particular emphasis of words at the very most. 2. Overlapping paragraphs/Characters' speech in the same messy paragraph. Always end one paragraph and open another when two different characters are talking).

Naruko just popping up and both her and Naruto's reaction to it is bland. They have little to no build up, and KOing her in a single tap... is she not a Jinchuriki, of the Nine Tailed Demon Fox? If she's just been facing Pain in her own world/dimension should she not be a Senjutsu/Sage user as well, and therefore capable of holding her own against such a mild 'blow'?

It reeks of a simplicity to shoehorn the plot in a certain direction, and that it is done in the same vast paragraph is equally unpleasant.

Skipping down to the next segment continues to make little sense. And please, please, break the structure down accordingly! Everyone is talking over themselves.

I want to like this, as I enjoy the idea of Naruto and Naruko co-existing - and, to a lesser degree, gender-swapped Kuramas'(Kyuubi). But the writing just grinds the concept down to a point that I can't get behind it. I'm sorry.

Author's Response: Hey, its fine. This is my first story, so this kind of stuff is good. Thank you for reviewing, and for the tips. I will try to make this better.