Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 22/09/13 - 03:27 pm · For: Chapter 2: My fair Lady
Again I saw some spacing mistakes, but that's fixed with practice. I believe I saw some unfinished words and I think there were other things, but they're slipping my mind because I took a break before coming back to review.
Only warning I have is be careful not to make Tsuzumei a Mary-Sue. So far the appearance is in that area with the beauty thing, but I don't know her personality too much so I can't say how that will go. I'm curious as to why Kiba couldn't smell Tsuzumei seeing as his senses are amazing. Is there something special there or just kind of a random thing? I enjoyed getting to see the princess. Now I feel like the story has taken a step I'm getting the actual plot going. Seeing as this is a fanfiction I'm sure something will happen on the walk, so I'm excited to see how that goes.
Author's Response: Yeah, I'm still a novice with spacing.. and there probably are some typos, but I shall fix those when I get the chance hahaha And yes, I am trying my hardest not to make a May-sue character. And there IS a special thing there, that will be revealed later on in the story. And great! :) Thanks for reviewing!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 14/09/13 - 07:26 am · For: Chapter 1: Yet another mission.
Couple of questions before I actually review. I have already read your Kaigo Uzumaki story, and I was wondering where that was from (like is it a excerpt from a story you plan on posting later or something). Second, is there a reason you have this marked as a Round Robin or were you even conscious it was marked that?
Okay, on to the review. First off, the spacing was pretty good at the beginning, but later on you started to clump everything together. The later bunching made it harder to follow than the first part. It also appears a bit rushed through, but that may just be me, and there's other mistakes as belovedly__loveless has already pointed out.
The idea itself seems very interesting. I'm eager to see how Tsuzumei acts and how she'll interact with Kiba. Just what we know so far seems quite interesting. I can just imagine the fun Kiba is going to have XD. Nice chapter, Wolven.
Author's Response: Yes, the Kaigo Uzumaki story is an excerpt from a story I am going to post later on, and I had no idea! Yes, I do have a bad habit of rushing things, I wish I knew how to fix that! And the spacing issue I'll fix a a later date, thank you for that. Do you mind stating what mistakes those are exactly? Thank you so much Sasaui! Thank you for reading! Haha XD
Name: belovedly_loveless (Signed) · Date: 30/08/13 - 05:34 am · For: Chapter 3: The Encounter
My advice would be to break up the paragraphs, especially the dialogue, the way it is makes it little hard to follow, and it would make the chapters appear longer. Also, try and draw things out a bit more, it feels a tad rushed, but other than that, I like this so far :)
Author's Response: Thank you, found this extremely helpful :) I know I have a problem with rushing things.. I am pleased that you like it!
Name: belovedly_loveless (Signed) · Date: 30/08/13 - 05:28 am · For: Chapter 1: Yet another mission.
It was short, and there were a few grammatical errors (but we all make those) and aside from that, I could see how this could have potential. I will be reading on!
Author's Response: Yes, I didn't have a lot of time for this chapter, I shall edit it right away! Thank you again!